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Brave or just crazy?

mssinglemama — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:15:46 +0000

I had lunch with a fellow social media diva extraordinaire yesterday. Known online as Advergirl, Leigh Householder, is just as awesome as you think she would be. She’s charming, witty and bursting with all kinds of class and smarts. I just adore her.

“That was really brave,” she told me when I relayed the story of my decision to quit my day job and blog full-time.

“Yes, very brave.” I glanced down into my plate and then thought to myself, or completely crazy.

The verdict is still out.

While I do feel brave and gloriously fulfilled in most moments there are always the other doubtful moments. They sneak up on me when I least expect them and I am suddenly scared to death that I am going to completely fail at this entrepreneur thing. But not once have I regretted my decision. I am trying something I’ve always wanted to try, chasing a dream that has always been calling out to me.

With that said, a former 9-5 working stiff, I am still learning how to manage my time and my priorities. Over the next few months, I will have to invest most of my working hours into my little up and coming search and social marketing group. I’ll still be here but if I you see less posts, that’s why. This heavy work load is just temporary while I get this business off of the ground.

As for the brave or crazy verdict, I’m not sure but I think it runs in the family.

P.S. The exciting conclusion to my Trip Story is coming… just taking me a while to write between everything else.

The weekend

mssinglemama — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 00:13:43 +0000

On Saturday morning John Bear (he now has a first name) and I headed up north to Cleveland for his cousin’s wedding. Between meeting his entire family and the ceremony we took a drive and made a few pit stops along the way.

The first to snap a shot of this

and the second to pick up a wedding card at this place, with a giant robot outside

and tons of memories inside.

Big Fun. Check the place out if you’re ever in Cleveland.

I could have spent the entire day in there, staring at those toys and remembering what it was like to be that young, that innocent. But when I look into his eyes I do feel completely young again, new almost. Like I’m starting over on a clean white sandy beach with not a soul in sight but his and Benjamin’s.

There’s a peace in finding this kind of a connection – a peace I may have lost hope of ever finding. But now it’s here and the only thing we can do is enjoy every moment.

After wishing we were 8 again, we headed to the reception pre-party at John Bear’s uncle Mark’s. It was here that I walked out onto the drive way and right into a total Bear bashing by this guy and this guy – John’s little (and single) brother and his brother-in-law.

Apparently the word is out about this blog and my little nick name for John. The Bear jokes would last the entire night. But John took it like any Bear would, he laughed and then sent a wink or two my way.

Between Uncle Mark’s and the wedding reception we stopped along the way to take a few glamour shots of our fabulous wedding outfits.

At the reception we took our seats at table #7. More luck. I’m not quite sure what to do with all of it or where it’s coming from… but I can’t seem to shake it off.

Part of me thinks I’ve died and gone to heaven.

As luck or fate would have it – I adored his family, each and every one of them. All I can hope is that they feel the same way about me because I’m thinking I may want to keep their John Bear.

We woke up Sunday morning and headed back to Columbus where we rescued our babysitter from Benjamin and headed straight to Athens for another kind of party.

Benjamin’s cousin’s third birthday party.

It feels like just yesterday that these two were just an idea, the little projects growing in their mommy’s tummies as my older sister and I gabbed on the phone about what baby clothes we’d bought or how long it would take our husbands to get the cribs together.

And now another story is here… another story entirely.

[I also want to point out the dude crouched under the pine tree with the camera - he's my brother Ezra and he is awesome. This Friday he's graduating with a Master's. Being Ezra he told me about it today and being the proud big sister I am I have to be there to watch him finally make that walk.

Unfortunately that means I'll be missing Morgan's wedding and her bachelorette party at the Hyatt in Lexington. Both the party and the ceremony will be broadcast live here - so tune in.]

P.S.

If you want some more good party reading check out my post about Benjamin’s third birthday party surprise and then the party for the kids (and adults) that followed.

Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son?

mssinglemama — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 03:19:14 +0000

I get a lot of e-mails. Some are encouraging, others are from admirers (too funny), some are hateful and then there are the e-mails too urgent to ignore – the e-mails I can’t answer solo. So, with their permission, I pose the question to you – my readers – in hopes that you can offer the advice I can’t. This time, it’s a doozy.

