My entry on How to Date a Single Mom (for the guys) has been one of the most popular entries on this blog.

I wrote it for one reason…to help the men who have truly fallen for one of us. And then this adorable comment came in the other day. Check this out…

“Stumbled upon this site in my attempt to understand the single mom’s point of view, and I have found it o be the most eye-opening and informative site I have come across. This is all brand-new to me – I have been pursuing the greatest woman I’ve met in years only to find out she has a wonderful 2-year-old…which explains part of why she is so amazing herself. I asked her out, to which she replied that she needs to be friends first and really establish trust. At first I thought I was being blown-off…I get it now. Patience, understanding, and sincerity pay off I guess – no matter how long it takes. And just as I told her, I’m not going anywhere. Thanks for providing a service to not only all you strong, independent single mom’s out there, but to the formally clueless guys who love them.” – Milo.

Do you have any advice for men, like Milo, who have fallen for a single mom? What can he do to earn her trust? Should he leave flowers on her doorstep? No, because then the kids would see it. Maybe a letter in the mailbox?

Needless to say, dating a single mom has been quite an eye-opener for every man I’ve dated. Recently I asked my boyfriend point blank (partly for research, partly because I wanted to know), “what’s it like to date a single mom?” He stumbled, trying to find the words. “Intimidating?” I asked. “No,” he said. A few moments later he declared, “you’re just you, all of the time. There is absolutely no bull shit.”

I realized most childless women out there are pretty fake. Seriously. I would rather be shot than stuck in an elevator with a young childless woman. They’re so self-absorbed, so damn petty and so ridiculously naive. Sorry – girls – but you all drive me nuts. Anyway, most guys do want real women which is why we are so attractive to them. By choice or not, here we are, and we’re real – all of the time – and that is HOT!

With that said – it’s your turn to offer up some tips. I’m sure I missed a few. What would you tell a man dating a single mom? And good luck Milo!!! Please keep us posted.

Here are my other posts on How to Date a Single Mom:

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3

Related posts:

1. How to escape a bad date.
2. Dating a Single Mom, Part 1
3. A web site deceiving single moms

I’ve been out and about in the single mom dating world for over a year now. I’ve had ups, downs and the spins! Here are a few of the tips I feel compelled to pass on.

And make sure you check out Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2.

• Date him – ONLY – if you are truly happier. Remember you and your child/ren can be completely content and happy without a man in your life. If a man wants in – he has to earn it.
• Watch for red flags: lack of goals, laziness, fakeness, cockiness, selfishness or the inability to make you laugh. Everyone has their own set of red flags. Listen to yours.
• Learn to differentiate between red flags and that nice little “push him away” reflex you’ve developed now that you have a child. Don’t make a big deal out of nothing. Learn to recognize when you are starting to test him. I’ve noticed recently that part of me is wired now to test the men I’m dating. I set them up with baited questions and they either pass or they fail. The test comes in handy but is sometimes unnecessary.
• Don’t freak him out. Give him his own space to figure out your reality. Make sure he knows you understand this is a lot for him to take in. If he says, “oh, it’s no big deal, a baby can’t be that bad.” Just count to ten and smile. Let the little things go, the big things will follow in their own time.
• He will not instantly understand your life or be able to empathize with your situation. That would be impossible. Be rational about it and watch for signs of him trying to understand. Is he really watching? Is he really listening?
• If he’s not calling you frequently or not making future dates – ditch him immediately. You don’t have time for rif raf.
• Try to resist putting a time line on anything. For ex: “I’ll give him two more months to change.” Not a good idea. People grow and change on their own terms and on their own time. You don’t know his pace, and he doesn’t know yours. Just watch for little signs of improvement on his goals and your goals as a couple.
• Men are the same. We have just changed. Sometimes this one hits me like a slap in the face. They’re still completely able to fall madly in love with you, commit to you or they’re able to hurt you without even knowing it.
• It will get easier. I’ve been a single dating mom for 15 months. Each round gets easier. Each one gets better. As long as you’re making improvements on choosing men, that’s progress! And it will get easier to quickly spot the frogs from the princes.
• Keep yourself out there. Don’t try once or twice and give up. You are shopping. Don’t tell me you would never go shoe shopping again if you bought a few uncomfortable pairs.

Like I said to the man in my life last night, “Benjamin and I have a pretty good life here and anyone who wants to crash the party has to be up to snuff.” His answer, “I completely understand.” He doesn’t really understand but he is trying. Definitely a good sign.

Good luck single mamas! This stuff isn’t easy.

Want more? Check out Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2

Related posts:

1. E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater
2. Online Dating Etiquette: How to break up…virtually.
3. Online Dating: Rules of Thumb