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When you’re a single mom or a single dad online dating is sometimes the only viable option. You can’t get out of the house at night without shelling out for a sitter so one solution is shopping for your men or women online.
I personally didn’t have much luck dating online but I largely blame E-Harmony for that. E-Harmony sucks. But there are so many other sites out there and when you can try one for free – why not? [click to continue…]
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I’ve been an online dating “lurker” since my divorce. I joined eHarmony on last year’s very depressing Valentine’s Day.
I was still living at my mom’s house which is out in the woods. There were no men in sight except for the biker across the street.
I took the eHarmony personality test. Be careful with this, because once you take it – you never get another chance. Make sure you’re awake, relatively chipper and feeling completely open and honest with yourself.
After the test eHarmony served up my first seven matches. I was excited – “Look, an inbox full of men! Just for me!” But I couldn’t see the photos. They wanted my money. But at the time it wasn’t in the budget – at all – so I started sifting through the descriptions.
One guy actually sneaked his e-mail into his profile, “EHarmony is expensive,” he wrote, “E-mail me at dude@dude.com.” Yay! A guy who likes to beat the system. I like that so I sent him a lonely Valentine’s Day e-mail. Days later there’s still no response. I had even attached a picture. Hmmmm. I forget about it and try to stomach my first virtual rejection. It stings a little.
Three months later I get a response, “Hi, this is Carlise, Dan’s friend. I am checking his e-mail because he actually died in a car accident last October.”
My heart cries for Dan for a moment and then my sympathy for he and his family is replaced wtih anger at eHarmony. How could they do that? Then it hits me. The “matches” on eHarmony are not paying members. Many just popped in, took the personality test, and then never returned – or even worse – died.
I still became a paying member. I’m was too tempted by all of those new “matches” they e-mail you every morning. So after I spent over $100 to activate my account I was like a kid at a candy store – hurrying to scope out every man’s photograph.
I didn’t think one of them was cute. I e-mail a few any way but never got responses – because they’re probably inactive accounts. I e-mailed eHarmony asking for a refund. They told me my matching preferences weren’t broad enough, that I should be open to dating people of all ages from all over the world.
After receiving over 155 matches, only one led to a lunch date, and that was a complete failure.
Bottom line: don’t waste your money on eHarmony.
My friend Abby, my bestest single mom friend, had three very interesting and very good looking dates from Yahoo Personals last week.
The reason Yahoo and Match are better online dating sites than eHarmony:
1. They’re inexpensive.
2. You can see rough dates of when matches last logged in (although both sites should improve this feature).
3. You can control your searches, don’t let a computer match you - especially if 80% of those matches aren’t even active on the site.
See my other online dating entries for more background on this and some very important online dating tips.
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***UPDATE***
If you’re here to find out how to change your Facebook or MySpace relationship status, click here.
Once you’re done – come back and read this…
“A relationship isn’t official until it’s on Facebook!” a young co-worker told me this morning. “My friend got engaged and two weeks later the announcement still wasn’t on Facebook. We all thought she had called it off or something.” Virtual social networks have changed the dating landscape… forever.
After my divorce I created a MySpace page. I was an innocent to the social networking world and had no idea how much it would change my dating experiences. My single friend was over the other night venting about a frustrating experience she’s having with an ex boyfriend right now.
“I’m not sure if he’ll call me tonight or not. I left him a comment today asking if he was going out and haven’t heard back.”
MySpace and Facebook have now effectively changed the way we date. Now we can call, text, e-mail or better yet – leave a MySpace comment or give someone a Facebook poke.
Here’s my translation of the MySpace and Facebook Dating Codes.
In conversations with my single girlfriends the old burning questions like, “is he a good kisser?,” “does he call often?,” “does he make you laugh?” are still completely relevant but added into the mix are, “did he move you into his top friends?,” “who else is on his page?”
The Virtual Red Flag
Some men are all over your MySpace page while you’re dating…others will be silent, never leaving a comment or moving you into their top friends. Strange. A red flag. A new red flag. The virtual red flag.
The Relationship Status Change: Who brings it up…how does it happen?
A case in point: my current flame took matters into his own hands. Last night when we were falling asleep he said, “I changed my relationship status on Facebook.” What??? Wow!!! I didn’t know what to think. We’ve only been together for 3 weeks and now Facebook says we’re “in a relationship.”
“You want me to be your girlfriend?”
He says, “ya…is that okay?” He’s confused by my reaction. I mean, he’s a guy and he’s completely crazy about me. We’ve been seeing each other steadily for three weeks – why not change his status? Meanwhile my brain is on fire with a mix of happiness and fear. I feel like I’m in the 8th grade and a cute boy has just asked me out.
I can’t change my MySpace relationship status just yet- it’s too early. That page is like my temple of autonomy. I break the news to him, “I’ll change my Facebook account status, but not my MySpace account.” Hmmm….a virtual compromise.
This morning I go onto Facebook. Yep, there he is – “in a relationship.” I go to my profile and click in relationship (there is a special section for this). I change my status. Then Facebook asks me, “who are you in a relationship with?” I pick his name. Then it says, “Kris is now your boyfriend. We will be sending him a confirmation to see if he accepts your relationship request.”
What??? Oh my god…I have a boyfriend and they’re sending him a relationship request? I’m actually embarrassed. I call him immediately, “Facebook has just informed me that you’re my boyfriend, but you have to agree to it.” He laughed. “I’ll accept, I won’t leave you hanging. Later… girlfriend.” I feel like I’m 14 again.
A boy actually asked me out – even though he did it virtually I still think it’s absolutely adorable. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been asked out. Usually it’s me looking at the guy like, “so are you my boyfriend?”
See? This virtual world is good for something.
UPDATE/ Additional notes:
Crazy how MySpace and Facebook have changed the way we date. In just a few seconds you can scope out your ex’s relationship status, flirtatous comments and daily activities. Twitter makes it even worse. Maybe I should go on a delete binge tonight.
How often do you delete your the Ex-Profiles on MySpace? Can you do it? Do you think I can?
Deleting an ex is like permanently severing all ties…but then I think of the ex’s who were my friends – the ones I genuinely want to stay in touch with. And then I think of the sting when I see their “latest activity.”
I vote for delete.
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Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.
Here goes:
“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.
I enjoy procrastinating.
I drink far less alcohol then the average person.
I don’t care for sports or animals.
I believe it’s okay to spit.
I hate studying.
I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.
I prefer to cut my own hair.
I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.
I go to bed after midnight.
I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.
I’m very organized and neat.
I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.
I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.
I like Oriental Noodle Soups.
I hate Rap/R&B.
I hate Marijuana.
I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”
Isn’t that priceless?
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The adventure continues.
My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:
How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).
Dear Mr. Online Dater
I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!
Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
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