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For My Single Mamas (a sexy contest)

mssinglemama — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:20:12 +0000

When I started this blog I had one single mom friend, now I feel I have thousands.

I know many of you feel the same way having found my blog. Often many of you send me photos of yourselves and your little ones and my heart melts each time, especially today when I found this picture in my inbox of Robin and her son Reagan.

I wanted to share these words of her story of calling off her wedding to her abusive fiance:

It was the most stressful time of my life to the point where my hair was falling out like a cancer patient, but oddly enough, it was the most joyous phase of rediscovery and empowerment. I called off the wedding, struck out on my own … but then had to move abruptly to another state, leaving behind a life I carefully built as a young professional because my ex- took stalking to a new level of physical threats of violence. In many ways I lost everything — but in so many other ways I gained an entire world of new possibilities.

Robin is now living her dream career as a new media journalist for Zootoo Pet News, featured on the New York Post among others. Click here to see one of her newscasts and take a look at that beautiful necklace she’s wearing.

Robin’s comment reminds me of something I wrote in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. Here’s an excerpt from the Rapunzel Complex:

I walked through my mother’s garden and let my hands lightly touch the flowers surrounding me, running my fingertips through their soft petals. I wondered if I could ever be so beautiful and innocent again. Benjamin was in his sling, still stirring, but just seconds away from finally falling asleep. A restless newborn, he had yet to sleep for more than six hours straight. His father had occasionally taken him from me in the night, but Benjamin’s screams would only intensify. Minutes later he would be back in my arms, my exasperated husband insisting I take the baby so he could sleep.
Now my husband was gone. And I was free— well, almost. I still had Benjamin strapped to my chest during all of my waking hours outside of work. The pressure was immense and unrelenting, but the peace that came with that extra few feet in my bed, the quiet drama-free nights and being in control of my destiny – no matter how uncertain it seemed – gave me hope that soon Benjamin and I would be back on our feet and stronger than ever.

In honor of all of my beautiful single mamas finding their way or who have already found their way, here’s another contest! Just leave a comment and you’ll be entered to win.

A sexy apron from FlirtyAprons.com!!!

along with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love

And a New Leaf necklace in brass, like the one Robin is wearing in her newscast.

Four runners-up winners will receive a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love.

Just leave a comment and you’ll be entered! Deadline on this one is Friday August 28, 2009. While you’re at it leave a comment in my Back to School Contest, that one runs until September 4, 2009.

[P.S. The silver necklaces are almost gone, I have three left in 18" chains and only 12 in the 16" chain. If you would like a longer chain just leave me a note at your purchase. I have plenty left in both lengths in the brass necklaces. The creator of our necklaces is leaving on a wonderful, extended European vacation so I may not be replenishing the stock until next Spring.]

The Trip Story: Part I

mssinglemama — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:12:51 +0000

We got lost on this road, three times.

Twice in the dark and once in the daylight when we were running on empty and desperately trying to find a gas station within 10 country miles. We finally did thanks to the kindness of our cabin host who happened to be on the road just as we were passing.

After we found gas we spotted signs for a fair.

He won me a prize and I gushed like a school girl and I realized this was a first.

“No one has ever won you a prize at a fair before?” He asked while taking in the sight of his girlfriend giddy as hell and even jumping up and down a bit. ”Geez… who you been dating?”

“Not the right ones,” I said back.

We got lost on the way home, again. The directions were one road off and our iPhones were dead, as they’d been for days. Finally we made it home to our cozy cabin

that we realized was looking incredibly messy – evidence that we just didn’t have to care. A good place to be, no doubt.

I whipped up a delicious cabin feast that impressed John beyond belief, prompting him to call me “a natural” in the kitchen. My little sister, who may be reading this, probably just choked up the exquisite gourmet dinner she just made. But hey, this looks pretty darn good doesn’t it? Huh? Huh? Come on, Anna, you should call me now and tell me so.

After dinner John Bear, a city boy through and through, built his first fire without burning himself. I was proud.

Finally we both sat down with our wine.

We gazed into the flames and daydreamed about what it would be like to bring Benjamin and maybe some other kids out here someday.

“But they’d all be sleeping in the guest cabin,” he said.

“Definitely.”

And then, within minutes of each other, John and I both spilled wine on ourselves. We weren’t even slightly tipsy and I think it may have been at this point in the trip that I realized we were running into one too many fated snafus. All of them were minor, barely even changing the course of events or bearing any major consequences but each one a tiny test on our patience as a couple.

