Benjamin and I went to his best friend’s birthday party today.
After Sydney, who’s just four-years-old, opened her fourth princess doll, her grandmother looked at me and said, “When we were girls, we didn’t have all of this princess stuff. Look it’s every where – this idea that some man is going to come kiss you and everything will be fine! The happy ending! Yeah right. What are you girls going to do?”
What she meant was – how in the hell will we ever be able to get this out of our heads?
You’ll quickly be brushing prince charmings aside for a man who is responsible, kind, compassionate and yes, sexy. And they do exist. They’re real men. But they’re not going to come kiss us and make it all better. We realize this.
Don’t we? I hope you do. That will make it easier … I promise. One foot in front of the other my lovelies.
The Census Bureau reports that half of the 60 million American women who are 45 and older are single.
In his News Day article, Peter Jackson writes that while many of the women are divorced or widowed others are “single by design.” He cites The New Single Woman, a book by E. Kay Trimberger, a professor emeritus of Women’s and Gender Studies at Sonoma State University in California.
She interviewed dozens of single women between the ages of 30 and 60 and found that most of them were leading happy and fulfilled lives. In many cases, they had been building a strong foundation that was not based on someday finding a partner.
“These women were doing all the things that were setting themselves up for a satisfying life,” Trimberger says. She says the older women seemed especially content. Some of the younger women were still wrestling with concerns about whether to have children.
No mention of single moms, but I’m sure the book addresses us …
We’ve already got the kids…so, if we are able to financially support ourselves and our kids – why should we bother getting married again? [click to continue…]
This weekend two boys (who shall remain unnamed) where sitting in my kitchen. I was hosting a mini after hours thing. So, I popped a pizza in the oven.
“I’m running outside, keep an eye on the pizza, okay?”
“What? What are we supposed to look for?” one of them asked.
I ignored it, assuming he was joking. Five minutes later I walked back inside and the oven was smoking. I flipped out. One thing about being a single mom with zero interest in boys…you don’t give a damn if they think you’re “uncool” or “bitchy” – especially if it’s late at night and you’ve had a few shots of tequila.
“What’s wrong with you guys? You seriously don’t know how to cook a frozen pizza?!!!”
Did they jump up to grab the pizza? No. They sat there defending themselves…they didn’t jump until the fire alarm went off – and even then, I had to tell them to go turn it off. Unbelievable.
These two boys are clearly far from becoming men, but that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily immature. Maturity is something that’s hard to put a finger on … and no matter what a boy or man’s age, his maturity level can run the gamut. The true measure of a man’s maturity is how he treats you, not whether or not he knows how to cook frozen pizza.
Enter Larry Bilotta’s Male Maturity Scale, he sent it to me after discovering my blog through the post, “Should I Leave My Husband?”. Usually reserved for married women trying to find out what makes their husband’s tick, Larry realized how useful this scale can be for dating single moms. [click to continue…]
Thomas, aka “the Dane”, started reading this blog long before his visit. And this morning, I found this in my inbox – a guest blog entry from Thomas on his experience with Benjamin and I.
For the men, this is the perfect addition to my series on How to Date a Single Mom. And for the single moms, here is proof that not all men run away screaming at the idea of dating a single mom (why? because we rock and so do our kids).
Here’s Thomas’ version of our long weekend:
Stepping out of the car in front of the house Benjamin came running towards me, “Daddy!, Daddy!”
You can probably imagine my surprise. Being called “Daddy” by a boy you haven’t seen before – sounds actually like a nightmare. But it took a lot of pressure off of my shoulders. I didn’t have to worry about whether Benjamin would like me or not – a major concern of mine before coming. Instead I dropped my bags and started playing with him. This was followed by the warm welcome by Alaina whom I hadn’t seen in seven years.[click to continue…]
I know what you’re thinking. She’s lost her mind! She’s wrapped up in a torrid love affair with the Dane!
My little brother called me when he found out, “Alaina? You’re flying to Denmark? So you’re really serious with this guy, huh?”
There was an obvious hint of concern in his voice, rightly so. I have a reputation for “losing it” over men. I did marry Benjamin’s father just because he needed a Green Card, we were in love – hence the child – but still, it was “crazy.” I did have a tendency to go crazy over men, but now as a single mom, falling in love just isn’t the same. And I’m not falling in love with Thomas…I can’t! He lives an ocean away… but I can visit him. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had the chance to go to Europe.
So here’s the skinny on the Dane and why he’s worthy of a visit.
Aside from my friend Mia and her daughter Sydney (who calls herself Benjamin’s sister) we have no one in our lives on a regular basis. I have quite a few amazing friends and a very supportive mother, but when it comes to the daily grind – Benjamin and I are completely alone.
Thomas and I had reconnected through Facebook recently and when he told me he was coming through to visit our college town – where we’d met and dated 8 years ago – I offered up my guest bedroom and my services as hostess.
I remembered Thomas as being completely open, honest, fun and of course, incredibly attractive … but how would he handle five days with a single mom and her two year old? I was a bit nervous as his arrival loomed. Personally, I think Benjamin and I are a blast, but not all men see it that way. What if it would be awkward? What if he didn’t like kids? [click to continue…]
