by mssinglemama on July 13, 2009
Within just a few weeks of dating, John Bear had bought Benjamin a Transformer, saying “I couldn’t help it. I hope it’s okay. I just can’t believe he doesn’t have one.”
And why would he? I’m a chick (in case you hadn’t noticed) and now that Benjamin is becoming a boy I’m realizing I don’t have a clue about boy stuff. His father is French Canadian and aside from the Smurfs, I don’t think we watched the same cartoons. In fact, I’m fairly certain his dad didn’t watch any cartoons at all, which had nothing to do with his Quebecness and almost everything to do with his mother.
Nervous Benjamin’s head would explode at actually receiving a gift from a man, I made John Bear keep the new Transformer and its accompanying DVD hidden in his car for another few weeks. I would move the little gift bag into the back seat on date night, leaving it there and wondering just what to do with the thing. The only solution would be to just give it to him and find out. Sometimes parenting is a big ball of trial and error, the only thing you can hope for is that the errors don’t permanently mess up your kid and that, as John Bear’s father says “they come to your funeral.”
After I thought Benjamin could handle the spoilage I let John give him the present. When he opened it Benjamin squealed and then laughed hysterically when the thing transformed into a robot and he has yet to let the car out of his sight.
It goes everywhere with him, constantly in the cusp of his little hand. He’s learned how to do everything, even ride his bike, one handed to account for the car. Benjamin’s Transformer collection doubled last weekend when John Bear (who Benjamin now believes is the master of the robot universe) pulled these guys out of his mother’s basement. Two new freaky little robot guys to bring home.
Our new roommates, now I think there are six or so, have crushed Thomas the Tank and even Elmo. Even Woody and Buzz Lightyear haven’t moved. And I’ve become all too aware of the fact that apparently I’m not the only one who has been lacking a man’s attention and affection.
We had just woken up when I took that picture, so to be fair to John here’s a picture he took of me drinking out of a doggy mug. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on July 8, 2009
My aunt and I were talking on the phone about my French-Canadian fiance.
We would be getting married in her back yard in just a few days. I was frantically planning the wedding so we could beat an INS deadline to kick him out of the country.
“So, do you have that feeling?” she asked. “You know how people say ‘when you know, you know.’ Do you have it?”
“No, I don’t. It’s not there. Is that bad?”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. You know you want to be with him, right?”
“Yeah. And that’s crazy anyway? It’s all a risk, a leap of faith, how can you just know?”
I was 25-years-old and I was really good at talking myself into things. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 24, 2009
“We’d have some good lookin’ kids,” he says, “cute little dark haired Irish kids with blue eyes.”
Yes, we would. I’m sure of it and I can see their little faces smiling at me already. They’re definitely cute as hell.
I also have this vision of John Bear, by then fully trained in the ways of kitchen duty, juggling a baby and a spatula, flipping eggs and yelling at the dog – all at the same time.
A studly dad in the kitchen. These are the daydreams of a single mother.
“And if we do ever have kids you’ll probably have twins,” he lays this out like it’s a perk or something.
“You’re kidding, right?” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 11, 2009
I used to have a journal with this word on the front.
Believe.
“Imagine”, I would write at the end of every entry. Inspired by John Lennon, I imagined everyone in the world – happy, at peace, at a standstill – just being.
So I would write the word every day hoping, some how, it would make it true.
I believed.
I once asked my father this question while we were standing amidst piles and piles of the family laundry.
“How do you love her still, so much, after all of these years? How do you know she is your soul mate?”
“I found her,” he told me, “because I always believed she existed. Even though my parents were divorced and even though I never saw it myself, I always knew she was out there.”
They met on a train. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 10, 2009
to know about being a dating single mom.
A few days ago, I spent hours sorting through my archives to produce a lovely table of contents to this blog. It’s funny to put your own life into categories, but I think you’ll enjoy them.
Like Chapter 11 – “The Ex Files: the Men I’ve Dated Along the Way.”
Funny.
Along the way to what?
To meeting him.
The Bear. My John Bear.
I know it’s early. Only six weeks in. But when someone says, “I’ve been waiting 30 years to meet you,” and then looks into your eyes and tells you how amazing you are and you look right back at him and feel the same way – one can’t help but wonder – could this be it? [click to continue…]
