It means we’re too young to care, we are who we are and only that, at peace with ourselves and blissfully unaware of what lies beyond the comfort of mommy’s warm kitchen.
But just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t get in on the bliss free, care free fun.
Do yourself a favor. Have some fun this weekend. For a moment (or even a long few).
Forget about the dishes.
Forget about the laundry.
Forget about the bills.
Forget about the fact that there is no man in your house (this one especially).
Then let your hair down, take a second to give it a good manic shake and chase the kids around like a crazed yelling lunatic. Arms flailing, shouts bursting and feet scampering.
Just let it all out.
I know you can do it.
We give so much to our children, it’s okay to borrow a few moments of their energy in exchange.
Immerse yourselves in their little world before it disappears.
Cabin Man and I have been texting and e-mailing daily.
Talking on the phone is tough because during my available times, at night, he’s in a low cell service.
It’s frustrating to say the least. And he wanted to make a trip here during the work week but it just can’t fly. He has a job and on top of that – no car. But on the weekends, when I can visit him, he has his kids.
That leaves us ZERO options to see each other. Last weekend’s date was a fluke. He didn’t have the kids because it was his ex-wife’s birthday and she kept them.
He is all for a camping trip and introducing me to his children but, in the two years since his separation, I would be the first woman they meet. His theory is to introduce each other as friends, to not make a big deal out of it and to keep our hands off of each other.
In his eyes the positives of our kids having fun together and seeing happy parents far outweighs any negatives. But he admits this is new territory for him and completely respects my decision not to bring the kids into the mix.
Bottom line:
This is not going to be a long term relationship, from what I can sense, so I am just going to have to throw in the towel pre-maturely. Why? Because there won’t be a chance to see him again – EVER – if I can’t bring Benjamin.
The questions:
What if, in trying to spare Benjamin from future psychological problems, I miss out on a potentially rewarding and fulfilling relationship (even a temporary one) that makes both of us happy? Or at the very least, an awesome camping trip?
My belief:
The child of a single parent does not have a “typical” family life and ultimately sees his parents with different people. This does not mean they will all be screwed up for the rest of their lives.
I believe it depends on how the parent handles these relationships and communicates their beginning or end to the children. I do not believe single parents should relationship hop, bringing men or women in and out of their lives, and involve their children in the drama surrounding these relationships. For example, I dated Kris on and off for nearly one year but he rarely saw Benjamin and we never even thought about moving in together. When it ended Benjamin was fine. I carefully phased Kris out, cutting his visits from once or twice a week to once or twice every two weeks and so on.
I also believe that single parents who deny themselves the right to date may harbor resentment toward their situation and may be denying themselves the freedom to date without guilt, which in turn can affect the kids negatively.
I know you are all divided on this.
And I hate to beat a dead horse, but I think this one is still kicking. And I’m assuming this is not a new issue for any single dating parent or one that any of us can truly understand or hold authority on because every situation is different.
My basement had a minor flood (not complaining because my little brother lives in Iowa City and has been sandbagging for weeks). Anyhow – while sorting through boxes of wet stuff I found my old journal and stumbled across this entry.
I was leaving Texas after six months there as a single 23-year-old and a morning radio co-host. Needless to say – the cowboys were plentiful and so were the lessons learned. I wrote them down, but didn’t follow them.
September 16, 2003
Lessons I learned here in Texas:
1. Don’t sleep with men – it messes with their heads. They’re better as friends.
2. Don’t date four men at once. You forget who’s who.
3. Hang out with everyone but do NOT trust everyone.
4. Don’t drink too much around co-workers – unless – no, just never. Because most of them are sober.
But sometimes not following the rules leads to little miracles, like meeting a French-Canadian, marrying him and then creating the cutest little boy on Earth who happens to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Occasionally urgent questions land in my Inbox from single moms or married women desperate for help and answers. They are so urgent in nature I call them Single Mom S.O.S’s.
This one is the most urgent of all.
Belle is European and has no family here in the United States.
Her husband, who has abused her physically in the past is refusing to leave their apartment. She has no where to go, no where to stay and wants to know what will happen if she takes her children back to her home city in Europe.
This weekend I was busying myself in the kitchen when I heard a harmonic melody pouring down the stairs. I shot up to Benjamin’s room like a bolt – just to catch it – and there he was, sitting cross legged jamming on his harmonica.
Tonight I put him in front of the iMac. Enjoy! I’m SO PROUD!
