by mssinglemama on September 7, 2009
“If everything works out with John, Benjamin won’t know a time when he wasn’t around.”
As my therapist’s words sink in the last three years of my life flash through my mind; from the beginning when I packed everything up and moved into my mother’s, to the quiet nights at her house in the woods wondering and wishing myself away and back to some semblance of independence and then to the moment when Benjamin and I stepped into our own sweet, little apartment – ready to begin our new life.
What followed is all here, on this blog in my eBook, or safe in my mind.
I sit on her couch, staring off into a painting on the wall as I try to grasp this idea of him not remembering anything before John Bear. The memories wash over me – the adventures big and small – like the time we were yelled at by a hair salon owner or the countless grocery store trips that typically ended in knock down drag out tantrums. Then there were the big adventures like trips to find Joshua Trees
or deep forests and mountain coves in Vancouver.
And smaller adventures like hours of puddle jumping for no reason
or sweating it out on a hot summer day in August to hear our future president, a man also raised by a single mom, speak to us from about twenty feet away.
or chasing bunnies with Sydney.
Now, looking back, it is these moments – the moments when I forced myself out of the house with him, braving the book store, the library, the festivals, the camping trips and the road trips all by myself, trying to fill the time – that are the best memories I have of the two of us.
Memories of the moments when we both forgot where we were or when we just took our time
because we didn’t have anywhere else to be.
“So they’ll all be gone? He won’t remember a thing?” I ask my therapist or, as I fondly call her, Wonder Woman. She’s helping me to straighten out my trust issues and to figure out why, in the past, I had a pattern of choosing bad boys dysfunctional men. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on September 4, 2009
I’m announcing the winners to three contests today but you’re all winners.
You know why?
Because, long ago, you learned how to go on the potty. If you’ve seen this video you know I don’t like talking about bodily movements or anything close to them in public. But because Benjamin’s bowel movements, or lack thereof, are the reason I am up – right now – at 6:00 a.m., I feel obligated to share.
I am tired but happy, curled up in a little blanket on the big chair in the living room. Benjamin is coloring. I’m happy because he just ate a magnificent breakfast, breakfast fit for a big kid – three eggs and an entire bowl of oatmeal. He woke up at 5:45 saying, “Mommy, I’m hungry.” Hungry and awake because last night he couldn’t go on the potty and then decided not to go at all. The tummy ache or cramped up poopy feeling made him pass on his dinner. Like the bad mommy that I am, I completely forgot to force a bowl of yogurt on him before bed. Now here we are – awake before the sun is even up. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on August 2, 2009
Why is Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love $14.95, that seems expensive for a PDF?
It took months of writing and a lot of money to bring you this eBook. Outside of my own time I also hired a graphic designer and a copyeditor. It’s not just a PDF, it’s a professional quality book.
Are you legally allowed to publish the story about Mr. Man?
Yes, I even consulted with a lawyer about sharing the Mr. Man story. I also called Mr. Man to get his approval.
Why can’t you just give it to me for free?
I quit my day job two months ago. This is now my full-time job. If I don’t sell enough of these eBooks I will not be blogging nearly as much, as I’ll have to start focusing on an alternative source of income. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on July 29, 2009
My Secrets are Out…
Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love is here. But first a few words from my delirious haze. I am hoping they make sense…
Before I started writing this blog the whispers in my head, the words of strength from outside of myself were hard to come by. I only knew one or two fellow single moms and living at my mother’s for one year did a number on my social life. I was alone, utterly alone and it was uncomfortable.
I tried to find inspiration in other single mom books and while they were insightful on many levels, all fell short for me. I craved real, honest advice about dating and love. I didn’t know it then but I would soon fill that void myself and also become a voice for single mothers everywhere by shouting from the my little mountaintop: we are beautiful, we are strong and we are sexy as hell. And while this shit ain’t easy we don’t need a man to rescue us, we need to rescue ourselves.
I am not sure where those words came from. They started, I believe, as whispers in my own head or more like echoes. And then you all showed up. Your words and your thoughts inspired me to keep writing, to keep sharing my stories and your words, in turn, became the whispers in my head. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on July 28, 2009
because we didn’t have anywhere else to be.
