Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » Facebook

For my stalkers…

mssinglemama — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:47:51 +0000

UPDATE: Just announced a really cool Down with the Ex-Man Contest on Facebook. Check it out, the prize is a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored and a New Leaf Necklace and Earrings Set.
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I now have my Facebook set to automatically update my Twitter.

It means I’ll be in both places at once.

Don’t you love technology? Those geek guys in California are doing such a great job of making everything so much easier for us social media addicts. If you would prefer not to hear my constant virtual chatter, or if you’re too embarassed to fan me on Facebook (I totally understand), then check up with me throughout the day on that little Facebook box, widget fan page thing on the right hand side of my blog. See it? With all of your beautiful faces smiling back at me – that’s my favorite part.

So… pick your poison - Facebook or Twitter and stalk away!

P.S.

And if you want to subscribe to my blog in your Google Reader or other RSS reader click here.

P.P.S.

If you want to see my videos before I post them on my blog, subscribe to my YouTube channel here. Every time I upload a video you’ll get an e-mail, which typically happens hours before I actually publish the video here on my blog.

How to Date Online (for the single parent).

mssinglemama — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 03:47:14 +0000

I jumped into the online dating pool again last week. And wow is it busy out there…

As a single mom, finding the time to date is hard enough as it is, not even to mention actually findingthe men to date.

So, online dating is perfect for us. We get to curl up in our pajamas, grab a glass of wine and man shop. Yes, I said man shopping.

Sue me. I like my men and yes, I like to shop for men.

When it comes to man shopping, online dating is much easier than a night out at the bars, where your judgement is incredibly clouded by a drunken haze. And while man shopping does feel a bit odd – you can actually narrow your search down to eye color – it can still be romantic. It’s a new age and online dating is now 100% acceptable, if not the norm in some places, and for dating single parents it’s incredibly efficient.

If you’re on the fence, why not just see who’s out there? So far, I’m finding quite a few tasty prospects: a few doctors, a firefighter, a lawyer, and a musician! Before I tell you the ins and outs – the politics of online dating – here’s a starter course for the beginners, if you’re more experienced move right on:

Online Dating 101 (for beginners)

1. Sign up for free and then you can surf away.

You’ll have to set up a profile with your headline, your description, all of that junk. But don’t stress out. Just write whatever flows because you can go and edit it later. And if you’re on Match or Yahoo, you can set your profile to private so no one can see you. Pretty nifty, huh? So you can search and peak at all of the guys but they won’t know. And you can even set your profile to be non-searchable, meaning you won’t turn up in any public searches. This is a huge plus if you’re worried about privacy. And it means you are completely in control. A man only sees your profile if you contact him first.

2. Prepare yourself for the rejection.

When I first delved into online dating, on e-Harmony, I was surprised at how much the rejection stung. Just like in real life, you throw yourself out there and then you can get slammed down. But – this too shall pass. You’ll become numb to it and you’ll feel better when you flip around and reject someone else. It just goes with the territory. Everyone is on there for the same reason and the virtual divide allows complete honesty.

3. Watch out for profile red flags.

Just like real life red flags, online profiles have them too. One picture? Red flag. Either he doesn’t know how to use a computer (not good) or he is fooling you with the one good picture he has – that, by the way, was shot five years ago. You need multiple pictures. Other red flags… “I just got out of a relationship so I’m back on the market ladies!” Yikes. Stay away from those guys. Unless he’s exceptionally hot and you’re just looking for fun. My point is this – read profiles carefully and listen to your gut.

Now you’re ready for the big time… dating online.

After my disasterous dive into e-Harmony last year, I chose Plenty of Fish this time around. Honestly, because it’s free… and it’s now the top online dating site out there. So here’s the drill, or at least my drill, while swimming with the millions of online daters. (And I’m still a newbie so correct me if I’m wrong.)

1. Surf and throw the bait.

I love Match, Plenty of Fish and Yahoo Personals because you have the power to search profiles. e-Harmony’s “matching system” is a scam, trust me I’ve tried. So, on search dating sites like Match you can narrow your criteria and search for the guy of your dreams. You can even go so far as to narrow him down by eye and hair color. Or, my favorite feature, children! Narrow your search or expand your search. Have fun with it and above all, laugh at yourself – think about it – you are man shopping! It’s funny.