The forgotten CDs and book, the getting lost thing, the wine spilling thing and something else I have entirely neglected to mention – the teaching your boyfriend how to drive stick in a pink car with flowers on it thing.

By the time we traded this bridge

with this view

for this bridge

with this view

we were ready for whatever New York City wanted to throw at us, but mother nature and a giant pothole decided to screw with us instead.

To be continued…

[If you missed the complete round of photos from this series in the story - click here to view the photo album. There's an entire new round of photos and another post on the way.]

Ms. Single Mama Uncensored FAQs

mssinglemama — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:56:39 +0000

Why is Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love $14.95, that seems expensive for a PDF?

It took months of writing and a lot of money to bring you this eBook. Outside of my own time I also hired a graphic designer and a copyeditor. It’s not just a PDF, it’s a professional quality book.

Are you legally allowed to publish the story about Mr. Man?

Yes, I even consulted with a lawyer about sharing the Mr. Man story. I also called Mr. Man to get his approval.

Why can’t you just give it to me for free?

I quit my day job two months ago. This is now my full-time job. If I don’t sell enough of these eBooks I will not be blogging nearly as much, as I’ll have to start focusing on an alternative source of income. Giving it to you for free, unfortunately, isn’t an option because I still have to pay for things like food, shelter and clothing.

Can I buy the eBook and share it with a friend?

You can, but that would technically be illegal and not very nice of you.

What is an eBook?

An eBook is a book, online. Seconds after you buy it you’ll receive an e-mail with a link to your copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored, which, once you click it, will download a PDF of the book onto your desktop. Then you can print it or read it on your computer. If reading on a computer bothers your eyes, read it in daily doses like you do my blog (although that may be tough because so far those who have read it say they can’t put the sucker down). Read a preview of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored for free here.

How do I buy the eBook, I’m still confused.

Click here and you’ll be taken to a PayPal page. If you don’t want to open a PayPal account that’s fine just click “continue” next to the line on the bottom right that says, “Don’t have a PayPal account?” If you aren’t satisfied with your purchase I will issue you a refund instantly.

You seem like a super bitch and you are going to die alone with your two ugly cats.

Thank you for the warning and how did you know I have two cats?

I heard there is a picture of you and John Bear kissing in your eBook, is that true? And is he a good kisser?

Yes, he let me publish that picture after I begged him and begged him. And yes, he is an amazing kisser. (See what happens after he gets a kiss from me in this video).

You are not Oprah. Get over yourself.

I know I am not Oprah and, no offense to Oprah, but I am just fine being me and if I woke up tomorrow and was suddenly as famous as Oprah I would buy tickets to Bermuda and disappear forever.

I still think $14.95 is too much money for a PDF, especially when I have to print it myself. You are a sell out.

I’m sorry you feel that way. I think my blog, the over 500 posts and probably thousands of pages you can read here for free every day and now this book are worth even more than $14.95. One day I would like to sell so many eBooks that I can even take down all of the advertising on my site. Believe me, I hate money as much as you do. We should all just be living on a hippie commune and sharing everything for free, loving each other to pieces and smoking giant peace pipes.

How can I help?

If you have read my eBook, go to this page and leave a comment telling me what you thought. If you really can’t swing the $14.95 tell your friends about it on Twitter or Facebook, every little bit helps.

Whispers

mssinglemama — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:44:28 +0000

My Secrets are Out…

Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love is here. But first a few words from my delirious haze. I am hoping they make sense…

Before I started writing this blog the whispers in my head, the words of strength from outside of myself were hard to come by. I only knew one or two fellow single moms and living at my mother’s for one year did a number on my social life. I was alone, utterly alone and it was uncomfortable.

I tried to find inspiration in other single mom books and while they were insightful on many levels, all fell short for me. I craved real, honest advice about dating and love. I didn’t know it then but I would soon fill that void myself and also become a voice for single mothers everywhere by shouting from the my little mountaintop: we are beautiful, we are strong and we are sexy as hell. And while this shit ain’t easy we don’t need a man to rescue us, we need to rescue ourselves.

I am not sure where those words came from. They started, I believe, as whispers in my own head or more like echoes. And then you all showed up. Your words and your thoughts inspired me to keep writing, to keep sharing my stories and your words, in turn, became the whispers in my head.

