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How to Date Online (for the single parent).

mssinglemama — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 03:47:14 +0000

I jumped into the online dating pool again last week. And wow is it busy out there…

As a single mom, finding the time to date is hard enough as it is, not even to mention actually findingthe men to date.

So, online dating is perfect for us. We get to curl up in our pajamas, grab a glass of wine and man shop. Yes, I said man shopping.

Sue me. I like my men and yes, I like to shop for men.

When it comes to man shopping, online dating is much easier than a night out at the bars, where your judgement is incredibly clouded by a drunken haze. And while man shopping does feel a bit odd – you can actually narrow your search down to eye color – it can still be romantic. It’s a new age and online dating is now 100% acceptable, if not the norm in some places, and for dating single parents it’s incredibly efficient.

If you’re on the fence, why not just see who’s out there? So far, I’m finding quite a few tasty prospects: a few doctors, a firefighter, a lawyer, and a musician! Before I tell you the ins and outs – the politics of online dating – here’s a starter course for the beginners, if you’re more experienced move right on:

Online Dating 101 (for beginners)

1. Sign up for free and then you can surf away.

You’ll have to set up a profile with your headline, your description, all of that junk. But don’t stress out. Just write whatever flows because you can go and edit it later. And if you’re on Match or Yahoo, you can set your profile to private so no one can see you. Pretty nifty, huh? So you can search and peak at all of the guys but they won’t know. And you can even set your profile to be non-searchable, meaning you won’t turn up in any public searches. This is a huge plus if you’re worried about privacy. And it means you are completely in control. A man only sees your profile if you contact him first.

2. Prepare yourself for the rejection.

When I first delved into online dating, on e-Harmony, I was surprised at how much the rejection stung. Just like in real life, you throw yourself out there and then you can get slammed down. But – this too shall pass. You’ll become numb to it and you’ll feel better when you flip around and reject someone else. It just goes with the territory. Everyone is on there for the same reason and the virtual divide allows complete honesty.

3. Watch out for profile red flags.

Just like real life red flags, online profiles have them too. One picture? Red flag. Either he doesn’t know how to use a computer (not good) or he is fooling you with the one good picture he has – that, by the way, was shot five years ago. You need multiple pictures. Other red flags… “I just got out of a relationship so I’m back on the market ladies!” Yikes. Stay away from those guys. Unless he’s exceptionally hot and you’re just looking for fun. My point is this – read profiles carefully and listen to your gut.

Now you’re ready for the big time… dating online.

After my disasterous dive into e-Harmony last year, I chose Plenty of Fish this time around. Honestly, because it’s free… and it’s now the top online dating site out there. So here’s the drill, or at least my drill, while swimming with the millions of online daters. (And I’m still a newbie so correct me if I’m wrong.)

1. Surf and throw the bait.

I love Match, Plenty of Fish and Yahoo Personals because you have the power to search profiles. e-Harmony’s “matching system” is a scam, trust me I’ve tried. So, on search dating sites like Match you can narrow your criteria and search for the guy of your dreams. You can even go so far as to narrow him down by eye and hair color. Or, my favorite feature, children! Narrow your search or expand your search. Have fun with it and above all, laugh at yourself – think about it – you are man shopping! It’s funny.

2. The first contact.

You spot a catch. So what’s your first move? An e-mail. Keep it short and sweet. Say something like, “I noticed your profile, check out mine and if you’re interested let me know.” Throw in a comment about something on his profile for bonus points – he may have 20 e-mails to sort through so make yourself stand out. I’ve had SO many e-mail on Plenty of Fish… and I’ve only been on there for a week – but it seems like the guys are copying and pasting the same e-mail to dozens of women. There are no specifics, nothing about me or something they noticed in my profile. But don’t go overboard.

3. The reply.

He may ignore your e-mail, read it and delete it (you can see this on Plenty of Fish), or he’ll write back. So he’s interested. Now what? I hate actually checking my online dating e-mail, so if I feel comfortable I give them my personal e-mail or my MySpace page. Asking for a MySpace or Facebook page is fantastic because, unlike the dating sites, MySpace and Facebook give you an instant read into their personality, their style, their taste in music, their friends. Once I’ve checked out their MySpace or Facebook page then I’ll ask if we can chat on the phone.

4. The phone call.

A phone call is a must before you meet. You’re a single parent – dating, unfortunately, takes precious time away from you alone time and your kid time. Use the phone call as a chance to test the waters. Does he make you laugh? Does he ask about your day? Keep it brief if you can. Once I hit it off marvelously with a man on the phone – an e-Harmony guy – we talked for hours. And then, a few days later when we met, and there was absolutely no spark, it was incredibly awkward. I basically had to tell him I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Not cool. So keep the phone call brief and if you’re feeling a click – ask him out on the first date.