2. The first contact.

You spot a catch. So what’s your first move? An e-mail. Keep it short and sweet. Say something like, “I noticed your profile, check out mine and if you’re interested let me know.” Throw in a comment about something on his profile for bonus points – he may have 20 e-mails to sort through so make yourself stand out. I’ve had SO many e-mail on Plenty of Fish… and I’ve only been on there for a week – but it seems like the guys are copying and pasting the same e-mail to dozens of women. There are no specifics, nothing about me or something they noticed in my profile. But don’t go overboard.

3. The reply.

He may ignore your e-mail, read it and delete it (you can see this on Plenty of Fish), or he’ll write back. So he’s interested. Now what? I hate actually checking my online dating e-mail, so if I feel comfortable I give them my personal e-mail or my MySpace page. Asking for a MySpace or Facebook page is fantastic because, unlike the dating sites, MySpace and Facebook give you an instant read into their personality, their style, their taste in music, their friends. Once I’ve checked out their MySpace or Facebook page then I’ll ask if we can chat on the phone.

4. The phone call.

A phone call is a must before you meet. You’re a single parent – dating, unfortunately, takes precious time away from you alone time and your kid time. Use the phone call as a chance to test the waters. Does he make you laugh? Does he ask about your day? Keep it brief if you can. Once I hit it off marvelously with a man on the phone – an e-Harmony guy – we talked for hours. And then, a few days later when we met, and there was absolutely no spark, it was incredibly awkward. I basically had to tell him I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Not cool. So keep the phone call brief and if you’re feeling a click – ask him out on the first date.

5. The date.

To avoid an awkward date from hell, put a time limit on the first date from the start. Say something like, “Tuesday will work but I have to be at the gym (insert other excuse here) by 7:00.” And then, if you’re having an amazing time you can change your plans and say, “Oh, I’ll just skip the gym.” If you’re having a horrible time, get the hell out of there and go meet your girlfriends. Another great idea – meet during your lunch break at work – you’ll only have 45 minutes.

6. The virtual dump.

So it didn’t work out? No big deal. Send him an e-mail like this one.

Done and done.

Above all… have fun! My status – I have a date with a hot firefighter from Plenty of Fish! I’m thinking next week, but he doesn’t know that yet. I still have to call him to set it up. As always, I’ll keep you posted…

Another post you might like:

»MySpace, Facebook and Dating in the Virtual World

Bragging rights (thanks to you!)

mssinglemama — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 11:58:17 +0000

I am actually listed right under Dooce on Alltop’s list of the top mom bloggers.

Color me speechless. Dooce, Heather B. Armstrong, is my personal hero. So it’s very surreal to see my name next to hers. If you haven’t checked out Alltop yet - get over there. Could be just a random shuffling order fluke, but I’ll enjoy seeing my name next to hers while I can. Thanks Guy!

Some other exciting news... iHeartSingleParents.com has asked me to lead their Dating & Advice group (note, I’m a dating expert not a relationship expert. Ha!). And Loovya.com, a new online dating site, has asked me to be a feature blogger, check out my posts here.

I still have yet to make a penny off of this blog, largely because I’ve been too lazy to activate my membership with the BlogAd network, which a dear friend and fellow blogger sponsored me to join. I’m just too busy writing, being a mommy and working full-time to get that going but it is definitely on the horizon.

All of this excitement is thanks to you … so my dear readers, I have a little perk to pass your way.Loovya is offering 50 of you a 3 month membership to their site at no charge. Right now the site is free to everyone, but your free 3 months will be good even after they start charging the masses. There aren’t very many members yet, but take advantage of this anyway. Who knows? You might just meet someone. The site kicks ass too, it’s not your average dating site. Think Facebook meets Match. Very refreshing because that’s how it should be. To take advantage of their offer to my readers, click here to register and enter the promotion code “mssinglemama”.

It’s my little thank you present, because without all of you I would be … well, that’s a scary thought so I just won’t go there.

And this weekend I’m headed off to San Francisco for a little vacation. Two days of travel and two days of play with Morgan Siler from iHeartSingleParents.com and Jim Everson from DepotDad.com. I’m excited but also nervous as hell because I’m leaving Benjamin. I know … he’ll be fine. But outside of one four day trip I took in March, we haven’t been apart since he was born 2.3 years ago.

