Cabin Man and I have been texting and e-mailing daily.
Talking on the phone is tough because during my available times, at night, he’s in a low cell service.
It’s frustrating to say the least. And he wanted to make a trip here during the work week but it just can’t fly. He has a job and on top of that – no car. But on the weekends, when I can visit him, he has his kids.
That leaves us ZERO options to see each other. Last weekend’s date was a fluke. He didn’t have the kids because it was his ex-wife’s birthday and she kept them.
He is all for a camping trip and introducing me to his children but, in the two years since his separation, I would be the first woman they meet. His theory is to introduce each other as friends, to not make a big deal out of it and to keep our hands off of each other.
In his eyes the positives of our kids having fun together and seeing happy parents far outweighs any negatives. But he admits this is new territory for him and completely respects my decision not to bring the kids into the mix.
Bottom line:
This is not going to be a long term relationship, from what I can sense, so I am just going to have to throw in the towel pre-maturely. Why? Because there won’t be a chance to see him again – EVER – if I can’t bring Benjamin.
The questions:
What if, in trying to spare Benjamin from future psychological problems, I miss out on a potentially rewarding and fulfilling relationship (even a temporary one) that makes both of us happy? Or at the very least, an awesome camping trip?
My belief:
The child of a single parent does not have a “typical” family life and ultimately sees his parents with different people. This does not mean they will all be screwed up for the rest of their lives.
I believe it depends on how the parent handles these relationships and communicates their beginning or end to the children. I do not believe single parents should relationship hop, bringing men or women in and out of their lives, and involve their children in the drama surrounding these relationships. For example, I dated Kris on and off for nearly one year but he rarely saw Benjamin and we never even thought about moving in together. When it ended Benjamin was fine. I carefully phased Kris out, cutting his visits from once or twice a week to once or twice every two weeks and so on.
I also believe that single parents who deny themselves the right to date may harbor resentment toward their situation and may be denying themselves the freedom to date without guilt, which in turn can affect the kids negatively.
I know you are all divided on this.
And I hate to beat a dead horse, but I think this one is still kicking. And I’m assuming this is not a new issue for any single dating parent or one that any of us can truly understand or hold authority on because every situation is different.
All of your comments to Cabin Fever, Part 3 are unique and each with a different perspective. Here’s a recap. [click to continue…]
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