I’ve met a bear.

It’s quite ironic actually because after I wrote about the tiger and the lion, a bear showed up. What’s even odder is that so many of you had commented telling me only a bear would do. And I sat here reading those comments, wondering – perplexed. Why the bear? What’s with this bear thing?

And then he surfaced with his crystal blue eyes, soft smile and then his big bear hug. So clearly not a lion or a tiger, the bear is as you all said – comfortable, strong, delightfully funny, intelligent, patient and respectful of all of my boundaries (emotional and physical). And he calls me. On. The. Gasp. Phone.

It’s too early to tell much of anything, except for the teeny tiny fact that the bear has potential.

Dating is always fun for me, easy almost, until I bump into someone who is really there, someone I may actually want to keep around, someone who wants to keep me around… someone I can see myself with. Then fun typically turns into something more intense, something that sends me into a soft panic. Of how and why. But so far, there will be none of that.

This time I’m ready. And I’m going to enjoy him, not fear him.

—–

Another single mama bites the bullet.

Tracy of a Brand New Day, Tracy of One of My First Single Mama Blogging Friends, is now engaged. I can’t even tell you how odd it is to sit here and watch the single mamas all fall. Mommy Pie, Morgan and now Tracy. Fall in a good way… I mean fall into love land when they least expected it or wanted it. That, is the trick, it appears.

So go check out Tracy’s blog for her proposal story. I know you love those. The best part? Her big man asked her little man for permission. Wow.

—-

Sometimes it’s a good thing when you receive an errant text…

meant for another girl with a name very much like yours.

“Drinks with you went much better than expected :  ) im glad we met up tonite!”

And suddenly you realize why your perfectly dateable, totally attractive, single dad friend is still single.

He can’t text girls worth a shit.

This is not the good thing. The good thing is that I can help him.

So I text back:

“Wrong girl!!!! Haaaaaaa. And never text a :  )  to a girl again. You need texting lessons!”

I called him and gave him the some tips, the first being not to text a girl seconds after you’ve parted ways. Let her wonder a bit. And yeah, the smiley face from a guy – not so much.

After my divorce I realized quickly the world of dating had changed thanks to text messaging. I soon discovered that many guys, especially the younger ones, actually ask you out on dates via text and sometimes even cancel them via text. At first I balked at all of this but now I’m slipping into the texting camp.

I’m also discovering that a man’s texting style, like his kissing style, can either turn me completely on or off.

Sometimes guys, it’s better to just pick up the phone.

With that said, if it’s a single mom you’re calling be prepared for the sound of her three-year-old in the background, “I want to talk! Let me talk.”

Or, “Mommy! Mommy! MOOOOOMMEEEEEE!!!!”

I still can’t even imagine what it must be like to be childless and dating someone with a child. Some of the men, upon hearing my screaming little one in the background, ignore it all together and jump off of the phone.

Others patiently wait while saying, “No problem, take your time.”

I prefer the later, of course, and typically drop the ones who are uncomfortable with the kid factor. One thing nearly as annoying as the sound of a three-year-old begging for attention is a man who can’t handle kids.

Sometimes the benefit of the doubt is in order, but only if he’s not meant for serious things.

—–

Winners.

It’s taken me SO long to do this. But congratulations to Lindsey Jay  - you won the Dating Topics game, courtesy of SingleEdition.com.

And congratulations to Nydia, Sheila, Margaret from the NM, Angela and Mary – you’ll all be getting a copy of Christine Coppa’s Rattled!

I am still necklace shopping but have one on its way that may be the perfect fit. We all made it together! And I’m SOOOOOOO excited to unveil it here. Hopefully it will be here by Friday. So hang on… keep leaving your feedback until then, everyone who comments has a chance to win that very necklace, or the necklace of their choice.

I’m thinking the winner will want the new necklace though. The first one.

Related posts:

1. Single Mom Dating Zen: Lions & Tigers
2. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2
3. Dating Karma

Read the inspiring Ultimate Single Mom Contest responses and add your own here.

If you didn’t win and you’d like your own iHeartSingleParents.com t-shirt browse all of the styles here. You won’t have ANY problems meeting fellow single moms and dads if you’re wearing one of these! 

