Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » marriage

No book, wedding plans and co-habitiation.

mssinglemama — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:31:38 +0000

There will be no book after all.

I pulled the plug on the book project after feeling as if I was being pushed down a path that wasn’t right for the book. Most of the details I’ll spare you from – but, I have learned a few very valuable lessons.

The first is that I am not a writer. I am a blogger. There is a huge difference. Writers take years perfecting their stories and I can’t even fathom the amount of work it takes to publish a book. Not just any book, but a book that moves its readers. The kind of book I would want to publish. Instead, as I blogger I write in a fury and hit publish, letting the chips fall as they may. There is a patience and disposition a writer needs as a basic job requirement. And at this point in my life, with my business growing so quickly–the idea of buckling down for another few months of writing the book isn’t possible.

The second lesson learned is that I am a total snob when it comes to design and presentation of this blog to the rest of the world. I didn’t know I had a diva in me, but she’s there. And as uncomfortable as that may be for others or as self-righteous as I may appear when demanding the book be just so, I’d rather her be in there than not. And I’m glad to know that when push comes to shove by standards can’t be waffled.

The third lesson is that Ms. Single Mama Uncensored is just an eBook and should remain an eBook. I won’t be going to another publishing company. As valuable as I think the message and content is for every dating single mother, I don’t want it published and sold to the masses. I wrote the eBook so that new single moms who found my blog wouldn’t have to dig through archives. It’s there for all of you and will go down into the Internet grave yard right along with this blog (whenever that day comes).

I wish my ex-publishers all of the best in their new company and think they’re two truly amazing people. And I hate that I turned out to be a colossal waste of their valuable time (and such a diva). But such is life.

—–

I spent the weekend wandering around Athens, Ohio. My hometown. I was alone and killing time solo while Benjamin spent the night at his father’s.

I have been avoiding wedding planning like the plague, but I decided I should stop at the Dairy Barn – where we’ll have our reception – to catch the place before all of the leaves are gone.

Inside there will be plenty of room for the band, the cocktails, the appetizers, the dance floor and the 200+ people.

Happy the bricks will be there. Have to have the Athens Blocks near by.

And the sweet hills with the sunset.

But as you can see, I was too late for the leaves.

I found this little creek across the street from the Dairy Barn, where I am thinking there just may be the perfect spot for a wedding ceremony. (Assuming, I can tap into my inner Martha Stewart.)

Then I headed to Uptown Athens. Where John and I crossed paths without meeting so many times.

And where he ultimately asked me to marry him on the Athens blocks, coincidentally in front of his favorite bar.

Who knew? He was there all along. But we had to meet at the right time.

—–

Up until moving in together John spent quite a bit of time in his bachelor pad.

He’d leave in the evenings often to get some breathing space at his own place. And he was never around in the mornings, not wanting Benjamin to see him waking up in my bed.

So, naturally, I expected us to have a few bumps moving in together. After all, what would happen when he wouldn’t have a quiet escape? Going from solo to mama and 4 year old at once couldn’t be easy. But right out the gate John made it look easy. He wakes up early to make Benjamin’s breakfast so I can sleep in and he even warms up our car. I could go on and on.

But he needs his breaks from the madness of child rearing and we need our breaks as a couple. If we don’t make this time for ourselves and our relationship we boil over. In these moments, I catch myself imagining what it would be like to be moving in with him sans child. It’s an evil, taunting, senseless thought process. But I have it anyway. And it always ends the same. I, of course, would never trade this for a life without Benjamin in it. Especially, when all in all, this life with John and Benjamin is so lovely. In spite of our moments. Besides, all of these issues would surface as soon as a new baby arrived on the scene anyway.

It makes all of this feel natural. The predecessor to whatever is next. We are learning how to take each other in every moment – the good, the bad and the fantastic. And if we have bad moments, we talk about them and work it out. That’s my favorite part of all. He can talk and he can listen. He’s teaching me to do the same…. my learning curve is a bit steeper I’m afraid. But I’ll get there.

