by mssinglemama on December 23, 2008
Because it just has to be said.
Last week I broke the news that my best friend Mia’s boyfriend and the father of her child is moving out. Catch up here if you missed it.
Your responses were overwhelming and she read every one of them. Your thoughts, encouragement and advice meant the world to her and your insights were invaluable – so Thank You from Mia and myself.
Three days later she gave me this letter, “Can you publish this? Please – it’s therapeutic for me.”
Editor’s Note: On the non-capitalizing of The Other Woman’s name – “It’s not a typo,” she told me, “I refuse to give her the respect of capitalizing her first name.” Just one day before she wrote the letter Mia found text messages in her ex’s phone to the extent of, “I can’t wait to have you all to myself.” But the worst one for Mia to read, “So soon… so soon.”
Here’s Mia’s letter to the “other” woman..
To molly, The Other Woman,
I remember meeting you last year with my entire family. I am sure you remember meeting me, along with my then 3 year old daughter Sydney. I made small talk with you about college and your plans for the future like one might do with someone younger, more naive about the world. You reminded me of myself at 23. That is how old I was when I met him. And at 24 I was pregnant. Unplanned and scared, I was making decisions that would affect the rest of my life and the life of the baby inside me. So, I know we are not faceless. I wonder if you have blocked us from your memory out of convenience. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 16, 2008
She’s been my best friend my entire life.
And now, she’ll be a single mom.
Her boyfriend of six years and the father of their four-year-old daughter is moving out – the 
catalyst – an affair he’s been having with a young co-worker. On Saturday night she called me, her voice hushed and fringing on frantic.
His moving out had been unfolding for over one week now, the details were intermittent and things were still so unclear. And up until a few hours earlier, she had hope that maybe he would come to his senses and stay.
“I need to drop off a piece of furniture, can you open your garage?”
“Of course, I’ll be out in a minute.”
After we unloaded the dresser, we walked toward my apartment. The kids were already inside playing, her daughter completely unaware of the pain ripping through her mother’s heart. Before we made it to the door she just started sobbing, “there’s someone else. He’s seeing someone else.”
Her voice broke into sobs and I grabbed her in a tight hug, the only thing I could do. I’d never seen her like this – ever. She had been working on their relationship for months and months, seeing a therapist on her own because he refused to go, doing sweet things for him, constantly optimistic that he would “feel better” soon. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 14, 2008
I’ve been sleeping quite soundly ever since.
by mssinglemama on December 11, 2008
He made a promise.
And he broke it.
I had asked him to make me a promise at the beginning, one well within reason if you knew his entire story. I am not one to ask much of men when we’re together. I believe in personal freedoms and independence. But this was a promise that, when broken, risked our future together – literally.
“If you do it,” I said, “I’ll never see you again. That will be that.”
“Really?” He asked, “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. You’re not just dating me, you’re dating my son and nothing – nothing - is more important to me than him.”
“I won’t then. I would never risk anything that could keep us apart.”
I believed him. I really, truly did. Not for a second did I think he would risk it all. He was the one who seemed to be completely head over heels. That’s the one thing about this that has me shaking my head in utter confusion and realizing that Mr. Man has a problem… one I can’t fix.
When he told me the next morning – of the broken promise, the breach of trust, the throwing away of everything we had – my hands started shaking. I thought I would drop the phone. Not again. Not him. Not this one. But just like that, a man had broken my heart.
“I can’t believe you did that. Why?” I ask him, my voice cracking into a million pieces.
“I don’t know.”
Should there be room for error? Should I look past this issue of Mr. Man’s, this one thing?
Not when there is a little soul at stake… and yes, I should have figured that out before he met my son. But there are pieces to the puzzle, reasons for things that I just can’t share. So you’ll have to trust me.
I wish I could tell you more – I do – because you deserve to know every detail. But I just can’t. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 9, 2008
What are yours?
We’ve talked about red flags before… but once you’ve let him in – given him the green light – what are the little things or big things that break the deal? I’d imagine our deal breakers, as single moms, are a bit tougher than the single and childless.
Here are mine:
1. Inability to read a newspaper or converse about the world at large
2. Breaking a promise
3. Living without any sense of direction, hope, dreams or goals
4. Not loving Benjamin almost as much as I do – (because loving him as much as I do would be impossible).
I’m sorry my blog has been quiet lately. I’ve been distracted. In a good way and now in a bad way. All will be right soon enough. Just need to catch up on some sleep and find some words.