Krissy, 30, is a single mother to her 7-month-old son. Two weeks after she told her boyfriend she was pregnant, he dumped her for someone else. She’s been alone ever since. Her ex only visits his son once a month and when he does… well, just read what she wrote:

He (my ex) is so irresponable with him, he wont listen to me when I try to tell him things, like support him better when you hold him, (he has almost dropped him several times) he has fallen off the bed in his care, he got stuck under a chair in his care, he often ignores him.
I’m so concerned and worried because come September I need to finish college and my ex is offering to look after him while I’m in class. I can’t afford daycare right now. I’m so afraid something terrible is going to happen to my son out of neglect… he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad because it cramps his style. His parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.

I think it’s clear this guy should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with his son. So what should she do? Finishing college is extremely important for Krissy. Are there any child care courses stupid, ass men like this one can take?

Any advice on finding quality, yet affordable child care? Are there any child care cost assistance programs out there? Krissy is reading this – so please… anything will help

Previous Single Mom S.O.S. posts:

Can she take the kids overseas?

Her Ex wants full-custody

Explaining the break-up to the kids

Should I leave my husband?

[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]

Beam me up, Scottie: To Denmark Please!

mssinglemama — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:41:58 +0000

Two weeks from today – I’ll be here.

With this guy...

And now it’s starting to set in.

I haven’t let myself think about it. I try not to get excited about things. Instead, I stay cool, calm … and then just a few days before it happens – I freak out. Right now, just writing this is making me nervous with excitement. The chocolates, the little cafes, the delicious food, the museums, the shopping and the smiling Danes.

So…

I have yet to even think about what I’m going to pack. Any suggestions? It’s been raining in Denmark for a week straight. I’m thinking I should invest in a super cute rain coat. If you see any out there surfing leave the link. I need help. NO time to shop. Just enough time to order one online though.

I’m packing light. Wish I could put Benjamin in my suitcase. But if he were with me – I might never come back. We’d just steal away – disappearing into Europe never to be found again. Best if he stays back and best if Mommy finally does something that’s 100% for herself. Wondering if this is even possible.

The nice thing about Thomas is that he doesn’t take from me or ask anything of me – he just enjoys me. He doesn’t need me to hold his hand or coax him through tragic life issues. So all of the ingredients are there! Beam me up, Scottie.

Departing August 19th

Returning August 28th

And, of course, I’ll be posting throughout the trip. I want to take you all with me so I’ll be doing it virtually.

A new smile.

mssinglemama — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 03:33:10 +0000

Funny how little I care after seeing him in that much pain. Glad it’s gone. Sayonara dead tooth. Too bad though. Especially after all of the hard work Benjamin put into getting them in the first place… here is teething at 5-months…

And still… gnawing at 8 months.

Not sure when they finally came in. I didn’t have this blog, no journal – everything was moving so quickly. Sucks. But I took a lot of pictures.

These two are from the first year at mom’s. Can’t remember the details of the days as much as I can the feelings that surrounded them. Work. More work. Love. Laughter. Heartache. Work again. Frustration. Anger. Rinse and repeat. And then a release… I adapted.

At least, I like to think that I have. We shall see… have you adapted to single motherhood yet?

The Great Dane

A bond no man can break. Sorry guys.

mssinglemama — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:57:24 +0000

Last Thursday night Benjamin woke up screaming in pain.

I ran upstairs. His body was lurching forward and backward, legs kicking. Finally I calmed him down and said, “Is it your tooth, baby? Does your tooth hurt?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Okay. Listen. Tomorrow morning, first thing, we’ll go to the Sticker Doctor (the dentist) and he’ll take the tooth away. Alright?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Until then I gave him some Motrin and watched him drift off to sleep.

When we got to the hospital the next morning, the dentist looked at both of us – bracing himself – he remembered us from the last time when Benjamin fought the body wrap with so much strength that he nearly broke free.

Benjamin looked at that long chair and the board they were going to strap him into and then looked at me.

