About Ms. Single Mama

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…


And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.


The Love of My Life – Benjamin


My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.


My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:


Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.


Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive

Ms. Single Mama on DatingAdvice.com: 

Molly Undercover talked with DatingAdvice.com. Check it out here: Ms. Single Mama: A Personable Blog Inspiring a Community


{ 413 comments… read them below or add one }

kimzyjm November 6, 2007 at 9:45 pm

Congrats and I support you as we raise our children as Single Moms!


Eric May 13, 2009 at 10:26 pm

Oh what i wouldn't give to date you……


Morgan November 11, 2007 at 3:51 pm

I applaud you Ms. Single Mama!
I too believe there is nothing a woman can’t do especially when she is driven by the love of her child.
My alter ego “Mia” blogs about the weaker moments and darker sides of single motherhood . Lots of juicy, humorous and/or scandelous escapades to tell… But in all seriousness I believe that despite the trials and tribulations and Jerry Springer-esqe moments we all go through, single moms are definitely some of the strongest and best people on earth!


Hanie December 1, 2007 at 11:00 pm

Love your posts very much! Very human and I could relate to the inner chaos that happens sometimes inside. Im adding you to my blogroll. 😉


Sharon December 11, 2007 at 11:29 am

hey there, just found your blog. Nice work. Your fans may be interested in “Sex and the Single Mom,”–my dating and relationship guide that came out last year from Ten Speed Press. Nice to see more of us joining the conversation. And thanks for the words of wisdom around e-harmony, a site I like to call e-vil.


serahrose December 30, 2007 at 4:00 am

glad i just discovered you. i’ll be back often.

single mom with tiny tot


paul May 24, 2012 at 8:46 am

Well I can keep u in company repair dat u broken hrt dis is my pin 225A7A66


Gayle January 13, 2008 at 2:49 pm

Just stumbled on your blog and will check back often. Love your honesty & agree with everything I’ve read so far. Nice to read the thoughts of a single mom that are honest, but don’t dwell on the “why me???” aspects. Many times, divorce & single parenting is the most positive experience we and our children can go through.

I’m a single mom to a 2yr old. Similar situation…I knew I was leaving when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Abusive. Refused to live that way. I hid too much. I am thriving with my child. I am thriving doing it by myself.


Annette January 14, 2008 at 12:36 am

Hi there:
On Saturday January 12, 2008, I officially became a single mother of NO ONE under 18. Know what? It doesn’t matter, because as long as you and they are alive, you will always care, worry, cook, laugh, etc. My son is 25 and my baby just turned 18 yesterday. I have been single since my daughter was 4 monthsold. Her father has never contacted or seen her since that date. Says alot doesn’t it?
Asking him to leave is the best decision I ever made.
Its an adventure isn’t it?
May I add you to my blog?


Ewelina February 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

hii. i appreciate ur story. Im in s rough situation myself. I am already a sinhle mother to my four yr old son although his dad is involved in his life but now i found out im pregnant with a guy i was seeing a very short time and he probably wint be in this childs life because he is young and immature. I dont know what to do??.. Please help


mssinglemama January 14, 2008 at 1:36 am

Thank you all for your votes of confidence…makes my day, every day to know that there are so many of us out there…enjoying and making the best of our single parent adventures.

And yes, Annette, I’d love to be added to your blogroll…


Clark January 14, 2008 at 3:10 am

Rock on, woman. I’m no single mom, but this dad finds your writings inspiring.
Love your stuff, seriously.


manrazak January 14, 2014 at 10:53 am

Hi..i am malayguy..married..i have high sex..my wife can give me..she not want be married..i like to relationship with white and black single moms


mssinglemama January 14, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Thanks Clark!!! That’s so sweet.


Trey Ellis January 14, 2008 at 6:55 pm

Rachel Sarah at Single Mom Seeking told me about your blog. I really like it and wanted to tell you about my single-dad blog. My memoir about raising my kids alone is coming out next month with Rodale, Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood. I am very proud of it and would love to hear what you think.

Take care,

Trey Ellis


mssinglemama January 15, 2008 at 1:50 am

Tks Trey!!! I’ve heard about your book…sounds amazing. I have also read your blog, very interesting stuff. Make sure you let me know the day it comes out so I can post a reminder.


sherri langburt January 22, 2008 at 11:42 pm


Thanks for featuring us on your blog. I love your writing and am trying to get in touch with you directly. Can you send me an email with your contact information if you are interested.




mommypie February 4, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Thanks for leaving a comment on my new site and putting me on your blog roll – yay – you’re one of the first! It’s so nice to be able to connect with smart moms like yourself, who are on the same crazy, wonderful trip called single parenthood. Keep up the great posts!


itsmegc February 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Good people deserve great things…….and you seem to be deserving.
It’s very nice to see a women that “survived” a less than perfect relationship and is willing to share the details of her life as she moves on. You serve as an inspiration for some and an enigma for others. Either way, I just wanted to thank you for “putting yourself out there”.
I’m sure that others will draw the positives from your life and not concentrate on the negatives of their life. That makes you a good example and we can’t have enough of those these days.

