by mssinglemama on December 17, 2009
Do you know what you would want from a man if he popped into your life (not what you need, but what you want)?
Here’s a starter list of some man qualities I think are mandatory before he can be single mom worthy:
1. Respect for you and the kids.
2. He should like you (a little bit) more than you like him. You should be fawned over because you don’t have time for the other way around. Soon it will balance out. But, at the beginning, you should be chased.
3. He accepts your past. I, as a single mom, have yet to make it far enough with someone who questioned my past or held it against me. I am almost certain I can pick these types of guys out from a line-up, so maybe that’s why. Regardless of how jerkdar accuaracy, avoid them like the plague. Bcause soon, they’ll be bringing up your past – the past the two of you share. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
4. He’s a role model. No drugs. No cheating. No jerk behavior. No abuse. And, an obvious one, but something to just put out there in black and white – would you be okay if your children grew up to be just like him?
5. He must respect the “kid thing”. If he gripes for a second about the kid, or battles for their attention then – sorry! - he’s not the one. There’s a difference, by the way, between legitimate concern over not enough one-on-one adult time and what I call griping. Use this as a measure – if he sounds at all like he’s whining [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on September 6, 2009
by mssinglemama on May 10, 2009
I often skip to the end of a story before it even starts.
My relationships are no exception.
When one begins I imagine the end.
But usually they don’t begin with flowers on Mother’s Day and a card from your three-year-old son.
I am telling this story without knowing the end and without predicting the end.
A new leaf.
—-
We met at 7:30 in the morning.
“So how much do you guys know about search engine optimization?” I was mingling with the crowd, getting a feel for their knowledge on the subject before I started my presentation. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 21, 2008
The other night on Twitter (my new addiction) I stumbled across an interesting Tweet from a guy named Seth. Then I clicked through to his blog and felt like I’d slipped into the world of my male alter-ego. If I were a dude and childless, I think I’d be him.
I immediately asked him for a guest post on dating single moms… and just a few days later – here it is. (I love those productive types). I think you’ll love him too after reading this post, just what the doctor ordered for any single mom and the men who are lucky enough to date one of us.
And be sure to check out Seth’s blog, The Dating Papers.
——
On Dating Single Moms
By Seth, author of The Dating Papers
“I’m the mother of three kids. Ages 2 through 7. They live with me,” she said over a spoonful of macadamia white chocolate ice cream.
I remember Kathleen’s exact words not for their syllables but for the look on her face as she said them. The blank look of expectation as she waited for me to voice my rejection.
“You’re kidding. I’m not ready to have a family.” She expected me to say. Most single moms expect guys to run when they mention a child. This need not be the case. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on September 2, 2008
My first post, How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1 is a nice list of what men can expect when dating a single mom. But it lacks detail.
And of all of the e-mails I receive, the most common are e-mails from men who have fallen for single moms and the theme question is this:
“I can’t tell if she likes me or if she’s blowing me off. If I go by your advice I should be patient and expect her to keep me at a distance but how can I tell if she’s just not that into me?”
My advice is always to ask her point blank (rip that band aid). But that is probably THE scariest bit of advice I can give them. Men don’t like talking about things – especially the “Do you like me, I like you thing.” So, fellas, here’s some more advice. If you can’t tell clearly that she’s into you, there’s a good chance she’s not but when you’re dating a single mom there’s also a chance she’s keeping you at arms length, afraid to fall. Why? Because she’s been here before, she’s seen the likes of you and even if her heart is telling her to dive right in her mind is screaming “Watch Out”. Can you blame her? So how do you tell if a single mom likes you or not?
I think the more fitting advice in your situation is this – stop worrying about whether or not she likes you and get busy – make her like you, earn her trust and her love.
How to Win a Single Mom’s Trust and Her Heart
1. Ask her how she is doing. First and foremost, on a date, at the beginning of a phone conversation… always ask her how she is doing. This may seem obvious but there are so many men I’ve dated who fail to ask me how I’m doing. (I know, atrocious, that’s why I’m not dating them anymore). The men who ask, wait for an answer, listen to the answer and then respond with encouraging words are the men who catch my attention.
2. Ask her about the kids. Don’t force this. Be genuine. But ask about her children. She may assume you want nothing to do with her little ones, but asking proves that you do want to learn more about that side of her life. [click to continue…]
