by mssinglemama on September 18, 2008
I jumped into the online dating pool again last week. And wow is it busy out there…
As a single mom, finding the time to date is hard enough as it is, not even to mention actually findingthe men to date.
So, online dating is perfect for us. We get to curl up in our pajamas, grab a glass of wine and man shop. Yes, I said man shopping.
Sue me. I like my men and yes, I like to shop for men.
When it comes to man shopping, online dating is much easier than a night out at the bars, where your judgement is incredibly clouded by a drunken haze. And while man shopping does feel a bit odd – you can actually narrow your search down to eye color – it can still be romantic. It’s a new age and online dating is now 100% acceptable, if not the norm in some places, and for dating single parents it’s incredibly efficient.
If you’re on the fence, why not just see who’s out there? So far, I’m finding quite a few tasty prospects: a few doctors, a firefighter, a lawyer, and a musician! Before I tell you the ins and outs – the politics of online dating – here’s a starter course for the beginners, if you’re more experienced move right on:
Online Dating 101 (for beginners)
1. Sign up for free and then you can surf away.
You’ll have to set up a profile with your headline, your description, all of that junk. But don’t stress out. Just write whatever flows because you can go and edit it later. And if you’re on Match or Yahoo, you can set your profile to private so no one can see you. Pretty nifty, huh? So you can search and peak at all of the guys but they won’t know. And you can even set your profile to be non-searchable, meaning you won’t turn up in any public searches. This is a huge plus if you’re worried about privacy. And it means you are completely in control. A man only sees your profile if you contact him first.
Read more on creating the perfect online dating profile here.
2. Prepare yourself for the rejection.
When I first delved into online dating, on e-Harmony, I was surprised at how much the rejection stung. Just like in real life, you throw yourself out there and then you can get slammed down. But – this too shall pass. You’ll become numb to it and you’ll feel better when you flip around and reject someone else. It just goes with the territory. Everyone is on there for the same reason and the virtual divide allows complete honesty.
3. Watch out for profile red flags.
Just like real life red flags, online profiles have them too. One picture? Red flag. Either he doesn’t know how to use a computer (not good) or he is fooling you with the one good picture he has – that, by the way, was shot five years ago. You need multiple pictures. Other red flags… “I just got out of a relationship so I’m back on the market ladies!” Yikes. Stay away from those guys. Unless he’s exceptionally hot and you’re just looking for fun. My point is this – read profiles carefully and listen to your gut.
Now you’re ready for the big time… dating online.
After my disasterous dive into e-Harmony last year, I chose Plenty of Fish this time around. Honestly, because it’s free… and it’s now the top online dating site out there. So here’s the drill, or at least my drill, while swimming with the millions of online daters. (And I’m still a newbie so correct me if I’m wrong.)
1. Surf and throw the bait.
I love Match, Plenty of Fish and Yahoo Personals because you have the power to search profiles. e-Harmony’s “matching system” is a scam, trust me I’ve tried. So, on search dating sites like Match you can narrow your criteria and search for the guy of your dreams. You can even go so far as to narrow him down by eye and hair color. Or, my favorite feature, children! Narrow your search or expand your search. Have fun with it and above all, laugh at yourself – think about it – you are man shopping! It’s funny.
2. The first contact.
You spot a catch. So what’s your first move? An e-mail. Keep it short and sweet. Say something like, “I noticed your profile, check out mine and if you’re interested let me know.” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on July 4, 2008
I am actually listed right under Dooce on Alltop’s list of the top mom bloggers.
Color me speechless. Dooce, Heather B. Armstrong, is my personal hero. So it’s very surreal to see my name next to hers. If you haven’t checked out Alltop yet - get over there. Could be just a random shuffling order fluke, but I’ll enjoy seeing my name next to hers while I can. Thanks Guy!
Some other exciting news... iHeartSingleParents.com has asked me to lead their Dating & Advice group (note, I’m a dating expert not a relationship expert. Ha!). And Loovya.com, a new online dating site, has asked me to be a feature blogger, check out my posts here.
I still have yet to make a penny off of this blog, largely because I’ve been too lazy to activate my membership with the BlogAd network, which a dear friend and fellow blogger sponsored me to join. I’m just too busy writing, being a mommy and working full-time to get that going but it is definitely on the horizon.
All of this excitement is thanks to you … so my dear readers, I have a little perk to pass your way. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on May 21, 2008
Have a wicked sense of humor.
One week ago I told Prince Charming To Kiss My Ass. And three days later, the Blogger Gods dumped one on my doorstep. And then five days later, they took him away.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot. Nice way to torture a poor, lonely single mom. I wasn’t lonely before he got here, I was just fine – trucking along my merry little way. And then – poof – there was a man here, in my apartment, cooking, cleaning up, playing with Benjamin, letting me rest, making me laugh, annoying me (just a little) and then looking at me like I was a queen.
What in the hell was that? And how do I forget that it ever happened?
P.S.
I’m sure the said loneliness is just a temporary side effect of having a man suddenly thrust into my life. Should be back to normal soon. And I would write more, but I’m exhausted. But I will give this story the credit it’s due … soon. In the meantime, I’ll be pondering simple twists of fate and catching up on my sleep.
What happens when fate throws you for a loop? I usually just ride it out … and hang on tight, but I never let go of the steering wheel. Us single moms don’t have that luxury.
by mssinglemama on May 1, 2008
I did it.
Just deleted several ex-boyfriends from my Facebook and MySpace pages. Felt wonderful! I highly recommend it. Now I can’t see them … and they can’t see me. There are a few reasons for this sudden decision, but to spare anyone’s feelings I won’t write about them.
All I can say is that … there are some guys who are earning the purple octopus label. There are others, who are fighting a valiant fight, defying the odds and making me scratch my head wondering when their purple octopus eyes will pop out.
There is hope.
In the meantime – WATCH THIS!!! A video on what Facebook or MySpace chatter would be like in real life. [click to continue…]
