by mssinglemama on July 24, 2009
An excerpt from Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, my eBook coming out on July 30th. Leave a comment here and be entered to win a copy.
The Crush
Why losing your heart as a new single mom is not an option
When I first saw him I couldn’t stop staring but I tried. I started rearranging things on my desk, sorting papers and placing all of the errant paper clips back in their little bunny basket. The desk decorations weren’t mine, they were all hand me downs left by the secretary before me. The desk itself was at least thirty years old, giant and heavy with metal edges worn and actually rusting in spots.
Six weeks before I had been an account assistant at a boutique ad agency in the city and now I was here, at the radio station I had interned for in high school. The job had miraculously opened up just days before I’d decided to leave my husband and it paid just enough to cover my bills with a little left over for some groceries. Rather than feeling ashamed for taking such a huge step back, I spent my days laughing with my old co-workers, sharing memories and escaping from the reality that awaited me at my mother’s house. I missed Benjamin terribly during the days, but I needed the eight-hour break my babysitter and mother afforded me. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on July 13, 2009
Within just a few weeks of dating, John Bear had bought Benjamin a Transformer, saying “I couldn’t help it. I hope it’s okay. I just can’t believe he doesn’t have one.”
And why would he? I’m a chick (in case you hadn’t noticed) and now that Benjamin is becoming a boy I’m realizing I don’t have a clue about boy stuff. His father is French Canadian and aside from the Smurfs, I don’t think we watched the same cartoons. In fact, I’m fairly certain his dad didn’t watch any cartoons at all, which had nothing to do with his Quebecness and almost everything to do with his mother.
Nervous Benjamin’s head would explode at actually receiving a gift from a man, I made John Bear keep the new Transformer and its accompanying DVD hidden in his car for another few weeks. I would move the little gift bag into the back seat on date night, leaving it there and wondering just what to do with the thing. The only solution would be to just give it to him and find out. Sometimes parenting is a big ball of trial and error, the only thing you can hope for is that the errors don’t permanently mess up your kid and that, as John Bear’s father says “they come to your funeral.”
After I thought Benjamin could handle the spoilage I let John give him the present. When he opened it Benjamin squealed and then laughed hysterically when the thing transformed into a robot and he has yet to let the car out of his sight.
It goes everywhere with him, constantly in the cusp of his little hand. He’s learned how to do everything, even ride his bike, one handed to account for the car. Benjamin’s Transformer collection doubled last weekend when John Bear (who Benjamin now believes is the master of the robot universe) pulled these guys out of his mother’s basement. Two new freaky little robot guys to bring home.
Our new roommates, now I think there are six or so, have crushed Thomas the Tank and even Elmo. Even Woody and Buzz Lightyear haven’t moved. And I’ve become all too aware of the fact that apparently I’m not the only one who has been lacking a man’s attention and affection.
We had just woken up when I took that picture, so to be fair to John here’s a picture he took of me drinking out of a doggy mug. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 24, 2009
“We’d have some good lookin’ kids,” he says, “cute little dark haired Irish kids with blue eyes.”
Yes, we would. I’m sure of it and I can see their little faces smiling at me already. They’re definitely cute as hell.
I also have this vision of John Bear, by then fully trained in the ways of kitchen duty, juggling a baby and a spatula, flipping eggs and yelling at the dog – all at the same time.
A studly dad in the kitchen. These are the daydreams of a single mother.
“And if we do ever have kids you’ll probably have twins,” he lays this out like it’s a perk or something.
“You’re kidding, right?” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 10, 2009
to know about being a dating single mom.
A few days ago, I spent hours sorting through my archives to produce a lovely table of contents to this blog. It’s funny to put your own life into categories, but I think you’ll enjoy them.
Like Chapter 11 – “The Ex Files: the Men I’ve Dated Along the Way.”
Funny.
Along the way to what?
To meeting him.
The Bear. My John Bear.
I know it’s early. Only six weeks in. But when someone says, “I’ve been waiting 30 years to meet you,” and then looks into your eyes and tells you how amazing you are and you look right back at him and feel the same way – one can’t help but wonder – could this be it? [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on June 7, 2009
On Saturday morning John Bear (he now has a first name) and I headed up north to Cleveland for his cousin’s wedding. Between meeting his entire family and the ceremony we took a drive and made a few pit stops along the way.
The first to snap a shot of this
and the second to pick up a wedding card at this place, with a giant robot outside
and tons of memories inside.
Big Fun. Check the place out if you’re ever in Cleveland.
I could have spent the entire day in there, staring at those toys and remembering what it was like to be that young, that innocent. But when I look into his eyes I do feel completely young again, new almost. Like I’m starting over on a clean white sandy beach with not a soul in sight but his and Benjamin’s.
There’s a peace in finding this kind of a connection – a peace I may have lost hope of ever finding. But now it’s here and the only thing we can do is enjoy every moment.
After wishing we were 8 again, we headed to the reception pre-party at John Bear’s uncle Mark’s. [click to continue…]