Good luck in the coming days and know this……..good men are still out there. Don’t stop looking for them



mosse zaidane February 17, 2008 at 7:00 am

I have great respect for you all single moms. Salute.


lisa February 25, 2008 at 4:34 am

can’t believe i stumbled across this! will be a great resource for me as a single mother and college student!


meeneemi March 13, 2008 at 7:20 am

You just gave me another way to de-stress! GO mamas!!! :o)


QTMama March 16, 2008 at 5:34 pm

What a pleasure reading your blog is! 🙂 Check out my blog, I hope it helps Abby. My heart breaks for her, as I am completely empathetic. *Hugs* to you both.


dadshouse April 1, 2008 at 7:15 pm

I’m a big Ms. Single Mama fan. Love your blog. As a single dad I don’t always agree with you, but I do respect what you have to say. And I like how you say it!


Christine Coppa April 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm

Hi there! Love your blog and in ways feel like I’m looking in a mirror. Come visit me at Storked! on Glamour.com


Chrissy, of Chrissy and JD


Shannon April 7, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Ok, I’m officially hooked!


Rebs April 9, 2008 at 11:52 am

I’ve just discovered you, so I have a LOT of reading to do when The Mook is in bed or with her dad. From what I have read, I think our baby’s dads may have been separated at birth…


Megan April 15, 2008 at 1:55 am

I love the blog A!!! You have such a great writing style! Before I know it, I think I will see you on tv… 🙂 Famous-A!!!


polisny April 21, 2008 at 3:33 pm

super cool!

Um, lets see… The only word I would put in is that it seems like advertising yourself as a single mother is much more demanding as a statement than merely asserting your name and from there on talking or sharing accordingly.

When men read this, a lot of us are very insecure about the title. It would be so different to come to the title that says… hi, Im rachel. Explaining to us parts of your life and along the way sharing with us that you have a son and maybe nothing at all about your relationship status. Why even tell us that you are single? You are beautiful, so… this is one of the first things people are conditioned to expect.

THOUGHT BUBBLE : ( where the hell is the husband!? She is not saying husband!? Hey!–okay… time to listen to every word you say!!!…Yeah… you are not saying husband… but Im sure he’s just on some working holiday…no… she is way too pretty to be single! )

People who really care in that they might be looking for you as an opportunity, will analyze you enough to figure out why you are here, why you have so much information about yourself up… if you are married. People will realize that you are single when you do not mention your husband’s name.
Put more videos of yourself up, if you want to attract men. More videos and more pictures. Live videos like this one… not just you, but also with friends and being active! Showing people that you are happy says a lot! And part of our conditioned mind says that happy people are this with people.
Imagine if you had come to someone’s blog that said…


I do not at all mean to suggest that being in debt is like having children…no of course not! but what I am saying is that this is a personal aspect of your life that unfairly stresses responsibility when people really would just like to know your name. I think this may turn more men off then it attracts. Obviously, we are going to find out if you have children, and I am not at all saying… maybe hide him for a while. No. Its just like what I said above, “Hey… I am home-owner bob…” Why not just … bob? It sounds as if bob is a fanatic or overly proud … Unless it is a commerical, but… its not.
Its your life.

I can relate to the idea that you are here, using this as an outlet, as I understood in your video post. I can relate to that, and I am happy you said it. It explained…why you were apparently so focused on being single. And despite its funciton in your life, regardless of how you act aside the site… this is just what I wanted to say–as my one word becomes its usual page–that it seems like you are very focused on being single. And maybe this contributes to staying single? For example, I do not see any guy statements on this page, but instead all single-mom comments. In this, its like you are relating not to men ( as I would think is at some point your natural intent ) but instead to people who are in the same life as you.

Why not be more casual about it?
I know being single is really… just…not what we want at times–despite the upsides of it, as well–but by focusing so much on it, by speaking and blogging and picturing single single single… blink blink blink… single single single…well, not that there is an ultimate right way to date for all people everywhere, but I think that one of the best ways to really get someone you like is being around that person habitually. [ one of the best ways–which says that of course it is not the only way ]

I feel like, if I met you in real life… in your first ten sentences… I heard single mother six times.
Anyways, if you do not agree.. well… I felt like you were confident in yourself, and that is pleasant.
Also, I did not see any hate comments up, but instead some compliments, and of course just like women, men love that!
Good luck, Rachel.


mssinglemama April 21, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Tks Rachel. When I started this blog I wrote only about single motherhood. Now it’s taking on a life of it’s own and I’m realizing that there’s a lot to write about … not just the fact that I’m a single mother but the fact that I’m a single woman.