“You’re going to be fine baby,” I’m trying to choke back my own tears because I hate this shit, “You will. You’re going to be brave and strong. And it is going to hurt, but only for a little bit. And when you’re done they’ll give you Thomas stickers, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

And then an entire room of adults were completely humbled and awed by the strength of a little 2-year-old. Benjamin laid down on the chair, offered up his wrists so they could be tied and completely relaxed. He locked into my eyes and I started carressing his little feet – the only things sticking out of the body wrap.

First the laughing gas, which he breathed slowly, then the long numbing needle and then the actual tooth pulling. Not one of these phased him. He was completely calm the entire time. Stoic. Strong. Brave.

The dentists couldn’t believe it. Never before had they ever seen a “2-year-old extraction” go so well. Never. When we were walking out the dentist was telling the story to a group of residents and nurses, “There he is… completely still the entire time.” They were all shaking their heads in disbelief and giving Benjamin loud cheers.

Where does this come from? This strength? This tolerance for pain? From me or his father? Or maybe he just really loves Thomas stickers. We finally got into the car. Benjamin was clutching his stickers for dear life (all 15 of them – the nurses were very generous). And finally the tears came. Tears of pride. The first I’ve ever had in my life.

I turned my head and shouted, “Benjamin – you kicked ASS! You were AMAZING! Give me five!”

And he did. He slapped me a high five and nodded his head. His toothless grin all lop-sided thanks to the numbness. I love that kid. More than anything. Our bond, as he’s growing older, is becoming more and more apparent. He and I are officially soul mates, bound at the hip or connected to each other for the rest of our lives – because we are in this together.

I love it.

And when I read nasty YouTube comments from men who would never date a single mom because they’d always come second to her child, I think… “Yeah, you’re damn right you would because I’m second to him too. The kid comes first – always.” And if any man can’t understand that a child should come first – then he is a child himself.

As my mom told me the other night, “If someone can’t love a kid, than they can’t love anyone.”

Peace my single mamas.

This single mama is going to have a very relaxing Monday night – the one night of week of pure “Me” time.

Life is short, get a divorce.

mssinglemama — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 03:27:28 +0000

I’ve got nothing, so I’m giving you another fantastic link that’s sure to get your brain going or at the very least, entertain you for a second…

The reason for the link? Because I love you – and I want to make you smile. And I don’t have much time to write tonight.

Spent today cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. So sexy. The house is still trashed. I don’t get it. How can such a tiny little human make such a phenomenol mess, over and over and over again? And I think I actually cooked three meals today. Should be sleeping right now… and will be in a second.

But first, I have to pass this on… check out this post from DivorceDrama.net featuring a collection of divorce photos including one with a law firm’s billboard that says, “Life is short, get a divorce” and the one I’ve pictured here.

I’ve never been a vengeful person, but the future ex-wife billboard is pretty cool.

Would you ever do something like that? Did you ever do anything like that?

Photo Credit: DivorceDrama.net

No related posts.

Top 5 Single Mom Movies

mssinglemama — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:32:44 +0000

1. E.T.

How long has it been since you’ve seen E.T.? It had been years for me. I completely forgot that Elliott’s mother is a single mom. Do you remember the scene in the kitchen with Elliott says “Dad would believe me.” Wow.

And Benjamin LOVES this movie. There are flying bikes, the moon, frogs, toys, an alien and candy.

Here’s a clip with the scene about Dad running off to Mexico with another woman. WARNING – Elliott’s brother calls him “penis breath” (which I think is hilarious) but it may offend some of you. They don’t make them like this anymore.

Read more to see the next 4 Top Single Mom Movies…

2. Chocolate

A free-spirited single mother falls for Johnny Depp, but will he stay? In the meantime she brings love back to an entire French village with her magical chocolates. This is one of favorite movies ever.

3. Paris Je Taime

Eighteen, five minute shorts about love with this poignant one about a single mother. WARNING- you might cry if you watch this – save it for your lunch hour. This is just one of the shorts, some are funny some are sad, some will move you – all are about love. A must see.

4. Jerry McGuire

You complete me. Woo hoo. Tom Cruise falls for a single mom. Here’s the famous scene.

5. That up to you!!

[FILL IN THE BLANK]

What is your favorite single mom movie?? Tell me which great single mom or single parent movies you’ve discovered.

