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Single Mom Relaxation 101

mssinglemama — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:13:01 +0000

I’m trying to do it all and it’s catching up with me.

Something has to give.

Can’t be Benjamin.

Can’t be my job.

Can’t be my home.

Actually, I can’t drop anything.

So it seems I need to add something to make everything else easier. Like yoga class for example, or maybe Pilates. But as you know from my spa experience in Denmark, I am a foreigner to all things related to relaxation of any kind.

I need advice.

How do you relax yourself? What really works? Give me some ideas because I have to do something. Whatever it is, it can only be two or three nights a week (if I’m lucky) and it has to be relatively cheap.

Denmark, Part 2

mssinglemama — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:08:45 +0000

I wasn’t expecting an extremely romantic vacation that would rock my world.

I was expecting a vacation filled with many long days of shopping and sight seeing followed by long nights of dancing, drinking and sorted drunken debauchery.

If romance happened, it would happen…

We saw castles. We saw canons. We took a ferry into Sweden. And we even sipped on beers at the edge of a beautiful canal in the middle of Copenhagen but in the end the sparks did not fly. The chemistry (without Benjamin in the mix perhaps?) was gone.

It was a bit awkward – but what could we do? Force an issue? Try to create something that wasn’t there? Instead we both spent Sunday apart. Me at the spa and him at the golf course.

I have amazing photos to share but WordPress is being mean…

And don’t worry your pretty little heads about me – I’m quite peachy. Just trying to figure out how exactly to confess something to you all…

Denmark, Part 1

mssinglemama — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:07:14 +0000

It’s my last night here. I’m trying to stay awake. So – just a warning – this post is mildly crazy and scattered. Right now it’s 8:41 pm at home but 2:41 am in Denmark. My logic is that staying awake will force me to sleep on the plane and avoid jet lag. Trying to beat time again. Don’t think I’ll win.

Just got back from my last Danish bar. Some are dark – classic pubs – some are straight out of a Humphrey Bogart movie, fresh from the 1940′s with soda fountains and tile floors. Others wake you up with their energy – not the walls, but the people. Enthusiasm for life, by the way, is contagious.

I spent my last afternoon doing something I’ve never done before… I checked myself into a Spa. A young, blond Danish man gave me a robe after I gave him about $58.00. A small price to pay, but where was I going?

“Up the stairs. Scan your ticket and then ask the reception.” He is politely hurrying me along now. There’s a line of families behind me on their way into this facility’s massive swimming pool. At the top of the stairs I find a spa attendant who speaks some English. She tries to explain.

“The rooms. You go into rooms. You have – ahhh, how do you say? – massage, hot towels. Start here.”

She takes me into a locker room, gives him a quick lay out and then leaves. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Where am I? I hear voices echoing down the halls. Two naked women are showering around the corner. I’m incredibly shy and hide underneath my robe as I put on my bathing suit. Absolutely and completely mystified by this foreign land of the relaxed, I try to pretend like I know what I’m doing.

First I had to figure the place out. There were so many rooms. So many different ways to relax. I peak my head into each one and then carefully read the signs on the doors. Start bath. Place oil in bath. Time: 25 minutes. Clean bath when finished. Relaxation 101. I try this one first – the aromatherapy bath.

After splashing the oil in the water the lavender seeps into my nose, my throat, my skin… and everything around me completely disappears. Nice. Very nice.

I spent the next two hours completely immersing myself in the place. Steam. Cold water. More steam. More cold. Treatment.

Tonight Benjamin is with his father. One more night. At this time tomorrow we’ll be curled up in his room reading books, I’ll be smelling his hair, kissing his cheeks and feeling his soft little hands in mine.

This week, he’s spent a majority of his time at Grandma’s and today she sent me this e-mail…

Remember that you are jet lagged (it always happens a few days later)….