On Weddings

mssinglemama — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:19:53 +0000

I looked up at my little sister. I had my wedding dress bunched up around my thighs and I was squatting on the toilet in my aunt’s house.

“Don’t ever do this,” I said.

Getting married, the actual wedding part, was painful for me.

Maybe it was because I was marrying the wrong man or maybe it’s because I planned my wedding in three days (a must to meet my French Canadian boyfriend’s expiration date for his time in the US.)

I was only 25-years-old. One year later I would be pregnant at just 26-years-old and wishing I had never done what I was about to do.

“Ever,” I said sternly.

She looked at me with her mouth gaping and nodded.

Inseparable when we were younger and only one year apart, I often call my little sister my soul mate. Destined to be together, cast here in tandem to be friends for life, we often take each other’s words as gospel.

Fortunately she didn’t listen to me and two years later I was standing beside her, looking on as her bridesmaid, listening to her nervous breaths and seeing the tears in her husband’s eyes as they exchanged their vows on the steps of a hallowed building on the campus of the University of Virginia where the two had met.

Anna and Ryan, have been in love since they met. Anna used to sneak away from a night with her friends to surprise Ryan in his dorm room, just a few doors down from Edgar Allen Poe’s room.

When the walls of my marriage started crumbling I called Anna more than anyone.

“It just shouldn’t be that hard Alaina, you should just love each other,” she would tell me over and over again.

Like this… it should be like this -

—–

I have four weddings to go to this summer. Four.

Weddings are usually a blur of bad music, bad food and lots of confused driving to and from – all to watch a couple make the most solemn of vows which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, like a voyeur or something.

I hate weddings. I do. I do. So that’s why I’m surprising myself because I’m actually excited about each and every one of these weddings. Just thinking about them all gives me butterflies in my stomach. Happy little love butterflies.

I’m becoming a ball of cheese.

Just roll me up and send me on my way. But before that, let me explain…

The first is this weekend. The Bear is taking me to his cousin’s wedding. I don’t know his cousin or anyone in the Bear’s family but I can’t wait . We’re going to have a blast because we’ll be together and I get to meet his family – the people who had a hand in molding him into the awesome, pure man he is today.

The second wedding is next weekend in Lexington, Kentucky where Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) will become Modern Married Momma. Look out for her live Skype Bachelorette Party on Thursday night featuring Miss Ive. I may or may not be there depending on whether or not I can find a sitter for Benjamin. But I’ll definitely be there for the ceremony.

The third is my littlest brother’s this August and finally in September my best friend, a former single mom herself, is going to re-marry her ex-husband. I’ll save those stories for later…

Right now – tell me yours… leave a story about your wedding, a good memory, a bad memory – did you know it was right? or wrong?

Everyone who leaves a comment will be entered to win one of five copies of the Successful Single Mom by Honoree Corpron. She’s been happily married for one year now but Honoree is still tireless in her desire to empower single moms.

Can’t wait to be a guest on her new radio talk show just for single moms. Check that out here.

My imaginary husband

mssinglemama — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:17:10 +0000

It’s been so long since I’ve had a husband, or even a steady boyfriend for that matter, that I now can only imagine what it would be like. There’s nothing tangible left, not even an old pair of boxer shorts. Just pictures like this one.

At first, when Benjamin was just four-months-old, the memories of having someone were fresh. It pained me to imagine being alone for one more day, let alone a lifetime. Now, nearly three years later, I’ve completely adapted to going it solo, 100% of the time.

With that said, I can’t say that my imaginary husband doesn’t pop into my head every once in a while. He teases me with visions of what it would be like to have some help in the form of a sexy man who I get all to myself forever and ever.

Sometimes I even write him letters.

