by mssinglemama on June 28, 2009
While the rest of the world continues to spin, with all of its good news and bad, there is one little universe that remains unchanged.
The universe of Benjamin, where he must - by now - have realized that he’s kind of cute.
He’s also learning how to play the adults in his life like a fiddle.
With just one pout of those puffy little lips, or one convincing, “newdea” - translation, “new idea” - he can enrapture you with his seemingly true tales of life as a three-year-old.
Somewhere along the road he used this little face to convince his mommy that “daddy said it was okay to pee pee in his diaper” and vice versa. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 24, 2009
“We’d have some good lookin’ kids,” he says, “cute little dark haired Irish kids with blue eyes.”
Yes, we would. I’m sure of it and I can see their little faces smiling at me already. They’re definitely cute as hell.
I also have this vision of John Bear, by then fully trained in the ways of kitchen duty, juggling a baby and a spatula, flipping eggs and yelling at the dog - all at the same time.
A studly dad in the kitchen. These are the daydreams of a single mother.
“And if we do ever have kids you’ll probably have twins,” he lays this out like it’s a perk or something.
“You’re kidding, right?” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on May 27, 2009
A few weeks ago, or was it months? my ex offered, or did I ask? to take Benjamin two nights a week instead of one.
For several weeks he upheld his new commitment, enjoying every extra moment with his son until on week four he told me he was tired. I understood. It’s hard. This kid thing, this three-year-old thing.
But while adjusting to two nights a week with your son after three years of one is tough, adjusting to two nights of freedom, I found, is much easier.
I have been using the extra nights to catch up with long neglected friends and to make appointments for long neglected things, like my teeth.
Last night I got a text, “I will bring Benjamin back tomorrow, I have a meeting on Thursday.”
This morning another text comes, “I need to be done by 5:30. No later. I have my Wednesday night order to fill at work.”
“I have a dentist appointment but it should be done by then,” I tell him later on the phone.
The dentist’s office is remarkable.
They’ve squeezed me in on short notice knowing my insurance expires on Friday.
Just after the needles and just before the numbness creeps into my mouth I start chatting with the assistant. She tells me she was a single mom once too - for three years - and now she’s happily re-married. You can see it in her face - she is happy, completely content.
“It’s funny, isn’t it? How much easier it is to find a good man when you already have the child,” I tell her. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on May 26, 2009
I announced last week that I’m leaving my day job to become a full-time blogger/freelancer.
I also announced the sale of our new leaf necklace.
There are only 40 left.
I will be ordering another round so don’t worry about them running out. And I’ll also try to make them in silver. Ideally I’d like to, one day, offer them in real gold and silver - or maybe even platinum. But until then our little necklace will do just fine.
I started this blog nearly two years ago on a lonely night in my apartment with a glass of wine in hand and an idea… to share my story so that other single moms wouldn’t repeat my mistakes, whatever they may be.
In all of that time, in all of the stories I’ve told and the comments I’ve read I don’t think I’ve ever actually been moved to tears - until now… your support in the comments of this post and this post got me good. I can’t say thank you enough.
Now onwards and upwards… to a little story from this weekend.
—–
On Memorial Day Benjamin and I went to the only beach we could find. Determined to get him to water and sand we drove one hour to get there.
We’re sitting on the same beach my father used to take us when we were kids (and look, there’s the necklace too)… anyway the beach is still exactly the same, but much, much more crowded. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on May 23, 2009
Meet Murphy.
Or Murph, the slobbery yet totally cute wonder pup who can tackle me in one pounce.
He belongs to the Bear.
Meet Benjamin.
He belongs to me (for now). [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on May 21, 2009
Ever felt like you just want to dive off a mountain top?
No?
I hadn’t either.
That was until I spent three days straight with Nolan and Benjamin, two adorable three-year-olds who, when together, can’t stop beating on each other. Like a cosmic formula Kristin and I’s sons had it out for each other during our entire vacation in Vancouver.
Click over to see what happened…
[click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on April 26, 2009
There are few material things that ever really wow me.
Here are two.
Benjamin’s new “water boots”.
For the first time in three years Benjamin’s father bought him a pair of shoes.
He had no way of knowing this but I’ve been trying to find a cool pair of puddle stomping boots for months. But they never had Benjamin’s size or they were just too cartoony. These are perfect.
We’re about to enter week three of our two nights a week arrangement and with each week my ex is being more responsive, more engaged as a father and even more attentive to my concerns and my needs. I’m not over analyzing it, wondering why now or what next. I’m just enjoying this and fanning the flames of hope.
The future doesn’t have to be so frightening. I make it frightening as a defense mechanism. It’s a bad habit to break but I’m working on it.
My Ford Fiesta.
I am absolutely divinely head over heels in love with my new ride.
I just got home last night but Benjamin and I were out and about all day cruising.
Now I’m wiped out.
I have a lot of video to edit, some posts to write and a secret self-induced single mama mission to tell you about. I just had to go rogue and get a jump start on this whole mission thing. The story will have to wait until I sleep and catch up on everything else.
Until then check out my Fiesta Movement Training Flickr pictures. Start with this picture of me on Lake Michigan in Chicago. Sigh. Then head over to Morgan’s Flickr of the trip because she is actually a photographer. Her shots are, as usual, out of this world.
by mssinglemama on April 15, 2009
One more night.
I am missing my three-year-old Benjamin but after sorting through old pictures all morning (I do that when he’s gone), I’m really missing this little guy.
What will I do with two nights a week?
I definitely need the “me” time but this will take some adjusting.
Benjamin and I have been together, nearly inseparable for three years. See? Here we are connected.
Gosh I can just feel his warm cushy little self in that picture. And his smell… and his noises. This is one of the few pictures I have of Benjamin and I together. Oh! And look, I even have a wedding ring on. I think he was less than two weeks old there and about three months old in the one above.
I feel like I was shot out of a canon into life as a young, working and soon to be divorced mom and now suddenly things are slowing down. But, wow, do I wish I was holding a baby again.
Will you ever have another one?
by mssinglemama on March 24, 2009
Last fall before I rushed out the door to meet Cabin Man…
I wrote a post reflecting on Benjamin’s birth.
In it I mentioned a vision of his face I’d had while pregnant:
The dreams intensified in the last few months of my pregnancy and once, in a night dream, I saw his face. He was above me, perhaps I was holding him up in the air, or maybe he was about to jump on me because he was older. His long dark hair surrounded his saucer eyes and his contagious smile. It was him.
This weekend at the park I had just pulled out my camera to take pictures of Benjamin playing with (and eventually tasting) straw.
And then, as I was crouched down with my camera to get a closer shot, he pounced on me.
Because I had the camera in one hand I lost my balance and fell into the wood chips. Then I started snapping pictures like crazy because the view was so magnificent. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on January 19, 2009
But it’s not what you think.
I’m taking a self-imposed man break (in case you hadn’t noticed) and Benjamin has subsequently ended up in my bed. It’s a long story, read about it here – please – I really need advice on the co-sleeping thing. As single parents, I imagine, we have an entirely different take on the issue.
And I’m not sure how long it will be before I start dating again but right now I just need to chill, re-group and get ready for the next round.
—–
Not sure what is going on with Benjamin’s father.
He claims what I heard is a complete lie. But I know it can’t be. The pieces to the story, like Canada and the new car, were facts my friend had no way of knowing about. So… now I’m just waiting (as usual) and coming to terms with the fact that this entire situation is out of my control.
I’ve also put a call in to my lawyer — just to be safe.
