And then there were three…

by mssinglemama on January 9, 2012

And I absolutely love them all.

The Mr. and I were talking today about blending families. From our initial digging on Amazon, it doesn’t look like there are very many books on the subject for modern single parents.

Any others out there becoming step-parents or blending families with young children? Tips or advice? Or what questions do you have about it all? Let’s start the discussion here… and see where it takes us. I’m thinking another Website entirely could be in order. Maybe with both his and my perspectives?

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On the other side…

by mssinglemama on January 3, 2012

It is our second date.

Our first date after our coffee date. So, in my mind, this is our first real date. I am wearing my favorite gray Calvin Klein dress. It’s just short enough, but not too short and hits mid thigh. To keep off the Fall chill I’m wearing my light brown suede jacket and–because I can–my pre-Benjamin stiletto booties.

I am proud of myself for picking out an outfit so quickly, considering how daunting it had been to get dressed before the coffee date.

He texts me that he is parked around the corner, behind the bushes, where I know Benjamin can’t spot him. I kiss Benjamin good-bye, wish the sitter good luck and dash out the door. Per the sound and logical advice of my girlfriends, we have waited four days to see each other again. But, it has felt like weeks. Typically four days would be nothing for me, a splash in the water, nothing. But on each night we’ve spend hours on the phone talking and each night, I’ve woken up at 3:00 or 4:00 AM wide awake with anticipation. [click to continue…]

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What is your single mom manifesto?

by mssinglemama on December 22, 2011

 

Remember the single mom manifesto project?

I sent three of these out to over 150 of you and not one as returned.

I’m so sad about that, but I understand knowing that we are all busy and it seemed like a far fetch that we could pull it off. Or maybe they were lost in the mail…

Either way, I am still in love with the idea of gathering all of your declarations of your principles, the foundations you hold dear as a single mother – and then making them public. Sharing your story for others. What drives you? What guides you? The manifesto is all about you and what you believe.

The definition of Manifesto from Wikipedia – a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions, often political in nature. Manifestos relating to religious belief are generally referred to as creeds. Manifestos may also be life stance-related.

I wrote mine in the books and sent it off. I had photos and everything. If you want to contribute your manifesto… write yours, scan it digitally (you can use the Pro Scanner app on your smart phone) and then upload it to my Facebook page as a photo – if you prefer to be more anonymous – email yours to mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line MANIFESTO. Everyone who submits one will then receive a password for a FREE Ms. Single Mama Uncensored eBook!

Sound good? Leave comments with questions if you have any. And Merry Christmas!!! Love you my Mamas.

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On healing a broken heart.

by mssinglemama on December 11, 2011

The auditorium is full. We have all been called here for a special event, an hour assembly featuring a guest speaker.

A woman walked onto the stage with a man. The two were here to tell us about sex, or I should say – to tell us why we shouldn’t have sex. After the man showed us a photo of an aborted fetus the woman took another tact. She wanted to talk about what sex does to your heart.

“Let me tell you about a girl named Sally,” she said. “This here in my hands,” she holds up a giant red heart cut out of construction paper, “this is Sally’s heart. And one day Sally decides to have sex with Dave  and then a piece of her heart is ripped and broken.”

She rips off a piece of the heart.

She keeps going through Sally’s sexual history until there is nothing left except for a tiny scrap of paper in her hands.

“And after all of them, this is all Sally had left. Because every time you have sex with someone, they take a piece of your heart and you will never have it back.” [click to continue…]

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My apologies to NYC.

by mssinglemama on November 28, 2011

I have an apology to make to New York City.

I am sorry for doubting you and jumping to conclusions after my last visit.

I’m not sure what happened, maybe it was the hot weather (100+) and the wrong neighborhood choice (Times Square), but this time I had a completely different experience. We were in Greenpoint, a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn, where my sister, Anna, and her husband, Ryan, are living until he finishes law school.

The first night Benjamin woke up and started puking. He had the flu, most certainly and unavoidably. And there we all were the next day, on Thanksgiving, staring at each other and wondering in horror when we would all start doing the same. That got old after the first hour so we proceeded as planned and Anna and Ryan made a delicious Thanksgiving Feast. [click to continue…]

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Romance vs. Love: What’s the difference?

by mssinglemama on November 23, 2011

I always pick books up, read a chapter or two, set them down for weeks and then pick them back up later to read a few more. If you recall a few posts back I recommended Gloria Steinem’s Revolution from Within. And as usual, I then didn’t finish it… but a few nights ago I started reading it again and flipped directly to the chapter titled Romance versus Love. I’ve attempted to write about the difference here and here – and it’s been a running theme on this blog. The big questions being – what is love, what does love mean to us as single moms, as single women and why do we always seem to choose the wrong men? Had I found this book then, I would have found that Steinem has already sorted it all out for us.

I wanted to share some of her thoughts, as I found them completely awesome.

