Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » how to pick up men

Pleased to meet you.

mssinglemama — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:52:20 +0000

I’ve finally found some words, between the haze of my viral infection – here you go… the start to the story of how I met Mr. Man. The story, as you know, is still unfolding.

We met at the bar my mother and I used to frequent after my father died.

Mom and I were there this time, not to drown our sorrows, but to celebrate her birthday. As soon as we stepped inside she took off for the patio and I took the only empty seat at the bar – right next to Mr. Man.

His southern drawl told me immediately he was a townie, a working stiff, the real deal. Incompatible, I thought. I’m a city girl, constantly attached to some kind of electronic device. Or maybe we could work, this thought didn’t come until later after I’d left him at the bar and returned nearly an hour later to find him discreetly holding my seat, waiting for me to come back.

Only then did I really look into his eyes and realize that this man wasn’t kidding around or playing me, he was serious. Beneath his rough exterior I saw a soft, strong heart and something very comforting, familiar almost. We talked for hours there at the bar. What shocked me the most, after years now of dating so many of those fish in that big bad sea, was his genuine interest in listening to what I had to say.

And he responded to my thoughts, not with fantastical stories but with stories that related to mine, stories he told because he wanted to share them with me not because he wanted to prove something or get me into bed.

Three hours later, near closing time, Mom started gesturing behind his head, pointing to him with her thumb high in the air and mouthing, “I like him.” A few moments later she invited him back to her house. I, completely intoxicated at this point, threw out all logic and went along with the plan. We’d go home and wake up my uncle and Mom’s man, Larry and have a little party. It would be great!

Yeah, sure, keep talking drunk Alaina.

Had we not taken him home that night I’m not quite sure if I ever would have seen him again. In fact, I’m almost certain I would have just brushed him off… disregarding him as just another guy at another bar.

After talking deep into the night, I settled Mr. Man into the guest bedroom and headed upstairs to sleep with Benjamin. I woke up just a few hours later with a vicious headache. (I really don’t drink that often, so my hangovers are horrible when I do.) Only after rubbing my eyes and crawling out of bed to chase after Benjamin did I realize – to my horror – what had happened the night before. I had brought a man home! Seriously?

“Holy shit,” my brain was on fire, “What in the hell am I going to do? There’s a man. Here. In my mom’s house with my son. I am such a shitty, shitty mother.”

I started plotting some way to hide him. I’ll sneak him out the back door and take him home. But first, I’ve got to feed Benjamin. So I quietly made the eggs, the bacon and the biscuits – standard breakfast out in the woods at Mom’s. And then I heard his footsteps, coming up the stairs. Damn, he wakes up early.

And then there he was…

“Hello, Benjamin. How are you?” And just like that, Mr. Man leaned onto the counter and immediately dove right in to Benjamin Land.

He’d remembered his name from the night before on the couch. He had kissed me there after telling me he wanted to spend all of Sunday with us — he had offered to take Benjamin outside for a hike so I could rest. Could he have meant all of that? Really?

Moments after Benjamin finished his last bite Mr. Man scooped him up like a little stuffed animal, so light in his big arms, “C’mon, Benjamin, let’s go outside.” Apparently so.

I watched from the deck as he took Benjamin around the yard – pointing out the different trees, little animal tracks and hidden bee hives – things I never would have noticed or known to show him myself. I love the outdoors but I don’t know what the hell is what. Benjamin was enthralled – absolutely enthralled with this man – in fact, I’ve never seen him fall for an adult like he did for Mr. Man.

Oh shit. You shitty, shitty mom.

“You can’t really be here all day,” I told him later.

“Really? Why not?”

“Oh, it’s not that I don’t like you, I do – it’s just Benjamin. You can’t be around him too much, he’ll get attached.” I explain.

“You know what – you’re right, I can see how that could happen. But I’m more worried that I’ll get attached to him. This kid’s awesome. He really is. He’s just amazing.”

An hour later he was still there, we had taken a hike and afterwards Mr. Man had found Larry and my uncle by the campfire. I had been upstairs tucking Benjamin in for a nap when I came down to join them.

