We all need reminders that life is precious. If we all had more, perhaps our relationships would be different, our lives and our existence. It’s a bit of a black fortune, I think, to know what true loss feels like.

The fortune is only that now you truly appreciate life. We all say “life is short” but now you know it is and you live your life differently than you lived it before. There is a stark difference in your life between that before and after and it’s very hard to explain to those who have not lost or experienced such a tragedy.

The black part of my black fortune is a sharp dagger in the pit of my stomach that feels raw again every time Benjamin asks, “Where is my grandpa?” The questions are growing more frequent as he gets older and more curious. I answer as best as I am capable and quietly hope against everything that Benjamin never sees me suffer in the same way.

“Is he in Heaven?”

The Heaven idea had to have come from someone else. They must have responded to Benjamin’s declaration that “My grandpa died of cancer,” with a thoughtful, “Well, he’s in Heaven now, Honey.”

Because I am not religious and don’t pretend to be, I have been telling Benjamin that his grandfather is in the clouds.

“Sure, some people call it Heaven, babe. But it could be another planet, or maybe even a star. We just don’t know. But he is out there somewhere and you know where he always is?”

“Where?” asks Benjamin.

“In your heart. Shut your eyes.” We shut our eyes together and I put my hand on his heart.

“Do you feel him?”

I am trying to feel him as well, I know he is there. More apparently on some days than others.

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, he is there whether you can feel him or not.”

“Can I get a jet pack to go up to see him?”

“No, you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m sorry, Benjamin, but you won’t get to see him while you’re here.”

“But when I die I can see him?”

“Yes.”

“Cool!”

And then he gazes out the window at the clouds overhead and I can see him wishing he could meet this person, this magical grandfather. Benjamin has no grandfather, aside from John Bear’s dad, and even his Uncles all live out of state. It’s just so hard because my father would have been one of those grandfathers that moves mountains for his grandkids.

These conversations almost always happen in the car.

Maybe it’s because every morning we drive by my father’s childhood street. He only grew up a few streets down from ours, something I treasure. Maybe he walked on the sidewalk in front of our house. Maybe he can see us now, here. Happy. But, maybe he can’t. There is no way of knowing and with every year that passes I miss him even more, I miss saying “Dad” out loud, I miss his smell, his long, Dad arms, his inner strength and his smile. But most of all, I want him here for Benjamin.

So, this black fortune.

It does give you awareness and makes life more vivid, but there is nothing you wouldn’t give to have them back. Your only option is to keep living and live on for the one you have lost, as they would have wanted you to.

That’s why Matt Logelin, one of my dearest blogging and real-life friends, is a hero in my eyes. Matt lost his wife Liz just a few hours after she gave birth to their daughter, Maddy. His pain over the loss of Liz and his love for their beautiful daughter Maddy is now on the pages of his new book.

The book, out today is titled Two Kisses for Maddy and it will change your life.

Please, please read the excerpt here. The forward alone will stay with you forever.

And, Matt, you are truly today’s Shakespeare. There is no doubt about that. And a remarkable writer.

Related posts:

1. A reminder and a secret.
2. Gloom and Doom
3. Gone Baby, Gone

As single moms can we really, truly be friends with married moms?

Absolutely we can.

Friendships are about a connection or a common bond – at least that’s how mine have all begun. With that said as a single mom I’ve found it harder to make new married mom friends. Maybe it’s just because we don’t swim in the same circles or maybe it’s because it’s hard to meet moms period.

Read this answer posted by Kelli on my single moms forum when I asked, “can single moms really be friends with married moms?”:

I think it’s hard to meet and form friendships with any type of Mom, whether married or single! I don’t know what it is, but I try and try and it is difficult!

We’re all just so busy. I think that’s one of the main reasons my tight circle of friends is now almost entirely made up of single moms. They’re as flexible as I am and very spontaneous. And we can sit around and talk about dating for hours which is huge.

With that said I’ve already met one of John Bear‘s friends who happens to be one half of a couple and I love her to death. She lives in Yellow Springs, Ohio but I’m already so excited to hang out with she and her husband again. I just loved them. And his sister and brother-in-law too – adored them.

For me, this is huge and I actually feel more of a need now, than ever before, to surround myself with married couples who are happy. Now I need to learn a new set of lessons.

I think that as we change as individuals our friendships stand to change. There are the deeper friendships that last a lifetime, fortunately I have quite a few of those, and there are those of mutual benefit.

My friendship with Mia is one of both. After I write this I’m going to dig through my closet so she has some work pants to wear today and last week when I had bronchitis she drove Benjamin to school every morning. She is like a sister to me. We have been friends since we were five. And now we are both single moms.

Her recent singleness has actually given our friendship a new life. No longer do I have to bite my tongue about her ex and now she has half as much free time to hang out with Benjamin and I. I’m not quite sure what my world would be like without Mia and we’ve been friends and will continue to be friend through whatever life throws at us but now that we’re both single moms we are talking more and seeing each other more.

So when I posed this question to the Momversation panel what I really wanted to know was, aside from those lifelong friendships, after you become a single mom or a married mom are you more inclined to befriend solo or coupled moms?

Watch this awesome discussion on Momversation to find out what they had to say:

And please check out the rest of the comments to the discussion on my single moms forum or leave a new comment here.

Related posts:

1. Can single moms have married friends?
2. The Married Single Mom
3. The two bravest single moms I know.

And I couldn’t be happier about it.

Tell her I said hello.

xoxo

so excited.

I can’t seem to pinch myself hard enough.

If you haven’t found single parent friends yet, use Twitter. You can actually search for people in your neighborhood who are using certain words. So, I could look for someone who has said “single mom” within 100 miles from me. Try it. There are Tweetups in just about every city and if not, you can organize one.

I, of course, didn’t use Twitter to meet Kristin. No, I chose to offend her by describing her actions with the word “puke.”

Yeah, I’m a real class act.

Apparently she’s forgiven me.

This is a good thing. Because in three weeks Benjamin and I will be wanting to play with her dog while refraining ourselves from throwing his stuff on her ex’s front porch.

Related posts:

1. On fake wedding rings.
2. Momma Cum Laude’s daughter is here!!!