Little Benjamin is now addicted to Dumbo!! I still have the old VHS and he has watched it about four times!! He is sooooo cute! I now know for certain about his moods; when he arrives here, after he’s been at his father’s, he is in a far different mood than he does when you bring him.
Last night before he went to sleep, he said “Where is my Mommy?”
He is missing you.

She tells me this so I know. So I know that I’m missed and so I know it’s time to come home. And while Benjamin’s been spending his days out at Grandma’s with endless room to run, play, get dirty, sleep and splurge on movies about flying elephants – I’ve been here having some magic of my own.

No romantic magic – but magic nonetheless…

I’m starting at the beginning. My plan is to give you a little picture tour… this is just a tease.

First thing's first - a real cappuccino.

: A typical street in Copenhagen.

Taking a shopping break on the edge of a canal. Later that night we returned to this spot and sat by the water to drink a few beers before heading out to some insanely fun Danish bars. The Danish men are more than willing to strike up a conversation and the women are just as welcoming.

This bust of Princess Henriette Maria, in the lobby of Rosenberg Castle. I felt her staring at me. Felt it. So I had to take a picture... which was totally not allowed. But here it is.

And here is her castle.

And the armor worn by her Danish knights. The elephants on the shoulders mean this guy was tough. Swept away by all of the castles, princesses and knights I had to buy Benjamin his own collection of toy castle figurines. He's going to FREAK out.

Thomas was ansy while we waited for our late bus to a national soccer game.

How the Danes carry their beers. Danish beer (fyi) gives you an incredibly nasty hangover.

Our seats were just a few rows back from the field. I was on the edge of mine the entire time. Spain beat Denmark 2-1.

The view from Thomas' apartment, where I'm sitting right now. More pictures soon... this is just a tease.

Lessons Learned.

mssinglemama — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:33:54 +0000

Just wanted to pass these on:

1. The words “Quiet on the set” mean absolutely nothing to a 2-year-old. Learned while working on a 48 Hour Film Project this weekend. My team is amazing. As I write this they’re still filming, a grueling process that started last night when we drew our category. (I wrote the screen play. It was inspired by this post).

2. Older does not always mean wiser.

3. You can’t make time stop. I’ve been trying.

4. Envisioning myself in Denmark won’t get me there. I actually have start packing, cleaning and preparing. Two days left.

5. If you ever see a bag of rotten potatoes or discover one in the back of your cabinet (which you never clean because you hate cleaning storage spaces of any kind) … RUN or cover your face with a scarf. Better yet – just blow up the cabinet.

6. Do not put off buying new diapers. Your 2-year-old will inevitably come down with a horrific flu bug including a nasty case of the shits when you only have three left. Hint: Look in the car – you may have stuffed some under the seats or buried them in the trunk.

Beam me up, Scottie: To Denmark Please!

mssinglemama — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:41:58 +0000

Two weeks from today – I’ll be here.

With this guy...

And now it’s starting to set in.

I haven’t let myself think about it. I try not to get excited about things. Instead, I stay cool, calm … and then just a few days before it happens – I freak out. Right now, just writing this is making me nervous with excitement. The chocolates, the little cafes, the delicious food, the museums, the shopping and the smiling Danes.

So…

I have yet to even think about what I’m going to pack. Any suggestions? It’s been raining in Denmark for a week straight. I’m thinking I should invest in a super cute rain coat. If you see any out there surfing leave the link. I need help. NO time to shop. Just enough time to order one online though.

I’m packing light. Wish I could put Benjamin in my suitcase. But if he were with me – I might never come back. We’d just steal away – disappearing into Europe never to be found again. Best if he stays back and best if Mommy finally does something that’s 100% for herself. Wondering if this is even possible.

The nice thing about Thomas is that he doesn’t take from me or ask anything of me – he just enjoys me. He doesn’t need me to hold his hand or coax him through tragic life issues. So all of the ingredients are there! Beam me up, Scottie.

Departing August 19th

Returning August 28th

And, of course, I’ll be posting throughout the trip. I want to take you all with me so I’ll be doing it virtually.

