This morning I woke up before Benjamin, wondering…

The sun light fell on my face, peeking through my dark bamboo blinds – my blinds in my room. I enjoyed the silence and basked in the thought that tomorrow I would be reporting to myself, no one else. Then I wondered how I got here. I am not unique. I am not special. I may be driven and tireless but each of us has this power – the power to change our circumstances or surroundings if we set our mind in that direction.

Just two years ago I was plotting an escape from my marriage, not knowing if or when I’d have my own bedroom again. Leaving my husband took guts – some say – but to me it just seemed like a survival mechanism. That’s exactly how I feel now. There are things happening out there in this big vast space we call the World Wide Web and sometimes you can move through those waters faster solo. And besides…

It’s every mother’s dream to not have to answer to anyone but her children, so I’m chasing it.

I may fall on my face but this feeling, it feels just as terrifying as leaving your husband but equally liberating. And if I could do that, if I could survive one year at my mom’s with a newborn and no money, I can survive this – with a huge smile on my face. I have a chance, a chance that I’ve afforded myself after years of paying down debt and saving and if it doesn’t work, if I fail — I’ll find another job.

No big deal.

Nothing in comparison to what I’ve been through. 

First things first. 

After Benjamin woke up he watched a movie while I started cleaning (like a crazy woman) and then he joined me…

we didn’t stop until every last room had been scrubbed down and organized (relatively speaking) because trading this desk

for this desk

means I have to keep everything spic and span so I can concentrate.

But it also means we can take breaks during our work day to practice our mad graffiti skills…

or take naps because my new office also has a couch. 

Hoo rah, baby. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Naps on demand.

No, seriously – there will be some napping, but not many… I will be working my ass off to make this happen. But it will. be. so. much. fun. 

Tomorrow my schedule is already packed. One thing on the list – packing up an shipping out all of your necklaces, there are less than 15 remaining. I can order more if we run out, it will just take longer for you to get them in your beautiful, hopeful hands. Bring on the hope! We need as much as we can get, right?

xoxo

Wish me luck on my first day at my new job!

Related posts:

1. Why I am a single mother.
2. Cigarrettes, men and some major trust issues.
3. Single Mamas for Obama!

This post is just a tease… read the full version of Why I am a Single Mother in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored, my 120 page eBook that brings the entire blog full circle. Buy your copy here.

The first time I thought of leaving my husband I was just 8 weeks pregnant.

He was unemployed again and spent his days parked on the couch without a care or worry.

“I’ll get a job when I need to, just stop to talk,” he would say in his thick French accent. The accent wasn’t sexy anymore. It had lost all of its luster.

Then there was also his complete unwillingness to improve our relationship. But instead of leaving him – I kicked him out. Two weeks later and two marriage counseling sessions I took him back.

I didn’t want to give up the chance, a fat chance, but still a chance that maybe he would be a better husband once the baby arrived.

Some men do change.

He wouldn’t.

It actually just got worse…

This post is just a tease… read the full version of Why I am a Single Mother in Ms. Single Mama Uncensored, my 120 page eBook that brings the entire blog full circle. Buy your copy here.

Keep Reading:

• Should I Leave My Husband?
• The Married Single Mom.

Related posts:

1. Am I Single Mother By Choice?
2. Being a Single Mom With a Glass Half Full
3. Single motherhood – turns out, not so easy, but not so tough either.