During that mini vacation I missed him the entire time. So he may be fine but I don’t know if I will. I hate being away from him. I guess this weekend’s seperation will be a trial for the big seven day trip to Denmark in August.

When was your last vacation? Did you enjoy it or miss the kids the entire time? Have you even had one?

The Blogger Gods…

mssinglemama — Thu, 22 May 2008 03:16:21 +0000

Have a wicked sense of humor.

One week ago I told Prince Charming To Kiss My Ass. And three days later, the Blogger Gods dumped one on my doorstep. And then five days later, they took him away.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot. Nice way to torture a poor, lonely single mom. I wasn’t lonely before he got here, I was just fine – trucking along my merry little way. And then – poof – there was a man here, in my apartment, cooking, cleaning up, playing with Benjamin, letting me rest, making me laugh, annoying me (just a little) and then looking at me like I was a queen.

What in the hell was that? And how do I forget that it ever happened?

P.S.

I’m sure the said loneliness is just a temporary side effect of having a man suddenly thrust into my life. Should be back to normal soon. And I would write more, but I’m exhausted. But I will give this story the credit it’s due … soon. In the meantime, I’ll be pondering simple twists of fate and catching up on my sleep.

What happens when fate throws you for a loop? I usually just ride it out … and hang on tight, but I never let go of the steering wheel. Us single moms don’t have that luxury.

MySpace and Facebook Ex Purge

mssinglemama — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:58:34 +0000

I did it.

Just deleted several ex-boyfriends from my Facebook and MySpace pages. Felt wonderful! I highly recommend it. Now I can’t see them … and they can’t see me. There are a few reasons for this sudden decision, but to spare anyone’s feelings I won’t write about them.

All I can say is that … there are some guys who are earning the purple octopus label. There are others, who are fighting a valiant fight, defying the odds and making me scratch my head wondering when their purple octopus eyes will pop out.

There is hope.

In the meantime – WATCH THIS!!! A video on what Facebook or MySpace chatter would be like in real life.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrlSkU0TFLs

Here’s the original article.

Read my past post on Do You Keep Up with Your Ex on MySpace or Facebook for more virtual love fun.

Do you keep up with your ex on MySpace or Facebook?

mssinglemama — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:21:16 +0000

Crazy how MySpace and Facebook have changed the way we date. In just a few seconds you can scope out your ex’s relationship status, flirtatous comments and daily activities. Twitter makes it even worse. Maybe I should go on a delete binge tonight.

How often do you delete your the Ex-Profiles on MySpace and Facebook? Can you do it? Do you think I can?

Deleting an ex is like permanently severing all ties…but then I think of the ex’s who were my friends – the ones I genuinely want to stay in touch with. And then I think of the sting when I see their “latest activity.”

I vote for delete.

How to change or hide your MySpace or Facebook relationship status

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:14:51 +0000

I can’t ignore this anymore. A few months ago I wrote an entry on how social networking has changed the face of dating. This entry was inspired by my boyfriend’s sudden and rather shocking announcement to me in bed that he’d changed his relationship status on Facebook. This entry alone has pointed hundreds of people to my site – all searching under these terms, “how to change my relationship status on Facebook/MySpace.”

So I thought it my duty to give them the answer. Here you go all of you newly single or newly tied up virtual world fans…

To change your relationship status on MySpace:

1. Go to Background & Lifestyle

2. And – whalah – you’re there. Sounds so easy but filing your relationship under “background and lifestyle” can be a bit misleading. The first time I had to change my status on MySpace it took me at least 15 minutes to figure it out…I was scrolling through every tab – so frustrating. Anyway there you go.

To HIDE your relationship status on MySpace:

[NOTE: This code messes up some MySpace pages, if you have a better code please leave it in the comment section]

1. In the Heroes section enter:

2. At the top of the About Me section enter:

[NOTE: This code messes up some MySpace pages, leave a comment if you figure out how to use it correctly]

To change your relationship status on Facebook:

1. Click the small edit icon right next to your profile icon.

2. Click relationships and change. Easy again.

To HIDE your relationships status on Facebook:

1. Click the small edit icon righ next to your profile icon.

2. Click relationships.

3. Choose select status: – then it leaves it blank on your profile page.

P.S. I figured this out after my boyfriend and I broke up – then got back together again. After our reconciliation he just didn’t list his status. He’s smart…that’s why I like him.