Pulling teeth, my nerves, and the Dane.

mssinglemama — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:36:24 +0000

Benjamin will probably lose his second front tooth tomorrow.

I’ll have to watch them strap him down, gas him and then pull. All of this after they stick a needle into his gums. And I’ll have to do it alone…again. The first time they replaced his cracked tooth with a cap, the second time they pulled it all out. This time they’ll be pulling out the second front tooth that has been rotten for months now.

His little feet are the only things sticking out of the body wrap, which is put on after they strap his wrists. So I kiss his little toes while he screams and I try to stand up so he can see my face.

The nurses have to remind me not to look so scared. But I can’t help it. He’s screaming his brains out – scared as hell. He uses all of his muscles to try to break free from the straps. Horrible. Could be worse. I should not be complaining. It’s just that baby pain = mama pain.

Another thing on my mind…

I’m incredibly nervous about leaving for Denmark. Not for the trip itself – Thomas will be quite the host – I’m nervous about leaving Benjamin. His grandmother wants to plan her own vacation and isn’t sure if she’ll be around. Which means his father, who has never had Benjamin for more than 36 hours, may have him for seven days straight.

If he does, I may not be able to completely relax. Which means I may not be able to completely enjoy the Dane. Benjamin stress aside, I’m starting to get excited … the trip is only four weeks away now. I try not to think about Thomas (he lives so far away, it’s just pointless to me to miss someone that badly). But every time he e-mails me I smiles or laugh – and my heart usually goes all aflutter.

We don’t even talk on the phone and we only exchange e-mails intermittently but I still feel connected to him. He’s planning out our trip and it’s the most adorable thing ever… we are going to see castles, old churches, his friends, beaches, the countryside and we may even squeeze in northern Germany.

Maybe I could fit Benjamin into a carry on? Or maybe he’ll pass as a baby and he can ride for free? Maybe if I show the flight attendants his missing teeth they’ll let him on out of pity. Nope. He’d need a passport. Besides if I bring him with me – there’s a chance – I wouldn’t come home.

Chocolate. Cheese. Men. Castles. What else could a single mama ask for?

UPDATE: The x-rays show the tooth hasn’t changed. Still dead but no obvious signs of infection. So it stays and I will just have to watch him closely over the next few days to see if it is hurting him… it may have been that he bumped the tooth at day care – hence the soreness. And Benjamin was SUCH a big boy, got his x-ray all by himself and everything. I’m a very proud mama.

Sick Thoughts.

mssinglemama — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:28:51 +0000

I’m sick. Can’t write much because my brain is going to explode…but I do have some sick thoughts to share, not really sick thoughts, but thoughts I’m having as I sit here – sick.

1. Barack Obama could be the first President of the United States who was raised by a single mother. There are no words for that one. Any one know of any other Presidents raised by single moms? I have been wondering lately about the history of single parents … how often our stories were left out of history books because of shame or that Scarlet Letter. Ronald Regan was a single dad after he divorced his first wife Jane, but he met Nancy less than one year later … not sure if that counts.

2. Benjamin’s tooth will be fine. Dead … but fine. Not sure how dead teeth can be fine, but I’ll take a dead tooth over no tooth any day.

3. I want to buy a bike with a baby seat on the back so Benjamin and I can just ride and ride.

4. Benjamin’s father’s car might not be running next Monday. The last time his car broke down we didn’t see him for 6 weeks.

5. I mailed in my passport renewal today! The countdown to Copenhagen has officially begun … just a little over 8 weeks away now.

6. In one of many sweet e-mails from the Dane he asked me how he could spot single moms… now he’s looking at mothers in a completely different light! SO adorable! I’m telling you – dating a single mom is really amazing for men – we are refreshing, we are real and we raise some pretty amazing kids. But as for spotting us out of a crowd of moms? Look for a wedding ring or dress up your kid in a t-shirt from iHeartSingleParents.com. Morgan and Clare, iHeart’s founders are sending me a t-shirt for Benjamin that says – “My Mom is Single – Ask Her Out.” Can’t wait to get it!

