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Facts and figures.

mssinglemama — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:16:18 +0000

A few things you should know.

Fact: Being a mother makes it nearly impossible to conform to the rigidity of today’s corporate culture.

I am buried in work. Buried does not mean drowning, nor does it mean ungrateful – it just means that I am swamped with the extremely fulfilling and exciting business of being in business for yourself. All of it, the stress at the start and lack of a 401K or company health insurance, the risk of not knowing what next year will bring, is well worth the peace of mind I have as a mother. I do have my own health insurance, by the way and the 401K will come in time.

If I need to come in late, I can – no questions asked. If I need to leave early – not a problem. And if I need to take the entire afternoon off because my son needs some Mommy time – done.

I have decided, without a doubt, that our current corporate culture of 9:00 – 5:00 and lunch breaks and no breaks is unsustainable. Technology and two working parents in just about every household, will break down those rigid walls soon enough.

And if you feel guilty about being a working mother? A new study says you can throw that guilt out. Interesting study and interesting that they’re essentially taking back what they’d said in a previous study finding that children of working mothers were challenged developmentally. Would like to know your thoughts.

Fact: Planning a vacation on a shoe string budget sucks.

I don’t care what any of the smiling faces in the magazines suggest, planning a vacation with a tight budget is not fun. John and I are restraining ourselves against any kind of unnecessary big budget items in order to save for the house, the finished basement we want to add and then the (gasp) wedding. So here we are, one week away from a last minute vacation and we have yet to make a decision.

I think we’re going to have a staycation and pitch a tent in the back yard. Either that or spend the days off packing. Packing can be fun and romantic, right? And this is assuming I can actually take two days off.

Fact: Trolls drive me nuts and spanking does not make me an unfit parent.

There is a new Troll in our midst attacking me with errant comments here and there because I admitted to spanking Benjamin. I am not proud of the fact that I’ve had to spank my little guy before but I’m not ashamed or apologetic either. Life happens and parenting is included in that umbrella. The fact that Benjamin has had a few smacks on his cute, padded little butt does not make me unfit to be a parent or to have more children.

And thanks to John Bear’s help I haven’t had to spank him since writing that post. I don’t expect that to change. But to suggest that we shouldn’t have another child. Seriously? Move on and find another blogger to harass.

Figure: The odds of Benjamin being an adrenaline junkie as a grown man are very high.

We took Benjamin to the Ohio State Fair this weekend. And somewhere in the midst of the blazing heat, I managed to capture his reaction to stomach, demon dropping adrenaline and it looked like this.

See any fear in there?

I didn’t think so. That’s my boy. Through and through. Quite frightening to imagine what he’ll be climbing or jumping from when he discovers the rest of the world out there.

Absent, with reason

mssinglemama — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 00:24:46 +0000

I’m sorry I’ve been absent lately but things have been crazy in these last final hours before the first Sway Social Marketing Workshop.

There are still a few tickets left for the Sway Search Workshop (all about SEO) this May. Hint. Hint. You should come. Tickets are here.

I’m so busy, all I can give you is this quick photo – evidence and a glimpse that my life is a whirlwind right now.

The ultimate multi-tasker, I’m on the phone, talking to none other than my ex-husband to see if he is indeed taking Benjamin this weekend (which he is). Brad, my office mate and constant source of inspiration in all facets of life, is taking my picture for this very blog post.

Ex phone call. Check. Blog post picture. Check.

Telling you about my new bangs. Refer to photo. Check.

Achieving the ultimate life and work balance. Hmmmm…. not sure about that. Will keep you posted but I think I’m getting warm.

How are my mamas doing? Everyone loving this Spring weather or what? Any new flames or independence found?

Working Girl

mssinglemama — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:28:16 +0000

I am not sure working like this is entirely healthy for anyone, let alone a single mom. My back and shoulders are a tight, tangled mess of nerves and poor posture induced kinks. My face keeps breaking out and my bedroom is constantly messy, always a sign of being too busy to breathe.

I need to buy one of those jacuzzi tubs or enslave a personal massage therapist. Between work, the house and Benjamin I rarely find a moment to myself – in the peace and quiet of the nothing to do.

How can us professional parents keep up with the childless who can devote 100% of their energy to their work? And isn’t there something wrong with this picture? Overworked workers, unemployment lines growing, parents who are left with no time to raise their children and young people who know having a child would spell disaster for their career.

Are we all just being taken for a ride? A ride that ends at the last and final stop when we wake up (too late) to realize we have worked our lives away. Shouldn’t we all slow down a bit? Seems like we’re all getting a bit carried away. Or maybe it has always been like this and I am just the mother of a three year old lost in the Land of the Toddler standing her gaping at the Land of Employment During a Recession.

The future scares me (just a little bit). Nothing to panic about.

It’s my neurotic paranoia setting in as the months fly by and I wonder when they will turn into years flying by. The end. I hate thinking about the end and I don’t want it to get here (not yet).

Not like this.