This week his imaginary chores included:

Super gluing the shield of Benjamin’s toy knight back on.
Removing me from the bar after my third shot of tequila on my 30th birthday to save me from my drunk self.
Taking the garbage out (at least four times).
Figuring out how to get the water out of the car seat after I left the door open all night during a rainstorm.
Setting up the space heaters and then telling me a gas leak is no big deal and that everything would be okay.
Running to the store to pick up juice for Benjamin when he wanted it the other night.
Returning the videos to the library before we got $20.00 in late fees.
Teaching Benjamin how to pee standing up.
Watching Benjamin while I took a much deserved nap.
And giving me a back rub (at least four times).

I managed most of these by myself, except for the back rub, the late night grocery run, the drunken bar removal, the nap and the library returns. It’s always in the oddest moments that the thoughts of my imaginary husband pop up. But that’s all they are – just thoughts, innocent and passive without even wistful regret. It’s been so long though. I mean, I may as well be imagining what it would be like to meet an alien or live in Africa.

And, yes, that scares me a little.

Should being in a relationship really feel like something so completely and totally foreign? Am I morphing into a hybrid single chick who is going to remain completely self-sufficient for the rest of her little life? That doesn’t sound so bad actually.That’s why I take my little imaginary husband daydreams as a very good sign.

Without them it would be easy to convince myself that men are superfluous and unnecessary distractions. And I think finding myself on that extreme would mean I could be missing out on something, even though I don’t know what that something is. Clearly there are women – a lot of them – who benefit from having a man around. I know, I’ve seen them – those good husbands and those happy wives.

Keep in mind I’ve never actually had a husband or a man who would have done all of those things for me without complaint. Dumb luck? Maybe. Bad judgment? Probably. A penchant for choosing men who need help instead of one who can carry his own weight? Definitely.

So keep that in mind. When you read about this woman who loves being single so very much, it may be because I’ve never really had a man who made my life better. Some of you have and that must be horrible not to have it anymore, whatever the reason.

I never missed mine. I had felt trapped, wanting to break free during most of our marriage. I was on the phone with my sister, my newborn sound asleep in his stroller when I finally decided I needed to end it.

“If this is what marriage is like,” I told her, “or what our marriage is like than I don’t want it – at all. Actually I’d rather be single. It would be easier than this!”

I was absolutely right. Someday our son is going to understand this. In fact, I think he’ll be one of those kids who just shakes his head and wonders how in the hell is parents even lasted long enough to create him. As hard as it was to become a single mom, as impossible as it seemed, it was – and still is – well worth every minute. And this is why I am so glad my imaginary husband is here. He’s much more fun than fear or bottled up resentment and he’s an amazing kisser.

Hey, at least I am making imaginary room for a man.

Major progress, people, major.

What chores do you have for your imaginary husband? How would he be different from your ex-husband? Dish it.

Cabin Fever, Part 4

mssinglemama — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:45:18 +0000

Two and a half hours after I’d bundled him up into the back seat with his blankie and a pile of books, Benjamin and I pulled up to Kennedy (aka Cabin Man)’s. Bang-smash-crush-bang. The divets and holes in his unfinished driveway were giving the underside of my car a severe beating.

“Wooo!!!” I shouted as we hit another one.

Benjamin joined me with a little shout of his own. I had just spent the last leg of the trip singing out loud to him. First to Feist then Old Crow Medicine Show and finally Bob Dylan. He sat incredulously as I sang, until finally – a few verses into each one he would crack a tiny smile before moving his eyes slowly back to the road. The ride had been perfect but he was ready to get out of the car.

Kennedy and his kids were sitting around the camp fire at the edge of the driveway. We’d nixed the joint camping idea. Why camp out when we could camp here – with his parents’ house right up the hill – it would be easier, safer and more comfortable for the kids.

“Hey!” He comes up to our car and then grabs me in a hug, wrapping his chisled arms around me. No! No hugging, I think.

“Hold on,” I pull away, “I can’t say ‘Hi’ until I get Benjamin out – he’s been so good the entire way here.”

