by mssinglemama on March 14, 2010
In October of 2007, when I started writing this blog, I was the new single mom of a 19-month-old. My goal was to help other single moms find their way as I found my own.
At first there were only a few of you reading, then a few hundred and then a few thousand. Now there are over 15,000 of you who pop into my corner of the world for updates on my life, on Benjamin, on my relationship with John. And out of all of the thousands, only a handful surface to leave stomach-churning comments that give me chills. Others go so far as to write vicious blog posts. And even others are harassing me behind the scenes with repeated comments that leave me worrying about my and Benjamin’s safety.
To those who actually have time in their day to spew needless negativity into the world, targeted at us – Who are you? Where do you come from? Who raised you to treat others this way? I may be a single mother and you may hate everything I represent – but my son and I will never stoop to your level. Ever.
I have also outgrown this blog. I have my answers. My journey as a single mom feels complete. Not because I have found John, but because I have found myself. And then there’s Benjamin. The idea of him reading some of the words written about me here or elsewhere is beyond terrifying. I can’t let that happen, no matter how much I love this blog, no matter how much I love all of you. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on January 6, 2010
I am not sure working like this is entirely healthy for anyone, let alone a single mom. My back and shoulders are a tight, tangled mess of nerves and poor posture induced kinks. My face keeps breaking out and my bedroom is constantly messy, always a sign of being too busy to breathe.
I need to buy one of those jacuzzi tubs or enslave a personal massage therapist. Between work, the house and Benjamin I rarely find a moment to myself – in the peace and quiet of the nothing to do.
How can us professional parents keep up with the childless who can devote 100% of their energy to their work? And isn’t there something wrong with this picture? Overworked workers, unemployment lines growing, parents who are left with no time to raise their children and young people who know having a child would spell disaster for their career.
Are we all just being taken for a ride? A ride that ends at the last and final stop when we wake up (too late) to realize we have worked our lives away. Shouldn’t we all slow down a bit? Seems like we’re all getting a bit carried away. Or maybe it has always been like this and I am just the mother of a three year old lost in the Land of the Toddler standing her gaping at the Land of Employment During a Recession. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 11, 2008
He made a promise.
And he broke it.
I had asked him to make me a promise at the beginning, one well within reason if you knew his entire story. I am not one to ask much of men when we’re together. I believe in personal freedoms and independence. But this was a promise that, when broken, risked our future together – literally.
“If you do it,” I said, “I’ll never see you again. That will be that.”
“Really?” He asked, “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. You’re not just dating me, you’re dating my son and nothing – nothing - is more important to me than him.”
“I won’t then. I would never risk anything that could keep us apart.”
I believed him. I really, truly did. Not for a second did I think he would risk it all. He was the one who seemed to be completely head over heels. That’s the one thing about this that has me shaking my head in utter confusion and realizing that Mr. Man has a problem… one I can’t fix.
When he told me the next morning – of the broken promise, the breach of trust, the throwing away of everything we had – my hands started shaking. I thought I would drop the phone. Not again. Not him. Not this one. But just like that, a man had broken my heart.
“I can’t believe you did that. Why?” I ask him, my voice cracking into a million pieces.
“I don’t know.”
Should there be room for error? Should I look past this issue of Mr. Man’s, this one thing?
Not when there is a little soul at stake… and yes, I should have figured that out before he met my son. But there are pieces to the puzzle, reasons for things that I just can’t share. So you’ll have to trust me.
I wish I could tell you more – I do – because you deserve to know every detail. But I just can’t. [click to continue…]
