Single Mom | Single Mom Blog | Ms. Single Mama » babies

Will you ever have another one?

mssinglemama — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:44:03 +0000

If not, you could just get a fun widget and pretend.

I have to pass this on, a Pregnancy Clock for your MySpace page. Get it here, and share it with any of your MySpace pals or other bloggers who are expecting. Look, it measures your baby’s progress in real time! Maybe I should make a fake baby due date just to watch my fake baby grow.

If only I had one of these when I was pregnant. I remember going into work and saying, “Hey, what are you doing (co-worker).”

Insert random answer.

“Oh yeah? Well, today I’m making some toes!”

Cheers to pregnant women. Do you ever miss being pregnant? Do you think you’ll ever have another baby?

I’ve got to admit, the bigger Benjamin gets and the more amazing parenting becomes, I definitely don’t think it’s out of the question. I also want him to have brothers and sisters, I’m one of six – so I can’t imagine a life without siblings.

Momma Cum Laude’s daughter is here!!!

mssinglemama — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 13:40:33 +0000

She’s a college student and now (officially) a single mom. Momma Cum Laude has been blogging about her pregnancy, her fears, her joys and her doubts in her daughter’s absent father for a few months now.

And today little Anna was born. She’s 8 lbs, 1 oz and 20 1/4 inches long. So pop over and wish her the best.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world that’s harder than caring for a newborn. Well, maybe fighting in a war zone. But seriously, during the first few weeks after Benjamin made his little debut I felt like I was in a war zone. So hats off to you Momma Cum Laude…we are all sending you calming vibes and hoping you’re getting some sleep. Remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. So if you feel like you might absolutely lose your mind…that’s normal.

The best piece of advice I can give you: ask for help if you can. Don’t be too proud. I made that mistake and still do…

Thomas rocks and Momma Cum Laude could be in labor…

Sleep deprivation is a cruel, cruel thing.

mssinglemama — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 05:22:40 +0000

This is dedicated to every parent who hasn’t slept through the night for months and months. Until 10 days ago my 2 year old has been waking up nearly every night. I have had few all-nighters streaks but… on average he’s up at least once, maybe twice or three times a night.

Maybe I’m an idiot and every other mother knows this – but just in case I’m not -here’s how I got my toddler to sleep through the night.

I folded a nice, heavy quilt four times and laid it over the mattress, sheet and all. I put the soft, smooth side up. It gives him an extra three-four inches of coziness. So … he’s been sleeping, essentially, on a nice comfortable futon.

He’s been sleep straight through the night ever since. It’s a miracle. But…now that I know he’s going to sleep straight through I’ve been staying up later, having fun and hanging out with visiting friends and family. Hence this incredibly quick and poorly written entry.

***The pic is of my son, Benjamin and my fellow single mama’s son, Spencer.

He’s back.

Single Mom Recipes

mssinglemama — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:21:28 +0000

What do you cook up when you’re rushed in the morning? Or in the evening when you get home from work and don’t feel like making an elaborate meal? I thought I would share my favorite recipes in hopes that you share yours.

These are all super quick, super easy and super healthy recipes that are some of Benjamin’s favorites. And I love them too.

Egg in Toast - for breakfast or lunch

Not sure what this is technically called, so made up that name.

Cut a circle in the middle of a piece of whole wheat bread.

Throw some butter in a skillet. Drop the bread in.

Then crack in egg in the center of the hole, cook for a minute or two then flip, again for a minute or two – then you’re done!

Total cook time – 3-4 minutes. Delicious!!!!

Instant Oatmeal with Cottage Cheese – for breakfast

This is a bit crazy but one day a mixed cottage cheese in with Benjamin’s instant oatmeal and he ate the entire bowl. I wanted to cool the oatmeal down faster and also beef up his protein consumption every day. Cottage cheese is packed with protein and calcium.

Perogies – for dinner or lunch

Find perogies in the frozen food section – they’re cheap and really low in fat so you can love them too.