I open the car door and scoop Benjamin up in my arms.

“Hey Ben!” Kennedy says.

The words drive Benjamin’s head into my shoulders and he keeps it there until we step into the cabin where Kennedy has resurrected his son’s old Thomas table. Benjamin jumps out of my arms and shouts in delight. I smile and whisper a thank you.

Two weeks ago this table had been buried in the back of the cabin. That morning felt different than this one. We were alone then, basking in each other and the highs of finding someone new. We had pulled the table out a bit to look for a train I could take home to Benjamin. After Kennedy picked Duncan because of “the cool gear that turns” I had tackled him with a kiss.

Now we were both knee deep in kids.

“You watch these two and I’ll watch this one while I grab this!” Each of us must have said this at least five times. His 6-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter are beautiful… Kennedy says after he and his ex split both kids changed dramatically. “It was like night and day – they are both so much happier.”

We spent the afternoon carving pumpkins, feeding the horses, drawing pictures, making paper airplanes and jumping on the trampoline. After the kids were tucked in – Benjamin in a camper and Kennedy’s kids up at his parents house – we met by the fire. Like the weekend before, the conversation turned toward relationships. (Something, believe it or not, I’m not a fan of talking about with virtual strangers, let alone men I’m just exploring.)

“I’m not sure if marriage is for me,” he went on, ” I just don’t think I can give myself over to someone again.” Why do we keep ending up on this topic? He’s still hashing it out in his head, as we all are I suppose.

“I think the trick is realizing you shouldn’t have to give yourself over to someone to be in a relationship,” I say. Then I have a realization of my own – this man is still wounded, still bleeding. Or maybe it’s scabbed over, but he’s not letting anyone back in – not even for a second. After a few more hours of talking and some quiet time in the cabin we headed to our respective beds.

The next morning he couldn’t take his eyes off of me while we were sipping on our coffee – the kids were running around in the cabin behind us – and then he said, defeated, “So, this really is going to be impossible isn’t it? I didn’t understand exactly what you were trying to get at before – but now… but now, I see what you mean.”

“Yes.” I say reluctantly, his blue eyes are so incredibly clear. I want to dive into them but I can’t. The little pile of red flags I’ve been collecting is now filled with a few land mines. The biggest one being the fact that we can’t see each other without our kids around – dangerous. The second being his raw healing process, still unfinished.

So I drive the nail into the coffin, “It just can’t happen.”

“It’s funny,” he adds, “Because I feel like this weekend has been a little lesson for me, in what I can expect now – how it’s going to be.”

“Welcome to the club,” I laugh.

The single parent club.

Dating, for us, is inexplicable. It’s like nothing we’ve ever experienced before… this is a universal truth.

A few hours later and after some home made popsicles, we said our good-byes. Strange saying good-bye to someone who you’ve just connected with so deeply, someone who you think you may never see again.

I’m so glad I decided to go… thanks for your advice.

And Benjamin is just fine.

If you missed the beginning of this story…

Cabin Fever, Part 1

Cabin Fever, Part 2

Cabin Fever, Part 3

Can he commit? Check his cab light.

mssinglemama — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:28:59 +0000

A friend of mine has fallen.

Totally and completely. Off the deep end. In love. And the man… he’s falling too. They’re both young. Their lives are together. Everything is ripe for – BIG BREATHLESS PAUSE – marriage. (Yes, I said that scary “M” word) One huge reason for this – both of their cab lights are on. They’ve both finally decided, in their own time, that it’s time to settle down.

What is a cab light you ask?

A cab light (I’m stealing this from Sex and the City) is when someone, namely a man, is ready to get married. When a man’s cab light is on it means he’s ready for a long-term fare or committed relationship.

But you can’t force a cab light to turn on. That’s the tricky party. It’s all about timing. So should you wait for your man’s cab light to go on? Or should you just give up? You definitely can’t pressure a man into marriage or commitment – that’s relationship suicide.