P.S. If you haven’t seen it yet i Heart Single Parents (the first and best social network for single parents) has a brand new look… check it out and join already.

Related posts:

1. The Ultimate Single Mom Contest
2. The ultimate single dad.
3. The ultimate prize: a single mom.

“I don’t think you’ve ever really been in love.”

Mr. Man tells me this as I sit cross-legged on the couch, our knees are touching and he is holding my hands in his. This is his conclusion after weeks of us talking and learning about each other’s checkered pasts – the pasts that led us together in this moment.

“It just doesn’t sound like a man has ever treated you right in your life,” he says as he looks into my eyes. I dart them to the ground as I realize how right he is.

“You must be scared as hell,” he says.

He’s absolutely right. I feel my armor thicken as I respond, “It’s true. Every experience I’ve had with a man has ended with me on the losing end, financially, emotionally – all around.”

Mr. Man bears a close resemblance to Heath Ledger. Think Heath Ledger in Broke Back Mountain – not gay (obviously) and no long hair but with the thick southern drawl, the chiseled arms, the defined chin and cheekbones. Mr. Man is all man. His flannel shirt sleeves hang over his weathered hands, which are twice the size of mine – not in length but in width. He used them to take my garbage out the other night.

“It’s okay,” I said impulsively, “I can get it.”

“No – I’m getting it.” He pauses and looks at my face that’s now softened into shocked appreciation. “Gosh, you really haven’t had anyone help you out before have you?” No, I shake my head.

“These city boys must be weak or something.”

He lifts my trash as if it’s a feather and hauls it outside. I’m still in shock. He just helps out, without being asked. Maybe it’s because he’s a single father or maybe he’s just a gentleman. Regardless, I’m definitely falling into that rabbit hole.

There’s much, much more… but again – still trying to keep this one close to my chest as one of you told me, “Let it bloom.”

Related posts:

• A Kink in the Plans
• Does Romance Really Exist
• Can Single Moms Fall in Love?

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Jim, Depot Dad, is recovering from major surgery to treat his skin cancer.

He needs all of the well wishes he can get. If you don’t know Jim, he’s a single father of two beautiful children out in California and a very dear friend.

Here’s the video of Jim, Morgan and I in San Francisco. We shot this just a few months before he found out.

»Go give him your hugs here.

Related posts:

1. MySpace, Facebook and Dating in a Virtual World.
2. A car full of single parents.
3. Bragging rights (thanks to you!)

Cabin Man and I have been texting and e-mailing daily.

Talking on the phone is tough because during my available times, at night, he’s in a low cell service.

It’s frustrating to say the least. And he wanted to make a trip here during the work week but it just can’t fly. He has a job and on top of that – no car. But on the weekends, when I can visit him, he has his kids.

That leaves us ZERO options to see each other. Last weekend’s date was a fluke. He didn’t have the kids because it was his ex-wife’s birthday and she kept them.

He is all for a camping trip and introducing me to his children but, in the two years since his separation, I would be the first woman they meet. His theory is to introduce each other as friends, to not make a big deal out of it and to keep our hands off of each other.

In his eyes the positives of our kids having fun together and seeing happy parents far outweighs any negatives. But he admits this is new territory for him and completely respects my decision not to bring the kids into the mix.

Bottom line:

This is not going to be a long term relationship, from what I can sense, so I am just going to have to throw in the towel pre-maturely. Why? Because there won’t be a chance to see him again – EVER – if I can’t bring Benjamin.

The questions:

What if, in trying to spare Benjamin from future psychological problems, I miss out on a potentially rewarding and fulfilling relationship (even a temporary one) that makes both of us happy? Or at the very least, an awesome camping trip?

My belief:

The child of a single parent does not have a “typical” family life and ultimately sees his parents with different people. This does not mean they will all be screwed up for the rest of their lives.

I believe it depends on how the parent handles these relationships and communicates their beginning or end to the children. I do not believe single parents should relationship hop, bringing men or women in and out of their lives, and involve their children in the drama surrounding these relationships. For example, I dated Kris on and off for nearly one year but he rarely saw Benjamin and we never even thought about moving in together. When it ended Benjamin was fine. I carefully phased Kris out, cutting his visits from once or twice a week to once or twice every two weeks and so on.

