UPDATE: Totally changed my mind and this blog will stay, but expect a total make over soon. Read about it here.

In October of 2007, when I started writing this blog, I was the new single mom of a 19-month-old. My goal was to help other single moms find their way as I found my own.

At first there were only a few of you reading, then a few hundred and then a few thousand. Now there are over 15,000 of you who pop into my corner of the world for updates on my life, on Benjamin, on my relationship with John. And out of all of the thousands, only a handful surface to leave stomach-churning comments that give me chills. Others go so far as to write vicious blog posts. And even others are harassing me behind the scenes with repeated comments that leave me worrying about my and Benjamin’s safety.

To those who actually have time in their day to spew needless negativity into the world, targeted at us – Who are you? Where do you come from? Who raised you to treat others this way? I may be a single mother and you may hate everything I represent – but my son and I will never stoop to your level. Ever.

I have also outgrown this blog. I have my answers. My journey as a single mom feels complete. Not because I have found John, but because I have found myself. And then there’s Benjamin. The idea of him reading some of the words written about me here or elsewhere is beyond terrifying. I can’t let that happen, no matter how much I love this blog, no matter how much I love all of you.

I could write and keep his pictures and mention of him off of my blog, but the premise – being a single mom, dating, who knows… it would still affect him, our relationship and how he is perceived by his peers.

I am going to keep the 600+ blog posts I have written up for the next 12 months. And then, I will be deleting this space. That should be enough time for all of you to catch up. I love all of you (my single mamas). But I have to listen to my gut and end this here.

If you need advice about being a dating single mom, there will always be my book. Everything you need is on those pages. Although, the book won’t be up forever either. Don’t think for a second that I am ashamed of anything I have written. I just want Benjamin to read or hear these stories from me first. I may start blogging again, I’m just not sure when or where.

You can do this without me. You can.

I know you can because I did. And I will always be here thinking of you and sending you all of the positive energy I can muster, just not from this blog. I can’t thank you enough for being here, for supporting me and for giving me your spirit during these past few years. If anyone is responsible for the growth I’ve experienced personally – it’s all of you.

Thank you,

xoxo

Alaina

P.S. Fill out this form and you’ll be on my mailing list, so if I do start another blog someday – I can let you know.

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I am not sure working like this is entirely healthy for anyone, let alone a single mom. My back and shoulders are a tight, tangled mess of nerves and poor posture induced kinks. My face keeps breaking out and my bedroom is constantly messy, always a sign of being too busy to breathe.

I need to buy one of those jacuzzi tubs or enslave a personal massage therapist. Between work, the house and Benjamin I rarely find a moment to myself – in the peace and quiet of the nothing to do.

How can us professional parents keep up with the childless who can devote 100% of their energy to their work? And isn’t there something wrong with this picture? Overworked workers, unemployment lines growing, parents who are left with no time to raise their children and young people who know having a child would spell disaster for their career.

Are we all just being taken for a ride? A ride that ends at the last and final stop when we wake up (too late) to realize we have worked our lives away. Shouldn’t we all slow down a bit? Seems like we’re all getting a bit carried away. Or maybe it has always been like this and I am just the mother of a three year old lost in the Land of the Toddler standing her gaping at the Land of Employment During a Recession.

The future scares me (just a little bit). Nothing to panic about.

It’s my neurotic paranoia setting in as the months fly by and I wonder when they will turn into years flying by. The end. I hate thinking about the end and I don’t want it to get here (not yet).

Not like this.

Life has to slow down first so I can enjoy the moments, or at, the very least, take a damn bath. One year ago I wrote this post for WeTV asking the real mothers to please stand up and I explored Gloria Steinem’s thought that the women’s rights movement isn’t over – that true success is not doing it all. I wondered out loud how we mothers could be held up to such impossible standards:

The pressure of motherhood in today’s world, if you think about it, is unbelievable — and it comes at us from every direction, every day, in every hour and in every minute. If we’re doing one thing, we’re often thinking about another. If we’re working, we wish we could be home with the kids. If we’re staying at home, we wonder what it would be like to have that career. But while raising a human is arguably the most important job on this planet, there are no exceptional clauses to protect mothers in the work place….