So when a man’s cab light is on does that mean he’ll fall for the first fare that falls into his lap?

I’ll toss it to Johneen Manning at Filly.ca who wrote an amazing article on the cab light theory:

While it may not be completely true that a man with his light on will be game for taking a march down the aisle with just anyone, chances are he’s got forever on his mind and is looking for a lady who fits into his game plan. If he doesn’t have his light on, you can safely consider him allergic to any major form of commitment in the near future. Oh, he may try to squeeze himself in the marrying man’s shoes, but (unlike women) men don’t wear uncomfortable shoes.
It’s not to say that just because your guy isn’t actively looking for a lifelong passenger that he’s not the one for you — but don’t fool yourself to thinking he’s the one for you right now. Don’t waste your time trying to convince (or trick) him into forever: it’s the oldest game in the book, and you’ll end up being the biggest loser (toting baggage filled with heaps of hostility and resentment) if you do. The decision has to be made of his own volition. What phase of life is your guy in?

Good stuff. Keep reading to learn how to spot different stages of manhood like “Foot Loose and Fancy-Free”, “All About Me” or the “Family Man.”

What do you think about the Sex and the City cab light theory? Is timing really everything? For my friend it is and I couldn’t be happier for her! They really, truly adore each other and I so want it to work out.

[Photo: The World Famous Ultimate Taxi]

On fake wedding rings.

mssinglemama — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:16:42 +0000

I didn’t realize what a passionate and proud single parent I’ve become until I read this . And now, Kristin is linking to this blog from hers! Hello everyone!

I thought I would give this topic it’s own post so that the controversy isn’t trickling all over the place in other posts.

Here’s the issue that’s got everyone in a tizzy (or maybe just me). Kristin, a working single mom, wears a wedding ring during corporate sales calls to make the right impression. God forbid they find out she is a single mom:

The bottom line of my job is that I need to make people like me. If they like and trust me, they’ll be more likely to buy my product….It’s not that I lie and say that I’m married, but the ring creates the assumption that I am… I don’t wonder whether my prospective customer thinks I have left my kid at home with an incompetent babysitter while I flit around the Pacific Coast in pinstripes. The bottom line of my job is that I need to make people like me. If they like and trust me, they’ll be more likely to buy my product.

Maybe I’m living in a bubble, but I’ve never been the recipient of any nasty stares because my wedding finger is bare. What gives? Why hasn’t anyone ever given me the “You’re a single mom” stink eye? And when I say never, I mean never. Because I’d remember it, I’m sure an experience like that would leave a mark. Maybe I have been but am just oblivious to them.

So these stereotypes are out there? Still? In corporate board rooms? Weird.

If I put a ring on in meetings will it advance my career? That was a hypotehtical question (hi, co-workers) because I’d never, ever do it. Kristen and I are clearly different people and we all have our personal choices. This isn’t an attack on her, this isn’t a judgement. I just think we need to talk about this…

Why do some of us, in this day and age, feel compelled to hide the fact that we are single moms in business situations?

Has being a single mom ever hurt your career?

Has anyone ever said anything to you in public or in a work meeting to put you down because you are as single parent?

P.S. I’ve officially apologized to Kristin for saying this all made me want to puke. Didn’t mean to offend or attack anyone. And Kristin, I hope you have a fantastic weekend with your new man! I noticed you were looking for something to call him, I prefer “Man Person.” It’s what I called my first post-divorce boyfriend.

Your Turn…

Who needs a husband anyway?

mssinglemama — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 03:09:59 +0000

The Census Bureau reports that half of the 60 million American women who are 45 and older are single.

In his News Day article, Peter Jackson writes that while many of the women are divorced or widowed others are “single by design.” He cites The New Single Woman, a book by E. Kay Trimberger, a professor emeritus of Women’s and Gender Studies at Sonoma State University in California.

