Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » parenting

Flatten Your Fear & Win a Flat Iron!

mssinglemama — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:01:07 +0000

We all have fears.

If you read my blog, you know I’ve got plenty. Namely my fear of commiting to the wrong guy, my fear of my ex-husband watching our son solo for 36 hours a week or his absence from our lives. I like to think I’ve come leaps and bounds in the past year in conquering them, but I still have a ways to go.

Now it’s your turn to step into the confessional.

Tell me about something that shakes you to your core. Maybe you’re afraid of snakes, men, other parents at the playground, your boss, pickles and bologna, your teenager, asking men out … I don’t care what it is. Describe your fear and then tell me how you are going to conquer it.

I’m hoping your comment will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. And the prize for spilling your guts? A Hana Salon ceramic flat iron ($199.00) courtesy of Misikko.com.

After reading my post reviewing their FHI Hair Dryer the nice people over at Misikko.com offered me two ceramic flat irons, one for myself and one for one of you! This flat iron is top of the line, and as my mom would say it’s – “Slicker than bat s*%T!” It’s light weight, comes in a snazzy black travel case and heats up in seconds. Read more about the flat iron here.

How to win:

1. Name your fear

2. Tell me your game plan to conquer your fear

First Place Prize:

A fabulous Hana Salon ceramic flat iron, valued at $199.99!!!

Second Place Prize:

A copy of Single Mom Seeking by Rachel Sarah.

Third Place Prize:

A copy of Accidentally on Purpose by Mary Pols.

Deadline:

I’ll take entries until Friday July 27, 2008.

Rules:

Be serious, funny or insightful, but above all – be honest. Leave your fear in the comment field. Bloggers- If you would like to enter this contest by writing your own post go ahead, just leave a link here. I’ll be judging the best entry … and guys, feel free to enter – I’m sure there’s a woman in your life who would kill for this flat iron.

Inspiration:

This amazing post by single dad Jim Everson on how he conquered his fear of swimming.

[Photo Credit: hattaway.co.nz]

Who needs a husband anyway?

mssinglemama — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 03:09:59 +0000

The Census Bureau reports that half of the 60 million American women who are 45 and older are single.

In his News Day article, Peter Jackson writes that while many of the women are divorced or widowed others are “single by design.” He cites The New Single Woman, a book by E. Kay Trimberger, a professor emeritus of Women’s and Gender Studies at Sonoma State University in California.

Here’s a snippet from the article I found on SingleEdition.com:

She interviewed dozens of single women between the ages of 30 and 60 and found that most of them were leading happy and fulfilled lives. In many cases, they had been building a strong foundation that was not based on someday finding a partner.
“These women were doing all the things that were setting themselves up for a satisfying life,” Trimberger says. She says the older women seemed especially content. Some of the younger women were still wrestling with concerns about whether to have children.

No mention of single moms, but I’m sure the book addresses us …

We’ve already got the kids…so, if we are able to financially support ourselves and our kids – why should we bother getting married again? I know there are so many of us single moms struggling financially but there are more and more women who are able to provide for their families solo. Historically speaking, it’s a first.

And as part of this, living it on the front lines, I find it fascinating.

In the past single moms have been cast aside, forgotten or ignored … but now there are more of us than ever and we are creating warm, nurturing, stable homes for our little ones – all on our own. And, yes, while the ideal “family unit” includes a mother and a father who love and respect each other – I do not believe that, if I stay single forever, Benjamin will be at a disadvantage or as some have put it, “messed up”.

Read this comment left by Chem under my post, Want Men to Start Falling From the Sky?:

My parents were married for a few years. Most of my childhood was myself and three other siblings being raised by a single mother.
For years I drew my strength from my single mother, who put us four girls through college and graduate school. I saw myself as invincible, if she could do it alone with the four of us….I could do anything.

P.S. If you do need tips on becoming financially independent visit Fabulous Financials, an amazing blog by a single mom.

If you like this post here are some more on this topic:

Will our kids be worse off?

I love being a single mom

Married people are weird

[Photo Credit: Bangkok Counseling]

Copenhagen or Bust!

mssinglemama — Mon, 26 May 2008 02:41:38 +0000

I bought a ticket to Denmark.

I know what you’re thinking. She’s lost her mind! She’s wrapped up in a torrid love affair with the Dane!

My little brother called me when he found out, “Alaina? You’re flying to Denmark? So you’re really serious with this guy, huh?”

There was an obvious hint of concern in his voice, rightly so. I have a reputation for “losing it” over men. I did marry Benjamin’s father just because he needed a Green Card, we were in love – hence the child – but still, it was “crazy.” I did have a tendency to go crazy over men, but now as a single mom, falling in love just isn’t the same. And I’m not falling in love with Thomas…I can’t! He lives an ocean away… but I can visit him. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had the chance to go to Europe.

So here’s the skinny on the Dane and why he’s worthy of a visit.

