You know the drill. Dinner. Bathtime. Bedtime. Clean up time … it’s when your child’s dolls and gizmos come alive in a chorus of freaky phrases as you put them away…”come play with me”… “let’s sing!”…”Kill (insert child’s name here).” Yep. A mother in Florida replaced the batteries in her son’s Fisher Price Elmo Knows Your Name doll and now instead of saying “Hi James,” he’s saying “Kill James.” And yes, her son is repeating it – over and over and over again.

Here’s the Death Threat Elmo Video:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=azXxx4K_NOc

And here’s something Elmo would NEVER do.

(Elmo in this story is the Fisher Price public relations team)

James: Can I have a new you, Elmo? You’re telling me you’re going to kill me.

Elmo: Elmo is sorry but Elmo can’t give you a new doll until you mail me away…for two weeks.

James: Two weeks? What’s two weeks, Elmo.

Elmo: It’s a really long time for a two year old, oh yeah and Elmo wants to kill you!

The real conversation (between Fisher Price and the mom)

She called Fisher Price, they ignored her. After this story aired they said they’d give her a voucher for a new doll…but only if she mails in the original which will take at least two weeks.

I put my son’s blankie in the washer the other night and it was as if I’d just ripped his heart out with a surated knife. Fisher Price should be mailing her a new doll or hand delivering one. Jerks. I am going to boycott Fisher Price indefinitely. Because that’s what the real Elmo would do.

Related posts:

1. Thomas would kick Mickey Mouse’s ass. Elmo would watch.

In hopes of preventing my son from unnecessary and costly material obsessions – I have limited his exposure to all typical child fascinations. But all of the following have somehow slipped in. Benjamin, just shy of two, has now developed fascinations with Thomas, Mickey and Elmo. And I’m afraid, there’s no going back. Thought I would vent on our new roommates…and distraction is good when you have relationship issues.

Thomas “the freaky” Tank Engine.

He discovered Thomas at the used toy store when a kind old lady (who I wanted to hug and kick at the same time) handed him a Thomas toy after he yelped for it. He wouldn’t let the thing out of his sight for two weeks. Then Benjamin was on a mission. He remembered this blue, smiling face from somewhere. His book stack! Yes, buried in the book stack was a Thomas story book I had bought for my nephew years ago. Then, a few days later, he emerged from his basement playroom with a Thomas DVD, also my nephew’s. “Train! Train!” He cried. Okay. I give in. Now we watch Thomas episodes, read the book and of course, play with that freaky Thomas toy.

Mickey “Prozac” Mouse

My best friend dropped her daughter off for an impromptu play date. She left a Mickey Mouse Club House DVD behind. A few weeks later Benjamin and I both caught a nasty sickness. Unable to move much, we had a movie watching marathon. Baby Einstein was driving me nuts. So I popped in Mickey Mouse. That was it. Mickey or “Ickey” was here to stay. Faced with any challenge – Mickey always rises to the occasion. Even when Pete, the nasty big cat, shouts in his face – he’s still smiling and always forgiving. Sometimes I want to punch Mickey in the face but I’m glad he’s teaching my kid how to be nice. And he has a really, really cool Club House.

Elmo – the pacifist monster

Ahhh…little Elmo. He’s so damn cute. I was a huge fan of Sesame Street when I was a kid. I remember when they introduced Elmo. I hated him. He just didn’t make sense and didn’t have anything on Cookie Monster – but now, as a mom, his appeal is clear as day. He’s Sesame Street’s answer to whiny, little toddlers. But he’s smart and that kid’s got character. I like him. If you haven’t seen Elmo in Grouchland check it out. Elmo loses his blankie – quite dramatic.

Hopefully all three will die a slow death and my son will play with inventive toys that inspire creativity. But I have a feeling that Thomas, Mickey and Elmo might win this fight.

[Photo credit: ThomasTankDepot.com, SesameStreet.org and Disney.com]

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