The Rebound Year

mssinglemama — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:20:07 +0000

After I left my ex-husband I wanted a new one. Immediately.

I had been craving intimacy with him for two years and I was finally free to find it…with anyone. I was so blinded by my own desperation that I would check every man’s left ring finger… no matter who they were. I just wanted someone. Pizza deliver drivers, mailmen, waiters, old men, young men – didn’t matter.

My friends, family and co-workers would patiently listen as I ran through play by plays of the words a crush had used in an e-mail or the phone tag we were playing. “He hasn’t called me back yet. Should I call him again anyway?” I was even annoying myself.

And then one of them, a single mom herself, gave me advice I didn’t want to hear.

“You’re not ready yet. Just listen to yourself. You need one year before you’ll actually be able to have a relationship.”

“No! No way! I am not crazy. And I am ready. I can’t wait that long!”

I rationalized it, made excuses for myself and kept dating anyway. But, she was right, none of my little flings or mini-relationships turned out. I would overreact or fall too deeply too quickly – unable to see things clearly. Remember the biker?

But every rebounder must rebound…so here are some post-divorce dating tips:

You probably aren’t ready. Accept it and you may avoid hurting yourself or someone else.
Be friends first. Take it as slow as you can.
Focus on yourself and on the kids.
Start a journal or a blog, don’t bore your friends to death with your dating stories.

And please don’t shoot the messenger. I remember exactly how you’re feeling and yes, that feeling of loneliness is so incredibly painful … but your year will be over before you know it.

Here’s another great article on dating after divorce.

More of my post-divorce dating posts you might like:

Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » rebound after divorce

The Rebound Year