Well, it’s been six weeks since his car broke down. He called yesterday – telling me he’s 90% sure he’ll be here Monday and Tuesday to watch Benjamin. I’m actually nervous about leaving him alone with his own father. Isn’t that strange? It’s just that it’s been so long since they’ve spent time together. But, this is good. A boy does need his father and despite his complete irresponsibility the Ex has, with the exception of the last six weeks, been here every week since the divorce.
I was also really getting used to him being out of the picture. It’s been kind of nice. We have a weird situation. Because the Ex doesn’t have his own place to take Benjamin to he stays at my house. We are both in new relationships now and there’s definitely no chemistry left at all. Usually we get along well but every once in a while a fight erupts and just having him around makes me a bit stressful. It’s hard to see him – especially now – knowing that he didn’t make it up here somehow. Who cares if he didn’t have a car. My father would have hopped on a bus or paid a buddy to give him a lift. Actually my father wouldn’t have had to pay his friends for a favor. Point is – he would have made it up here somehow.
I will try not to dwell on this and just focus on the positive. I can’t let myself become overwhelmed with trying to predict the future or trying to protect Benjamin from everything. He will get hurt some day, it’s part of life. I am not going to be able to protect him forever, but I am going to my best to save him from any unncessary pain.
Life just isn’t as we plan. That’s what makes it interesting. Especially as a single mom. This is quite a life. You never know what is going to happen and if you try to control it or obsess over controlling your environment, well, I think that would be doing a disservice to you and your child. Things happen and you just have to keep going. For us life is never by the book as I envision it is for married couples. No matter what life throws at them they always have one constant in their lives – each other.
So…this will be interesting. His dad is coming back after a six week hiatus. As always, I’ll keep you posted.
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