Life has to slow down first so I can enjoy the moments, or at, the very least, take a damn bath. One year ago I wrote this post for WeTV asking the real mothers to please stand up and I explored Gloria Steinem’s thought that the women’s rights movement isn’t over – that true success is not doing it all. I wondered out loud how we mothers could be held up to such impossible standards:

The pressure of motherhood in today’s world, if you think about it, is unbelievable — and it comes at us from every direction, every day, in every hour and in every minute. If we’re doing one thing, we’re often thinking about another. If we’re working, we wish we could be home with the kids. If we’re staying at home, we wonder what it would be like to have that career. But while raising a human is arguably the most important job on this planet, there are no exceptional clauses to protect mothers in the work place….
Today with the advent of blogs and all other forms of online communication, millions of moms are rewriting the definition of success by telling their own stories – re-writing the definition of success one word at a time. The real stories from the trenches of motherhood have emerged.
As a result, advertisers, politicians, employers and the media are no longer telling us how to think, or what we should feel but asking us for a seat at the table. As for whether or not it will work, we’ll see but at least it’s a start.

If you’re like me (crazed about making it work with so little time and searching for clarity) read Seth Godin’s free and new eBook, What Matters Now. Absolutely awesome. I read a new page every morning, savoring them before they run out.

What are your thoughts? Do you think the US should follow suit of European countries, like Germany, and give mothers many more freedoms to stay home with their little ones if they choose? Should we take a step back and demand mothers’ rights in the workplace?

Personally, I have an exceptional job and am treated very well at work – but the hours are naturally demanding and I have to keep up with people who don’t have children, so that’s tough personally because as much as I would like to slow down, I want to do it all. I want to be everything to everyone.

I am not unhappy or depressed. The rushed feeling is just killing me. Share your thoughts. Really curious about what you all think.

—–

The above is why it has taken me so long to announce the winner to my New Year New Leaf contest.

It was a tough call but I thought her post nailed the mission.

Each and every one of you who entered should have received your free copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored by now. If you haven’t, e-mail me and I’ll get you one right away.

You all inspire me beyond belief. Every single day. You tell me I inspire you, but – believe me – it’s the other way around.

How do you work it?

mssinglemama — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:35:35 +0000

This is Holly.

We met one month ago when I decided to have my first manicure and pedicure in over three years… maybe four. On one of my afternoon escapades with Benjamin and just after I’d found out about my new job, I noticed a sign outside for her salon for a $20.00 manicure and a $35.00 pedicure. The sign and her low price (manicures are ridiculously expensive in Ohio for some reason) got me I made an appointment for some long overdue Me Time.

So there we were, two single moms, one in the midst of year three and beginning the best relationship she’s ever had and the other just beginning, only a single for five months with two daughters-ages 11 and 5. We spent a good amount of our time that day talking about everything from ex-management to bad boy complexes and facing your fears as a single mom.

Today during my pedicure (oh, so awesome) I pointed to a headline on one of those magazines with a quote from Kate Gosselin, “I never knew how strong I could be,” something to that effect. I read the line to Holly and then she said, “Yeah, but there are a lot of emotions along the way before you get to that point.”

I nodded and neither one of us had to say a word.

The single mama roller coaster. No matter where you are on the ride there will always be a cliff hanger, a sudden drop or maybe even a few jerks but then there is that awesome high you get when you start to free fall. But not once did a negative word escape Holly’s mouth. She is remarkable and like most of us, would rather have it this way – no matter how tough the going gets.

We also talked about work, working our asses off – to make it work. Holly recently went out on her own by opening her own boutique within the salon. I mention it only because I empathize with her bravery.

Which brings me to my question for all of you--how do you make it work? What is your solution? Or are you looking for one?

Do you work from home? Do you work part-time? Do you have a punching bag? Do you have a miracle organization system? I am sure our advice and insights for one another on managing work, life, dating and the kids will be incredible. So spill it in the comment section and feel free to leave a link to your business if you have one. Personally, I try to shop single mama whenever I can.

Everyone who leaves a comment will be entered to win one of five copies of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love. (Still only $8.95 a copy btw).

And then I found out her little boutique within the salon is her first stab at starting her own business. Which brings me to something I want to pick your brain about… how do you make it work?

P.S.

If you live in Columbus, find Holly here.

Missing

mssinglemama — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:45:47 +0000

One more night.

I am missing my three-year-old Benjamin but after sorting through old pictures all morning (I do that when he’s gone), I’m really missing this little guy.

What will I do with two nights a week?

I definitely need the “me” time but this will take some adjusting.

Benjamin and I have been together, nearly inseparable for three years. See? Here we are connected.

Gosh I can just feel his warm cushy little self in that picture. And his smell… and his noises. This is one of the few pictures I have of Benjamin and I together. Oh! And look, I even have a wedding ring on. I think he was less than two weeks old there and about three months old in the one above.

I feel like I was shot out of a canon into life as a young, working and soon to be divorced mom and now suddenly things are slowing down. But, wow, do I wish I was holding a baby again.