Using a saucepan throw in some oil, put the heat on high and fry the perogies. Throw in a few onions for taste. You can also boil them and use spagetti sauce.

Total cook time: 7 minutes

Orzo Pilaf – for dinner or lunch (especially great for the babies)

Boil the orzo (just like rice, but instead it’s a yummy pasta)

After about 4 minutes throw in diced carrots, broccoli or any other veggies (I shave my head of broccoli so he doesn’t know the difference)

Strain it all

Throw in about half a stick of butter and some shredded cheese.

Total cook time: 10 minutes

These are my super quick recipes. On the weekends and most nights for dinner I make bigger, “fancier” meals because I actually enjoy cooking now. Please, please share your recipes if you have any others.

A web site deceiving single moms

mssinglemama — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:57:01 +0000

I did a Google for “single mother” last night and this site popped up …

SingleMotherResource.com

The site is filled with little anecdotes and tips on managing your life as a single mother. They had me fooled until I read this line, buried in a list of advice on parenting alone:

Your child is powerless and vulnerable to the possibly less-than-ideal consequences he faces as the child of a single parent.

Less than ideal? You mean it would be more ideal for us to be with the lousy men who either left us, abused us or treated us “less than ideally”?

Then I got a bit annoyed with the site’s webmasters for writing this garbage and tried to contact someone. Yes, I was a bit bored last night. Within a few clicks I realized there was no contact information anywhere and very few links…all buried deep in the copy. And the site’s supposed “community forum” links for single moms are dead links. Inoperable. It’s a scam. The entire site is an ad…a very deceiving ad for a “non-profit” debt consolidation service based in Florida.

What’s really tragic is that the Google spiders have missed something like this bogus site. This company, In Charge, has several of these fake sites including one targeting students looking for college loans. So this is a bit frightening. The fake student loan site, studentfinancialguide.com, strongly encourages young men and women to join the military.

So they’re insulting our circumstances, calling them “less than ideal” – trying to prey on single mothers with a slick design and fudged content – oh, and they’re also trying to send our son’s to war. Google spiders – can you please ex-communicate this site and this company from your search engine as a punishment??

The test for any single working mother: the morning wake up.

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 19:15:16 +0000

Some mornings are better than others.

This morning was a bad one. Benjamin usually wakes up between 7:15 and 7:30. But this morning it was 6:45. I had been up late last night cleaning and didn’t actually fall asleep until around 11:45. Yesterday was a great morning. He was in a happy mood, we got up and at ‘em with few whines or whimpers and were on our merry way. But this morning he knew things were back to normal – meaning mommy gets ready for work and then he goes to daycare – so he proceeded to push every one of my buttons.

First it started with the whining, coupled with the persistent leg grabbing – which I hate. I can’t stand the whining and then when he starts clinging to my legs, begging to be held I usually boil over. There’s no way I can pick him up because I have to get ready for work, not even mention teach him that he can’t behave that way. So I resist. Then after the bedroom it’s off to the bathroom and make up. He jumps on top of the toilet, off of the toilet, then onto the floor, then he’s sticking his hands into the toilet. I’m trying to breath. Trying to breath. But I can’t. I try to count to ten. That’s not working either.

“Benjamin, where are your shoes baby? Why don’t you go find your shoes.”

“No!”

“Okay, you know what – out of here. Out, now. You’re driving me crazy.” He toddles away out of the bathroom and then I want to cry. I feel horrible. I love him so much and just want to run up and cuddle him. I hate losing my temper with a 21 month old. But I do – and it’s usually always first thing in the morning.

He returns a few seconds later with my slipper. He’s trying to put it on my foot. I comply. “Where’s the other one?” He departs and returns a few minutes later with the missing slipper. This bought me enough time to put on my eyeliner and finish up my mascara. But now he’s back at it.

