A bittersweet good-bye.

mssinglemama — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:03:37 +0000

A few hours after writing my last post…I got a call from Kris. He felt horrible about the way the dump went down and wanted to see me. I said – no way. I didn’t see the point. What good could come of it? Was he going to come over and dump me again? He told me to call him if I changed my mind and then 20 minutes later he called me.

“I’m on my way over – I have to see you.” Two minutes later there was a knock on my door. It was late. I was tired. But we talked. First he started with an apology and then he said it, “you know I really love you, right?” I told him I didn’t think he really knew what love was. But then I saw it in his eyes. And he does. Then as we talked about why he had come to this decision everything came out. The truth about his feelings.

He had been having doubts since Thanksgiving on whether or not he was ready for this – ready to play a role in a child’s life. In his own words, “I don’t feel like I have the right to be doing this yet.” And the biggest reason of all – the pressure of having a relationship during a time in his life when he really should be focusing on school and work.

We hugged and kissed good-bye. Both of us sobbing into each other…the tears because we would miss each other’s friendships. This is why I always liked Kris – he was real, honest and actually very mature. More emotionally mature in fact, than many of the older men I’ve dated. And then he left.

In the end it was as it should be – a proper good bye with all of the best intentions. Neither one of us regrets being with each other…and as for little Benjamin I don’t think he’ll notice Kris’ absence. He had been coming over less and less and at the peak saw Benjamin two-three mornings a week. And the mornings were brief, less than an hour a piece because we were rushing off to daycare and work.

But because Benjamin is just one month shy of two now – Kris will be the last one of my boyfriends to get major face time with him before I know it’s really serious.

As for me…I feel absolutely fine. It’s a bit scary actually. Why don’t I feel anything? HaveI built my walls so high and so thick that I can resist all pain? I think it’s because I am not scared of being single. I’m more scared of being in a relationship, or god forbid – a marriage. I also know it had to end because we had no viable future together. So it really is bittersweet – but it doesn’t sting.

I doubt you’ll see me seriously dating anyone again anytime soon…but there will be some casual dates I’m sure. Like I’ve said since I met Kris – I enjoy being single – love it, actually. I was with him because it was effortless. No pain, no stress. We just fit. Even our break up was relatively painless. That’s just the way I like it – if it’s not easy and if they’re not adding to my life somehow – forget about it.

Tonight…Benjamin is at his father’s and I’m going out for a very exciting girls night!!!! Delcina, Abby and I – all single – and all looking…I’ll keep you posted.

(photo credit: http://www.kunsthandel-stock.net/)

The Fine Art of Dumping.

mssinglemama — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:25:58 +0000

I’ve had a rough day.

I didn’t get dumped but my best girl friend did. And she’s a single mom. Needless to say I want to kill the guy (not really FBI guys, but I do want to punch him in the face).

Instead of ranting about what a jerk her now ex-boyfriend is I’ve decided to channel my negative energy into a cynical but hopefully interesting post.

I have a theory – how we break up with someone is a true reflection of our character.

Here are some of the most common ways to break up with someone (in my dating experience) – guess which one the guy used on my single mom friend?

The cold snub.

Usually follows a short fling, maybe a two – four week long relationship. The dumper ceases all contact with the dumpee. Contact may be blatantly ceased via text or e-mail. Cold, cruel and unfair – this dumping tactic is used only by cowards. Everyone, no matter what they’ve done, deserves a reason.

It’s not you it’s me.

An oldie but goodie. The “it’s not you, it’s me” card is an old faithful for many of us.

Sabatoge.

Used more often by women, sabotage dumping involves unconcious efforts to piss your man off which result in him growing more and more annoyed. Finally he is set up with a situation he’s doomed to fail and then woman uses that as the reason for the dump.

The mutual dump.

The best of the best, a mutual break up often involves sweet and passionate farewell sex followed by kind words, a big hug and a short good bye. Ideal for any couple.

See ya later.

Used by only the most self-absorbed and heartless of us, the “see ya later” is a quick and abrupt end to what was a long (anywhere from 6 months up) and very serious relationship. The “see ya later” can often be followed by calls from the dumper weeks later begging for forgiveness. Dumpee usually caves, forgives dumper and is subsequently dumped again months later. Could go on and on from both sides until relationship self-destructs.

I still love you, but…

The worst one of all. Uhhh…yeah, but if you still loved me than why are you dumping me. Yeah right. Liar, liar pants on fire – you don’t really know what love is – poor you.

I just don’t love you anymore.

At least you’re honest.

If you have any to add…please, by all means – speak up and leave a comment!

And guys – if you were dating a single mom would you dump her differently than you would a single, childless woman? In my experience and my friend’s experiences men surprisingly don’t always take our vulnerability into account. And guys – for tips on how you should treat a single mom – read up, here.

(photo source)

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