The most common e-mails I receive are from new single moms who have happened upon my site. Sometimes these e-mails come months after they’ve been here, others come after just a few days but they all say one thing, “You have changed how I see myself, you have helped me to become proud to be a single mother.” And then they always add, “And I’ve been searching through all of your archives, devouring each one and trying to find out more!”

I used to have the time to write each one back with a long, personal e-mail linking to old blog posts I knew would help them but now, there are so many, too many to answer and I hate that. I remember how I felt then, wanting someone to just tell me like it was – to lay it down straight. This eBook is for each and every one of you, for being here for so long and to those of you who are just joining us.

And from now on instead of hours of archive searching, all of my readers will now have my eBook, Ms. Single mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex & Love. New readers will use it catch up on everything they’ve missed. And for my long-time readers… this book, you’ll find, ties everything you read here together. There are so many stories I have kept from you – some because I just hadn’t gotten around to writing them and others because I just wasn’t ready.

But now here they are.

Enjoy.

The stories behind the blog.

Need to catch up on what you’ve missed? Or want to know the secrets and stories behind the blog?

Download your copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love for $14.95 and find out:

How Ms. Single Mama and her ex-husband met and fell in love
More about the allusive Biker, my first single mom romance
Read the story about my first single mom crush
What really happened with Mr. Man
Why my fling with Cabin Man was so short lived
Details on how to have a happy and healthy sex life as a single mom along with tips on dating including touchy issues like when to tell him about your single mom status and when to introduce him to the kids.

Click here to preview the first 10 pages or skip ahead and just buy the eBook.

Details: Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, 120 pages, PDF form. Click the add to cart button to purchase with any major credit card.

Blogger Affiliate Program – make money in your sleep

Become a Ms. Single Mama Uncensored affiliate and you’ll earn 30% back for every copy of the eBook you sell. Simply place banners and code on your website or blog and every time someone clicks that banner and purchases a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored you’ll receive 30% back that’s about $4.95 a copy. It’s SO easy. Click here to set up your affiliate account.

P.S. The reviews are already coming in - the first is from Amanda at Stack of Spines, “The eBook reads like a girlfriend sitting across from you having cocktails and gushing her hopes, dreams, fears, and heartaches.” Read her entire review here.

and if you’re a blogger, make 30% back for every copy you sell! Read about my super exciting affiliate program here.<— Find badges here too!

Special Thanks:

To John. The irony of this book for single mamas is that I’m not sure it would be here without him… he has been working right alongside me either by watching Benjamin, making me dinner or by designing all of the beautiful banners you see on the site. He’s also been putting up with my sleep deprived, cranky self for over one month now, which is no easy feat – believe me. I adore him for that and am proud to say this book has actually brought us even closer together. Reading it for the first time just yesterday, John told me when he was finished, “I can see now how all of these experiences you had needed to happen before we met.”

And the biggest thanks goes to the true hero of every story I write… my Benjamin.

Congratulations to the Winners:

The Ms. Single Mama Uncensored winners are –

Alexis
Rebecca M.
Ashlea
@BobbiJanay
@NancyJane17

[You have all been e-mailed with your special code for your free copy. Congratulations and thanks to everyone who entered!]

Big Tease

mssinglemama — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:07:30 +0000

I love teasing you, I do.

Here is a preview (and the entire Table of Contents) to Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. Come back on Thursday, July 30th to buy your copy and read the rest.

Stay tuned also for details on my affiliate program for bloggers and for the announcement of the lucky five of you who will win a copy. Still time to enter, just leave a comment here.

[I would insert something cheesy here about how much this little eBook means to me, but I am too tired. Just click on the preview link and check it out.]

xoxo

Ms. Single Mama

Whispers in the trees (and some sex).

mssinglemama — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 13:18:27 +0000

“You sound stressed,” my friend said over the phone.

“Yeah, well, I guess I am.”

Is this getting harder or am I imagining it?

Terrible-twos? Really? I thought it was the threes. He is almost three, but still… I think it’s me. I’m impatient right now. I’m bored and yes, I’m a little stressed. But not because of him. Benjamin is amazing.

“Mommy,” he says, “I need to tell you something.”

It’s a phrase he learned from said Mommy.

Then he cups my face in his little hands and tells me something about his day, his feelings, or the nerf gun I bought him. He’s awesome. It’s totally me. Or is it? I just don’t know because this is the first time I’ve done this mom thing and I’m doing it alone.

There’s no one to bounce all of this shit off of … am I doing this right? Or that?