That’s when he held me with his eyes. Right there by the campfire with everyone chattering around us, he just looked at me and told me – without saying a word – “I’m here. I like you. And I’m not going anywhere – unless you tell me to.”

He nearly knocked me off of my little log stool. I swear, I still don’t know how he did that…

To be continued… Read the next Mr. Man installment here.

[Photo credit: Paul Schmaltz]

A fairy tale ending?

mssinglemama — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 01:58:33 +0000

Part 2 of A Muddy Single Mom, a Fairy Tale

Sydney’s curse happened just one day after I’d taken Benjamin to the book store.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed my choice of the book store over the library, “Going to Barnes and Noble… books, trains AND cute men… ” The Twitter fairies went to work and when Benjamin and I walked back to the Thomas train table I saw a dark-haired, very adorable dad.

I thought I’d turn the corner and see his wife. But no, he was alone with his three-year-old son. I checked out his hands, no ring. And all of this talking. He definitely seemed interested. But you never know. So how does one say, “I’m a single parent.” He worked it in by telling me about the house he’d just bought, “it’s small but that’s okay because it’s just the two of us.”

“Oh! You’re a single dad?” I said, “I’m a single mom!”

And as always, it was so incredible to just sit there and talk to another single parent. We spent an hour chit chatting while the boys played with Thomas and then it was time to leave. The kids were protesting, of course, and in what would have been an awkward moment for any childless man – we both just scooped up our screaming toddlers and walked out together.

“This is SO nice,” I said over Benjamin’s howl of despair, “to have two screaming kids instead of one. Makes it a lot easier.”

We were both laughing. The kids quieted down when we stopped to say good-bye at the exit.

“So, this is completely out of character for me,” he said, “but I’d love to hang out with you sometime. Can I give you my number?”

I got nervous. My brain fast-forwarding to the part when I tell him I can’t date him. To the part when I crush him.

“Yeah, I’d love to… I can always use more single parent friends.”

Note the word “friend.” Just in case. I have a major guilt complex. I think it’s because every boy rejected me in junior high. I was the girl at the dance who would stand up against the wall – alone – the ENTIRE time. For two years it was like that (until my parents yanked me out of that awful school). So, to this day, I can’t stand the idea of rejecting people when they’re brave enough to ask me out.

Usually it’s me doing the asking – if you haven’t read my post on How to Pick Up Men, get over there. Crucial advice for the dating single mom.

I called him a few days later and we set up plans for last night.

I was nervous. It was incredibly pleasant but alas, no love connection. I’m not sure if he felt the same way, but I told him I thought we should just be friends. And I meant it. Benjamin needs a guy friend and I can always use more single parent friends – seriously, can’t have enough.

What a fluke it was to meet a man at Barnes and Noble. My daydream of meeting a charming guy at a book store finally came true… but all of that time and effort for no spark. Meeting men in the flesh isn’t easy. Very possible, yes, but I’m thinking it’s time to jump online again. The first time I tried online dating, over one year ago, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I wasted a lot of money. (E-Harmony by the way – is a scam).

But now I’m older, wiser and ready to shop for a man.

Why not? Mr. Right Now is never going to become Mr. Right. And if Sydney’s fairy tale curse is destined to come true, at least I can say I tried. Either that or I’ll get so sick of dating that bowl of muddy soup will sound more appealing than a man.

To be continued… (yes, again)

Next up – the Top 5 Online Dating Sites and steps on how to date online as a single parent.

In the meantime which online dating sites have you tried? Any success?

Go pick a man up. I dare you!

mssinglemama — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:40:27 +0000

It’s Spring. I’m feeling frisky … and I know you are too!

So… I dare you to ask a guy out.

If you’re like me and the idea of going out on a date makes your stomach squirm, then you get a reprieve. It’s only been one week since my break up, so I get to take a time out. As for the rest of you – how long has it been since your last date? If it’s been a while – then why aren’t you out there?

I know it’s a huge pain in the ass to date … but don’t you miss it? Are there any guys you have little crushes on? Could the feeling be mutual? Find out. Ask him. Put yourself out of your misery and just do it.

