You rarely hear mention of him on my blog. Maybe because it usually breaks my heart to write about it. Maybe because I don’t want Benjamin to read this someday and think his father’s a lousy (enter superlative of your choice here). But now that Benjamin’s two…soon there will be questions which means Mommy needs to figure some stuff out. And I prefer to turn to the experts – you, my readers and open this up for discussion.

First some facts:

• I left him when Benjamin was 4 months old.
• My Ex has 36 hours a week with Benjamin.
• He never, ever asks for more and usually returns him early whenever he has the chance.
• Throughout the week we never get a phone call from him. Not one.
• Of those 36 hours he spends a majority of them watching him at my apartment: using my diapers, my food and completely trashing the place in the process.

I have daydreamed about moving across the country (knowing he wouldn’t follow us) but there’s a part of me that knows Benjamin deserves the right to know his father and form a bond with him – no matter how irresponsible he may be. And I do believe that he loves his son … he definitely loves him … he just is lacking in the parenting department.

The bright side to my Ex Factor (because I always look on the bright side). No debates on parenting, no pestering phone calls, no jealousy because I’m dating. The downside – Benjamin doesn’t have the father he deserves.

I’ve come to terms with all of this. At least, I believe I have. So now what? What’s the best way to handle the Ex Factor when you’re a single parent?
Dr. Leah posted this comment to my last post:

Responsible parents provide what kids need during the time the kids are with them. This includes food, clothing, and play things. Later on, of course, kids can take the responsibility for carrying school books and other possessions back and forth, as needed.

I’m unclear why Dad felt comfortable enough to dismantle something in your home and reassemble it in his home. When he said, Gee, is that a problem?” perhaps you might have responded, “Yes, it is. Please do not take anything out of my home without checking with me first.”

Please think about asking for the entire train set—every little piece–back and setting some boundaries. You’ve got a long haul with this guy. Today the train set; tomorrow who knows?

I am planning on having a talk with Ex this coming Monday. Or maybe I should write a list of concerns, because believe me this post has just touched on a few.

A question Dr. Leah, if you’re reading … what is the best way to approach an Ex on issues like these? And to my readers, what do you think? What are your Ex Factors?

P.S. Since writing this post (I’ve been cleaning) and have discovered that he not only took the Thomas train set but also all of his Thomas bath toys. There’s only one in the overnight bag. The other two are goners. And as for the track….looks like all of the major pieces are there but won’t know if tracks are missing until I try to set it up again tomorrow. Sigh.

[Photo Credit: http://bellevere.net/wordpress/?p=4]

Related posts:

1. Weak in the knees.
2. He’s back.