Aside from my friend Mia and her daughter Sydney (who calls herself Benjamin’s sister) we have no one in our lives on a regular basis. I have quite a few amazing friends and a very supportive mother, but when it comes to the daily grind – Benjamin and I are completely alone.

Thomas and I had reconnected through Facebook recently and when he told me he was coming through to visit our college town – where we’d met and dated 8 years ago – I offered up my guest bedroom and my services as hostess.

I remembered Thomas as being completely open, honest, fun and of course, incredibly attractive … but how would he handle five days with a single mom and her two year old? I was a bit nervous as his arrival loomed. Personally, I think Benjamin and I are a blast, but not all men see it that way. What if it would be awkward? What if he didn’t like kids?

But it wasn’t awkward at all. It was amazing.

He immediately bonded with Benjamin, the two loved each other
He woke up with Benjamin every morning he was here, giving me a chance to sleep in! A miracle!
He ran grocery errands.
Cooked dinner for me (the first time a man’s made me dinner in oh – at least two years).
I had mentioned that I loved European chocolates, so he found some and surprised me with them later.
He gave me compliments – lots of compliments.
He asked me questions and waited for the answers
And above all, he understood that Benjamin comes first.

These weren’t cheesy attempts at winning my heart, they were just natural gestures of affection and consideration. I didn’t have to ask him for help – he just did it.

So for five days, Benjamin and his mommy were spoiled rotten.

There’s this little thing about being a single mom though – after you get used to doing it all on your own 99.9% of the time, help can be a mixed blessing. Once it’s gone, you have to adapt all over again. Fortunately, in this case, the spoilage only lasted five days. Keep in mind, the guy was trapped with us, all of my ex-boyfriends have had limited face time with Benjamin, which meant limited chances for me to “get used to help.” I do this for a few reasons, the first to protect Benjamin and the second to protect myself. But in the case of a house guest – what are you going to do? Hide him in the closet?

The night Thomas left Benjamin and I were cleaning the car. The traces of our marvelous weekend were tucked in pockets and under the car seats. The New York Times from the bookstore, Benjamin’s soccer ball we’d brought on our hike and the sunscreen lotion from the music festival.

Then, with my hands clutching memories that I knew would fade too quickly, the tears started to fall. He was just so fantastic, such great company and such a supportive friend. And there we were – my little Benjamin and I – completely alone again.

And now you know why it took me so long to write about all of this.

Thomas reminded me that truly compassionate, considerate and affectionate men do exist. And there was romance - but it the kind of romance two people have when there is a profound and mutual respect for each other, not a ripping each other’s clothes off romance. Like Kate Hudson (my hero single mom) has said, “When you’re a single mom, dating becomes very adult.”

You didn’t think this single mama would give up her fabulous singleness that easily, did you?

Now, if Thomas lived in my zip code – might be a different story.

UPDATE: A few days after writing this post, Thomas wrote about the experience through his eyes, read it here.

UPDATE II: See how the trip went.

[Photo Credit: Kwintessential.co.uk]

“They Repeat.”

mssinglemama — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:24:12 +0000

My best friend Mia mouthed this to me the other night while Benjamin and Sydney, her four year old daughter, were huddled beneath us eating cookies.

I had been talking about another adult, someone everyone in the room knows and has contact with frequently. Bad mommy. And naive mommy.

I may know a lot about being a dating single mom, but this mommy stuff – all of the rules – not so much. Mia is a few years ahead of me so she gives me pointers whenever she sees an “issue” cropping up. I welcome them and thank her profusely.

On the way to daycare this morning Benjamin started worming his way out of his car seat straps. He likes to do this because it pisses me off, I turn my head and he gets a mouth full of concerned shouts.

“Benjamin! Get your arms back in there! If you don’t – and we crash – you could go splat and die! Now put your arms back in there! Die, get it? Splat – dead.”

“Die! Die! Die! DIIIIIEEEEEEE!” shouts Benjamin.

Uh-oh. Distraction needed. He can’t go into daycare saying “Die!”

I turn up the radio. The girl on the air is so annoying. I flip the station – even worse.

“God, these people are HORRIBLE.”

“Orubleee. Orrrruble. Orub?”

“It’s horrible, honey, horrible.” I sound it out carefully. Is this okay? Where’s Mia when I need her? But he needs to know how to say horrible, right? It’s a useful word.

“Horubule!”

“Nice! You got it, baby!”

I love this kid talking thing btw – makes being a single mom much, much easier. Just have to watch it from now on. What are the MOST EMBARRASSING things your kids have repeated in public? Teach me some lessons, please …

[Photo credit]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass

mssinglemama — Wed, 14 May 2008 04:02:41 +0000

Once upon a time, I was in love with my son’s father.

At the beginning, he would make me breakfast every morning. He would hold me tight and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. We couldn’t get enough of each other. The sexy french accent didn’t help either. And when he told me it was “Magic” I believed him. I still believe that. It was magic because we were supposed to make Benjamin.

My little prince charming.

Today, for the first time ever, he told me that he loves me.

“I uuvvv ooooh.”

I uv oooh too, Benjamin.

