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Big Boys and Girls

mssinglemama — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:29:08 +0000

I’m announcing the winners to three contests today but you’re all winners.

You know why?

Because, long ago, you learned how to go on the potty. If you’ve seen this video you know I don’t like talking about bodily movements or anything close to them in public. But because Benjamin’s bowel movements, or lack thereof, are the reason I am up – right now – at 6:00 a.m., I feel obligated to share.

I am tired but happy, curled up in a little blanket on the big chair in the living room. Benjamin is coloring. I’m happy because he just ate a magnificent breakfast, breakfast fit for a big kid – three eggs and an entire bowl of oatmeal. He woke up at 5:45 saying, “Mommy, I’m hungry.” Hungry and awake because last night he couldn’t go on the potty and then decided not to go at all. The tummy ache or cramped up poopy feeling made him pass on his dinner. Like the bad mommy that I am, I completely forgot to force a bowl of yogurt on him before bed. Now here we are – awake before the sun is even up.

I’ve tried every bribe in the book, every imaginable thing a kid could want he has been offered on multiple occasions. Last week, when he started clutching his belly and begging for a diaper, jumping up and down saying, “Mommy, it hurts, Mommy, it hurts! I need a diaper”, I told him a big, rotten fat lie. It went something like this, “While you were at your Daddy’s this week Santa came into the house and took each and every one of your diapers. Then he told me he’s watching to see if you poop on the potty. If you do, then he’ll bring you tons of presents at Christmas.”

The kid shot like a dart to the toilet, sat there for a few minutes and then dropped a tiny, little package that was worthy of me freaking out. Then Benjamin joined in the joyous shouting and jumping. At one point he even crushed his arms together like a WWF wrestler and growled, pulsing all of the muscles in his little neck, “I pooooooppped on the potttty. Grrrrrr.”

We called John Bear immediately, “Hello, Santa.” I said. “Benjamin just pooped on the potty and he wants to talk to you.”

“No way! He did?” John Bear was beyond thrilled. It’s something about being a man, he wants Benjamin to learn how to use the potty like one. The diaper thing, although John has been amazing about it, is definitely up there on the slightly uncomfortable although entirely tolerable side effects to dating a single mom.

“Yes, he totally pooped on the potty. So Santa, can you talk to Benjamin?” Benjamin was buying the whole thing hook line and sinker, gazing up at me with his mouth hanging open.

“I’m at work. I can’t do that right now,” he laughed. Well, you’re about to anyway, I thought while looking at my adoring kid.

“Okay, hold on Santa, here he is.”

I handed the phone to Benjamin and then I heard John Bear’s booming Santa voice pipe through the phone. Benjamin could barely speak and after a few seconds of chatting handed the phone back to me. Then we headed out to our favorite used toy store to pick out a prize and when we got home there was a mysterious present waiting on the kitchen table.

“How did this get here? It must have been Santa!” I exclaimed while Benjamin looked on in amazement at the Transformer bobble head doll.

“I was at the grocery store and I saw it so I picked it up,” John told me later. Wow. Perfect timing on all fronts. But, in spite of our flawless pre and post potty package drop extravaganza the next day when he had to go Benjamin gave me one look and then ran up into his room for a diaper. He didn’t even think twice about trying the potty again. We’ve been downplaying it and ignoring it ever since but still encouraging him to go when it’s time.

So, here I am. Wide awake and knowing that I’ll be exhausted in a few hours. Isn’t that the rule of parenthood though, the reason why we all fall off the face of the Earth for years after the newborn arrives – poop and sleep, poop and sleep and then other stuff like teething and growing pains and scary monsters in the closet.

Now you know why you’re all winners.

It’s because at one point in your life your mother was freaking out training you how to use the potty and eventually you both crossed that victory line together. You don’t remember it, I’m sure … but I promise you it was probably quite a feat.

Congratulations.

Now the winners of those fun contests:

My Single Mamas (a sexy contest)

Grand Prize Winner of the Flirty Apron, Ms. Single Mama Uncensored and New Leaf Necklace in brass is: La Primera.

Runners-up, who all receive a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored:

Miss Kitty
Victoria
Hollie
Angela

My Super Hero Contest

Grand Prize Winner of the I’m Your Bus Back to School Kit, the BabyPop.com cape and a copy of Ms. Single Mama Unccensored is: Single Mom in New England!!!

[I pick these winners randomly by scrolling down with my finger on the screen and when it landed on her I freaked becuase she's been reading my blog since its start.]