And it’s winter. I need sunshine. And it’s not just winter — it’s freezing. Last week the sun came out for one afternoon. Then the clouds rolled back in and we’ve been under them ever since.

I lived in Texas once – in Fort Worth. The sun never faded. When it did, the black storm clouds rolled through and they were gone twenty minutes later.

Distant storms. You could feel them on the breeze, just a whisper in the trees.

I discovered words like those at live concerts in the hot, Texas air with cowboys every which way and my little sister by my side. We were single and free and so incredibly happy. Then I moved back up North… destiny threw Benjamin’s father in my path and the rest is history. Sun is important, people. Seriously. I’ll find it again. But this time Benjamin will be with me.

I am also completely preoccupied this week because there’s a little adventure around the corner.

I’m going on a trip – hopping on a jet plane. I’ll have to tell you where I’m going when I get back.

(Mia is watching Benjamin).

Mia is doing really, really well by the way.

In fact, she’s been so pre-occupied as of late she hasn’t found time to write. I know she’s not completely out of the woods. but she’s made some major progress. Sure, she’ll have false starts and a few seriously dark moments (maybe more than a few). But she’s just keeping on…

With all of you cheering us on it’s hard to feel like anything is impossible.

I hope you know we’re cheering you on too. Single moms are phenomenal.

—–

Oh, and I finally wrote about sex. Hope it helps.

Note: To anyone who knows me in the flesh – DO NOT click that link. [That includes Mom (my mom) and Eliot (my little brother)]. If you do click that link you can never, ever hold it against me or make fun of me for it, because I told you not to.

The rest of you – you know who you are – don’t click it.

Everyone else, hop on over.

It could be a huge disappointment – just warning you. I’m just giving advice to those weird married people on how to spice up their sex lives.

Momma Cum Laude’s daughter is here!!!

Recovering bad boy addict here.

mssinglemama — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:57:30 +0000

“You may feel like something is missing,”

says my therapist in regards to my budding relationship with Mr. Man, who is – by far – the most caring, considerate and empathetic man I’ve ever been with, “This is probably because, in the past, you’ve only been with emotionally unavailable men.”

I hadn’t told her of my bad boy complex yet.

She figured that out based on some other issues I’m facing, like the loss of my father (unintentional abandonment) and my grieving mother (emotional abandonment). There are more details which, clearly, I’ll be keeping to myself.

“You may even be bored with him,” she went on.

At this point my head is shaking in agreement, stunned at her ability to read me like a book.

“I’m not all giddy, crazy, head in the clouds in love with him like I normally am with men. Instead we’re just slowly developing this deep friendship and I feel very calm.”

“That’s okay. It’s normal and very adult. You just need to re-learn some things, re-learn how you see things and feel things, that’s all. We can fix this kiddo!”

And by this she means my emotional unavailability, my inability to really trust in relationships or others.

——–

A few days earlier, Mr. Man and I were stretched out in my mother’s hot tub.

“I want to see a shooting star,” I say, “I haven’t seen one in years.” I relax my neck over the edge of the tub and focus on the galaxy of stars above us, so bright because we are deep in the dark forest surrounding my mother’s house.

Mr. Man starts singing softly. I’m straining to hear the words to the song but I can’t. The hot tub jets are humming in my ears. I take my eyes off of the stars and stare at him. He grows more beautiful every time we are together. The harder I fall for him – for his spirit, his strength and his ability to see the positive in everything – the more attractive he becomes.

“Oh! I just saw one! It was a quick one, but I saw one,” he shouts.

“Damn it!” I splash the water.

“No wonder you never see any,” he laughs, “You never take the time to look.”

——

All of us, as single moms, single women or recovering bad boy addicts need to take the time to look for the good ones.

Something had felt like it was missing with Mr. Man, but now – nearly two months in – the missing gaps are filling up with something solid, something I’m starting to believe in. I should add, nothing felt wrong at the beginning either. So if something feels very wrong about a man – get the hell away – but if something is “missing” ask yourself what it is?

For me it was the fact that he picked up the phone every single time I called. He didn’t blow me off or cancel plans. And he gave me genuine compliments and spoke of the future, often (and still does). The men in my past have always been emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable – giving me the cold shoulder, playing phone tag or leading me on only to drop me without a thought or care months or years later.

So what was I missing in Mr. Man? The bad boy.

“Fear,” says my therapist, “actually triggers arousal in our bodies. So when the men are mean to their women they immediately want to fix it, their bodies want to make it right.”

Yep, you heard that right.

