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The Great Dane

mssinglemama — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:29:13 +0000

He had to knock down my door.

Well, not literally, but thanks to a visit from Thomas, my friend from Denmark, this single mom was “forced” to spend five days straight with a man.

And imagine, being a single man, visiting a long lost friend from college who now has a two year old.

Most men, I’d imagine, might run away screaming. But Thomas, as he put it, realized instantly that with a single mom there are no rules and no superficiality. And he embraced it.

Having a true friend around for five days – someone to grab the stroller out of the trunk, play with Benjamin, make me dinner, bring me chocolates, tell me that I’m an amazing mother and make me laugh – has my head spinning.

It is possible.

Just like with Kris, who quickly adapted to the single mom thing, there are men out there who can and will make your life easier, because they love you both. For a single mom who usually has help in small doses, having five days straight of friendship and support was long over due.

Last night he said, “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“No,” I said, “Thanks for taking care of me.”

Thomas loved it too, more on his experience later. Now it’s off to the airport for a very sad good-bye.

UPDATE: A few weeks later I bought a plane ticket to visit Thomas. Read about it here.

If you liked this post, read this one:

Single Moms and the Men Who Love Us

Toddler-free (for one week?)

mssinglemama — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:07:17 +0000

My mom has had Benjamin since Tuesday morning (his dad dropped him at her house after their Monday night sleepover). She’d been dying to see him and begged me to hand him over for a night. I did, gladly. “Take him. He’s been driving me nuts!”

Now she’s offering to take him for the rest of the week, “You need a break. You do. And that’s what grandmother’s are for, right?”

So at this point (Wednesday morning) … I’m still all for it.

I do need a bit of a break. Benjamin has been in full blown terrible two mode for weeks now, and it’s been tough – really tough. I’ve reached my breaking point way too many times. If she can really make it until Friday, it could be good for both of us.

But I’m not sure if I can make it until Friday. Major Benjamin withdrawal could set in. But I feel like I have to allow myself a guilt-free week of fun dinners out with friends, shopping and sleeping – lots of sleeping.

UPDATE - It’s now Wednesday night, about to leave work and I’m still sitting in my office. I miss him. Half tempted to jump in the car and go get my little guy. Sigh. Not sure if I can do this. But mom called and he’s still having a blast.

OMG! I think I’m moving to the burbs!

mssinglemama — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:51:36 +0000

I am meeting with an attorney tomorrow … to put an offer on the house!

I went to see it on my lunch break today … was it just this afternoon? Yep. It was love at first sight. It’s so cozy, comfortable and safe. And the aura – is magnificent. Good vibes all around.

And guess who lives in it now? A single woman in her 40′s. No kids. But a strong single woman who’s kept the place absolutely pristine. And the view from the living room window? An old park. (The new park with the mountain climbing wall is down the block). But Benjamin will wake up every morning and see “his” park.

And the backyard…fenced with 1/4 of an acre, huge trees and a cute little shed. And there’s a door leading to the yard from the little dining room and the kitchen. So he can run around and play, completely safe while I watch from inside. I’ll have to buy a sand box, maybe a swing set….oh! And of course transfer my firepit blocks from my current yard. Must have fire pit. I’m SO excited.

The house is for sale by owner. I found it on Craiglist.com, where every single mama can find every single thing she needs – including men. Long live Craigslist! So I met her, we chatted and it just seems so much more personal. Realtors scare me.

And here’s the best part. My father grew up in this neighborhood. Cheesy. But I think his spirit is sending us there. Didn’t even know this until my mom told me this afternoon. (I miss you papa).

Okay. Wish me luck. Seems like a shoe in but you never know…

P.S. Buying a house SOLO without a husband to say – “No, I don’t like it because of ‘yada, yada.’” – Priceless. And dreams coming true – even better.

Turn-offs and Red Flags: What are yours?

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 21:02:01 +0000

We all have them. Our own little list of secret and not-so-secret red flags.

There are the obvious ones like motorcycles, a low credit score, an overzealous attachment to their mother, a diety or political party, small feet, two divorces, an AA membership, yoga addictions … you get the idea.

And then there are the not-so obvious red flags. The subtle killers. You can’t explain them so instead they just live in your stomach, aging and growing until eventually…boom! There they are stuck in the top of your throat. Yuck. Red flags. It’s a love, hate relationship really.

They’re supposed to be blatantly repelling but they’re too easy to ignore. But as a divorced and single mom, I can’t afford not to. That’s a luxury for the single and childless.

Unlike red flags, turn-offs are an instant repellent. In a split moment, a guy you’re attracted to can suddenly turn into a Quasimoto.

My instant turn-offs include belching (yes, I’m old-fashioned), extreme intoxication, long fingernails, smelliness of any kind (except natural man scents), bad kisses and cheesy jokes, I could go on…

What are your red flags and turn-offs?