And I think you’re absolutely right … I love being single and will likely stay single because I love it so much. Damn it. Oh well. I really am not looking for men. Seriously.

Good advice! And I’ll work on those additional videos as soon as I get a free second – which is never. Hence the lag between videos. : )


polisny April 21, 2008 at 5:53 pm

no, my name is justin… I wrote rachel because I thought this to be your name…


mssinglemama April 21, 2008 at 7:04 pm

SO funny. I thought you were a man…but then though you signed, Rachel.

I have an entire post about meeting guys … and deciding when to drop the single mom bomb. You can read it here:



ana.biosis April 24, 2008 at 11:15 am

just wanted to let my blog is on the privates right now…will be backat a later date…probably after june 24th


Tracy April 25, 2008 at 11:26 am

I LOVE your blog! I have found it to be so inspiring! Thank you for offering to share your thoughts with all of us other “single moms’ out there….I hope you don’t mind but I’ve added you to my list of reads on my blog!

Have a great day!


polisny April 30, 2008 at 12:15 pm

wow, on second vist; intending on seeing your video one more time, I can now really see from a clearer perspective that you are merely showing us your life.

I did not mean to sound so assertive as an observer, nor like a rambling blabber-mouth. I was just surprised because I had an impression of your having built up a pretty deep avatar about being single. I was surprised because it seemed like, by saying single, you were simultaneously saying that you wanted to be with someone, and or then that you were looking for someone. You know? Like in the newspapers, we have all heard about the “Single adds”, in which people put up their selection of lines to date. Or, if you meet someone that says, “yeah, I have a single friend” — we’re quite conditioned to think that this friend is then looking to date. I guess this is what struck me most about your post, at first. This is why I gave all that advice, which obviously could have easily been percieved as being way to ‘telling’.

You seem to give off a really positive energy, as personalities go…! And that you record your life like this, is really great! I hope something special comes of it for you, above and beyond its daily normalcy, that is!

Being single is great, yes! Though, not always easy. Sometimes it is, as the word suggests, lonely.


modernsinglemomma May 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm

Hey Alaina! Ms.Single Mama superstar =)

I forgot to tell you I added you to my blog roll a while back…maybe some day I’ll make yours too, thats a very impressive line up you got =) Thanks for adding iHeartSingleParents there!


mssinglemama May 1, 2008 at 6:03 pm

You are the superstar! And now you’re on my blogroll. I LOVE your blog. Love your social network too…brilliant!


mssinglemama May 1, 2008 at 6:04 pm

Polisny – thanks!! I knew when you had first visited and commented that perhaps, you hadn’t read my musings on how much I love being single – so no worries. Glad to have you reading and commenting!

And yes – funny how people think singles always don’t want to be single – quite the opposite sometimes.


whatmenthink May 2, 2008 at 4:56 pm

mssinglemama is also quite a hottie.


littlemansmom May 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm

well msm…it’s ‘ Tracy ‘…..and I moved ( as per your suggestion) and I made sure you are STILL on my blogroll (and didn’t make any tranfer blunders! LOL) I’m soooooo NOT very computer literate! Oi!
my new home… http://littlemansmom.wordpress.com

I adore your new look…keep up the wonderful work of being and awesome inspiration!


greenbeanmama May 17, 2008 at 4:56 pm

You said it well, I can definitely relate! I will be checking out your world from time to time now that I’m a fan!


Sal Marino May 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm

Hey there!
Found you while surfing…
I’m a single parent too! But the real reason why I stopped to say hello is that maybe you would be interested in some entertainment. ..I just published a book called, Guy Talk, Girl Talk by Sal Marino. It’s a Funism Book all about sex humor and some other amusing stuff. I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it.
Have a look at my website: http://www.salmarinoauthor.com.
If you want a copy of the book, follow the links…
Cheers, Have Fun!


O.V. May 26, 2008 at 1:27 am



bryan May 26, 2008 at 3:00 pm

what a small/crazy world. as a newly-single dad (in cols, no less), i truly appreciate your blog. reading it has been like reliving the last 6 mos — and the next 6, im sure — on fast forward.

so, yeah. thanks.


Yvie June 1, 2008 at 11:34 pm

Hi Miss single Mama. When I read: Prince Charming can kiss my ass. It made me laugh so hard.

