by mssinglemama on March 12, 2010
Introducing Him to the Kids
I know it’s been a while since I’ve offered up a around of single mom dating tips, but here is a fresh batch. The subject? Introducing or not introducing men to your children.
First, a few real-life single mom dating experiences. In both cases, each single mom did what she felt was right at the time. We can’t hold them responsible or judge them for their actions. We are all learning as we go… dating as a single mom is by far the hardest and most misunderstood experience mothers can have. But we can learn from each other.
Single Mom Dating Scenario 1
She bides her time, listens to her ultra-protectionist mama gut and waits 9 months to introduce the man she’s dating to her toddler. She introduces him only after she’s certain they’ll be together forever and have fallen completely and totally in love. Did her patience pay off?
At first, yes. Everything is going so well that they all move in together three months after the introductions. Four weeks later her boyfriend, likely caving under the stress of what I’ll call Sudden Toddler Exposure, jets. He leaves. Completely and totally leaves and she hasn’t heard from him since.
Single Mom Dating Scenario 2
She doesn’t wait. Knowing instantly that he is the one. She brings the man into their lives, introduces him to her 6-year-old and then – because he lives out of town – allows him to practically (but not really) move in. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on February 26, 2010
Benjamin came home with a headache on Tuesday.
Which turned into a fever on Tuesday night.
Which turned into puking on Wednesday night.
Which turned into… ahhh, never mind.
The sick fairies spared John Bear and I the vomiting but left us with severe headaches and congestion.
Benjamin pukes like a champ by the way. It frightens me. It’s like the kid is built or designed for college parties. As soon as he feels a squirm in his stomach he runs to the bathroom, puts both hands on the toilet seat, braces himself and then…
Like a pro.
I can hear his future friends cheering him on now as he emerges from the bathroom and declares, “Give me another one!”
I can sit here and hope that’s just a vision, but I’m bracing myself for a time in Benjamin’s life when he’s working hard and playing hard, like his mother used to be. Used to be. Now I can’t have more than two beers without wanting to call it a night and head home.
One shot of tequila is all it takes to make me forget my limits. And then boom – I wake up with a hang over that lasts 48 hours. I’m a light-weight now, what can I say? Drinking and I just don’t get along anymore.
At some point this week, being stuck in the house with my little sick, puking goblin I tested out a new camera lens on my fridge. In this winter darkness of never ending snow and flu, my refrigerator is the brightest thing in the house. An impromptu scrap book, my fridge is where I stick memories I unearth while cleaning or dusting in odd places.
There’s the photo of my sister and I. Our faces warm from spending days by the pool at our apartment in Texas. We were in the back seat of a friend’s car when I took that, moments away from hitting a bar in Austin.
My Athens block is holding us up, near some notes Anna sent me just a few weeks ago. Love my sister. So much.
To the right there’s the picture of John Bear and I, the one I tore it out of a scratch copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored. I look like I’m going to maul him or something but I still like that picture. Taken on such a good weekend.
On the bottom right is a picture of my father’s family – my dad is one of the little guys in the front. My grandmother, a single mother to four boys during the 50’s and 60’s is on the top right. I never met her. Like my father, she died of cancer when she was 50. Damn the cancer.
And on the front is Mr. Germ Doctor, always packing a new illness to infect Mommy with.
He hides them so well. The germs. But they’re in there…
[BTW: Those cute Lois Lane magnets are on Amazon.]
by mssinglemama on February 21, 2010
When I met John Bear I didn’t have non-stop butterflies jumping around in my stomach.
I didn’t ache or pine for him.
I didn’t daydream about him, waiting for him to call.
Instead, I felt like a level-headed woman, slowly falling for someone who swept me away with his generosity, kind spirit, sweet surprises and constant mantra, “I’m not going anywhere.”
And he didn’t go anywhere. Not then.
Not even then.
And not now.
And I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. We are completely and utterly into each other, but in a new kind of way (for both of us).
Earlier this weekend a single mom girlfriend of mine was telling me about a recent nice guy she’s dating who pampers her with dinners, gifts, nice words and kind actions but there’s something missing.
“I just don’t feel the butterflies,” she said.
And while this guy may not be a keeper, I still had to slap down some advice in hopes of breaking her in for a future of dating only nice guys, or as I like to call them – real men. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on February 13, 2010
On Friday, after an incredibly successful photo shoot for Cement Marketing client, Lifeline of Ohio, Morgan and I met up Jen K for a night out.
I think this picture speaks more than 1,000 words.
The three of us were so happy and excited to be hanging out that people nearby asked us what we were celebrating.
Friendship.
That’s what.
I don’t know where I would be without the friendships I have formed because of this blog and the virtual ties it has afforded me. Being single moms, it’s hard to meet new people because our free time is filled with kid-time. What do you think? Is finding new friends easy for you or tough?
How do you let your guard down to trust? Is there hope for us 30+ year olds who don’t yet have a tight niche of friends to form new ones?
P.S.
I start my 7 days of the 30 Day Shred tomorrow. Will let you know how it’s going. And yes, I’m nervous but pumped, too.
by mssinglemama on February 11, 2010
The 7-Day Quit Challenge
One (almost) year ago, on February 16, 2009 – I smoked my last cigarette.
I didn’t tell you this then, but my last cigarette was a nasty butt – what was left of the cigarette lit by a man the night before. He had appeared out of, what seemed like no where, on the sidewalk in front of what is now my new Cement Marketing office.
Funny how I still think about that guy, that moment – often. Something clicked for me that night and I decided that I wanted to be more like him and less like me. I wanted to be in control of my path, in control of where I was going – and even if I couldn’t control every pot hole I’d hit, at least I would be driving the car.
The minute I chose to change my future, to take control of my life and quit smoking – everything changed.
Now I am challenging myself to quit something else… because I am far from perfect and I’m kind of hooked to this taking control of my life thing. I am going to quit denying myself the time I need to exercise. I am not in a cubicle anymore, I set my own hours and I am completely out of excuses. [click to continue…]