I also believe that single parents who deny themselves the right to date may harbor resentment toward their situation and may be denying themselves the freedom to date without guilt, which in turn can affect the kids negatively.

I know you are all divided on this.

And I hate to beat a dead horse, but I think this one is still kicking. And I’m assuming this is not a new issue for any single dating parent or one that any of us can truly understand or hold authority on because every situation is different.

All of your comments to Cabin Fever, Part 3 are unique and each with a different perspective. Here’s a recap.

“No Way!”

Amy Nathan said, “Leave all the kids out of it, please. Bringing them into it under the pretense of ‘it’s neutral’ or ‘they will have fun’ is bull, in my opinion. For the two of you, you deserve it to be all about you if this is something good.” Single dad, Jonathan of the Resolve note agrees with Amy, although he wasn’t quite as blunt. Kit Kat 4 Real would wait until the relationship has been tested, “Are you there? Is it serious enough to introduce the kids?”

“Bring friends.”

Single Parent Dad and Leslie think I should invite other friends on the camping trip to gloss it over and Ian adds, “While it is vital to protect your children, and you can’t, or shouldn’t, introduce people willy-nilly into their lives. You can’t stop living yours, and surely you can find a way to take this further.”

This is a fantastic idea but I don’t have a huge group of friends to invite. They’re all busy and I’m not sure if I want to bring people just to bring people. And then there’s a mess of you who are just telling me to do it.

“Do it!”

Laura and April think I should follow my gut… and Laura said, “I would do it! Really I would go on the camping trip! You would have seperate tents etc – so really WHAT is the harm?”

She has a point. Benjamin meets new people A LOT. Including new male friends and new female friends. I can see what the long-term damage would be if I saw Cabin Man every single weekend. But the warm weather is quickly fading and camping would be fricking awesome. And we’d be in a new place – not in our own home.

Amy in Sedona said, “I’ve been reading your posts since the end of June when I became a single mama and all I can tell you is go out there and have fun! Don’t worry about the rules, you need to take control of your life and do it for yourself! I’m sure Benjamin will have a blast too!”

And now here I am digesting all of this advice…

and have found that it’s clouding my gut. My gut says, “You know your son and you know yourself and this wouldn’t harm him in any way.” But my head says, “You shouldn’t do this because the rules say you can’t.”

For those who think a night of camping with a new person would be absolutely selfish and catastrophic I ask – what are your personal experiences? Does one bad experience in introducing a man to your children mean you should isolate yourself from others forever?

What about other single parent friends who come and go? Do you keep them away as well?

Do you feel like, in the name of protecting your children, you may actually be hurting them by denying yourself your own happiness?

And I want to hear from more of you lurkers like Amy in Sedona. Sign in anonymously if you want…

UPDATE: Read about how my trip to visit Cabin Man ended up. Was Benjamin permanently scarred?

Related posts:

1. A car full of single parents.
2. iHeart Single Parents on Fox!
3. The Single Mom Dating Conundrum.

I followed my gut.

And my gut was right. It was marvelous.

Cabin Man (who deserves another name all together and will now be called Kennedy) knocked the wind out of me.

On my long drive through the gorgeous, albeit slightly frightening bible beating countryside, I let my mind wander and threw all of my expectations out of the window.

We met a few miles down the road from his house. As soon as he jumped in my car he couldn’t stop looking at me and then he said, ”You are stunning. Look at you! Now, what in the world is a girl like you visiting a guy like me for?”

“I like you,” I say, “And don’t be so modest, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Suddenly I wonder just what I am doing there. He lives two and a half hours away. We come from different worlds. Me a doctor’s daughter, him the son of a steel worker. But there’s something about him. Something I felt when we met last weekend. There’s a serious spark and it’s not just physical.

We grab some pizza and then head into the woods, to his cabin – soon to be a house, the camp fire is raging and the house behind it is nothing like I’d envisioned. It’s nice, very nice. Trees he dug up by hand, now naked of their bark, line the stairs up to a loft. This one room cabin is eventually going to be the living room of his house.