Here’s a snippet from the article I found on SingleEdition.com:

She interviewed dozens of single women between the ages of 30 and 60 and found that most of them were leading happy and fulfilled lives. In many cases, they had been building a strong foundation that was not based on someday finding a partner.
“These women were doing all the things that were setting themselves up for a satisfying life,” Trimberger says. She says the older women seemed especially content. Some of the younger women were still wrestling with concerns about whether to have children.

No mention of single moms, but I’m sure the book addresses us …

We’ve already got the kids…so, if we are able to financially support ourselves and our kids – why should we bother getting married again? I know there are so many of us single moms struggling financially but there are more and more women who are able to provide for their families solo. Historically speaking, it’s a first.

And as part of this, living it on the front lines, I find it fascinating.

In the past single moms have been cast aside, forgotten or ignored … but now there are more of us than ever and we are creating warm, nurturing, stable homes for our little ones – all on our own. And, yes, while the ideal “family unit” includes a mother and a father who love and respect each other – I do not believe that, if I stay single forever, Benjamin will be at a disadvantage or as some have put it, “messed up”.

Read this comment left by Chem under my post, Want Men to Start Falling From the Sky?:

My parents were married for a few years. Most of my childhood was myself and three other siblings being raised by a single mother.
For years I drew my strength from my single mother, who put us four girls through college and graduate school. I saw myself as invincible, if she could do it alone with the four of us….I could do anything.

P.S. If you do need tips on becoming financially independent visit Fabulous Financials, an amazing blog by a single mom.

If you like this post here are some more on this topic:

Will our kids be worse off?

I love being a single mom

Married people are weird

[Photo Credit: Bangkok Counseling]

Need to save your marriage? Talk to Mort.

mssinglemama — Mon, 19 May 2008 03:40:23 +0000

This post was inspired by Google searches to my blog for “working harder than my husband.”

I used to be there. When your man isn’t acting like a man, and you’re taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, cooking and bringing home the bacon – you start to wonder why in the hell you need him?

If your husband is a lazy sack of you know what …

Consider this your private venting session. Leave a comment.

And if you want help just call Mort Fertel. He’s the creator of the Marriage Fitness program as seen on Fox News and every other cheesy, fake news outlet you can think of. Anyway…

Here’s his advice: “The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person: it’s learning to love the person you’ve found.”

Okay. I’m with you. I can see that. After all, prince charming doesn’t really exist. We shouldn’t hold men up to such unrealistic standards. But what if you are working harder than your husband? Meaning … actually working harder than he is? And is Mort’s advice basically telling every miserable married woman to compromise herself into oblivion? Maybe Mort and Lori Gottlieb should write a book together.

Mort? You there? Help these ladies out …

Ms. Single Mama is not responsible for any side effects that may occur after reading this blog post. Symptoms may include serious urges to leave your husband with side effects of feeling incredibly relieved after venting by leaving a comment. Warning – DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND UNTIL YOU’VE TRIED MARRIAGE COUNSELLING OR CALLED MORT. Ms. Single Mama does not promote and has not actually tried Mort’s program. She actually thinks it’s a crock. If you’ve tried Mort’s Marriage Fitness program – and he’s saved your marriage – by all means, leave a comment.

P.S. Mort, I’m sure you’re a swell guy, but you need to hire someone else to write your website copy.

Should I leave my husband?

mssinglemama — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:18:17 +0000

Take a breath and try to imagine yourself in a thankless marriage.

Now try to imagine having a little one watching and witnessing – the fights, the anger, the unhappiness or depression.

When marriage counseling fails (it did for me) and you have exhausted all of your options, emotionally and physically to make it work – when do you know if you should leave?

There were a few moments, split seconds of time when I knew I had to give up – that my ex-husband and I were impossibly different – and that he was impossibly uncommitted to truly being the best father and husband he could be. These moments were spread out over two years. And then one of them broke the camel’s back: he told me, didn’t even ask, told me – that he would not be working but staying at home until our (my) savings ran out. Then, he said, he would find a new job.

