As Valentine’s Day approaches it’s got me thinking about romance and the idea of romance. When it comes to romance – the ball is usually in the man’s court, because society tells us it should be. But personally, I can count on my hands the number of men who have actually done anything “romantic” for me. Somewhere along the line I just stopped expecting flowers, chocolates or sweet nothings – leaving those fantasies of romantic gestures behind with my youthful optimism. But when you’re a woman it’s not easy to lower your expectations. And should we? Or should we just take a look at our definition of romance?

Here’s the problem – every woman has a daydream tucked away deep inside. The dream of a man whisking us off of our feet. And even when we eject it from our conscious thought – it’s still there, lingering – buried deep down. This idea of the knight in shining armor has been ingrained in our heads from day one, thanks to endless stories and movies about Prince Charming rescuing the Princess. And then as we entered our teenage years it just got worse…movies and TV shows made romance seem like an every day occurrence. [Sixteen Candles, Say Anything, Princess Bride, etc.].

Here’s the problem – men really aren’t programmed for romance. By nature they’re supposed to be out hunting for food and coming back at night to bed us. So the forces of nature are working against them. Somewhere along the way (between the cave man days and present day) this idea of romance emerged and poisoned our brains with these ideas of passionate, earth-shaking love. Thanks a lot Shakespeare. But these stories and fairy tales had to have their origin in something – in some kind of palpable romance.

I grew up in a house where real romance did exist. Every day my father would come home from work and immediately seek out my mother…why? So he could see her – kiss her – say hello to her. He was in love with her from the moment he met her until the day he died, 8 years ago. A week wouldn’t go by without my father bringing flowers home to my mother, buying her chocolate. And a day never went by without the two of them cuddling on the couch and just enjoying each other’s company.

And you wonder why I have high standards? I know…I’m cursed. But I like to think that I saw real romance. As real as it can get. My parents weren’t perfect. They were real people with real flaws. I also realize that what I witnessed was the result of years and years of work between the two of them (before I came along) to create their perfect marriage. And my mother often reminds me that “it wasn’t easy.”

So here’s my definition of romance.

Romance is being in love. Romance is holding each other tight during a thunderstorm. Romance is smelling each other’s skin…not wanting to let go. Romance is making each other laugh. Romance is holding a child’s hand. Romance is cuddling in bed with a good book. Romance is lighting candles. Romance is taking a bubble bath. Romance is passion. Romance is a midnight walk in an old city. Romance is a rushing river, fall leaves and spring flowers. Romance is a mother’s love for her child.

Single or not – romance is all around us, every day. Men? I hope you’re listening. And single mamas…a knight would be lucky to have you…but don’t wait around for him.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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1. Good guys do exist.

Rachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking), has had quite a few very, very interesting posts this week. She was wondering if she should seek out a date for Valentine’s Day. It’s been a year of pure singleness for Rachel after a painful break up.

I suggested she ask a man out. Why not? We single moms have to take matters into our own hands and when it comes to dating – that means picking up men. Seriously – asking them out, flat out.

So – she followed my advice and the advice of all of her readers – and did it. She asked a guy out! Now she’s waiting to see if he’ll call…get the details here...very exciting stuff! And read my comments in her posts for more on how this method has worked for me in the past.

Have you ever done it? I have always advocated this … as you can read in some of my former posts. Why? Because men rarely ask women out. And if we do it – we are automatically a million times sexier because we are “confident, assertive” women who want them. They just love it. Once you realize the power you have when it comes to men you’ll be forever changed. Besides – it’s just fun.

Related posts:

1. Top Spots to Meet Men (kid tested and mama approved)
2. Try SingleParentLoveLife.com for Free.