The project started after he’d found out his wife had cheated on him with his best friend. “Every nail,” he explains, “Every piece of this place was built in a blurry haze of anger. I felt like I’d been shafted.”

Who wouldn’t? And now he’s here, back in his home town, living on his parent’s plot of land and re-building his life.

“But, I’m finally getting it,” he says, “I’m finally understanding what life is all about and it’s fantastic.” His bright blue eyes are squinted from his huge grin and he’s shaking his head. “I just can’t get over it.” There’s nothing I enjoy more than meeting a single parent who has crossed that line into freedom from the past. And he’s there.

After my tour we sit down by the fire. Instead of going out to a local dive bar, as we’d originally planned, we

just sat and talked for hours and hours. He stays in his chair, four feet from the blanket I’m curled up on. Finally, after he’s passed all of my little tests, namely the gentleman test, I invited him to sit down with me.

The next morning we made eggs and bacon over the fire.

“I don’t want to leave,” I said sipping on my coffee. And I really didn’t. There’s something about the woods. I can’t get enough. Disappearing from the city and being there, with him… the sparks were now raging fiercely just like the fire. “I could kidnap you.” He laughs and tells me I should.

“So when am I going to see you again?” he asked. I didn’t have an answer. Logistically we are screwed. He’s a single dad, with a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old, both of whom he has every single weekend (this weekend was the one exception all year) and I have a 2-year-old.

I explained this all to him after we started plotting a camping trip with all of the kids.

“Benjamin may not really get it, but your kids definitely will. They’ll see us together and sense that something’s up. That could mess with their little heads,” I said.

“But,” he said, “what’s wrong with kids seeing something so good? I totally understand though. You’re doing the right thing, you’re an amazing mom and I’m not going to intrude. You just let me know what you want.”

And here is when this blog, everything I’ve been writing, comes full circle and my mind wanders to all of the conversations we’ve had about this in the past. But when it’s staring you in the face – this desire to see someone again fighting against the desire to protect your children – it isn’t so easy.

I think a joint camping trip in neutral territory might be okay. I enjoy this man. I want to see him again, but how can I without hurting Benjamin in some way? And what about Kennedy’s kids? How do you really date another single parent?

I call it the single mom dating conundrum. I should call it the single parent dating conundrum. And now, I’m right in the thick of it. Wish I could write advice for myself. Until then, I’m tossing it to all you. Be honest, be brutal. I don’t care. Put me out of my misery.

If you missed the beginning of this story…

Cabin Fever, Part 1

Cabin Fever, Part 2

Read the END: Cabin Fever, Part 4

Related posts:

1. Cabin Fever, Part 2
2. Cabin Fever…
3. A fairy tale ending?

An adventure is brewing.

I’ve decided to visit the man I met only briefly last weekend. If you missed it, catch up here. My best friend, Mia, has offered – no – has insisted upon watching Benjamin and she’s practically kicking me out the door to go meet him.

“Why wouldn’t you?” she asks.

“I don’t know, what if…” and then I list all of my annoying what ifs. None of which include being killed by this mysterious man or spending a night in a half-finished cabin without a bathroom. No, my fears are all irrational emotional nuisances – courtesy of my overly analytical brain. Here are a few: “What if he likes me too much and I hurt him?”, “What if it’s a big waste of time?”, “What if I like him?”, “What if I feel guilty for leaving Benjamin?” and the worst one of all, “I’m taking time away from my son to spend it with a man I barely know.”

“Stop,” says Mia, “You’re doing it again, you’re talking yourself out of it. You do that all of the time. You talk yourself in and out of everything and it’s crazy. You’re torturing yourself. Just relax and stop thinking about everything so much.”

Yes. Brain. Shut – the – hell – up.

Just one night would be nice. One night of a calm mental still. One guiltless romantic adventure featuring, to name a few, a bottle of wine, a camp fire, the trees and a sexy single dad whose e-mails have been making me smile all week. The man has a fascinating mind. Simple, funny and eloquent all at once. Very intriguing.