I’ll give him a treat. Yes! A treat. The quick fix to any time crunched single mama. It buys me enough to time to finish up a few things. We’re ready to go. Finally. But now he’s dodging me. Running away from me so I can’t put his coat on. Fun. This is great. I can’t catch my own kid. He’s using the coffee table as a buffer and laughing his ass off while I’m frantically trying to catch him. Then I start laughing too. This is the best part about being a mom. One minute you’re ready to jump off of a cliff and the next you’re laughing and bursting with pride and joy. My kid knows how to push my buttons but he also knows how to make me laugh.

I’ll have to focus on that positive reinforcement more in the mornings. It’s just so hard when you’re rushed and tired. Like I said, some are better than others…here’s for hoping that tomorrow is one of the good ones.

He’s back.

mssinglemama — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:31:49 +0000

Yesterday morning Benjamin’s father picked him up for his first overnight at Daddy’s in nearly two years. I kept myself busy all day shopping with my best friend. We are both single mothers and spent nearly three hours in one store! Shopping with no kids is truly a luxury. I came home to my empty apartment and couldn’t bear the loud silence. I am never, ever home without him here. I didn’t know what to do so I just tried to take a quick nap. I couldn’t sleep and just laid there thinking about how lonely and miserable my life would be without Benjamin. I remind myself of this every day but having 36 hours of child-free time made it really sink in.

Then I started sending happy thoughts to Benjamin – wishing I had telepathic powers. He’s only 21 months old and didn’t understand that he was going away for the night. I just wished I could have explained.

I dragged myself out of bed. The silence was still so deafening. Wicked. Mocking. Where is my son?? I hate this. Why can’t I enjoy it? So I did what I always used to do – back in my childless single days. I cranked up the party music…I had to get ready for New Year’s Eve. As soon as the music started I felt better. I have to enjoy this. Benjamin will be fine and you are going to have a crazy fun time tonight. And I did.

Our night out included much bar hopping and much drinking. This morning Kris and I actually got to sleep in for the first time since we’ve started dating – nearly 3 months ago. Usually I jump out of bed, hung over or not, and rescue Benjamin from his room for breakfast and morning play time while Kris keeps sleeping. But this morning we got to lay in each other’s arms, kiss, cuddle and just be.

When we finally got out of bed Kris said, “it is pretty weird without the little guy here, it just doesn’t feel right.” He picked up Benjamin’s remote control car and started it up. The car noises were way too depressing. “Let’s get out of here,” I said. We jumped in the car, grabbed lunch and then headed to the book store.

Then his my ex calls, “we’re coming back a bit early and Benjamin was up last night from midnight to 3:00.” Oh boy. This didn’t surprise me. Every time we travel, even if I’m there with him, Benjamin rarely sleeps through the night. But three hours! When they pulled into the driveway I ran outside. Little Benjamin looked exhausted. I stuck my head in the window and he just freaked out with joy. I asked my ex if he would be taking him next week again and he was unsure – “we’ll see, it depends, I’ll let you know.” Yes! As much as I enjoyed this morning and the time with Kris I didn’t like being separated from Benjamin. Every once in a while it might be nice – but not every week.

This would be another story if my ex were a completely involved father but he’s just so distant to both of us. I actually used to daydream about having an ex who was constantly calling to check in or even fighting with me over more custody. But then again, that man and I would probably still be together. Now I’m taking my ex as he is and being as open as possible to whatever he wants. A take it or leave it kind of approach. If he shows up on his days – great – if not – fine. I have just learned to deal with it.

So – all is well. My little guy is back where he belongs, cozy in his bed and about to get a good night’s sleep.

On sharing a child.

mssinglemama — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:28:10 +0000

After nearly two years my son’s father has taken him for his 36 hours of visitation. (Usually he watches him at my place) Right now there’s a pit in my stomach. Not of fear. I know he will take care of him…he is after all a good father and he does love his son more than anything. It’s something else. This just isn’t natural. Sharing a child with an ex spouse. I’m a child sharing rookie, this being my first time with him out of my sight for over 24 hours.