Enjoy the weekend. I hope you all have time to relax, grab some popcorn and watch one of these.

P.S. I’m out of my funk!!! If you’re still in yours or having a bad day – watch this – my Top 10 Most Beautiful Men in the World list.

This shit ain’t easy (a bedtime story).

mssinglemama — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:14:13 +0000

Today sucked. Everything caught up with me.

Working full-time, being a mom, trying to date – mix all of that with a good dose of self-doubt and you’ve got the ingredients for one grumpy mama. I’m also dead tired.

Last night Benjamin kissed me good night and prounced off to my bedroom, jumped into my bed and curled up on my pillow. I caved when I tried to move him and he said, “NO! I go nigh-nigh Mommy.” He’s so independent. So fiercly adorable. I had to respect it and besides, he was passing out. Seemed like a good idea.

But then he kicked and stirred all night. Bad idea.

Because of my hazy, foggy day of dead tired doom – Benjamin got ice cream for dinner. Yep. You heard me. Ice cream for dinner.

On the sidewalk in my little urbanized neighborhood, the happy couples are out in force.

Some are at the start of their relationships… flawless outfits, perfume and cologne dripping out of their pores and sheepish gazes. They’ve found each other – a different kind of haze.

Then there were the veterans. The happy married couples. They’ve been in their haze for a while. Their eyes are different. The spark isn’t new but it’s there – gleaned over time, so wise, so sure. Each holding one of their children’s hands. The kids say hello to Benjamin while their parents smile at the strange little boy pushing his stroller- swerving through people, avoiding curbs and silly potted plants. He can’t see over the top and has no idea where he’s going.

He’s shouting too, “I wok to muh house, see? I wok! To muuuu (crescendo)hhhh house!!! Bye!” And his mom is snapping pictures like a dork. Because I love this stuff, have to capture it. Can’t let it go.

Across the street is the bar patio where Benjamin’s father kissed me for the first time.

We were on our first date. They’ve replaced the old iron tables with shiny, metal tin things. The building is one of the oldest in the neighborhood but, like the tables, the people on the patio are young and fake looking.

Drunk laughter is seeping into the air just like the cigarettes they’re dragging. The single and childless. So free. I used to drink myself into tears at that bar or run upstairs to dance to live music. If I didn’t have Benjamin tonight, after a day like today, I’d be there. Commiserating with friends, chasing something or momentarily forgetting all of my worries. The place where Benjamin started.

And then he snaps me out of it. No longer the feeling after a kiss or a distant soul I have yet to meet. He’s here. And he’s about to push the damn stroller into the street.

While balancing my steaming hot mocha, I grab his little body with my free hand and use my leg to pull the stroller back onto the sidewalk. Not a drop spilt and my son is still alive. Single mom reflexes, either physical or emotional, are a force to be reckoned with.

But even bad ass single mom reflexes can’t save me from the occassional bad day.

Today was one of them. I needed someone to care. Someone to try to lift my spirits because I couldn’t lift my own. Annoying thoughts. Pointless thoughts. Then – after the ice cream, after the stroller and after his bath – an amazing thing happened. I was crashing on the chair in Benjamin’s room when he pulled out an Elmo book, smiled at me and then played one of those musical buttons. He looked at me with a wry little smile and said, “C’mon mommy! Sing!” Annoying songs were sung. Tickles were freely flowing and all was right in the world.

Bad day is over now. Thanking the world for Benjamin. And don’t worry about me, this funk will be lost in my dreams and as soon as I hit publish. Writing it out, sharing it – seems crazy – but it really helps.

Cheers to tomorrow and to single parents – because this shit ain’t easy. May we each find our way, whichever way that may be and no matter how tired or grumpy we may be when we get there.

If you liked this post, check these out too:

My Worst Enemy (the grocery store)
The Case of the Missing Tomatoes

Video: Cowboy Benjamin thwarts Mommy.

mssinglemama — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:45:26 +0000

On a lighter note … this is hysterical and it’s all real.

This Saturday afternoon I let Benjamin entertain himself in front of the recording iMac again. This time I gave him a cowboy hat … but that’s just the beginning.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyYxdle9vwU

Watch what happens when I show up with some clean clothes.