It’s not easy to generalize about love. Like each person who feels its invisible filaments stretching to another person, it is unique in each instance. Unlike romance, whose plots are uniform enough to be conveyed by shorthand – “if-I-can’t-have-you-no-one-will,” “transitional affair,” “middle-aged crazy,” “the other woman,” “wartime romance,” and so on – love has no standard storyline and no agenda except to deepen the joys and cushion the blows of very individual lives. As Robin Morgan sums up in The Anatomy of Freedom, “Hate generalizes, love specifies.” And romance generalizes, too. When we look for a missing part of ourselves in other people, we blog out their uniqueness. Since most of us have been deprived along gender lines, we generalize about the “opposite sex”, thus rendering it a blank screen on which we project our hopes (in romance) or our fears (in hate). No wonder romane turns so easily to hate, and vice versa.

Steinem continues to write that, as described by those who experience them, the characteristics of love are remarkably similar to the marks of high self-esteem. You’ll have to pick up the book to read the details of each, but here are the characteristics of love:

[click to continue…]

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Hello.

by mssinglemama on November 18, 2011

Just thought you would all like to see this mysterious guy who has me completely smitten.

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Another perspective

by mssinglemama on November 10, 2011

She is only a fresh seven years old. I cross my legs and sit down by her cousin’s Barbie house. There’s a party going on for her one year old cousin and even though I want to be meeting his family, I would rather – in this moment – be here with her.

There are three Barbies. The first is decked out in glittery jewelry and extremely put together, the second looks like she just stumbled out of bed after an extremely rough night and the third is just right, simple and cute.

I have my own feelings about Barbies. They are gross exaggerations of the female form, something no little girl should ever feel she should live up to or look like. Why are their breasts so large in proportion to their waists? Couldn’t Mattel make them just a hair more realistic? And then there are all of the good times I myself had with Barbie as a little girl. I loved them.

She starts by lining all three Barbies upstairs against a wall.

“What are they waiting for?” I ask.

“The Prince,” she says.

Then the Prince marches in and measures up the girls.

“He’s going to pick one,” she says.

After he’s made his choice and marched off with the Just Right Barbie, I am left holding the two single Barbies.

“We have to find them Princes,” she adds nonchalantly, as if it is part of the plan all along. [click to continue…]

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Taking a break…

by mssinglemama on October 13, 2011

I’ll be back. I’m not sure when. Maybe in a week, or a month, or never. Honestly, I don’t know right now.

After meeting him, my first reaction was to tell all of you – and quickly – that you must have butterflies, that you must feel a spark, that you must never settle, that I had found something I am sure not all of us get to experience in a lifetime. I wanted to put a clause or a correction on everything I had been writing in the past. I wanted to share it with you so you in turn won’t settle, as I had advised before. And then the harsh judgments started pouring in.

All of my credibility, all trust you may have in my judgement to protect my son – all of that tossed aside, without any regard to the fact that Benjamin is the happiest kid you’ll ever meet and doing far better in school and in life than I ever could have imagined.

To question my character? Really?

Yes, I love being in love. Yes, I love love. Yes, I believe in love. Yes, I have met the man of my dreams. And yes, I will may be a fool. But for the first time in the four years since starting my blog, I am choosing to keep things where they belong – between he and I. Read my archives, take what you will from them. Learn what you can, that’s why this blog is here.

Know that I am out enjoying life and, gasp, love. And I am completely aware that I could get hurt. I am completely aware that this is just the beginning. And no I am not going to rush off and marry him or move in with him. I really will miss writing, but this is what I need right now. I need to be completely and absolutely selfish and just enjoy my privacy.

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A lesson in love

by mssinglemama on October 12, 2011

My father and I were folding laundry, the piles were up to our knees.

It had been a particularly rough week in our house. There were six of us after all and my mother and he had been fighting about something. I can’t remember what, most likely something to do with the logistics of raising six humans. Should Eliot really go off to soccer practice in Marietta or should he stay at the camp in Athens? Or, should the girls really go to that party at so and so’s house whose parents may or may not be home?

My parents had a very unique relationship. Unlike parents I witnessed at my friends’ houses, my parents would often be spotted kissing in the kitchen while preparing dinner and they would stay up late into the night talking. Not fighting or arguing, but deep in conversation, passionate conversation about their work, life, us kids, and each other. They didn’t waste time with things, like television. They were in love, yes, but they were also best friends.

When my father died, part of my mother died with him.

In this moment, buried in the laundry, I felt struck to ask him a bold question.

“How do you do it, Dad? How do you still love Mom so much after all of these years? Even on days like this.”

It only took him a moment to answer, “I always knew, even though my parents had gone through a terrible divorce, that I would find the love of my life some day and that I would be madly in love with her. I believed in love.” He paused and kept folding and then added, “and so did your mother. Look at her family. Divorce, horrible, horrible things but she still believed. We both believed. And then we found each other.”

It made complete sense to me, they believed in love. More importantly, they believed in their relationship. The believing being the key. Because nothing can existing without a belief that it exists. Especially love.

Belief in motion. My parents stepping outside of a hotel after their wedding.

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