And if I could do it again. If I had to do it all over again, I would. Because you are my everything. And your toes are pretty damn cute too.

When you’ve already got one prince, can you make room for two? Did you ever believe in a Prince Charming? I know I did. I think I still do. Damn you Disney.

Mother’s Day = Pamper Time

mssinglemama — Sun, 11 May 2008 18:18:28 +0000

No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.

Minor crisis or blessing in disguise? You tell me.

mssinglemama — Fri, 09 May 2008 14:15:17 +0000

***Crisis Management Update***

Two words – Thomas sheets.

Original Post

For the past three nights Benjamin has insisted upon sleeping in my bed.

Suddenly, after two years of sleeping in his own room, he wants to sleep in mommy’s bed. Last night, I went up and soothed him back down – four times – four times! Finally, I gave up and brought him downstairs.

Could this be a blessing in disguise? With Benjamin in my bed every night it would keep me from letting a man into my bed – prevent any flings with unworthy bedmates.

Or is it a minor crisis? What’s with this sudden need to sleep with me? How do I break the cycle? And what if I do meet someone, a potential boyfriend or even a fling? Future Alaina definitely won’t want Benjamin in my bed.

My co-sleeping pro and con list

The Pros:

He doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night, which means solid sleep for moi.
We get that physical bonding time, I’ve heard it’s especially important for working moms.
I get to hear him breathing and snuggle up to his little cheek – pure bliss.
If he sleeps in my bed every night there’s no way a man will ever get in there (could be a pro).

The Cons:

I can’t clean my room, usually I clean after his bed time. My room is TRASHED.
What if he has some weird mommy neediness issues later on.
If he sleeps in my bed every night there’s no way a man will ever get in there (could be a con).

What should I do? I have to turn to all of you on this one … I mean, without a husband around why not just sleep with my kid?

Kathie Lee (a.k.a The Idiot) meets Dooce.

mssinglemama — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:17:10 +0000

If you didn’t see Dooce’s interview on the Today Show, watch it here.

You’ll hear Kathie Lee Gifford admit she doesn’t even use computers and then proceed to tell Heather B. Armstrong, “I have mixed emotions about it (her blog), I have to be honest with you – you seem like a lovely lady – but there’s something that worries me about it…the safety issue of putting your kids online.”

Heather (who looked hot!) then tries to throw it back on her…”well, you live in New York City and you walk down the street…”

Then they cut Dooce off and ended the story. So far no post from Dooce but she did say this on Twitter right after the interview:

“I am not going to twitter what I’m thinking right now. I AM SHOWING RESTRAINT, INTERNET”

Can’t wait to read her slam.

And by the way, here’s Kathie Lee Gifford’s “blog” – which we can now safely assume is a total fake. Too bad the producers didn’t prep her before the show – “Kathie Lee, don’t forget – you have your own blog.” Oops.

Long live mommy blogs and Dooce.

UPDATE – Check out Dooce’s interview on Nightline. Much, much better.

[Photo Credit and Caption: Kathie Lee Gifford and Hode Kotb]

A sweet little reunion.

mssinglemama — Sun, 04 May 2008 19:29:49 +0000

I picked up Benjamin Friday night.

He saw the car pull up my Mom’s driveway and stood there in disbelief. Could it be, could it be Mommy’s car? When he spotted me behind the wheel, his little mouth dropped open and just stayed open … hanging there as he ran to me in a stoic force of energy that only a two-year-old can harness.

“Mama!!! Maaaammmmmaa!!”

Big, deep hugs and lots of laughing and kisses ever since. It’s been a phenomenol weekend. And he hasn’t thrown a tantrum once. Not once. Oh, and that talking thing – you know when they say the babbles suddenly turn into sentences? It’s happening. Awesome by the way – when your little human starts spouting thoughts. Can’t wait to find out what’s in his little head …

And I’m thinking visits to Grandma’s more often might not be such a bad idea.

No related posts.

Toddler-free (for one week?)

mssinglemama — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:07:17 +0000

My mom has had Benjamin since Tuesday morning (his dad dropped him at her house after their Monday night sleepover). She’d been dying to see him and begged me to hand him over for a night. I did, gladly. “Take him. He’s been driving me nuts!”

Now she’s offering to take him for the rest of the week, “You need a break. You do. And that’s what grandmother’s are for, right?”

So at this point (Wednesday morning) … I’m still all for it.

I do need a bit of a break. Benjamin has been in full blown terrible two mode for weeks now, and it’s been tough – really tough. I’ve reached my breaking point way too many times. If she can really make it until Friday, it could be good for both of us.

But I’m not sure if I can make it until Friday. Major Benjamin withdrawal could set in. But I feel like I have to allow myself a guilt-free week of fun dinners out with friends, shopping and sleeping – lots of sleeping.

UPDATE - It’s now Wednesday night, about to leave work and I’m still sitting in my office. I miss him. Half tempted to jump in the car and go get my little guy. Sigh. Not sure if I can do this. But mom called and he’s still having a blast.