Today with the advent of blogs and all other forms of online communication, millions of moms are rewriting the definition of success by telling their own stories – re-writing the definition of success one word at a time. The real stories from the trenches of motherhood have emerged.

As a result, advertisers, politicians, employers and the media are no longer telling us how to think, or what we should feel but asking us for a seat at the table. As for whether or not it will work, we’ll see but at least it’s a start.

If you’re like me (crazed about making it work with so little time and searching for clarity) read Seth Godin’s free and new eBook, What Matters Now. Absolutely awesome. I read a new page every morning, savoring them before they run out.

What are your thoughts? Do you think the US should follow suit of European countries, like Germany, and give mothers many more freedoms to stay home with their little ones if they choose? Should we take a step back and demand mothers’ rights in the workplace?

Personally, I have an exceptional job and am treated very well at work – but the hours are naturally demanding and I have to keep up with people who don’t have children, so that’s tough personally because as much as I would like to slow down, I want to do it all. I want to be everything to everyone.

I am not unhappy or depressed. The rushed feeling is just killing me. Share your thoughts. Really curious about what you all think.

—–

The above is why it has taken me so long to announce the winner to my New Year New Leaf contest.

It was a tough call but I thought her post nailed the mission.

Each and every one of you who entered should have received your free copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored by now. If you haven’t, e-mail me and I’ll get you one right away.

You all inspire me beyond belief. Every single day. You tell me I inspire you, but – believe me – it’s the other way around.

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1. What’s a single working mama to do?
2. The test for any single working mother: the morning wake up.
3. Can this city girl handle the burbs?

He made a promise.

And he broke it.

I had asked him to make me a promise at the beginning, one well within reason if you knew his entire story. I am not one to ask much of men when we’re together. I believe in personal freedoms and independence. But this was a promise that, when broken, risked our future together – literally.

“If you do it,” I said, “I’ll never see you again. That will be that.”

“Really?” He asked, “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. You’re not just dating me, you’re dating my son and nothing – nothing - is more important to me than him.”

“I won’t then. I would never risk anything that could keep us apart.”

I believed him. I really, truly did. Not for a second did I think he would risk it all. He was the one who seemed to be completely head over heels. That’s the one thing about this that has me shaking my head in utter confusion and realizing that Mr. Man has a problem… one I can’t fix.

When he told me the next morning – of the broken promise, the breach of trust, the throwing away of everything we had – my hands started shaking. I thought I would drop the phone. Not again. Not him. Not this one. But just like that, a man had broken my heart.

“I can’t believe you did that. Why?” I ask him, my voice cracking into a million pieces.

“I don’t know.”

Should there be room for error? Should I look past this issue of Mr. Man’s, this one thing?

Not when there is a little soul at stake… and yes, I should have figured that out before he met my son. But there are pieces to the puzzle, reasons for things that I just can’t share. So you’ll have to trust me.

I wish I could tell you more – I do – because you deserve to know every detail. But I just can’t.

I believe any one of you would have made the same decision. Having the strength to make the call – to listen to your gut – is the easy part. Living with the fact that yet another man has let you down is not as easy.

But now, just a few days later, I’m feeling fine. Really. And also a tad hopeful. There are a few reasons:

1. I kept my head on straight, I never really lost control and let my emotions override my sensibilities and responsibilities to my son.
2. I felt something – something incredible. I also trusted again. He broke that trust, yes… but that was not because of me, it was because of something stronger than me and even stronger than Mr. Man.
3. I am more worried about Mr. Man right now than my own hurt feelings. But I know he’ll figure this out. If losing me is the reason – well, then – so be it.
4. The reason (wish again that I could tell you) is as clear as day.
5. And the fact that I’m not a crying, sobbing, mess of a woman right now tells me I must be doing something right. Maybe I’m an adult now?  Not sure if that makes any sense at all but as a recovering bad boy or man addict that’s a huge feat.

As single moms, we don’t have the misfortune luxury of dating men who can’t quite keep their shit together – 100% of the time. Not when losing it (even for a moment) may risk your child’s heart or health.

And that’s that.

Case closed. The end. Good bye Mr. Man.

For the reason why Mr. Man and I broke up purchase a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating Sex and Love – now only $8.95. Click here to get your copy.

If you missed the beginning of the Mr. Man story click here for my archives.

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography; read her blog here]

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