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How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4

mssinglemama — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:31:00 +0000

On Saturday night Kris came over. Yes, I’m weak. Damn it.

We met at a bar. I called him after writing my baggage post which stirred up all kinds of Kris memories. But by the time he got there my sickness, which had started creeping up on me earlier in the evening, was now a full blown stomach cramp. I could hardly stand up let alone swallow my drink.

“We have to go home, I feel sick.”

“No…,” he takes a step back, “No way. I can not get sick right now.”

This actually made me laugh because the look of fear on his face, he has a very charismatic face, and it looked like I was pointing a gun at his head. I couldn’t blame him. Benjamin’s day care bugs are the worst illnesses I’ve ever had, each one with it’s own unique set of vicious symptoms – pounding headaches, severe stomach cramps or violent coughs. It always surprises me that the little guy handles them with such grace. But not us adults. And Kris, having dated me for six months, has had his fair share of them.

I live just a few blocks from the bar so he walks me home anyway and I promise not to kiss him. After thanking the sitter we curl up on the couch. No kissing, just cuddling. So nice. I told him about the post I’d just published.

“I wrote about my baggage tonight.”

“Baggage? You don’t have any baggage. You just can’t ever hang out.”

Nothing like the clarity of a 24-year-old’s mind to make you feel like a goof for psycho-analyzing yourself. So I have two more tips to add to my list on How to Date a Single Mom:

1. Single moms can’t hang out all of the time. Take me for example, I am only available on Monday nights, which I’ve already got booked solid for the next two weeks. So to squeeze you in I’d have to find a sitter. Usually after a few dates and if I really like the guy, I invite them over for wine on my front porch (after Benjamin’s asleep). Once a guy’s in – like Kris was – I can be very spontaneous as long as Benjamin is invited. But, to a younger man, I’m sure a single mom’s inability to go out on the fly (without the kids) is a big negative. But that’s okay because young guys aren’t ready to settle anyway…

2. Pack your vitamins. If you’re dating a single mom with little ones in day care or school. And if they do get you sick you may experiences sicknesses the likes of which you could never have imagined – don’t make a big deal out of it, just take it like a man – because if you’re dating a single mom, chances are she’ll be too busy to bring you chicken noodle soup.

P.S. Kris left me a bucket by the bed and tucked me in … no drama, no crazy romp in the hay, just a good friend. And Benjamin’s illness had me on my ass for two days. Fun. One of the only times I daydream about having a sweet husband or boyfriend to take care of little me.

Related Kris posts you might like:

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough?

And my other How to Date a Single Mom posts:

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3 (Thomas‘s perspective)

[Photo Credit: Spring Love, find it here]

Single Moms & Dating (the video)

mssinglemama — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:41:09 +0000

Here it is..

Ignore the smudge and it’s perfect. Making this video was SO MUCH fun.

Morgan and I will be together again soon to make more … let us know what you think of this one and if there’s anything else you’d like to see us discuss or cover! Above all, we hope this video helps you to realize that single moms are absolutely beautiful and absolutely dateable. In fact, we’re some of the best women out there … enjoy!

P.S. A big thanks to Depot Dad (our camera man), couldn’t have done it without him. All three of us met on iHeartSingleParents.com, the first and the greatest single parent social network. If you liked the t-shirts in the video buy them here.

Single Mama Beauty Tip #3: Facial in a box

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:03:28 +0000

For Christmas my little brother bought me a gift certificate for a facial …

I still haven’t used it.

I have one night to myself each week, I usually use it to run errands or go out with friends. I really, really want to get that facial but I just can’t seem to find the time to make it happen. So when I stumbled across the Burts Bees Facial Kit I snapped it up.

The little kit includes everything you need for an at home facial and it’s only $8.95. (I found mine at Half Price Books for $3.95). First the cleanser, next the scrub, then a green mask and to top it off, a mosturizing cream that’s to die for. While the cleanser, cream and mask are just for one time use, the scrub will last for a while. Mine came with a cute little bowl to mix up the scrub and mask.

My face was glowing for days…and the best part is you can do it at home! Just had to pass it on.

If you’ve tried it or have any other beauty tricks or tips, please leave a comment!

More beauty tips:

Fake Tanning: Tan Towels (Just used them tonight to prep for San Francisco sunshine)
Hair Care: Shampoo and Hair Dryer (Yep … used these too)

How to date the childless.

mssinglemama — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:03:07 +0000

The first question most single parents ask when they finally get back out there on the dating scene is, “Can I even date someone without a kid?”

The challenges to dating someone without a child can be daunting. Will they ever understand your life? And when they do – will they run away screaming in fear once they realize that parenting never ends? It can also be irritating to date childless people.

