We’ve been down to Athens. Up to Cleveland. Back to Columbus. And now Benjamin and I are prepping to take off for Chicago. Then after Chicago it’s back to Cleveland for a wedding on New Year’s Eve.
I should be doing something cool like leaving a bread crumb trail across Ohio and the Midwest, but instead I’m just taking a lot of pictures. Like this one of Mom’s new house.
John and I survived our first holidays together, but not without some growing pains.
Our relationship is moving into another territory. I go back and forth between being completely freaked out by the idea of commitment to completely embracing of whatever the future brings. We were talking about it one night, about 2010 and what comes next when I felt completely cold, frozen in fear.
The fear is of myself, of my own misjudgment in the past. The fear that I’ll change my mind or wake up one day wanting something else. I’m sure these are all defense mechinisms, finely tuned beyond the point of recognition – protecting me from truly feeling and experiencing love.
I was washing the dishes and wishing I could be one of the plates. Clean now. Ready for another meal. Completely unaware of what happened in the past. Then John said, “I know I’m a big, hairy Irish guy but come on? I’m not that bad, am I?”
No, baby, I thought as I hugged him – you’re not that bad at all, you’re absolutely perfect.
It’s me.
Marriage and the thought of marriage sends chills down my spine. I’ve been there before and it was a nightmare. And even though John and my ex couldn’t be more different, they have one thing in common – me. And I am not a plate.
But the more milestones we survive, the more he surprises me with his ability to calm me down, to walk me back from that cliff I become convinced that he may just be the best damn dishwasher I’ve ever met.
Do you think if I played dead for a day I’d wake up and the house would be clean, the bags would be packed, the cooking would be finished and the Thanksgiving meals would be had.
Slightly random but cheerful stuff to make you smile…
Here’s an article I wrote for Single Minded Women.com on being a single mom over the holidays. I wrote this weeks ago – hadn’t read it again until now. And, it actually just cheered me up. Odd. Me cheering myself up. Any hoo… I’m completely insane – just ignore that part – and hopefully you’ll find some great tips on how to get through the holidays while being solo and childfull.
And this, my lovelies, is an absolutely fantastic piece writen by Kristin on Work It Mom. She found a study actually proving that single moms spend just as much time, if not more time with their kids, than married moms. Reading this just gave me some kind of closure I didn’t even know I needed.
A picture of our Christmas tree, which I managed to actually get up early this year. Yes, now, is early. I caught Benjamin gazing into the lights the other night – mesmerized. A few hours later he was smacking it with a pillow though, so I’m not quite sure how he feels about our new friend.
On a completely unrelated note (did I already tell you I’m crazy), there’s a production company out in fancy schmancy Los Angeles looking for an instant family. If you know a childless man or woman who is marrying a single parent with kids (the more the merrier) who would like to be on national TV e-mail ally_weinberg@pietown.tv. You can live anywhere in the U.S.
And last but not least…
a Merry Christmas to you all from my adorable and very practical toddler (sorry I held the camera sideways and I can’t rotate it back around in iMovie without losing half of the picture).
Still priceless though and proof positive that two stockings are better than three!
UPDATE: He’s dressed like a girl (tights and a sparkle shirt) because he had just gotten home from his best friend Sydney’s house where he plays dress up. Can’t believe I left that out before. Um, yeah, crazy.
