A few weeks ago, or was it months? my ex offered, or did I ask? to take Benjamin two nights a week instead of one.
For several weeks he upheld his new commitment, enjoying every extra moment with his son until on week four he told me he was tired. I understood. It’s hard. This kid thing, this three-year-old thing.
But while adjusting to two nights a week with your son after three years of one is tough, adjusting to two nights of freedom, I found, is much easier.
I have been using the extra nights to catch up with long neglected friends and to make appointments for long neglected things, like my teeth.
Last night I got a text, “I will bring Benjamin back tomorrow, I have a meeting on Thursday.”
This morning another text comes, “I need to be done by 5:30. No later. I have my Wednesday night order to fill at work.”
“I have a dentist appointment but it should be done by then,” I tell him later on the phone.
The dentist’s office is remarkable.
They’ve squeezed me in on short notice knowing my insurance expires on Friday.
Just after the needles and just before the numbness creeps into my mouth I start chatting with the assistant. She tells me she was a single mom once too – for three years – and now she’s happily re-married. You can see it in her face – she is happy, completely content.
“It’s funny, isn’t it? How much easier it is to find a good man when you already have the child,” I tell her. [click to continue…]
The other night on Twitter (my new addiction) I stumbled across an interesting Tweet from a guy named Seth. Then I clicked through to his blog and felt like I’d slipped into the world of my male alter-ego. If I were a dude and childless, I think I’d be him.
I immediately asked him for a guest post on dating single moms… and just a few days later – here it is. (I love those productive types). I think you’ll love him too after reading this post, just what the doctor ordered for any single mom and the men who are lucky enough to date one of us.
“I’m the mother of three kids. Ages 2 through 7. They live with me,” she said over a spoonful of macadamia white chocolate ice cream.
I remember Kathleen’s exact words not for their syllables but for the look on her face as she said them. The blank look of expectation as she waited for me to voice my rejection.
“You’re kidding. I’m not ready to have a family.” She expected me to say. Most single moms expect guys to run when they mention a child. This need not be the case. [click to continue…]
Finally! My video of Morgan and Ronnie is finished.
We shot this on my trip to Kentucky with Mr. Man a few weeks ago… I think you’ll find their advice on being a dating single mom and finding love incredibly valuable. As you know, there are no easy answers. Some of the questions we address in the video:
What is it like for a man dating a single mom?
What should single moms look out for, or avoid, while dating?
And, why is it so important to take your time and choose wisely?
Just last week, Morgan announced on her blog that Ronnie is ring shopping and I think – as you’ll see here – that they are a match made in Heaven.
If you have anything to add – any other dating or love advice for single moms – leave a comment!
Leah, of Mama Dharma.net, a phenomenal single mom blog I just discovered, asked me what my secret was in her comment on my last post. And I have to answer because I think each and every one of you has the potential to unlock the same secret. It’s called inner beauty and strength.
It’s definitely not all about looks, believe me. I have three brothers, I work with a team of men and I like to think I understand them fairly well. And if it were… do you really want to attract a man who is just into your looks? I sure as hell don’t.
So why am I currently fighting men off with sticks?
First, let’s look at the men (there are many I haven’t told you about as well – just dates here and there, non-noteworthy) but most are single dads, divorced or over the age of 30. In other words – they are all mature. And they know what they want – especially if they’ve dated a single mom before. If a man I’m on a date with has been with a single mom before, the stigma falls away. He’s already over the “kid thing” and has, as I like to put it, seen the light.
Here’s why single mothers are so appreciated and coveted by men:
1.They can already see what kind of mothers we are. This is huge. Remember, men are simple creatures. [click to continue…]
My first post, How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1 is a nice list of what men can expect when dating a single mom. But it lacks detail.
And of all of the e-mails I receive, the most common are e-mails from men who have fallen for single moms and the theme question is this:
“I can’t tell if she likes me or if she’s blowing me off. If I go by your advice I should be patient and expect her to keep me at a distance but how can I tell if she’s just not that into me?”
My advice is always to ask her point blank (rip that band aid). But that is probably THE scariest bit of advice I can give them. Men don’t like talking about things – especially the “Do you like me, I like you thing.” So, fellas, here’s some more advice. If you can’t tell clearly that she’s into you, there’s a good chance she’s not but when you’re dating a single mom there’s also a chance she’s keeping you at arms length, afraid to fall. Why? Because she’s been here before, she’s seen the likes of you and even if her heart is telling her to dive right in her mind is screaming “Watch Out”. Can you blame her? So how do you tell if a single mom likes you or not?
I think the more fitting advice in your situation is this – stop worrying about whether or not she likes you and get busy – make her like you, earn her trust and her love.
How to Win a Single Mom’s Trust and Her Heart
1. Ask her how she is doing. First and foremost, on a date, at the beginning of a phone conversation… always ask her how she is doing. This may seem obvious but there are so many men I’ve dated who fail to ask me how I’m doing. (I know, atrocious, that’s why I’m not dating them anymore). The men who ask, wait for an answer, listen to the answer and then respond with encouraging words are the men who catch my attention.
2. Ask her about the kids. Don’t force this. Be genuine. But ask about her children. She may assume you want nothing to do with her little ones, but asking proves that you do want to learn more about that side of her life. [click to continue…]