Runners-up, who all receive a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored and I’m Your Bus:

Carol
Kaylin
April

Haunted Bedford Contest

Winner a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: @alyssainez

Thanks everyone for entering. I think we had over 200 comments in all to the contests. You should know I read every single one of your comments, always. Can’t respond to all of them anymore but I am reading them.

More big contests coming up next week. Going to be really, really good. Not sure why but I get the coolest prizes ever.

Such a Tease!

mssinglemama — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:20:11 +0000

Another excerpt from my eBook, Ms. Single Mama Uncensored… you’ll notice this post, although originally published on my blog, is completely re-written and expanded in the book.

The Biker

Discovering I still had it in me

Originally Posted on June 8, 2008

I’m not sure which scared me more – the Biker or his Harley.

“C’mon, do you think I’d ever let anything happen to you? And you’re gonna love it!” He was very persuasive for a guy wearing a leather vest and a bandana.

He’d been asking me to take a ride for months and I’d been refusing, until now. Maybe it was because everything – him, this place and these feelings – they were all so frightening, so different from the life I’d left behind. When I left my husband, I moved everything I owned into a storage shed. Our cute little apartment in the city neighborhood I had loved so much was now bare, with the exception of the TV, the mattress and the kitchen supplies.

When I met the Biker, I was taking Benjamin for a walk down the gravel road leading to my mother’s house. Instead of strolling past boutiques and coffee shops, I was now dodging bugs and cursing the silent forest surrounding us. Eventually, I would learn to love the country and recognize the beauty in that noisy silence, but, at the time, I was still trying to wrap my head around it all. Rocks from the gravel were sticking to my shoes. I was scraping my soles on the stroller wheel, when I heard voices— male voices. Then, the dogs came.

Leaping out of the brush, they were running straight for the stroller and Benjamin. I drew a quick breath and managed a yelp or two while jumping in front of the stroller, bracing myself for whatever these dogs were about to do.
“Hey! Get down— NOW!”

The dogs came to an immediate stop at the sound of their owner’s deep, husky voice. My baby’s head was intact and standing in front of us was a man who looked like he could have squished any of my city boys into a tin can. He wore camouflage pants, a red bandana and a brown and blond beard, which hit just above his belly. So not my type.

“Sorry,” he said. As he commanded the dogs back, I could see the flames of a campfire in his yard. Around it sat three older, graying men in a circle, sharing tales. I glanced at the driveway. Three bikes.

Bikers. They were real bikers.

“Hi,” I said, “I’m Alaina—I just moved in with my mom, down the street.”

“With the little guy’s dad?” he asked.

“Oh no, we’re alone. His father and I are separated.”

“Well, anytime you want to stop by and just chill, let me know. I’m always here and, if I’m not, the dogs will be inside.”

Later, my Biker would tell me how crazy it had been to see me walking down that road, how stunning he had thought I was, standing there in my sweat pants and ponytail. But, at the time, I had felt far less than stunning, so I cut the conversation short and kept pushing Benjamin. I just hoped the Biker hadn’t noticed the baby goo stains all over my shirt. And, even though he wasn’t my type, I had felt his eyes on me and I wanted to feel them again, to see them again.

Soon, Benjamin and I would be visiting the Biker and his campfire at least three or four nights a week. I needed to escape my mother’s house and he needed some company. We would lay Benjamin down on a blanket and let him crawl around, or the Biker would bounce him on his knee and tell me how much he wanted a son of his own someday. Our goodbyes at the end of each night lingered, both of us unsure how to ask the other out. I had completely forgotten how to do this and didn’t even know if I could—and the Biker could sense it.

After three months of friendship and awkward flirting, I came home from work one day and found flowers waiting for me. The card read, “I’d like to take you out to dinner Beautiful. Love, the Biker.”

—–

“What are you waiting for? I’m not going to bite,” he patted the back of his bike.

Our dinner had come and gone and I was finally going to ride with him. When the bike took off, I shrieked a little and wrapped my arms around his chest, clutching my hands together and pressing my head into his back. I lost myself in his scent, in the wind splashing up against my face and, then, in the sunset.

“Look, look at the sky,” he shouted over the bike’s roar.

“Yeah, I see. It’s unbelievable.” And so was this moment, just the beginning of what would be a long, long dating road. But I was ready for the ride.

Read what happened next in Part 2: Sex as a Single Mom of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored.