They often lack genuine empathy for your situation, talk about stuff that just seems pointless and annoy you with stories about how hard their lives are. But, as one of my friends said recently, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

When I left my ex-husband and Benjamin was just four-months-old I couldn’t imagine anyone joining our lives but they did and the relationships didn’t end because I’m a single mom, they ended because child or not we weren’t a good match.

Here are some things you can do to fan the flames of a romance with the single and childless.

1. Be patient. They’re not going to “get it” right away nor should they need to. Do you know if you’re going to marry this person or be in a long-term relationship with them? No way. You might have a feeling in your gut, but that’s not enough to warrant long chats about how they’ll perform as a father or a mother. And besides, nothing will freak them out more than these kinds of questions. These questions will come later and by the time later comes you might not even want to be with them any more.

2. Put it into perspective. Before you became a parent – you weren’t one. Duh! You’re shouting at your computer screen. But, seriously, think about it. Being a parent is nothing anyone can prepare for and chances are you wouldn’t have predicted what kind of parent you are today. There’s no way to tell what kind of parent your flame will become once they’ve fallen for your kids. Don’t waste your time analyzing their every move. Instead, focus on how they treat you – this will give you the answers on how they will eventually treat your children.

3. Go easy on them. DO NOT ask or tell them to be your child’s missing parent, DO NOT expect them to save you and DO NOT ask them to move in until you’ve been dating for at least one year. These are recipies for disaster. You’ll freak them out. And besides, you’re probably moving too quickly. You have a child now so everything must move slowly. No more whirlwind romances. This is one of the hardest facts to come to terms with, dating will never be the same.

4. Find your fun side again. This one was tough for me. During the first year, I had a really tough time relaxing on a date or just chatting about something other than Benjamin. I thought it was all they were thinking about (the fact that I’m a single mom) when in reality, I was the one thinking about it constantly. Eventually I let my hair down and said hello to that single chick inside of me again.

5. They don’t really care that you’re a single parent unless you make them care. This is the most important lesson I’ve learned. If someone falls in love with you, the fact that you’re a single mom or dad is icing on the cake. But before they fall in love with you try to avoid scaring them off with negative comments about being a single mom. For example, don’t say “Being a single mom is SO hard, you have no idea, sometimes I just want to die.” Keep your single parent anxieties to yourself and your close friends until you’ve been dating someone for a while.

Would dating another single parent be easier? Sure. At the beginning, you’d have more to talk about, you could relate, he would instantly get the parenting thing. But dating another parent opens another can of challenges, I’ll save that one for later.

In the meantime, I hope these mini-lessons help. Do you have any to add? Or any stories about dating the single and childless?

P.S. I hope the networks are reading this post, there could be an entire soap opera titleds, “The Single & Childless.” Awesome.

Related Posts:

Date Night

Do Men Really Care if You’re a Single Mom

Can Single Moms Fall in Love?

Can Men Feel Empathy?

[Photo Credit: "Love XOXO" by Pink Sherbet on Flickr]

How to Make a Toddler Laugh

mssinglemama — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:59:56 +0000

1. Tell toddler you are going to make him toast for breakfast.

2. Sit him on the counter or the table so he can’t move or run away.

3. When toddler says, “Toeeess?” answer with, “Toes??? You want to eat my toes???!!! NOOOOOO! Please, please, please don’t eat my toes!!!”

4. Jump up and down acting like your toes are in jeopardy of being eaten. When toddler takes a break from cracking up, say, “So, you want to eat toast right?”

5. Toddler will say, “No! Toes!!!!”

6. Repeat jumping and protesting. Remember to look like you’re genuinely in fear for your toes. Hide toes under table or hold them in hands. Toddler will laugh until he spits up his toast.

Also see How to Get Toddler into the Bath.

How do you make your kids laugh? Really laugh…

How to get a toddler into the bath.

mssinglemama — Sun, 25 May 2008 13:41:14 +0000

Tell toddler his or her microscopic plastic monkey wants to ride in a boat. Hint: Make monkey whisper in your ear. Act alarmed and sad when plastic monkey tells you he’s never, ever been in a boat before.
Ask toddler if he or she knows where the monkey can find a boat.
Remind toddler of the toy boat in the bath tub.
Bonus: tell toddler the monkey also wants to help wash his or her hair!
Toddler will lead you by the hand to the tub, his or her jaw will hang open upon the realization that small plastic monkeys can whisper in Mommy’s ear.

Photo Evidence: Sorry it’s blurry, I was giggling.

See the little monkey???

He’s there, in the center of the white thing. HILARIOUS. Benjamin would check on him every few minutes, just to make sure the monkey was having a fine time in his boat.