It’s true. There is no Prince Charming. 🙂 I hope my single friends would read your blog so that they’d see that being a single mom isn’t bad and it isn’t about finding someone but being happy in your own situation.


pseudonymblog June 15, 2008 at 11:43 am

Happy Father’s Day!! I’m a product of a single mother…and I don’t think single mother’s get half as much credit as they should…so, just wanted to say, that no matter how hard it is right now, one day you’re kids will thank you and will appreciate how hard you work to raise them…I know I did!


mommybella December 27, 2009 at 10:01 am

thats so great. One of my fears of being a single mom is that my son will grow to hate me because i left his father. Of course I know that when he is with his father he gets free run of everything. I’m afraid of my son always seeing me as the bad person because I have to be the responsible parent. I will be happy if my son grows up to be like you!


Marc June 22, 2008 at 12:15 am

thats for the add to the blogroll, i’ll be sure to reciprocate.


desvincula2 June 28, 2008 at 5:57 pm

I hope there were more people like you, because of your honesty and attitude toward life


Cathouse Teri June 29, 2008 at 7:42 am

Super cool virtual hello!

I think it’s great that you have this outlet and you get some helpful input, as well. Being a mother is hard enough. Being a single mother, harder still.

When I was dating as a young woman, I did look at men and wonder if they would make good fathers. I told my mother this once. She said, “Oh Teri, that’s all well and good, but at some point, the kids move away and you have to be sure that you have someone you have a real relationship with.” This was good advice.

Strangely, though, even though I met and married a man who is a good man and was basically a good father, after eighteen years of marriage, I left him. After that, his relationship with his children all but dissolved.

There definitely are good men to be found, as far as being a partner in the crime of raising children. 🙂

But they are very, very rare. In the meantime, just keep having fun and enjoy as much of little Benjamin’s life as you can!


Scott July 29, 2008 at 10:18 pm

Dont really know how I stumbled upon your blog, but was taken back by you life entries and the responses you got. I am a single dad of 2. The first a 4 yr old thats mine from a divorce and the second is my 8 yr old nephew who came to live with me a year ago. Your story hit home with me. After the first year of the big “D” I realized that I didnt need anyone, I am financially stable have a wonderful home a great job and 2 little blessings that I wanted devour with my time, but yes to truly want someone wow cant wait to meet her. Stay strong and always PMA (Positive Mental Attitude)


Erin October 8, 2008 at 9:05 pm

I just adore your blog! I am the single mother of a two year old little girl, and our stories are very similar. I am new to the blogosphere, and I am finding strength and solidarity with my other fellow single mamas! I’ve added you to blogs that I follow and I can’t wait to read more!


Dave October 9, 2008 at 6:35 am

I just stumbled across this blog and it is quite interesting. I am a single guy with no children, so not really an expert on most issues posted here, but I do know a single mom whose beauty, grace and depth are only matched by her love, sacrifice and dedication to her child.

So I decided to write a poem about single Mother’s and it applies to all you single Moms out there, the true hereos of society who do not recieve the applause given to movie stars and athletes, but deserve so much credit.


Values perverted, shattered dirty shame
Wall Street whores in 3 piece suits
Capital porno are fame
Celebrating brutes

GDP- surgical name
Smiles at misogyny disturbed mocking
Trading in flesh a free-market game
Charming as stalking

Creating, nurturing, unrequited love
Unworthy of fraudulent Enron stock
Crucify laugh degrade a gentle dove
Glorification of cock

Devoted dove devotes
Real connection
Tender direction

Revolt over $140 crude
Media shape the mood
Universal day care ignore
Motherhood a bore


Motherhood is the female
Societal disdain
Capitalism utterly stale
We can’t hide a bloody stain



Wendy October 23, 2008 at 7:33 pm

I can’t say how much I love your blog. I’ve been looking for at least somebody to relate to regarding single parenthood! It’s tough.

Like most of us, I’m sometimes torn between achieving super-mom stardom and wanting a life for myself (if only just a little).

I have two great daughters, 10 months apart and my oldest just turned 3. I left the ex when my youngest was only 3 weeks old. At that time I thought, “my life is over!”

Over 2 years later, I’m now realizing that it was the best thing I could have done…for all of us. I have no regrets and for the first time I’m completely comfortable in my own skin!

Long story short. Thank you for being a strong voice for all of us single parents out there. Keep up the great posts!


Stace November 15, 2008 at 10:18 pm

I have to say in the middle of a bad economy…tons of layoffs…being a single parent which is never easy..is even tougher now. I am up late because I am trying to find additional income outlets..and one can do but soo much online activities…and then I start looking up single mom outlets…and I stumbled on your site and have been wrapped in it for atleast 40 minutes…and most things give me instant ADD so this is a record. In just 40 minutes reading your site made me feel I wasnt soo alone, I mean there are tons of “single parent” things online…but none nearly as entertaining and relate-able as yours! Thank you for sharing your stories and giving a single mom something to smile about!


