My phone has been on fire for weeks now.

The culprits? A number of men, some of whom I really want to hear from and the others… well, I think they definitely have me in one of those “fish nets.” They cast a text out to a several women they’ve gathered numbers for over time and then wait for someone to bite on the bait.

I heard this “fish net” texting term from a gorgeous man I met recently who is wise in the ways of flirty texts. “My buddy actually purges his phone book once a month. He deletes the women who haven’t responded.”

I’d heard about mass texting before but didn’t know there was a name for it or that there was a science to it. Anyhow, I think I’m in two men’s nets right now and it’s really starting to annoy me. So I must vent.

Man #1: An engineer in his 20′s. We met at a bar while playing pool, over two months ago. Haven’t seen him since.

You may remember him, and yes, he’s still around … well I should say, he was around (I hope). After several more texts and two more back to back drunk dial phone calls I sent him this text:

I really appreciate my sleep. Please take my number out of your phone.

Haven’t heard from him since, but that was only a few days ago. I can only hope he deleted me.

Man #2: A single dad, in his late 30′s. We met at a poker game over one month ago. Again, haven’t seen him since.

He has been texting me every night for two weeks now. He may take a few nights off, but – sheesh – poor guy needs to get a clue.

Here’s a sampler of what he sends me:

July 24, 7:45pm

Would you like any company 2nite?

July 24, 9:33pm (same night)

Would you like any company 2nite? … I will be at the (bar) playing tx hold on (x) ave.

He almost got me here. I love poker so much I would play with, well – with anyone who had a deck of cards and some chips.

July 26, 10:47pm

I have a new btl of win. call me if interestd.

July 28, 6:41pm

I have a glass of wine, want 2 join me for a glass?

Ummm. Fellas, if you want to catch a fish, don’t light up her phone with text messages like these. Give me a reason. Ask me how I’m doing. Tell me a funny joke. Throw some variety out there. Stick out from the crowd. And DO NOT make sexual jokes unless you’ve at least established a relationship with us already. Or, man up and pick up the phone

Here’s and example of the perfect flirty text exchange – romantic and sweet:

Me: We should have pizza and wine at my place.

Him: I know it’s not a summer wine but do you like Cabernets? I know a good one that goes with pizza. Otherwise I have a good backup white.

Me: Sounds perfect! Should I grab the pizza?

Him: I can grab it. Let’s give you a well-deserved effortless night.

Wow. Now, that got my attention and scored him some major points.

Related posts:

1. Dear Single Men:
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3. Via Text: Wanna Go Out?

When did men start asking women out with a text message?

I got married in 2004 and divorced in 2007. In 2004, men definitely didn’t do this.

Text Case #1:

Subject: A guy who asked me out at a bar. We had a brief text exchange the next morning.

My Text: Thanks for your number. Had fun playing pool!

His Text: And just think how much fun it would have been had you won a game!

My Text: Yeah, really! What’s your e-mail?

No response. My friend and I concluded it must have been my asking for his e-mail. “That’s weird,” she said. Clearly I don’t know text rules. Clearly.

Five days later he sends me another one.

His Text: Any plans tonight?

My Text: Nope, just staying in.

His Text: Yeah, probably the same thing for me.

I haven’t responded.

Text Case #2

Subject: A guy I’d dated for a few weeks, but it sunk quickly and we hadn’t talked in three weeks.

Text: Wanna discuss and give it another try?

I nearly dropped my Corona onto the bar floor. I was out…it was a Friday night. It had taken me weeks to get over this guy and here he was TEXTING me a request to talk it through.

My Text: Who are you?

I’d deleted his number. This was a mean joke on my part.

His Text: It’s (insert name here)

My Text: No, I can’t.

Five months later.

His Text: Wanna wrestle?

My Text: Hell no! I have a boyfriend.

Sigh. I just don’t get it. Where is Cary Grant when you need him?

Photo Credit and Caption: Cary Grant and Rosiland Russell in His Girl Friday (1940)

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