Do you keep up with your ex on MySpace or Facebook?

The Fine Art of Dumping

MySpace and FaceBook have really changed dating as we know it…

MySpace, Facebook and Dating in a Virtual World.

mssinglemama — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 18:21:09 +0000

***UPDATE***

If you’re here to find out how to change your Facebook or MySpace relationship status, click here .

Once you’re done – come back and read this…

“A relationship isn’t official until it’s on Facebook!” a young co-worker told me this morning. “My friend got engaged and two weeks later the announcement still wasn’t on Facebook. We all thought she had called it off or something.” Virtual social networks have changed the dating landscape… forever.

After my divorce I created a MySpace page. I was an innocent to the social networking world and had no idea how much it would change my dating experiences. My single friend was over the other night venting about a frustrating experience she’s having with an ex boyfriend right now.

“I’m not sure if he’ll call me tonight or not. I left him a comment today asking if he was going out and haven’t heard back.”

MySpace and Facebook have now effectively changed the way we date. Now we can call, text, e-mail or better yet – leave a MySpace comment or give someone a Facebook poke.

Here’s my translation of the MySpace and Facebook Dating Codes.

Add each other as friends. This is really no big deal and doesn’t mean much. But at least now you have unbridled access to their page, photos, blog, etc.
Leave cute, flirty comments on each other’s page. A good sign. He’s writing on your page, you’re writing on his. All is well in the world.
Move each other up to “top friend” status. This is a big step and could indicate a future relationship status change.
Continue with more flirtatious comments like “last night was amazing, you make me crazy.” Getting closer.
Change your relationship status. The biggest step. Now you’re taken. You’re off the virtual market and you’re shouting loud and proud to the rest of the world that you’re happy and committed.

In conversations with my single girlfriends the old burning questions like, “is he a good kisser?,” “does he call often?,” “does he make you laugh?” are still completely relevant but added into the mix are, “did he move you into his top friends?,” “who else is on his page?”

The Virtual Red Flag

Some men are all over your MySpace page while you’re dating…others will be silent, never leaving a comment or moving you into their top friends. Strange. A red flag. A new red flag. The virtual red flag.

The Relationship Status Change: Who brings it up…how does it happen?

A case in point: my current flame took matters into his own hands. Last night when we were falling asleep he said, “I changed my relationship status on Facebook.” What??? Wow!!! I didn’t know what to think. We’ve only been together for 3 weeks and now Facebook says we’re “in a relationship.”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?”

He says, “ya…is that okay?” He’s confused by my reaction. I mean, he’s a guy and he’s completely crazy about me. We’ve been seeing each other steadily for three weeks – why not change his status? Meanwhile my brain is on fire with a mix of happiness and fear. I feel like I’m in the 8th grade and a cute boy has just asked me out.

I can’t change my MySpace relationship status just yet- it’s too early. That page is like my temple of autonomy. I break the news to him, “I’ll change my Facebook account status, but not my MySpace account.” Hmmm….a virtual compromise.

This morning I go onto Facebook. Yep, there he is – “in a relationship.” I go to my profile and click in relationship (there is a special section for this). I change my status . Then Facebook asks me, “who are you in a relationship with?” I pick his name. Then it says, “Kris is now your boyfriend. We will be sending him a confirmation to see if he accepts your relationship request.”

What??? Oh my god…I have a boyfriend and they’re sending him a relationship request? I’m actually embarrassed. I call him immediately, “Facebook has just informed me that you’re my boyfriend, but you have to agree to it.” He laughed. “I’ll accept, I won’t leave you hanging. Later… girlfriend.” I feel like I’m 14 again.

A boy actually asked me out – even though he did it virtually I still think it’s absolutely adorable. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been asked out. Usually it’s me looking at the guy like, “so are you my boyfriend?”

See? This virtual world is good for something.

UPDATE/ Additional notes:

How often do you delete your the Ex-Profiles on MySpace? Can you do it? Do you think I can?

I vote for delete.