Benjamin will probably lose his second front tooth tomorrow.

I’ll have to watch them strap him down, gas him and then pull. All of this after they stick a needle into his gums. And I’ll have to do it alone…again. The first time they replaced his cracked tooth with a cap, the second time they pulled it all out. This time they’ll be pulling out the second front tooth that has been rotten for months now.

His little feet are the only things sticking out of the body wrap, which is put on after they strap his wrists. So I kiss his little toes while he screams and I try to stand up so he can see my face.

The nurses have to remind me not to look so scared. But I can’t help it. He’s screaming his brains out – scared as hell. He uses all of his muscles to try to break free from the straps. Horrible. Could be worse. I should not be complaining. It’s just that baby pain = mama pain.

Another thing on my mind…

I’m incredibly nervous about leaving for Denmark. Not for the trip itself – Thomas will be quite the host – I’m nervous about leaving Benjamin. His grandmother wants to plan her own vacation and isn’t sure if she’ll be around. Which means his father, who has never had Benjamin for more than 36 hours, may have him for seven days straight.

If he does, I may not be able to completely relax. Which means I may not be able to completely enjoy the Dane. Benjamin stress aside, I’m starting to get excited … the trip is only four weeks away now. I try not to think about Thomas (he lives so far away, it’s just pointless to me to miss someone that badly). But every time he e-mails me I smiles or laugh – and my heart usually goes all aflutter.

We don’t even talk on the phone and we only exchange e-mails intermittently but I still feel connected to him. He’s planning out our trip and it’s the most adorable thing ever… we are going to see castles, old churches, his friends, beaches, the countryside and we may even squeeze in northern Germany.

Maybe I could fit Benjamin into a carry on? Or maybe he’ll pass as a baby and he can ride for free? Maybe if I show the flight attendants his missing teeth they’ll let him on out of pity. Nope. He’d need a passport. Besides if I bring him with me – there’s a chance – I wouldn’t come home.

Chocolate. Cheese. Men. Castles. What else could a single mama ask for?

UPDATE: The x-rays show the tooth hasn’t changed. Still dead but no obvious signs of infection. So it stays and I will just have to watch him closely over the next few days to see if it is hurting him… it may have been that he bumped the tooth at day care – hence the soreness. And Benjamin was SUCH a big boy, got his x-ray all by himself and everything. I’m a very proud mama.

Related posts:

1. The Great Dane
2. My toothless child.
3. Baggage check: I won’t let myself fall in love.