Dave November 25, 2008 at 7:24 pm

love your site, please visit mine…
it’s about the future of our children.

thanks so much.


Ben Dover December 28, 2008 at 1:02 pm

You are a loser. Children need their fathers. Grow up you sad loser.


mssinglemama December 28, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Mr. Ben Dover:

Nice name btw.

I’ll tell you the same thing I tell every man (always men by the way) who leaves comments like this on my site:

I agree with you – children need fathers but when the father is absent by his own fruition that makes it quite difficult for us, now doesn’t it?

Rather than stay in a marriage with a non-father, a man unable to actually be a father, it is – in my opinion- better for children to be raised solo by a loving mother.

And I’d also like to invite you to spend one hour locked up in a room with my son’s father, that may change your mind.


Sunday May 6, 2009 at 3:10 am

I feel that (whether we like it or not) society needs structure and order. Those people that get married, have children, and STICK TOGETHER, are entitled to all the respect and prestige. This ought to be reflected in favorable tax codes. Single parents, while I don't believe they should be ashamed of themselves, are deserving of less respect and prestige as married couples with children. I feel that your blog is a way of saying: "hey, look at me! I'm equal to a married couple with kids!" Now, I don't want to be cruel, but you should know that your child will have less options than a lot of others. This is your future. Your child will probably not attend college. Nor will you have a house or any land to pass down to your child. I'm not sure you are aware of the gravity of your situation. Many women want a child because they want something to love. It's entirely selfish. Again, I hope I haven't sounded callous, but 99% of the population would agree with me.


pat September 19, 2009 at 11:06 am

What are saying? Are you for real? What…if a child has no Dad ,they can’t have a great life? What are your feeling about ophrans? Should they go out with the trash? What about Widows, are their children not going to amount to anything? I bet you are as dumb as you sound. Shame on you! Your intelligence is about as good as the name you used. I would bet…your Mom raised you BETTER! Or was that the Great Father you had?


Dawn January 1, 2009 at 11:49 pm

The unsung heroine doesn’t settle for less.


Jess January 4, 2009 at 3:59 am

I love Ms. Single Mama! I’m 26 and dating a 32 yr old mother of a 6 yr old. We just started dating. We are on are 4th date this week and this information has helped a lot. So thank you Ms. Single Mama.


Stacey January 5, 2009 at 2:53 am

Wow – 1st to somewhere above comment from ‘Ben Dover’ – well it is obvious what a narrow minded, judgmental person it takes to write such crap. I should know I was married to one – one who beat and strangled me in front of our kids. He shares the same views as the insightful ‘Ben’, and I know first hand how a child needs their father – but not when it ruins the child’s life by a parent’s own lack of sense, father or mother – in my case it was my husband. I realised I had a choice – I either let the kids walk the same path as their dad – he didn’t think he has a problem with his violence – towards me or the kids, or I could RESCUE my kids from a life of destruction and HURT.
2nd – YAY for this SITE – love sooo much how I stumbled across it , HOORAH! Yay Ms Single Mama! 🙂


Ninz January 18, 2009 at 9:40 pm

OMG – Have we met before??? Your are telling my story word for word!

Thank you for your openness on this – I have tried to explain this concept to a friend (who is married to a helping husband) and I’m not quite sure she understood what I was saying.

I have been on my own for 9 months now, and to be honest there has not been that much difference apart from feeling more in control of my life and doing a lot less laundry!! It’s not to say that I don’t miss intimacy because I do, but I was not getting that anyway. At least now, when I feel lonely it’s because I’m on my own, not because I’m with my unavailable partner.

No regrets.

PS-Now I can buy my favorite juice AND actually drink some of it….. My ex drank a large carton of juice at a sitting, and never did any shopping let alone contributing finacncially, so I gave up buying it. Maybe juice and crunchy peanut butter go well together LOL


Sharon January 22, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Thanks for having a site like this. My fiance left me 2 months pregnant.. havent heard from him.. guess i’m going into this head first & very alone. I’m afraid because i’m only 22… but I’m sure GOD has a better plan for my girl and I.

Thanks again


Rowse February 11, 2009 at 11:28 am

Hello. I'm a single mama, second time around. Had my first two children during my mid 20's and became a single mum in my early thirties. Had another baby 2 years ago, lived with the other parent for about a year and now aged 47 – a single mum again. I do not feel so desperate to meet another partner as I did the first time around and that is a huge relief. The hardest thing about being a single parent is feeling lonely and having low or what felt like no self-esteem. Thankfully through time and reading positive books I have overcome the low self-esteem factor and learned to value myself. What I would like to say to my younger single mum or dad counterparts is to believe in and have love for yourself as much as for your precious children, and to also be proud to be a single parent. There is NO shame in being a sole parent.


