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Dating Karma

mssinglemama — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:48:06 +0000

Dating as a single mom is hard to describe to anyone other than my fellow single parents. Hence this blog and my slew of single mom and dad friends. Without them and without you, I’d be lost.

So here’s another dating tip from me to you … I think if you start practicing this immediately your love life will improve.

But first … some background on how I discovered the power of dating karma – back in my wild single days I wouldn’t think twice about blowing a guy off. Never calling him back or being dishonest with him about my intentions seemed like part of the game. “All is fair in love and war,” I used to say.

I had been hurt and so I would hurt back. It seemed fair. But now I see clearly that I was a coward on many levels. I didn’t have the courage or the maturity to tell men the truth. To this day I regret the pain that my dishonesty must have caused. Because each of those men probably went out and did the same thing to a woman they were dating.

I call it dating karma.

If you are dishonest with someone, cheat on someone or lie to them – pick your poison – it eventually comes full circle.

After my divorce I realized that I had a clean dating slate – a new beginning to set my dating karma right. Every single one of my dates or relationships since has ended with complete honesty. It’s not easy, believe me, there’s nothing harder than looking at someone in the face and saying point blank: I can’t be with you anymore because of [enter reason here].

But finding the courage to tell someone the truth helps them to grow and it helps you grow as you discover what kind of man you really want to be with. And if dating karma is on your side – you’ll have more dates and more calls. It’s a win-win.

I told Julie about my theory…and she shook her head in agreement. When the Architect never called her back she said, “It was that E-Harmony guy! I never called him back!”

Yep. It was that E-Harmony guy. Seriously. Dating karma people – don’t abuse it. Be honest with each other always. Us singles are all in this together – so play nice!

P.S. Should I call the Architect back to keep my dating karma safe? I’ll explain everything as best as I can, “Ummm… hey, buddy you didn’t get the hint but I’m not interested but you’d be a great friend.” Or should I let it ride? Hmmmm…. maybe he deserves a shrug because he never called her back.

What do you think? Should I call him?

A Christmas miracle…I got to go to the grocery…alone.

mssinglemama — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 17:41:18 +0000

Yesterday morning I woke up still in a fabulous mood after an amazing night with Kris. We hadn’t had one like that in a while. I have been stressing out about our relationship and my fears have been controlling my emotions, the way I’ve been treating him – everything for the past few weeks.

Read my eye-opening post on “Do I need therapy?”and you can see why…the perfect advice (from commenter Tim) came at the perfect time and I was able to let go of my fears for one night…and one morning…and one afternoon. And now it’s been 48 hours relatively fear free.

So yesterday morning, my new fearless self, asked Kris if he could watch Benjamin while I ran to the grocery and of course, he said yes. He suited Benjamin up and took him to the park while I had nearly one hour of stress free shopping.

Believe it or not, this was the first time I’ve asked a man in my life for help as a single mother. I know I’m not alone in this unhealthy practice of denying ourselves the time we need to be alone.

My theories on why single mothers are afraid to ask boyfriends for help:

We have been on our own for a while. The idea of receiving help and then possibly getting used to it and then losing it scares us to death.
We expect men to offer help. But in reality they may feel intimidated – after all, from their vantage point it looks like we have everything under control, and they don’t want to insult our pride.
We don’t want to scare them off. When we are with someone we may not want to make them feel like dating us would be “hard” or require major household duties on their part.

But we have to remind ourselves – this is our life. If they truly want to be with us it will take some extra “work” on their part. But it shouldn’t feel like work. When I got back from the grocery I thanked Kris again. He said, “No don’t worry about it – we had fun!” I grabbed Benjamin to take him up for his nap. When a friend is over I usually hurry upstairs and lay him down while they wait…but Kris sticks his head around the stairs, “can I come?”

“Sure!” Wow. Is this really happening? He comes upstairs and we all cuddle together on the big nursery chair while Benjamin falls asleep. Amazing. I think he’s falling in love with both of us. I know I’m falling in love with him…I can feel it and this time I’m not going to sabatoge our relationship because of my own fears.