And that was it. I left – packed up our apartment – moved in with my mom (took little 4-month-old Benjamin of course) and got on with my life.

It wasn’t easy.

It isn’t easy.

But being in that marriage, with someone who gave me no respect, no affection, no empathy or even friendship was harder than being a single mother.

I received an e-mail this week that moved me to write this post.

I’m sure you hear it all the time, but your blog really touched me. I’m sitting here at work with a lump in my throat trying really hard not to cry.
I’m married with a ten month old (who is IT, and by it, I mean the absolute greatest love in existence, which you know all about). My husband is, as I’ve heard you describe your ex, USELESS. I read one of your first posts about him not moving the boxes, and that same exact situation has happened to me. Your ex sounds like he’s a good turner-arounder (is that even a word)—he can make something his fault or your fault in a matter of seconds, and takes responsibility for nothing.
Anyway, my husband has been out of town this week, and it’s given me a lot of time to think. Part of me (like a teeny tiny part) is scared to “be alone.”
Do you have any suggestions as far as finances go? Was the legal aspect of divorce and custody a difficult thing for you in that aspect (or others)?

What emotional or financial advice would you give to women who are on the fence? Most divorced parents know the decision does not come easy. It’s not something you just snap into … you think, think, try and try again to make it work and then one day – that’s it – you’re done.

What tipped you? What was the deciding factor in your decision to get a divorce?

If you feel like a married single mom, click here.

[Photo credit: Every Day Better Living.com]

Can this city girl handle the burbs?

mssinglemama — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:34:12 +0000

I’ve officially launched my house hunt.

The neighborhood in my sights is a suburb. The houses are adorable. There are plenty in my price range (thanks to the housing bubble burst) and the schools are top-notch. It’s not a cookie-cutter suburb, it’s an old suburb, but a suburb nonetheless.

Tomorrow I am cramming three house viewings into my lunch break. So tonight I popped Benjamin in the car for a little trip … our mission to get a feel for the neighborhood in the evening.

First we stopped and looked at a few houses from the street, like this one!

Benjamin said, “House, house!” I looked back at him in his little carseat, “You want that one baby?”

“Ya!” he yelped.

“Okay, honey, we’ll see…whatever you want my little angel.” Then he threw his sippy cup at my head and shattered the moment entirely. But, hey, it was still cute.

We stopped at the park, just a quick walk away from the house. Unlike my downtown park this one was bursting with families, some rebel teens smoking cigarrettes and little girls climbing trees. Pleasantville. I asked a mom how she liked it here.

“Oh, it’s fantastic. We’ve been here for five years.”

“What about getting downtown, is that a pain?” I asked.

“Downtown! We never go downtown. We’re always here.” Always here. Here, in the suburbs, how is that possible? What about the coffee shops, the street musicians, the bars…the art galleries? But then I looked at her daughter and all of the other happy kids. They were safe. Cozy. Comfortable.

And then….Benjamin discovered the rock climbing wall. One you can only find in a super, duper fancy suburb neighborhood. And then he started climbing…

And climbing…

Until he reached the top. All by his little two-year-old self. The happy married couples were shocked. “That was pretty impressive!” Yep. That’s my kid. This is just SO funny because his day care ladies, my mom, his dad – everyone who knows him always jokes “This kid is going to be a mountain climber or something.”

So after relishing in the glow of the Pleasantville playground we jumped in the car for one more spin around the neighborhood. On one street I actually had to pull over because there were at least 20 kids outside playing – in the street! Just like when I was a kid. Amazing.

I called my older sister tonight. Told her how torn I am about the idea of moving to the burbs and she said, “You know what? The kids are happier. They just are. And sure the parents are kind of stuck out there but it’s so good for the kids.”

So what do you think… a hip single mama out in the suburbs? Can it happen? Will I go nuts out there? And isn’t that house adorable!!! [I'm seeing it on Thursday]