Alet March 10, 2009 at 11:38 am

I am soooo excited!
Need to finish the bit of work I have laying on my desk and then I am nose first in your blog for the next couple of hours! You have made me feel welcome just because I can relate!

Im sorry, I shouldn't be scaring you with all this emotion!


fred sarkari March 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Excellent video and content. It is amazing the strength single parents have within them.

Never stop inspiring and spreading hope, as that is exactly what you are doing on your blog. You should be proud. 🙂

I would do a fancy trackback to this but honestly – I have yet to be able to do a proper one of those yet. he he

So here is a link to a post to help all those getting out of a relationship.



Valerie April 15, 2009 at 1:41 am

I found your blog a couple of months ago. Despite the fact that the only thing we have in common is Columbus, I love reading about your experiences. Congrats on the car contest! If you're ever looking for things to do in Columbus, check out my blogs:


Crazy_Dave April 15, 2009 at 5:11 am

I must say I really like this blog. I am a single male with no children, never married so in all honesty I know very little about children or single motherhood. I found this site because I have a friend who is a single Mom and I thought this would help me understand her plight a bit better and it sounds like she has had experiences similiar to many of yours- The biological father of her child abusive, not paying child support etc etc. ____I find this site very interesting and I find society really gives single mothers a bad rap, treating them with disdain as lacking morals, especially in those states that are filed with the religious right.


crazy_Dave April 15, 2009 at 5:11 am

____So keep up the good work as you have helped this guy understand a little bit about Single Mothers and all of you should take a bow for the sacrifices you do for your children, especially in this horrible recession in which the government only likes giving money to rich bankers who got us into this mess in the first place.____Also, that woman who sent the hate letter says much more about herself than you with her statements. She is quite angry and has a lot of rage and is blaming you for hurting feminism. I think a good shrink will help her rage, surely you can't be to blame for all her problems !__


Stacey April 24, 2009 at 9:23 am

Wow crazy Dave – more like Pretty Cool Dave lol. I think that is soo so great that you go to this sort of effort for your friend, and have such great encouragement for singles mommys 🙂 It's great to read and to see such positive views for single moms, all the best 🙂


Hafidzah Abdullah May 28, 2009 at 9:13 am

Hi, I'm Ija from Malaysia. being a single mom for a 3 year old son and being alone for the past of 4 years. I strongly agreed that at some point man is no longer in the list to build a good family . I love reading your experience and all your day to day things..thanks. It's inspired me for sure


Robin June 23, 2009 at 11:53 pm

Great blog. I can't relate to being a single mom but I can relate to being single. I really enjoy reading your entries.


haywhydot November 20, 2013 at 4:36 am

is not good to be a single you need someone that you will care for and care for you too me need a serious one that can takecare of me and i will do what she need for her


pampa June 25, 2009 at 5:38 am

I am a single mother .. to me this place is very helpful and I am so glad that in my lonely night when I am not busy i can spend time in here ,. my daughter who is 19 months is my world.. i wish i could have given her a stable family instead of a broken one.. but i and my daughter we wil survive and we will find our happiness… I am sure God will hear my prayer… thanks for reading my own words and thanks for giving me a space to express myself…


Precious68 July 1, 2009 at 1:12 am

Hi, I came across your blog and felt real connected as I am facing similar dilemma..thanks for having me in. I have so many to ask and share. Like to have sort of support group that can elevate my spirit at times when the ride is low and praise or be happy for me when the ride is high up…

I am now living with my daughter (7) and taking care of my elderly parent (74/80). Its great feeling to care for people who raised you and really loves you and hope to be a good role model to my one and only child.

I like to be part of this active and positive blog..to me being single is rewarding as it gives us better introspect of ourselves and geared towards healthier and happier well being.. having a partner or husband is only a bonus if he gets to the fit the bill.


TeacherMommy July 9, 2009 at 3:46 pm

I may be facing this reality all too soon. I'm not absolutely sure what's in my future, but I'd say there's a 95% chance I'll be getting divorced in the next year. We're separated ATM. Being a single mother of two boys under 4 terrifies me.

I'll be lurking.


CommonSense July 17, 2009 at 2:11 pm

I will never understand quotes from people like “we applaud you Ms. Single Mama! I too believe there is nothing a woman can’t do especially when she is driven by the love of her child.” and “alll of you [Single Mothers] should take a bow for the sacrifices you do for your children.”

When will you people wake up and understand that leaving your husband when your son is just 4 months old is not something to “applaud,” nor is it “driven by the love of her child,” nor is it something a woman should “take a bow for.”

