It’s a question I have asked before…

And recently there has been a string of very passionate comments on my post, “She’s pregnant, should she tell the father?” It’s an issue that never gets old, especially for women who find themselves pregnant by a stranger or a passing boyfriend.

I know of two men who have found out they’ve fathered a child years after the fact. One is a class-act, completely diving into fatherhood. The other pays his child support but has never actually met his own son and has no desire to (something I can not understand at all). But humans will be humans, men will be men, and let’s face it, we aren’t always ready for the job.

So, if you’re pregnant and have no relationship with the father are you morally obligated to tell him? What do you think?

Hop over here to read the old post and the fascinating discussion that unfolded.

And let me throw a new question out there – what if she is going to have an abortion? Is the mother morally obligated to tell the father? Guys would you rather not know?

[P.S. A fantastic book, if you have found yourself in this situation, is Accidentally on Purpose by Mary Pols.]

Related posts:

1. She’s pregnant. Should she tell the father?

It’s a question so perplexing they’ve made movies about it … most recently “Knocked Up,” which I think is completely unrealistic. Laughable really.

What are the odds that a man who you’re not even in love with would miraculously become your knight in shining armor? If the main character would have ended up alone – would that really have been such a tragic ending? On the contrary, I think it would have been a story of strength. The strength to realize that staying with someone just because you’re pregnant may actually be the wrong one.

Claudia just commented on my “I LOVE Being a Single Mom” post with this question:

“Does anyone on this site have the issue of contemplating whether to tell the father of the baby that you are expecting? I am in that situation right now and am torn whether to tell him.

In the end this is a very selfish society, mostly men’s selfishness and no consideration for the feelings of anyone. Very controlling, but if I do tell the father, it will be me controlling the situation. His excuse for not being with me, dating, bars, meeting friends and family has been that he has to take care of things such as college and his new career. So I would be causing him more stress and things to worry about. Or would I? Would he be so selfish that he as some men never contact me nor the child? Should I care what he thinks?“

Unfortunately we humans haven’t developed psychic powers yet and most single moms (like myself) are in situations where we are constantly torn about whether or not the father should be in the picture.

Take my situation for example, I would kill for Benjamin’s father to be more involved. Our door has always, always been open for him to spend more time with his son. But for two years he never asks for extra time or calls to check in. His ambivalence often makes me wonder if he even really wants to be a father…or if he just feels obligated to stay near us. And of course, I wonder if an ambivalent father is better or worse than no father at all.

But I can not push him out of Benjamin’s life deliberately – not yet anyway. Not for intangible causes. Not because he “just doesn’t seem to care.” That would be crazy, right? The questions are always there…always. And none of us absolutely know the answers. So on that note…

My feelings are that she should tell him. It sounds like his life is on the fast track … but he does have a right to know.

Yes it might “ruin” his life – but life is hard. And eventually he might realize that being a parent is one of the most miraculous things we humble humans get to experience. If he doesn’t care and ignores Claudia and her child – he’ll still be obligated to pay child support, which I’m sure she’ll need. And if he is a fantastic father – than better still.

Guys- what do you think? Single Mamas – what should she do?

[Photo credit: http://www.motherhoodsonogram.com/]

Related posts:

1. His father wants to take him…I’m freaking out.
2. Daddy is coming back.
3. On sharing a child.