by mssinglemama on November 15, 2009
This weekend – the first of Benjamin’s “every other” weekends with his father – John Bear and I had two nights and one full day of long overdue us time.
We haven’t had a weekend solo since our trip to the Poconos and New York City in August… and given all of the stress I’ve been under lately with the new job, the family drama, Benjamin’s new school and life in general I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to mellow out enough to just enjoy him.
But I did. And we did – enjoy each other. Immensely. For 36 hours.
Being with my boyfriend, not as a mother and a girlfriend but just as a girlfriend, is hard to describe – but it’s one of those things any mother can appreciate, tapping into your inner-girlfriend. It’s essential to our survival.
I haven’t had time to label them yet, but check out my Fall 2009 Photo Album for a ton of new pictures from this weekend. Start here with this photo, to see the most recent. [We were in Cleveland - John Bear's hometown and my new favorite spot on Earth - love that city. If you live there let me know.]
by mssinglemama on November 11, 2009
Have you heard about the April Baker story yet?
If not, here’s the gist – woman (April Baker) Googles herself and finds a website built by her biological father (Dr. Scott Becker) asking her to contact him. After 30 years apart, the two were reunited with camera crews playing witness (see a picture here).
As all loving reunions are, it’s a beautiful story. But, naturally, when I read it, I wanted to know more. Like, say, oh – why there needed to be a reunion in the first place. But every article I found focused on the Google search angle, the happy reunion but I couldn’t find a single mention of why Dr. Baker had been M.I.A. for 30 years.
I did some digging and finally found a brief explanation as to why April’s father wasn’t in her life to begin with. This is all it says:
April Becker’s parents separated after a fight. April Becker was a baby when her mother left her father and she never knew her father, Doctor Scott Becker.
Her mother left her father after a fight. I can relate to that one and it wasn’t pretty.
We don’t know the entire story. Perhaps Dr. Becker tried to reach out but April’s mother had disappeared. Maybe April’s mom was completely nuts and Dr. Baker showed up one day with the wrong color flowers and she decided to up and leave with baby in hand. But as a single mom, I know the odds of that are slim. Chances are he just wasn’t around. So now, decades later, he feels remorse, wants to connect and he is a hero?
I want to like the guy.
I really do. And I love this story. Who wouldn’t? It’s a happy story. But there’s still a huge part of me wanting to ask the obvious question to Dr. Becker – “So, where in the Hell were you?” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on August 23, 2009
John Bear jumped out of bed at 7:00 am to feed Fiesta Dave’s meter.
We’d parked in a haze of exhaustion. After spending the entire day in New York City we hit a monstrous traffic jam on the way into Philadelphia. Between reading our iPhone maps and asking cab drivers which turn to take next we couldn’t help but notice the city surrounding us. Smartly dressed couples walked slowly down the sidewalks but it was the magnificent buildings, many of which bore witness to the birth of our nation, that commanded our attention. Our heads zig zagged from the left and to the right, taking it all in and feeling immediately humbled.
“Now this is my kind of city,” I had said as we pulled into our fortunate meter directly in front of the hotel. Minutes later we were fast asleep, barely able to roll over and kiss each other good night. In the morning I felt like someone had hit me square in the head with a sledge hammer. I knew this kind of headache. A smoker’s headache. It must have been the New York City smog or something. Or maybe the stale air in the hotel room. I wasn’t sure but I did know one thing – I needed caffeine, immediately.
“Can you grab me some coffee while you’re out there?” I mumbled to John Bear as he ran out the door.
“Yeah, no problem.”
That’s the thing about John – he’ll do just about anything for me at any time of day or night without complaint. Because of this fact, I reserve the asking only for special occasions. This was definitely one of them.
“We should get going,” he said when he came back in, the door slapping loudly behind him and the hot coffee in his hands.
“Why the rush?”
“You should see it out there. It’s awesome.”
And in less than 20 minutes later I was able to completely agree with him.
We found Philadelphia much slower paced, more our style and could have stayed all day but we had to get back on the road. My ex had called earlier to tell me Benjamin was really “missing Mommy.”
Just minutes after leaving the city I called my little brother, Eliot, to check in on his wedding. Just a few days away now, he was telling me about something pretty important when I hit a gargantuan pothole on the Pennsylvania Turnpike’s Toll Plaza. It wasn’t even a pothole, more like a chasm or a crater. I screamed and my brother heard it all go down. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on April 26, 2009
There are few material things that ever really wow me.
Here are two.
Benjamin’s new “water boots”.
For the first time in three years Benjamin’s father bought him a pair of shoes.
He had no way of knowing this but I’ve been trying to find a cool pair of puddle stomping boots for months. But they never had Benjamin’s size or they were just too cartoony. These are perfect.
We’re about to enter week three of our two nights a week arrangement and with each week my ex is being more responsive, more engaged as a father and even more attentive to my concerns and my needs. I’m not over analyzing it, wondering why now or what next. I’m just enjoying this and fanning the flames of hope.
The future doesn’t have to be so frightening. I make it frightening as a defense mechanism. It’s a bad habit to break but I’m working on it.
My Ford Fiesta.
I am absolutely divinely head over heels in love with my new ride.
I just got home last night but Benjamin and I were out and about all day cruising.
Now I’m wiped out.
I have a lot of video to edit, some posts to write and a secret self-induced single mama mission to tell you about. I just had to go rogue and get a jump start on this whole mission thing. The story will have to wait until I sleep and catch up on everything else.
Until then check out my Fiesta Movement Training Flickr pictures. Start with this picture of me on Lake Michigan in Chicago. Sigh. Then head over to Morgan’s Flickr of the trip because she is actually a photographer. Her shots are, as usual, out of this world.
by mssinglemama on April 8, 2009
Maybe I gave up.
Maybe I just didn’t want to hear another “I can’t” or “I’ll try” – each one cutting a bit deeper than the last.
But somewhere along the way I just stopped.
I stopped asking my ex-husband to spend more time – time outside of his 36 hours a week – with our son.
So I’m not sure why, when Benjamin refused to let go of his father this afternoon, I said, “he needs you now, more than ever – maybe you should spend more time with him.” [click to continue…]