What it is though is a comletely selfish act that does not take your child’s needs and wants into consideration. What a child needs is his/her father and mother together. A child certainly does not need a mother ripping him/her away from his father. How the single mother has turned into a heroic figure in today’s society is mind boggling. If you are fickle about the marriage vow and the idea that family is the best thing for man, woman and child through thick and thin, period, then you should not have children, period. If you are flat broke and struggling financially because you decided the grass was greener, broke your marriage vows, divorced your husband and ripped a father and his chilrden apart and disadvantaged them by forcing them to be raised in a one-parent (one income) household then that’s the bed you made and don’t cry me a river because your “plight” as a single mom is so difficult. Raising children was never intended to be a one person task and anyone that thinks a woman can do anything and can raise a child just as well as a woman and a man together is simply a sexist femanist who discards men as irrelevent when it comes to rearing children. And I’m willing to bet that these women fail to mention that they have court orders to collect child support from the men who’s children they ripped away. So they basically turned their children into fatherless welfare recipients. How is this a noble thing for a woman to do?

Its about time we start calling most single mothers what they are: Self centered (its not about what my kids want or need its about what I want), fickle (I just don’t love him anymore so I’ll move on with my life no matter what the consequnces), lazy (if the marriage is not perfect just leave without really working on it, but make sure you take him to court for child support so you don’t have to work a full-time job and raise those kids alone, and also make sure you take the kids completely away from him and have complete controll of them so that you can maximize that welfare check that comes from the ex), and, quite frankly, stupid (who expects to be able to build wealth and properly raise a child in a single parent environment).

I don’t buy the Single Mother pitty party for a second. You made your own bed, sleep in it. Unfortunately, there is no reason for you child to sleep in too. I bet most of your children would be better off with their fathers and with out of the picture and the fathers would not even ask for a handout from you every month to care for them). Bottom line, If the guy was an abusive jerk you should have never spread your legs for him. If you simply fell out of love then suck it up and stay in the relationship for your child. Thats it. You are either stupid for having a child with a jerk or you are selfish for putting your wants in front of your child’s need for a father and an intact family. Either way, I have no sympathy for you.


Drew August 19, 2009 at 6:54 pm

I have absolutely no patience for someone like you. If you don’t like single mothers, or don’t think they are deserving of respect from others, or think they are just looking for a “handout”….. don’t become one.
You might be okay with staying with someone who doesn’t treat you well, is abusive, or are so willing to forgo your happiness to “keep a mother and father together.” I am not willing to do any of things at the cost of my happiness or well-being. Most importantly I WILL NOT teach my daughter that it is okay to stay with someone that doesn’t treat me the way I deserve or worse, is abusive. How sad that you will not allow yourself happiness in your life if your husband can’t also try to make the relationship work or does something to outright disrespect or HURT you. And that you might be a poor role model for your daughter and getting what you don’t deserve as a person, nevermind a grown woman.
And last I checked, all the experts agree that you SHOULD NOT STAY TOGETHER for the sake of your child. An abusive relationship physical, mental, or emotional hurts a child’s self esteem and can lead to mental health issues and problems with relationships later on.
You might call me a “femanist” (it’s FEMINIST… do a spell check before you post so you don’t look like even more of an idiot next time) but my daughter will learn to be strong, self loving, capable, and will most likely climb to success over your children who grew up with a mother and father in the home (if you even have children, I bet you don’t!).
P.S. Last I checked President Obama, who is one of the smartest and most impressive people alive, was raised by a single mother for some of his life. Alicia Keyes too.
P.S.S. Child support isn’t a “hand out”. Don’t parents normally put in half to cover the needs of their child? And just for the record, what most fathers end up paying (if they don’t have custody) is WAY LESS than the expenses it actually takes to raise a child. I’d rather pay the extra than comprimise my happiness or well-being.
Single mamas, don’t even try to appeal to this person by justifying your situations. It doesn’t matter, and by doing so, you are belittling others. We need to stand strong together on this.


pat October 20, 2009 at 9:51 am

What is your defence for the father who, dosen’t want his child. One who would spend 3 months trying to get a mother to abort. (this would have been his 3rd abortion)…and when it didn’t happend then he spent 4 months trying to stress the mother into so much stress as too hopefully miscarry. His only concern is that he will be a “dead beat Dad” and he doesn’t want anyone to know he is one of those….so he felt a third life must be given up for his selfish pride…and this is an intelligent person? Guess you better, give up your ramping and raving…There are more single women out there who never asked for help and don’t need it. You’re only bitching because you much have to stand up to your short falls. Oh, and I’d be ashamed if I were you! You judge people you don’t even know.


