I know it’s been a while since I’ve offered up a around of single mom dating tips, but here is a fresh batch. The subject? Introducing or not introducing men to your children.
First, a few real-life single mom dating experiences. In both cases, each single mom did what she felt was right at the time. We can’t hold them responsible or judge them for their actions. We are all learning as we go… dating as a single mom is by far the hardest and most misunderstood experience mothers can have. But we can learn from each other.
Single Mom Dating Scenario 1
She bides her time, listens to her ultra-protectionist mama gut and waits 9 months to introduce the man she’s dating to her toddler. She introduces him only after she’s certain they’ll be together forever and have fallen completely and totally in love. Did her patience pay off?
At first, yes. Everything is going so well that they all move in together three months after the introductions. Four weeks later her boyfriend, likely caving under the stress of what I’ll call Sudden Toddler Exposure, jets. He leaves. Completely and totally leaves and she hasn’t heard from him since.
Single Mom Dating Scenario 2
She doesn’t wait. Knowing instantly that he is the one. She brings the man into their lives, introduces him to her 6-year-old and then – because he lives out of town – allows him to practically (but not really) move in. [click to continue…]
The sick fairies spared John Bear and I the vomiting but left us with severe headaches and congestion.
Benjamin pukes like a champ by the way. It frightens me. It’s like the kid is built or designed for college parties. As soon as he feels a squirm in his stomach he runs to the bathroom, puts both hands on the toilet seat, braces himself and then…
Like a pro.
I can hear his future friends cheering him on now as he emerges from the bathroom and declares, “Give me another one!”
I can sit here and hope that’s just a vision, but I’m bracing myself for a time in Benjamin’s life when he’s working hard and playing hard, like his mother used to be. Used to be. Now I can’t have more than two beers without wanting to call it a night and head home.
One shot of tequila is all it takes to make me forget my limits. And then boom – I wake up with a hang over that lasts 48 hours. I’m a light-weight now, what can I say? Drinking and I just don’t get along anymore.
At some point this week, being stuck in the house with my little sick, puking goblin I tested out a new camera lens on my fridge. In this winter darkness of never ending snow and flu, my refrigerator is the brightest thing in the house. An impromptu scrap book, my fridge is where I stick memories I unearth while cleaning or dusting in odd places.
There’s the photo of my sister and I. Our faces warm from spending days by the pool at our apartment in Texas. We were in the back seat of a friend’s car when I took that, moments away from hitting a bar in Austin.
My Athens block is holding us up, near some notes Anna sent me just a few weeks ago. Love my sister. So much.
To the right there’s the picture of John Bear and I, the one I tore it out of a scratch copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. I look like I’m going to maul him or something but I still like that picture. Taken on such a good weekend.
On the bottom right is a picture of my father’s family – my dad is one of the little guys in the front. My grandmother, a single mother to four boys during the 50’s and 60’s is on the top right. I never met her. Like my father, she died of cancer when she was 50. Damn the cancer.
And on the front is Mr. Germ Doctor, always packing a new illness to infect Mommy with.
He hides them so well. The germs. But they’re in there…
When I met John Bear I didn’t have non-stop butterflies jumping around in my stomach.
I didn’t ache or pine for him.
I didn’t daydream about him, waiting for him to call.
Instead, I felt like a level-headed woman, slowly falling for someone who swept me away with his generosity, kind spirit, sweet surprises and constant mantra, “I’m not going anywhere.”
And he didn’t go anywhere. Not then.
Not even then.
And not now.
And I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. We are completely and utterly into each other, but in a new kind of way (for both of us).
Earlier this weekend a single mom girlfriend of mine was telling me about a recent nice guy she’s dating who pampers her with dinners, gifts, nice words and kind actions but there’s something missing.
“I just don’t feel the butterflies,” she said.
And while this guy may not be a keeper, I still had to slap down some advice in hopes of breaking her in for a future of dating only nice guys, or as I like to call them – real men. [click to continue…]
Thought you all might like to see this video because it features John Bear. (Swoon). And some awesome shots of our new office (and our fridge full of beer).
If you live in Columbus and know anyone who is interested – please forward the internship info on. Full details here.
What else?
I completed Day 1 of 7 of my 30 Day Shred. It was awesome, but I am sore already. How are you all doing on your 7 Day Quit missions? I expect a full report from each of you if you really want to receive your free copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored.
Just look at this kid and try to tell me he isn’t going to be a fearless athlete.
Here he is yesterday, on our second trip out trouncing and sledding around the neighborhood.
Clearly ready to beat the snot out of any snow man that tries to ruin his day. Give Benjamin an accessory – like a sled – and he gets into position, as if he’s been doing it for years
Breaking his concentration only to shout at his Mommy slave, “run faster Mommy! FASTER!”
After a few hours of sled-walking-pulling (too scared to take him on a big hill because we are in a two-week health insurance lapse) we packed up into the car and headed to a bowling tournament for the MJB Foundation. And after one too many of Benjamin’s balls landed (and stopped) in the gutter
And not now.