My mix of emotions are as follows:

Wow…I have 36 hours to myself, I’m not working so that means just play…and it’s New Years Eve!
Where is he going? I don’t even know. I’ve never met my ex’s girlfriend. I’ve never seen their house. I’m just a little bit uncomfortable with this, but I do trust my ex.
Will he be okay without me? Yes. It might be hard around bedtime but he’ll have a fun day. He’s a happy, independent kid.
Will I be okay without him? Will I be able to have fun tonight? Or will I be worried sick?

I imagine since so many parents in this country have shared custody of their child that it does get easier….but what about the children? Do they ever really adjust to this? I don’t think people ever get married and have babies with the intention of splitting. I know I didn’t. It was a whirlwind, green card wedding but we were in love. I thought with every inch of my body that it would be forever. But my dream came crashing down around me when I realized that we were completely incompatible.

Well…I’ll keep you posted. I’m going to spend the day out and about with my best friend shopping. Then the evening out at a cocktail party and then dancing with my amazing boyfriend. This won’t be that bad…and Benjamin will get a serious dose of daddy time which has been well over due.

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Who takes pictures of you?

mssinglemama — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 02:13:03 +0000

This is one of a handful of pictures I have of Benjamin and I together. Thanks to a mirror and my wonderful camera. I snapped it just one week after leaving my ex-husband. Benjamin was just 4 months old (isn’t he a cutie!!!). Anyway, to date I have had only a few taken of us together by an outside party.

The holidays are here and I’m actually hoping someone will snap a few pictures of us together.

Just wondering what other single moms do. I could hire a professional photographer. I could ask my friend to take pictures of us every time they come over. Which they would – I guess I just forget to ask. I don’t think about it every day and now two years later I’m like – oh crap – no pictures of us together. That sucks. Same with all of my video of Benjamin – it’s all of him and my voice behind the camera.

Merry Christmas or Holidays by the way…might not get to write again for a few days. Just remember to get lots of group shots at your family gatherings.

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Daddy is coming back.

mssinglemama — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:52:58 +0000

Well, it’s been six weeks since his car broke down. He called yesterday – telling me he’s 90% sure he’ll be here Monday and Tuesday to watch Benjamin. I’m actually nervous about leaving him alone with his own father. Isn’t that strange? It’s just that it’s been so long since they’ve spent time together. But, this is good. A boy does need his father and despite his complete irresponsibility the Ex has, with the exception of the last six weeks, been here every week since the divorce.

I was also really getting used to him being out of the picture. It’s been kind of nice. We have a weird situation. Because the Ex doesn’t have his own place to take Benjamin to he stays at my house. We are both in new relationships now and there’s definitely no chemistry left at all. Usually we get along well but every once in a while a fight erupts and just having him around makes me a bit stressful. It’s hard to see him – especially now – knowing that he didn’t make it up here somehow. Who cares if he didn’t have a car. My father would have hopped on a bus or paid a buddy to give him a lift. Actually my father wouldn’t have had to pay his friends for a favor. Point is – he would have made it up here somehow.

I will try not to dwell on this and just focus on the positive. I can’t let myself become overwhelmed with trying to predict the future or trying to protect Benjamin from everything. He will get hurt some day, it’s part of life. I am not going to be able to protect him forever, but I am going to my best to save him from any unncessary pain.

Life just isn’t as we plan. That’s what makes it interesting. Especially as a single mom. This is quite a life. You never know what is going to happen and if you try to control it or obsess over controlling your environment, well, I think that would be doing a disservice to you and your child. Things happen and you just have to keep going. For us life is never by the book as I envision it is for married couples. No matter what life throws at them they always have one constant in their lives – each other.

So…this will be interesting. His dad is coming back after a six week hiatus. As always, I’ll keep you posted.

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