“Keep out of trouble and watch out for the robots,” he says in one… the robots being all of the people in the city. He escaped the city and his traveling job three months ago to move back home – to be near his kids.

“And now here I am,” he says on the phone, “standing under the stars. I think a car came down the road 30 minutes ago but that’s all I’ve heard in hours.”

His voice is steady and sure. He has a confidence that’s rare in most of the single men I meet. He’s out in the middle of no where… living on next to nothing – and he’s doing it all for his kids. But on that journey he’s discovering, as I did, that escaping it all transforms you, liberates you, moves you.

I’ll be the first visitor to his cabin.

When this dawns on him over the phone, I can nearly feel his breath rush out of his body. Me, a woman who he calls a “refreshing beauty”, will soon be standing in his rough and tumble bachelor world. He ran down a list of things he’ll be fixing before I get there. The electricity for example. Yes, this is a half-finished cabin. I’m not even sure if there are walls.

But I don’t care. I’m going to be still. I’m letting this one ride…

Maybe Ian (Single Parent Dad) can clue me in on what to expect, he built his own house too… gotta love those men who can build their own houses. Seriously. House building = hot.

Related posts:

1. Cabin Fever…

The power is out. Hurricane Ike’s left over winds ripped through Ohio this weekend and knocked down power lines all over the place. They’re not sure when it will come back on but my office is closed and so is Benjamin’s day care.

I’ve managed to pirate a signal and some time (thanks to Thomas the Tank) to write a quick post.

Benjamin and I went to a music festival this weekend.

On the first day we were in the kids area, by one of those big inflatable jump houses, when a very cute dad looked our way. He had blond hair, deep blue eyes and a fantastic smile. Again no ring. But I couldn’t be sure. So many married men, I’ve noticed, don’t wear their rings. (WHY is that by the way? Not fair).

Our kids ran in separate directions and I didn’t see him again until later in the afternoon. Benjamin and I were back at our camp site. We’d wandered down to the lake’s edge. I was tired. It had been a long day. Festivals, solo with toddlers, can be trying.

“Wow! Look at him,” a man said, “we might have to join you in there!” I snapped around, startled. It was the dad… he was camping also, and his site was right near ours. And then I looked in his eyes. So beautiful. I didn’t know what to say. Did he have a wife? Was she right there in the tent? Should I even talk to him?

I freaked out. My nerves keeping any words from flowing other than, “Yeah, I think the water is safe… muddy though.”

He went back to his site and Benjamin and I marched up the hill to see Uncle Dennis and Uncle Larry. We spent the rest of the night building our camp fire, setting up the tents and I kept scoping out my neighbor’s camp site, but no sign of a woman – just an older woman, perhaps his mother.

The next morning I saw him by the water.

Benjamin wanted to swim so we headed down again. And this time he came right up behind us and sat down, “so where are you from?”

“Just up the road a bit, my mother lives here.”

And then the conversation started. In a few minutes I found out that he was indeed a single dad, who had quit his lucrative traveling job to be close to his kids. And instead of renting again he bought land and has his hands full building his own house, a cabin, in the middle of no where.

“You should come see it sometime,” he suggested, “I’m only 2 hours from you.”

He changed the subject when I didn’t jump on the invitation, realizing perhaps, that such a proposal sounded slightly crazy. We’d only just met. “I’m out there and it’s hard because I have no one to talk to,” he went on telling me about his area of the country where the people are scarce and the woods thick.

His children, a girl and a boy – 3 and 6 – were trying to distract him. His son started climbing up on his back, strangling him. Benjamin mimicked him and soon we could barely talk. “See, this is the thing, I can’t talk to people without kids because they just don’t understand. This, right now, would end it.”

“Yes,” I nodded, “I call them the childless.”

He burst out laughing.

“Well, we’ve got to pack up, but seriously if you want to come out sometime I would love it.” He gave me his number and his e-mail address and I’m really considering it…

I was attracted to him. There was a spark.

I just wish I would have asked him the instant we met if he was a single dad or not – then we could have spent the entire evening talking. Darn it.

So what do you think? Would it be completely crazy to spend a weekend with a virtual stranger in the middle of no where? In a cabin that isn’t even finished yet?