Those are my sick thoughts. I HATE being sick.

Copenhagen or Bust!

mssinglemama — Mon, 26 May 2008 02:41:38 +0000

I bought a ticket to Denmark.

I know what you’re thinking. She’s lost her mind! She’s wrapped up in a torrid love affair with the Dane!

My little brother called me when he found out, “Alaina? You’re flying to Denmark? So you’re really serious with this guy, huh?”

There was an obvious hint of concern in his voice, rightly so. I have a reputation for “losing it” over men. I did marry Benjamin’s father just because he needed a Green Card, we were in love – hence the child – but still, it was “crazy.” I did have a tendency to go crazy over men, but now as a single mom, falling in love just isn’t the same. And I’m not falling in love with Thomas…I can’t! He lives an ocean away… but I can visit him. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had the chance to go to Europe.

So here’s the skinny on the Dane and why he’s worthy of a visit.

Aside from my friend Mia and her daughter Sydney (who calls herself Benjamin’s sister) we have no one in our lives on a regular basis. I have quite a few amazing friends and a very supportive mother, but when it comes to the daily grind – Benjamin and I are completely alone.

Thomas and I had reconnected through Facebook recently and when he told me he was coming through to visit our college town – where we’d met and dated 8 years ago – I offered up my guest bedroom and my services as hostess.

I remembered Thomas as being completely open, honest, fun and of course, incredibly attractive … but how would he handle five days with a single mom and her two year old? I was a bit nervous as his arrival loomed. Personally, I think Benjamin and I are a blast, but not all men see it that way. What if it would be awkward? What if he didn’t like kids?

But it wasn’t awkward at all. It was amazing.

He immediately bonded with Benjamin, the two loved each other
He woke up with Benjamin every morning he was here, giving me a chance to sleep in! A miracle!
He ran grocery errands.
Cooked dinner for me (the first time a man’s made me dinner in oh – at least two years).
I had mentioned that I loved European chocolates, so he found some and surprised me with them later.
He gave me compliments – lots of compliments.
He asked me questions and waited for the answers
And above all, he understood that Benjamin comes first.

These weren’t cheesy attempts at winning my heart, they were just natural gestures of affection and consideration. I didn’t have to ask him for help – he just did it.

So for five days, Benjamin and his mommy were spoiled rotten.

There’s this little thing about being a single mom though – after you get used to doing it all on your own 99.9% of the time, help can be a mixed blessing. Once it’s gone, you have to adapt all over again. Fortunately, in this case, the spoilage only lasted five days. Keep in mind, the guy was trapped with us, all of my ex-boyfriends have had limited face time with Benjamin, which meant limited chances for me to “get used to help.” I do this for a few reasons, the first to protect Benjamin and the second to protect myself. But in the case of a house guest – what are you going to do? Hide him in the closet?

The night Thomas left Benjamin and I were cleaning the car. The traces of our marvelous weekend were tucked in pockets and under the car seats. The New York Times from the bookstore, Benjamin’s soccer ball we’d brought on our hike and the sunscreen lotion from the music festival.

Then, with my hands clutching memories that I knew would fade too quickly, the tears started to fall. He was just so fantastic, such great company and such a supportive friend. And there we were – my little Benjamin and I – completely alone again.

And now you know why it took me so long to write about all of this.

Thomas reminded me that truly compassionate, considerate and affectionate men do exist. And there was romance - but it the kind of romance two people have when there is a profound and mutual respect for each other, not a ripping each other’s clothes off romance. Like Kate Hudson (my hero single mom) has said, “When you’re a single mom, dating becomes very adult.”

You didn’t think this single mama would give up her fabulous singleness that easily, did you?

Now, if Thomas lived in my zip code – might be a different story.

UPDATE: A few days after writing this post, Thomas wrote about the experience through his eyes, read it here.

UPDATE II: See how the trip went.

[Photo Credit: Kwintessential.co.uk]