5. The date.

To avoid an awkward date from hell, put a time limit on the first date from the start. Say something like, “Tuesday will work but I have to be at the gym (insert other excuse here) by 7:00.” And then, if you’re having an amazing time you can change your plans and say, “Oh, I’ll just skip the gym.” If you’re having a horrible time, get the hell out of there and go meet your girlfriends. Another great idea – meet during your lunch break at work – you’ll only have 45 minutes.

6. The virtual dump.

So it didn’t work out? No big deal. Send him an e-mail like this one.

Done and done.

Above all… have fun! My status – I have a date with a hot firefighter from Plenty of Fish! I’m thinking next week, but he doesn’t know that yet. I still have to call him to set it up. As always, I’ll keep you posted…

Another post you might like:

»MySpace, Facebook and Dating in the Virtual World

Why online dating gets a bad name…

mssinglemama — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:11:13 +0000

Here are some personals ads I found on Craigslist tonight. Went here on purpose knowing I would find gold! These are aboslutely, 100% authentic. My notes are in italics. Enjoy.

Breakfast in Bed? (Yuck!!! – I don’t want to see ANYONE at 5:00am, let alone a stranger.)

Consider getting to know me over breakfast in bed? I know this sounds completely out of the ordinary and you probably are thinking “OK I know where this is going”, but hold on. Seriously, breakfast in bed with a stranger. We set the boundaries, determine the proper attire for our breakfast in bed date and then order the food. I love the early morning hours so would like to do this between 5:00 and 7:00 am (I suppose I have just lost most of you). I want to sit side by side, pillow behind our backs, trays on our laps, fresh brewed coffee aroma swirling through the air, toast and jelly, perhaps eggs and bacon, OJ and some giggly laughter. After breakfast we get up and head off to meet the day.
Are you adventourous enough to join me?

Ugly, but Got Money!!! (Seriously? Has to be a joke. Either way it’s hysterical.)

Just to let you know, Single WM with a good job, house and things like that. There is only one big, really big problem - I am sooooo ugly, people i know tell me that I am pretty, then add laughing, pretty ugly. What am I to do with all this money I have but no one to spend it on? Guess it just a problem, but a good problem, to have if you are really, really ugly and have lots of money!

Walk and a Movie? (This guy has never slept with a human.)

I’m looking for someone interested in going for a walk today and catching a movie. Nothing serious, but just an attempt at human interaction. I would prefer someone with nice manners, who is witty, semi-dorky and enjoys conversation.
Perhaps we could even see a movie. If you’re interested send me a photo so I may verify that you’re a real person (this city is full of spambots and weirdos) and I will do so in return.

Assignment: go to your area’s Craigslist personals section and post some funny ones in the comment field … or just tell me about your online dating adventures or mis-adventures. And if you wrote these, read my tips on writing an online personal ad.

Want more? Can’t take credit, but this is hilarious – Top 10 Most Bizarre (but REAL!) Personals Ads.

P.S. Speaking of online dating, here’s my review of e-Harmony, the biggest crock out there … (sorry but I’m still mad at them for not giving me a refund.)

Does your online dating profile need a make over?

mssinglemama — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:35:12 +0000

In lieu of yesterday’s sarcastic and totally fake personals ad that some took seriously, I want to pass on some tips on the right way to write a personals ad for dating online.

Online Dating Profile Tips

1. Be honest with yourself. What are deal breakers? What must you have and what would you like to have? Try to express these and then you’ll be on a roll.

2. Be funny. (If you can) Don’t take yourself too seriously, but at the same time don’t go over the top with lame jokes.

3. Don’t post a picture of yourself with your shirt off. Please…oh, and drop the pics of you and your best friend Suzy snuggling up in a restraurant booth together.

4. Don’t brag about your amazing book collection and please don’t tell me how much you love to have candlelit dinners and slow walks on the beach.

5. Pick an appealing username. Don’t kill yourself with a play on words…try a play on something like your street name or your dog’s name. Be mysterious. Please, whatever you do don’t pick anything like “BigJohnForYou.”

6. BE REAL.

FYI: I refuse to do online dating again after my past experiences with eHarmony. And after all it’s Spring – there are men every where in the flesh. The coffee shop, the book store, the park …

Here’s my list on the Top Spots for Single Mamas to Meet Men. Thought it deserved another look now that spring has sprung.

What are your profile writing tips? I am definitely not an expert…I am an expert browser. So I am an authority in telling guys what not to post, as most of us women are … but guys – what do you see on the other side in profiles that turns you off?

Do you keep up with your ex on MySpace or Facebook?

mssinglemama — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:21:16 +0000

Crazy how MySpace and Facebook have changed the way we date. In just a few seconds you can scope out your ex’s relationship status, flirtatous comments and daily activities. Twitter makes it even worse. Maybe I should go on a delete binge tonight.