Bad boys actually turn women on.

Hey, knowing what we’re up against is half the battle, right? I feel like I’ve had this massive, life changing epiphany, one I know I’ve been working toward on my own – I just feel so much better knowing there is a way to correct my mind and heart, corrupt from too many bad boys in the past.

As I find out more and go through my bad boy recovery, I’ll be reporting here.

So stay tuned…

If you can’t get enough Mr. Man stories, click here for more.
and read more about what I call my Bad Boy Complex, here.

P.S.

All is very, very well with Mr. Man. You would love him. Seriously. Every single one of my friends absolutely adores him, so I know all of you would too! He’s definitely a keeper. Big question now is – can I keep the keeper without sabotaging the relationship first?

No related posts.

Mommy’s Maintenance Man

mssinglemama — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:23:03 +0000

Pronunciation: mommy’s \ˈmānt-nən(t)s man

Function: noun

1. A man a single mother calls for any repairs around the house or in the bedroom.

2. Crucial for single mom survival.

3. Can be boyfriend, lover, ex-boyfriend, neighbor or friend with benefits.

4. Term is only used as a joke between adults (usually the maintenance man and mommy) not with children.

I know you were expecting more on Denmark but because of jet lag I passed out early last night and can’t write much. All in good time, but first – what do you think about this Single Mom Survival Tool? A Mommy Maintenance Man? Do you have one? Do you need one?

No related posts.

Can he commit? Check his cab light.

mssinglemama — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:28:59 +0000

A friend of mine has fallen.

Totally and completely. Off the deep end. In love. And the man… he’s falling too. They’re both young. Their lives are together. Everything is ripe for – BIG BREATHLESS PAUSE – marriage. (Yes, I said that scary “M” word) One huge reason for this – both of their cab lights are on. They’ve both finally decided, in their own time, that it’s time to settle down.

What is a cab light you ask?

A cab light (I’m stealing this from Sex and the City) is when someone, namely a man, is ready to get married. When a man’s cab light is on it means he’s ready for a long-term fare or committed relationship.

But you can’t force a cab light to turn on. That’s the tricky party. It’s all about timing. So should you wait for your man’s cab light to go on? Or should you just give up? You definitely can’t pressure a man into marriage or commitment – that’s relationship suicide.

So when a man’s cab light is on does that mean he’ll fall for the first fare that falls into his lap?

I’ll toss it to Johneen Manning at Filly.ca who wrote an amazing article on the cab light theory:

While it may not be completely true that a man with his light on will be game for taking a march down the aisle with just anyone, chances are he’s got forever on his mind and is looking for a lady who fits into his game plan. If he doesn’t have his light on, you can safely consider him allergic to any major form of commitment in the near future. Oh, he may try to squeeze himself in the marrying man’s shoes, but (unlike women) men don’t wear uncomfortable shoes.
It’s not to say that just because your guy isn’t actively looking for a lifelong passenger that he’s not the one for you — but don’t fool yourself to thinking he’s the one for you right now. Don’t waste your time trying to convince (or trick) him into forever: it’s the oldest game in the book, and you’ll end up being the biggest loser (toting baggage filled with heaps of hostility and resentment) if you do. The decision has to be made of his own volition. What phase of life is your guy in?

Good stuff. Keep reading to learn how to spot different stages of manhood like “Foot Loose and Fancy-Free”, “All About Me” or the “Family Man.”

What do you think about the Sex and the City cab light theory? Is timing really everything? For my friend it is and I couldn’t be happier for her! They really, truly adore each other and I so want it to work out.

[Photo: The World Famous Ultimate Taxi]

Single Mom Reflex #1: Take care of each other

mssinglemama — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:12:39 +0000

In the dating pool, single moms have a lot of reflexes – jerk radar is one of them.

But what happens when a single mom gets fooled? When her jerk radar fails her? It’s happened to all of us – and it’s THE WORST. You feel used, you feel like you wasted your time, you feel completely sick to your stomach and, the worst side effect of all, your kids can usually pick up on the pain.

So there’s another reflex – to take care of each other, to prevent the above from ever happening to another single mom. And when a man dates two single moms at once and then they call each other… it’s not pretty.

READ THIS

P.S. This guy should be locked up into asshole prison or something, do they have one of those? We’ll put it right next to the dead beat dad prison. And, I am not a man-hater because I said that. I’m a jerky man-hater. I am also not particularly fond of anyone who takes advantage of a single mother – in any capacity.