If you read my blog regularly you know I’m a huge advocate of women taking the plunge and asking men out, flat out

Here are a few little tid bits on asking men out.

1. Men love being asked out, it’s flattering.

2. (If they’re actually single) they rarely say “No.”

3. You seem confident and sexy.

4. You have nothing to lose. At the end of the day you know one way or another whether or not he likes you. Peace of mind is priceless.

5. Your gut is rarely wrong. If he’s been flirting with you or just smiling at you in the coffee shop, he’s probably into you. He’s giving you the green light.

6. Men are lazy when it comes to romance. They prefer it if we do the work – and that includes asking them out.

So I’m daring you all to ask someone out, a stranger, a friend or a crush…here’s how:

Find a common interest through conversation and then ask him if he’d like to join you the next time you go (insert activity here). Offer him your number (don’t get his). Then the ball is back in his court.

See? Easy as pie. Do it! It’s Spring! C’mon!

»So where are you going to find them? Read my Top Spots to Meet Men

Will he call? On asking men out…flat out.

mssinglemama — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:34:02 +0000

Rachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking), has had quite a few very, very interesting posts this week. She was wondering if she should seek out a date for Valentine’s Day. It’s been a year of pure singleness for Rachel after a painful break up.

I suggested she ask a man out. Why not? We single moms have to take matters into our own hands and when it comes to dating – that means picking up men. Seriously – asking them out, flat out.

So – she followed my advice and the advice of all of her readers – and did it. She asked a guy out! Now she’s waiting to see if he’ll call…get the details here...very exciting stuff! And read my comments in her posts for more on how this method has worked for me in the past.

Have you ever done it? I have always advocated this … as you can read in some of my former posts. Why? Because men rarely ask women out. And if we do it – we are automatically a million times sexier because we are “confident, assertive” women who want them. They just love it. Once you realize the power you have when it comes to men you’ll be forever changed. Besides – it’s just fun.

Top Spots to Meet Men (kid tested and mama approved)

mssinglemama — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 22:43:27 +0000

Before you read this – know this – men rarely approach women.

What they will do is throw a glance or two your way, or make it a point to keep crossing your path. Until we can train our children to throw cupcakes at men to get their attention – we’ll have to take matters into our own hands. But before you can approach them you have to find them. And for a single mom – that’s the tough part. We’re rarely away from our kids if we’re not at work. So here are tons of kid-friendly spots to meet Mr. Right or just a cute boy toy.

My Top Places to Meet Men (all kid-tested and mama approved)

Festivals or concerts – the men at festivals and concerts are one step abbove the men you’ll meet at a bar. They enjoy good music, culture and are active members in their community.
Community social groups – check out Craigslist.com – there’s a world of groups out there. Try a community hike – gives you tons of conversation starters and the kids will love it.
The grocery store (on a Monday night) – if you haven’t noticed yet, grocery stores are FULL – FULL of single men on Monday nights. Not sure why. Probably because the stores are nice and quiet. Men hate shopping, so they often don’t put it on the top of their list over a weekend.
The bookstore or the library – conversation starters galore. “Is that a good book?” “Have you tried the coffee here?” Etc.
The park – yes, I’ve actually picked up a man at the park with Benjamin. He was a single dad. It was awesome. Didn’t work out, but felt great knowing that there are men out there.
The sidewalk – if he’s really hot you could accidentally bump into him with the stroller. I’ve been very, very tempted to do this a few times but chickened out.
The coffee shop – at my local coffee shop there’s a kid’s play area. Benjamin loves to run around the place throwing balls to men. They usually all play along. It’s adorable and he does the work for me.
Online – there are a lot of men to meet. I have yet to have a good experience from online dating. If you do want to try it – choose a site like Yahoo Personals or Match.co m where you can search the men for free. Or better yet, MySpace. You can search your zip and find men by age, relationship status or industry. The biggest plus – you can search their profile and get a quick snapshot of their true personality/style. DO NOT use E-Harmony. It’s a scam. Here’s my E-Harmony dating review.