How often do you delete your the Ex-Profiles on MySpace and Facebook? Can you do it? Do you think I can?

Deleting an ex is like permanently severing all ties…but then I think of the ex’s who were my friends – the ones I genuinely want to stay in touch with. And then I think of the sting when I see their “latest activity.”

I vote for delete.

Breaking News: A really, really cool single parent network!

mssinglemama — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:53:44 +0000

Yes..it’s really cool. I am SO incredibly excited about this and can’t believe I stumbled across it.

Check out “I Heart Single Parents.com”, a brand new social network for single parents. Join and you can make your own page, much like MySpace and Facebook but the members are all single parents. Once you join search for Alaina and add me as a friend!

I’m pumped! Not like I needed another social network or anything online to be addicted to – but hey, never seen so many hip single parents in one spot. Very nice indeed.

Here’s a video by the creators – two single moms!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXja4sIuKFs

How to escape a bad date.

mssinglemama — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:41:42 +0000

My best friend and fellow single mama, Abby, went out on a date with a guy she found on Yahoo Personals. The date was a dud. A total flop, in fact. His voice was perturbing and as Abby put it, “there was something weird about his lips.” Ha!

So she runs to the bathroom and calls me.

“Okay. It’s horrible, call me back and give me an excuse to leave.”

“Seriously?” I ask, “Can’t you just tell him you’re not interested?”

“No! Call me. Now!” Then she hangs up the phone.

I hate doing this because I’m not a fan of lying to fellow singles. We’re all in this together. Plus something like this could mess with her dating karma. But, hey, she’s my best friend and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. So I call.

“Hello?” she answers sweetly. She’s back at the table now with Mr. Weird Lips.

“Hey,” I stumble a bit, “Uhh… Kris’ car broke down and there’s no one to watch Benjamin. I have to go pick him up…can you come watch him?” Yada. Yada. I utter a few more possible excuses for her to use and then we hang up. She immediately went home in time to tuck her daughter in for bed.

20 minutes later she’s free. Poor Mr. Weird Lips. I hope he finds the girl of his dreams.

How to change or hide your MySpace or Facebook relationship status

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:14:51 +0000

I can’t ignore this anymore. A few months ago I wrote an entry on how social networking has changed the face of dating. This entry was inspired by my boyfriend’s sudden and rather shocking announcement to me in bed that he’d changed his relationship status on Facebook. This entry alone has pointed hundreds of people to my site – all searching under these terms, “how to change my relationship status on Facebook/MySpace.”

So I thought it my duty to give them the answer. Here you go all of you newly single or newly tied up virtual world fans…

To change your relationship status on MySpace:

1. Go to Background & Lifestyle

2. And – whalah – you’re there. Sounds so easy but filing your relationship under “background and lifestyle” can be a bit misleading. The first time I had to change my status on MySpace it took me at least 15 minutes to figure it out…I was scrolling through every tab – so frustrating. Anyway there you go.

To HIDE your relationship status on MySpace:

[NOTE: This code messes up some MySpace pages, if you have a better code please leave it in the comment section]

1. In the Heroes section enter:

2. At the top of the About Me section enter:

[NOTE: This code messes up some MySpace pages, leave a comment if you figure out how to use it correctly]

To change your relationship status on Facebook:

1. Click the small edit icon right next to your profile icon.

2. Click relationships and change. Easy again.

To HIDE your relationships status on Facebook:

1. Click the small edit icon righ next to your profile icon.

2. Click relationships.

3. Choose select status: – then it leaves it blank on your profile page.

P.S. I figured this out after my boyfriend and I broke up – then got back together again. After our reconciliation he just didn’t list his status. He’s smart…that’s why I like him.

Do you keep up with your ex on MySpace or Facebook?

The Fine Art of Dumping

MySpace and FaceBook have really changed dating as we know it…

E-Harmony Really Does Suck: Worst web site of the year by Time Magazine

mssinglemama — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:01:40 +0000

My experience with E-Harmony over the past year has been a continuous disappointment. I think it’s one of the biggest scams out there, preying on innocent singles who are truly looking for love. Therefore, I want to keep getting the word out there to avoid the site all together. Instead sites like Yahoo Personals and Match.com have served myself and my friends much better. Also, just discovered Oodle, which collects all of the personal posts in your area. So you can see who is who and where their personal ad is listed.

Because in the end, the E-Harmony matching system is a joke. And Time Magazine agrees, they’ve named Eharmony.com as the worst web site of 2007. Read the article, here.

A Personals Ad that Will Make you Laugh Out Loud

mssinglemama — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 15:00:01 +0000

Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

No related posts.

Online Dating Etiquette: How to break up…virtually.

mssinglemama — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 14:14:31 +0000

The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama