by mssinglemama on December 17, 2009
Do you know what you would want from a man if he popped into your life (not what you need, but what you want)?
Here’s a starter list of some man qualities I think are mandatory before he can be single mom worthy:
1. Respect for you and the kids.
2. He should like you (a little bit) more than you like him. You should be fawned over because you don’t have time for the other way around. Soon it will balance out. But, at the beginning, you should be chased.
3. He accepts your past. I, as a single mom, have yet to make it far enough with someone who questioned my past or held it against me. I am almost certain I can pick these types of guys out from a line-up, so maybe that’s why. Regardless of how jerkdar accuaracy, avoid them like the plague. Bcause soon, they’ll be bringing up your past – the past the two of you share. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
4. He’s a role model. No drugs. No cheating. No jerk behavior. No abuse. And, an obvious one, but something to just put out there in black and white – would you be okay if your children grew up to be just like him?
5. He must respect the “kid thing”. If he gripes for a second about the kid, or battles for their attention then – sorry! - he’s not the one. There’s a difference, by the way, between legitimate concern over not enough one-on-one adult time and what I call griping. Use this as a measure – if he sounds at all like he’s whining [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on September 30, 2009
When I first started dating John Bear his dog drove me crazy.
Every time I would come over Murphy would jump on me, scratching my bare legs with his thick doggy claws and if he wasn’t jumping he was panting and staring at me, all the while emitting a subtle doggy smell. When I put two and two together and realized that John let Murphy sleep up in his bed with him I freaked out, “Gross! That’s just so disgusting.”
“Why? He’s just a dog. He doesn’t even shed and he’s hypo allergenic.”
“Hypo allergenic? A dog can be hypo allergenic? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“He’s not that bad, you just have to get used to him. I promise. And you would never let a dog sleep in the bed with you?”
“No,” I snapped, “Never ever.”
That was five months ago. Now Murphy spends every single day at my place while John goes into his office. The little white fur ball follows me everywhere and we even cuddle – on couches, on beds, anywhere we can. Benjamin adores Murphy. The two wrestle, chase each other and even play hide and seek. I just can’t imagine our life without that damn dog and I am completely smitten.
One day we were sitting outside of the coffee shop and a few older ladies walked by (they always love Murphy).
“How long have you had him?” they asked. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on April 12, 2009
My son can’t wait to be a man.
You don’t have to know him very well to instantly see that inside of this little three-year-old is a strong, tough guy waiting to come out and do man things all day.
Take my Uncle Dennis’ truck for example.
There is no place on Earth Benjamin would rather be than sitting in the back taking a donut break.
That’s why I’m going to hold pictures like this for ransom.
Oh! And those underwear he has on – he calls them “panties”.
I did NOT do that on purpose.
I swear.
I honestly just called them panties for two weeks before it dawned on me, “Hey, that doesn’t sound right.”
Too late. Panties they will be until someone else can convince him otherwise. See the rest of our Easter photos here – Martha Stewart would have a heart attack.
Happy Easter!
We’re heading down to grandma’s today with Mia and Sydney, who are both doing really well (I’ll bug her for another post).
—–
My ex’s request and hate mail [updates]
I’ve decided to let Benjamin’s father keep him for two nights this week. Your advice on that was, as usual, spot on. My favorite tip is to take it week by week, see how it goes and always let Benjamin say if he wants to stay or vice versa. It’s all about Benjamin and if he wants his dad then he gets his dad. And even though my ex-husband has even expressed desires to go back to Canada, he’s still here. And I shouldn’t deprive my son of his father while he still has one around.
I also do believe, especially after reading a comment from Canadian Bald Guy (a single father himself) that men can change as fathers because the children change.
If you’re looking for something really awesome watch his video in response to my hate letter. He basically tips his hat off to single mothers in a big, big way. Coming from a single dad that means the world to me and so did all of your comments. The world, people. Seriously. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You all made her words disappear in an instant.
by mssinglemama on December 29, 2008
Mr. Man is still sending them to me, in letters and in voicemails.