Sounds so incredibly romantic… could be a little adventure, a much needed distraction at the least. I’m all ears. But I’m seriously thinking about going. And the old woman on his camp site was his mother. His father was there too… very sweet guy.

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Part 2 of A Muddy Single Mom, a Fairy Tale

Sydney’s curse happened just one day after I’d taken Benjamin to the book store.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed my choice of the book store over the library, “Going to Barnes and Noble… books, trains AND cute men… ” The Twitter fairies went to work and when Benjamin and I walked back to the Thomas train table I saw a dark-haired, very adorable dad.

I thought I’d turn the corner and see his wife. But no, he was alone with his three-year-old son. I checked out his hands, no ring. And all of this talking. He definitely seemed interested. But you never know. So how does one say, “I’m a single parent.” He worked it in by telling me about the house he’d just bought, “it’s small but that’s okay because it’s just the two of us.”

“Oh! You’re a single dad?” I said, “I’m a single mom!”

And as always, it was so incredible to just sit there and talk to another single parent. We spent an hour chit chatting while the boys played with Thomas and then it was time to leave. The kids were protesting, of course, and in what would have been an awkward moment for any childless man – we both just scooped up our screaming toddlers and walked out together.

“This is SO nice,” I said over Benjamin’s howl of despair, “to have two screaming kids instead of one. Makes it a lot easier.”

We were both laughing. The kids quieted down when we stopped to say good-bye at the exit.

“So, this is completely out of character for me,” he said, “but I’d love to hang out with you sometime. Can I give you my number?”

I got nervous. My brain fast-forwarding to the part when I tell him I can’t date him. To the part when I crush him.

“Yeah, I’d love to… I can always use more single parent friends.”

Note the word “friend.” Just in case. I have a major guilt complex. I think it’s because every boy rejected me in junior high. I was the girl at the dance who would stand up against the wall – alone – the ENTIRE time. For two years it was like that (until my parents yanked me out of that awful school). So, to this day, I can’t stand the idea of rejecting people when they’re brave enough to ask me out.

Usually it’s me doing the asking – if you haven’t read my post on How to Pick Up Men, get over there. Crucial advice for the dating single mom. 

I called him a few days later and we set up plans for last night.

I was nervous. It was incredibly pleasant but alas, no love connection. I’m not sure if he felt the same way, but I told him I thought we should just be friends. And I meant it. Benjamin needs a guy friend and I can always use more single parent friends – seriously, can’t have enough.

What a fluke it was to meet a man at Barnes and Noble. My daydream of meeting a charming guy at a book store finally came true… but all of that time and effort for no spark. Meeting men in the flesh isn’t easy. Very possible, yes, but I’m thinking it’s time to jump online again. The first time I tried online dating, over one year ago, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I wasted a lot of money. (E-Harmony by the way – is a scam). 

But now I’m older, wiser and ready to shop for a man.

Why not? Mr. Right Now is never going to become Mr. Right. And if Sydney’s fairy tale curse is destined to come true, at least I can say I tried. Either that or I’ll get so sick of dating that bowl of muddy soup will sound more appealing than a man. 

To be continued… (yes, again)

Next up – the Top 5 Online Dating Sites and steps on how to date online as a single parent.

In the meantime which online dating sites have you tried? Any success?

Related posts:

1. The muddy single mom, a fairy tale.
2. How to date the childless.
3. Top Spots to Meet Men (kid tested and mama approved)

You all know being a single parent is one of the toughest obstacle courses life can throw at you… and one of my favorite single dads and friend, Jim Everson of Depot Dad, agreed to write about his first few months in Single Parent Boot Camp.

I took this picture of Jim on my trip to San Francisco, the cave reminded me of this post… there is ALWAYS a light at the end of every tunnel and I think Jim is finally able to see his!

“Keep your butt down, soldier, or it’ll get shot off some day!”

By Depot Dad

That’s prudent advice in any endeavor actually and….what’s that? You don’t know about Single Parent Boot Camp? Well have a seat and let me give you a first hand account of the experience as I still navigate the barb-wire training course of single parenting.