Haunted Bedford?

mssinglemama — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:30:58 +0000

Remember how I mentioned John Bear being a bit “creeped out” when we arrived at our bed and breakast in Bedford, PA.

Well, check this video out:

Hope you enjoy.

And do me a favor… if you live in New York City (and don’t hate me) please spread the word about this event for single women. Sherri at Single Edition is putting it on and wanted me to make mention. Live the Life You Love will be held in the Saks Fifth Avenue shoe department in New York City on September 15th, October 6th and November 3rd. Sounds cool:

This three part, women’s only, lifestyle series will consist of cocktails, connections and conversations with a panel of trusted, leading experts. Each seminar offers insight, innovative tips and creative ideas to help you succeed at work, home and in your community.

I wish I could be there but alas, I will be hiding in my sweet little Ohio city for fear of you crazy New Yorkers trampling my tourist butt.

Win a Copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored!

Do me another favor, tweet this post with this [RT to win. What is scarier? Bedford PA or talking about morning thunder in front of @mssinglemama? http://tinyurl.com/mpkl6d] and you’ll automatically be entered to win a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored, or you can just leave a comment.

Lots of prizes in the cue… I will announce the winners to all of these contests next Friday.

Whispers

mssinglemama — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:44:28 +0000

My Secrets are Out…

Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love is here. But first a few words from my delirious haze. I am hoping they make sense…

Before I started writing this blog the whispers in my head, the words of strength from outside of myself were hard to come by. I only knew one or two fellow single moms and living at my mother’s for one year did a number on my social life. I was alone, utterly alone and it was uncomfortable.

I tried to find inspiration in other single mom books and while they were insightful on many levels, all fell short for me. I craved real, honest advice about dating and love. I didn’t know it then but I would soon fill that void myself and also become a voice for single mothers everywhere by shouting from the my little mountaintop: we are beautiful, we are strong and we are sexy as hell. And while this shit ain’t easy we don’t need a man to rescue us, we need to rescue ourselves.

I am not sure where those words came from. They started, I believe, as whispers in my own head or more like echoes. And then you all showed up. Your words and your thoughts inspired me to keep writing, to keep sharing my stories and your words, in turn, became the whispers in my head.

The most common e-mails I receive are from new single moms who have happened upon my site. Sometimes these e-mails come months after they’ve been here, others come after just a few days but they all say one thing, “You have changed how I see myself, you have helped me to become proud to be a single mother.” And then they always add, “And I’ve been searching through all of your archives, devouring each one and trying to find out more!”

I used to have the time to write each one back with a long, personal e-mail linking to old blog posts I knew would help them but now, there are so many, too many to answer and I hate that. I remember how I felt then, wanting someone to just tell me like it was – to lay it down straight. This eBook is for each and every one of you, for being here for so long and to those of you who are just joining us.

And from now on instead of hours of archive searching, all of my readers will now have my eBook, Ms. Single mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex & Love. New readers will use it catch up on everything they’ve missed. And for my long-time readers… this book, you’ll find, ties everything you read here together. There are so many stories I have kept from you – some because I just hadn’t gotten around to writing them and others because I just wasn’t ready.

But now here they are.

Enjoy.

The stories behind the blog.

Need to catch up on what you’ve missed? Or want to know the secrets and stories behind the blog?

Download your copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love for $14.95 and find out:

How Ms. Single Mama and her ex-husband met and fell in love
More about the allusive Biker, my first single mom romance
Read the story about my first single mom crush
What really happened with Mr. Man
Why my fling with Cabin Man was so short lived
Details on how to have a happy and healthy sex life as a single mom along with tips on dating including touchy issues like when to tell him about your single mom status and when to introduce him to the kids.

Click here to preview the first 10 pages or skip ahead and just buy the eBook.

Details: Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, 120 pages, PDF form. Click the add to cart button to purchase with any major credit card.

Blogger Affiliate Program – make money in your sleep

Become a Ms. Single Mama Uncensored affiliate and you’ll earn 30% back for every copy of the eBook you sell. Simply place banners and code on your website or blog and every time someone clicks that banner and purchases a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored you’ll receive 30% back that’s about $4.95 a copy. It’s SO easy. Click here to set up your affiliate account.

P.S. The reviews are already coming in - the first is from Amanda at Stack of Spines, “The eBook reads like a girlfriend sitting across from you having cocktails and gushing her hopes, dreams, fears, and heartaches.” Read her entire review here.

and if you’re a blogger, make 30% back for every copy you sell! Read about my super exciting affiliate program here.<— Find badges here too!

