The past few days have been rough. I guess our split hadn’t really hit me and when it did – it hurt. Not because I was losing a boyfriend but because I was losing my best friend. I started to wonder – why is this happening? What happened to our fun, casual relationship? When did it become so serious? And when did he start feeling all of this pressure? All of the answers pointed back to me. I had been pressing him for goals…nagging him about his college-esque lifestyle and asking him to be more helpful around the house. Had I lost my mind? No. I had just lost touch with reality and lost sight of what I want and expect from Kris.

When this all started I was completely relaxed, at ease with being single and having him around was just a bonus. I didn’t expect much from him – other than to make me happy, which he always did. Especially in bed! We have this amazing attraction to each other and we also have so much fun together. It’s been a connection from first sight. We didn’t even have to really date – there was just an instant click. So what happened? Why was I suddenly putting demands on a perfectly fun and comfortable relationship?

I made a list in my head and asked myself a few questions, which included:

• Do I even want to get married again? Hell no…well, not anytime in the near future.
• Do I really want a serious, boring relationship? Definitely not.
• Kris is young and his life is a 180 from mine – but we enjoy each other – immensely.
• Is it fair to ask a college kid to live up to a 28 year old woman’s standards of living? No.
• Do you want a fun, easy-going boyfriend who loves you? Yes.
• Do you want to be with someone who is so intriguing, loving, interesting and special? Someone you trust with everything? Yes.

So I called him. He was actually writing me a letter at that moment. A letter trying to clarify his feelings about all of this. He was just as upset as I was. So I told him how I felt I had been unfairly pressuring him to be something he wasn’t.

Then I offered up a compromise. Not really a compromise – more like a new way of looking at our relationship.

“Why not take a step back? Meaning – we still have the same intimacy, the same love for each other – but that we take the pressure off of the relationship and see each other a lot less…like two nights a week. You’re busy. I’m busy. And we both appreciate our independence.”

He couldn’t believe it. I guess this is a guy’s dream. “I thought of suggesting this but I thought it would upset you,” he said, “it’s just what I was trying to write in my letter.”

We talked and talked and both felt so relieved. He’s coming over tonight and then we’re going out on an official date Friday night. And you know what? I’m so excited to see him – to be with him – with no pressure on either of us. It’s just so hard for us single moms not to put self-imposed pressures on our relationships – the point where we (at least I know I do) send them into a self-destruction mode.

What do you think? Do you think I’ll be able to take the pressure off and just have fun again?

And – also, this will cut face time with Benjamin down big time. Now he’ll be seeing him two mornings a week – that’s it. Not bad, right? Benjamin sees my other friends and his own father more than that…so having a fun guy around a few mornings a week shouldn’t have that much of an impact.

Thanks everyone for reading all of this drama. I’m hoping it’s at the least – a bit entertaining. Oh – and on Monday’s girl’s night I did pick up a man – but then promptly delivered him to my friend. I wasn’t interested – even though he was a gorgeous Scot with a thick, sexy accent. He’s taking her out to dinner on Thursday. Nice.

See – there are plenty of men – but I already have everything I need from this one. Companionship – friendship – love – sex – happiness – and laughter. I don’t need a man for anything more. Ha! Being a modern single woman sure has its perks.

——————-

P.S. I’ve had a few reactions to this post regarding my relationships and how they affect my son – who is one month shy of two. This is an issue every dating single mother faces – and it’s not easy. I call it – the single mom dating conundrum. Please read this post if this topic is of interest to you. I know my son is not going to grow up in a “traditional” household – and this might not sit well with a lot of people. But I will say one thing – at least he is not growing up in a household with two miserably married parents – something that I view as much, much worse. I have dated so many men who’s parents never got a divorce and they have so many relationship “issues.” They fear commitment because they’ve never seen a happy couple … just food for thought.

One thing is for certain – Benjamin is a happy, thriving little guy and that will always, always be my number one priority.

[awesome photo from http://lowenddslr.com/img/steps-led.jpg]

No related posts.