I first arrived at Camp Cantwinfertryin last March.

110 degrees in the shade and all you get for supper is a steady helping of grief. Each day starts off with a 20km hike while carrying a 60 pound pack filled with pressures, fears, and worries. But its not all bad, since the camaraderie of the recruits is unrivaled in any organization.

Without a doubt the most difficult part of single parent training is the obstacle course. So they are:

The Tire Tread Mill

You have to hold a load of laundry and a bag of groceries up over your head while running through a field of tires. I hustled through this one as quickly as I could. I lifted my knees high. I landed in the center of each tire. In a few minutes I was across the yard. That’s when the Sarge yelled,

“Now get back to the beginning, Rookie, and do it again! You’re a single parent – you’re never finished being TIREd! HAR HAR HAR!”

And with that terrible pun still ringing in my ears, I ran on to the second obstacle…

The Budget Balance Beam

This one is tricky for sure, you have to cross a ditch of bills, taxes and expenses on the narrowest of income beams. All the while you are tossed to and fro by the winds of ever changing economic conditions. Its a tough one, I’m telling you. But once licked, you can move on to the…

Slippery Slope of Infatuations

All I remember about this oil slicked hillside surrounded by so many thorny bushes of heartache was the Sarge yelling at me from the sidelines,

“Keep your wits about you, Rookie, or you’ll fall before you’re ready!”

I almost bit it on that one, that’s for sure. But I managed to pull through and then I faced…

The Negotiation with the Ex Mine Field

The Mood Swinging Ropes

This one looked too easy. Grab a rope and make a simple swoop over a little patch of dirt. Imagine my surprise when, upon grabbing the rope, I was suddenly propelled this way and that. The rope spun me into a whirl of euphoria, then dropped me fast into a nauseating funk. Before I could get my bearings, it had thrown me back to where I had started, leaving me feeling as if no progress had been made. Finally, it catapulted me on to the next obstacle and that’s when I saw my undoing…

The Climbing Wall of Despair

One has only to scale the wall using a hanging rope and throw themselves over the other side. As I stumbled towards this last obstacle, I saw it was but a small task for so many of the other single parent recruits. They propelled themselves up and over with the greatest of ease. But as soon as I grabbed the rope and attempted to pull myself up, I knew I was in trouble.

“What’s the matter, Rookie?” came the familiar voice,”All tuckered out and feeling hopeless? Well ain’t that just toooooo baaaad! Now get climbing!”

I gave it a second go only to end up flat on my back in a fit of tears.

“You can’t lay down and blubber about yer troubles, you hopeless wreck!” came the sarge’s supportive advice. “Now GET OVER THAT WALL!”

But it was useless. Every time I tried to get back on my feet, I slumped back down to the ground. I was beaten.

And that is when the most surprising thing happened. A bus load of single parent graduates had stopped by to check out the new greenhorns. And as the door swung open and the experienced single parents came pouring out, I heard, not laughter and judgement but…

“Cut corners where you can,” yelled out Heather from iHeartSingleParents.com. Kitkat4real followed that with, “Everything doesn’t have to be perfect!” Sweets pulled out a bullhorn and shouted,”Take each day as it comes and don’t sweat the small stuff!” Then I saw singleparentdad waving a giant flag. He yelled out, “When I’m so tired and I can’t even lift an eyelid, I think about my little boy and I am able to find the strength to get a few more things done.” Tonya was next with a heartfelt, “Don’t feel like you’re alone in this!”

And lastly, out stepped Ms. Single Mama herself. “Hey, you’re doing it all yourself now after years of having help! You can’t – as a human being – just suddenly adapt to that overnight. It takes time!”

They all started cheering and I felt the strength return to my arms. I stood up and grabbed the rope. I pulled myself up and over to the sound of whoops and hollers. I made it over the wall of despair.

And that is where I am today. Sarge says I still have to go the full 12 months, because I’ve got to learn to do the course blindfolded next. He says its the only way to be sure that these new skills are second nature and I can overcome obstacles without a second thought. And that’s fine with me. With a cheering section like mine, how can I go wrong?

Just remember to keep your butts down, everybody, and I’ll see you on the other side.

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