Special Thanks:

To John. The irony of this book for single mamas is that I’m not sure it would be here without him… he has been working right alongside me either by watching Benjamin, making me dinner or by designing all of the beautiful banners you see on the site. He’s also been putting up with my sleep deprived, cranky self for over one month now, which is no easy feat – believe me. I adore him for that and am proud to say this book has actually brought us even closer together. Reading it for the first time just yesterday, John told me when he was finished, “I can see now how all of these experiences you had needed to happen before we met.”

And the biggest thanks goes to the true hero of every story I write… my Benjamin.

Congratulations to the Winners:

The Ms. Single Mama Uncensored winners are –

Alexis
Rebecca M.
Ashlea
@BobbiJanay
@NancyJane17

[You have all been e-mailed with your special code for your free copy. Congratulations and thanks to everyone who entered!]

A Little Surprise & Date Night

mssinglemama — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:44:20 +0000

UPDATE & DISCLAIMER: All words ever written about Mia’s Other Woman on this blog are mine and mine alone, unless otherwise noted. Because we have been best friends our entire lives, I don’t even have Mia proof my posts – she trusts me. Whenever I write about her Other Woman, again because Mia is like a sister to me, I tend to get a bit fired up. Equating her to a woman on Jerry Springer was perhaps out of line. For that I apologize but I meant what I said and have zero tolerance for people who cheat or sleep with married men. Even though it takes two, both parties are equally as guilty as each other.

I have dated enough men who have been cheated on to know that the effects of that kind of broken heart don’t heal so easily. It’s a horrible, horrible thing. But again, my apologies to the Other Woman for going below the belt and most of all to Mia for meddling in her business. I won’t be mentioning the Other Woman on this blog again out of respect for their privacy. And I also want to say that I believe her ex is a good father. He did make a tragic mistake but he loves their daughter immensely. To my readers who may be confused, I am writing this because the Other Woman is reading this blog. We know this because the post that follows upset her and she told her boyfriend (Mia’s ex) who called Mia immediately.

You thought the book was all I had up my sleeve?

Nah. I’m much crazier than that? Why launch just one project when you can have two? These earrings have been in the works for a few months now. I am also working on a silver set of the new leaf necklace and earrings, which are coming in a few weeks. In the meantime, check out the new earrings in my Ms. Single Mama Shop.

And here is the lovely Mia modeling them for us…

Mia is doing well by the way. Her ex-boyfriend is still with the Other Woman. Yuck. I can’t even imagine being with a man who left his girlfriend and little daughter for me. I mean, really? Have you no self-respect Ms. Other Woman? I imagine her as some chick who could easily take a seat on Jerry Springer and blend right in with the scenery. I digress, sorry, still clearly fired up about all of it but so incredibly happy Mia is not with him anymore.

He doesn’t deserve her.

Not very many men do because Mia is a true spirit, a rare soul and someone who has the strength to grow and heal faster than I ever thought possible. We were talking the other night about the new single mom sympathy stares she’s receiving and the comments like, “Oh, don’t worry honey, you’ll find another one.”

Mia’s response? “Who says I want another one? Are you kidding me? I am loving this, loving being single – what if I never want another one again? Seriously. I think I may want to be single forever.” Her question prompted a big, long response from me – one which I’ll be featuring in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. So stay tuned for that.

Married or not, if you have kids and you’re in a relationship date night is an absolute must. John Bear is amazing with Benjamin. So amazing in fact that I would be hard pressed to even find an issue to write about here. He is so patient and very aware of the parental learning curve he faces — as we all do when we suddenly have a child in our lives, whether they’re ours or not. But with that said I am three years and nine months ahead of him which means he needs and should have more breaks from the kid stuff than I do. I don’t want to overwhelm the guy. But to take breaks together, that’s another story all together.

Since we started dating he has always insisted on us having at least one date night a week, ideally two nights a week. At first that was tough for me to swallow. Taking an entire night off from everything seemed impossible, let alone two. But now, three months in – I look forward to our designated date nights as much as he does. It is clear to me now why they are so important. Tuesday, our typical date night is big around here, we both get all excited. But this Tuesday – we’re stumped. Where should we go? I was asking on Twitter and than John suggested letting all of you decide. So cast your vote here on where we should go tonight.

If you have a better idea, please leave a comment!