He misses me and wants to do whatever he can to get back into our lives. I do miss him but I just can’t.
Besides he’s far, far away now – off on that rocket ship – so we have some time to think about things. Seriously, he’s gone. That challenge I had alluded to in earlier posts about Mr. Man is happening right now.
Meanwhile Benjamin has yet to request Mr. Man’s presence or ask about his whereabouts. He seems completely satisfied with the rocket ship story. He also knows, because I tell him, that Mr. Man misses him. I’ve also been reading him parts of the letters he writes devoted exclusively to Benjamin.
Like this one:
To My Little Buddy, Benjamin;
Seems this trip to the moon is going to be a long one. I’ve seen some nice stuff along the way so far. The main thing is that we are all getting along together on the ship. There has been no biting, hitting or kicking. We also have this little boy on our ship about your age. His name is Huck. (This is a private joke between Mr. Man and I – I detest the name Huck, he claims to love it.)
Huck is trying to poop on the potty almost every night now. When ever Huck feels like he needs to go he comes to one of the adults and asks them to take him to the bathroom so he can try again, which is great because Huck used to go to his room to be by himself.
You let me know how you’re doing and I’ll pass the word on to Huck and when Huck has some luck you’ll hear from me. Okay?
I miss you Ben, and I hope you’re not sick anymore. Do me a favor and give your mom a big hug and kiss for me.
Benjamin is potty training by the way.
In this past week of fighting the diabolical flu I found Benjamin on the toilet twice. He’d carefully positioned his potty seat along with his stool and then jumped up there all on his own to go #2. I just heard him shouting from the bathroom, “Mommy, I POOOO – PEEEEEEE – on the POTTEEEEEE! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on November 25, 2008
“I’m sorry I was so short with you on Sunday,” I told Mr. Man.
My fears got the best of me last weekend and I felt like a schmuck.
“It’s okay. You’re probably stressed. I still can’t believe how much you do – you never stop… ever. I mean, it’s just too much for one person to handle and working full-time on top of it… I don’t know how you single moms do it.”
“Yeah, I don’t know how we do it either, but we just do it – I think – because we don’t have any other choice. And we adapt.”
——
It’s odd because aside from Mr. Man, no one has really seen Benjamin and I in our element morning, noon and night. His first taste of our daily grind came through telephone conversations during the first few weeks.
“I can’t talk, I’ve gotta go again.”
“Okay, call me when you get a break,” he’d say or, “Okay, call me when he’s down.” Our first real phone conversation of the day still comes after Benjamin is asleep.
It wasn’t until a viral infection stole my will to live and my body’s ability to even get out of bed that Mr. Man spent several days in a row – here – in our little apartment. He came up to relieve my mother who had been here for five days. That Saturday morning I woke up to Benjamin’s happy morning bedroom chatter and then drifted back into sleep.
I didn’t wake up again until 11:00 a.m., the longest I’ve slept in since becoming a mother. When I did Mr. Man was lying next to me, watching me sleep.
“You look beautiful when you’re sleeping, you know.”
“Where’s Benjamin?” I muster.
“Upstairs, playing with his trains. He sure loves those trains.”
I tried to move and winced in pain. My body shuddering a bit from my chills.
“God, I hate seeing you like this. What can I do? What do you need?”
“Some tea, maybe, or a bath.”
He drew the bath water, made the tea and kept Benjamin occupied until I could move back into my bed. It’s no coincidence that Mr. Man knows how to be a husband and a father, it wouldn’t be his first time.
A 35-year-old single father, Mr. Man blames his own mistakes for the disintegration of his first marriage. A refreshing alternative to the single fathers I’ve dated who are constantly bashing their ex-wives, Mr. Man speaks very highly of his, “I screwed up. I didn’t appreciate what I had until it was gone.”
“I want you to meet her,” he said one night, “and I want you to meet Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth, his six-year-old daughter, lives over three hours away from Mr. Man so their time together is limited to every other weekend.
[click to continue…]