Fditak December 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I don’t wear an apron…mainly because I don’t have a cute one to wear. Plus most of my clhetos are stained up from kiddos’ greasy hands and snotty noses, so there really isn’t much point in trying to protect my clhetos:)


ally July 19, 2009 at 8:12 am

To commonsense your obviousley a man! my ex set my house on fire and nearly burned me and my three children alive! ” now if he had only told me he may feel like killing me someday” i couldve avoided this!wouldnt llife be great if things worked out that way jerk! i dont recieve child support and i work full time.Try to loose the giant chip my freind.


Amy July 19, 2009 at 12:38 pm

In reply to Commonsense I would just like to say that some single mothers DON’T have a choice. My partner left me a month ago for a woman he had been having an affair with at work, whilst I was on maternity leave. I knew about the affair, but hoped he would come back to me eventually as I didn’t want my 11 month old daughter to be brought up in a single mother household.

He has now gone and I have no choice in the situation I find myself in, and at 27 this is not how I saw my life turning out. However, what I do know is that I can raise my daughter to be a wonderful and happy individual, who is intelligent, can communicate well, is well educated and well-rounded, and I can do this just as well as if my partner were at home or not. Your ‘rant’ is unfair and unjust and does not consider everyone’s situation. I have an excellent job, a home of my own and whilst my financial situation means by no means I will holiday in the Carribean 3 times a year, my daughter will want for nothing. I am doing all of this without a court order for support. I am by no means stupid for having a child with my ex – he is stupid for walking out on his family.

Next time you decide to attack women for striving to make their children’s life the happiest possible, and for maintaining some equilibrium in their own, keep your opinions to yourself. Some of us are ‘surviving’ and jerks like you stop us from living.


nikki July 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm

are you from/living in cleveland? i just saw the post about big fun. i grew up in ohio and went to kent state u. it’s hard to imagine someone like you living in cleveland (if you do)! i’m not sure why..


mssinglemama July 29, 2009 at 5:46 am

Common Sense doesn’t have any common sense – please ignore him everyone.


mssinglemama July 29, 2009 at 5:46 am

@nikki – no, I actually live in Columbus but my boyfriend lives in Cleveland.


momtoasinglemom August 2, 2009 at 4:00 am

to common sense, you are so angery, why are you reading these sites IF you feel this way about single women, and their children? Go away…..duh! Most single moms, get relief, by knowing, they aren’t alone, going through this, others deal with the same situations. Blow it out your ear!!!!!!!!!!!


Killer Queen August 4, 2009 at 10:47 pm

I’m super-newly a single mom of two girls, 6 and 3. My loser hasn’t been gone a week yet, and I’ve lived more in the last five days than I have in the last eight years! Good riddance! I’m glad I found this site.


theonlyparent August 11, 2009 at 8:08 pm

i was searching the net for other single parent blogs and found yours. you rock! i’ll definitely be adding you to my list…


michelle September 28, 2009 at 12:17 pm

OMG…I am single again. I found my husband had profiles all over the internet dating sites. To look at us everyone thought we were what the ideal marriage was all about and so did I. We never fought, were best friends and had great sex and then one day I check his mail and bam…..everywhere there was mail from the dating sights that he had been on. When confronted all he would say was …I didn’t do it. When asked too leave it took him about 3 seconds to call his mom to come and get him. Now I work full time, go to college and have children. I wonder if I will ever find some time for just me.


El October 18, 2009 at 11:59 am

Wonderful words Alaina! I left my ex when my son was 5 months old and am now dating again. My son is 6 and I’m so grateful for the help I receive from family and friends. He’s a bright, cheerful boy who has no shortage of love and warmth. Brava! Best to you and Benjamin.


Eve November 12, 2009 at 9:45 am

I’m hooked on your blog 🙂 Love your style and honesty. I am also a single mommy. Check out my blog when you have a chance. I just started!


mommybella December 27, 2009 at 9:40 am

I love your blog. I have had trouble with my friends not being able to relate to me because I am the only single mother. I have gone thru hell since the day I found out I was pregnant. my son’s father has made life hell for me for over 3 years now(my son will be 3 in april)! I have been dying to chat with people that know exactly what I am going through. When my son was 6 months old I finally got up the courage to leave the (verbally) abusive relationship. Little did I know that things were only going to get worse.
Being a single mother is more challenging that anyone could ever imagine!


Mel February 8, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Wow, reading your story is giving me deja-vu…
It really is amazing, that during pregnancy, is when they decide to show their true colors. Even more amazing is it isn’t a “given” for us women to kick them out right away!! I stayed for almost five more years…one day it hit me… I CAN DO THIS!

Good luck & Great blog!



Melinda March 11, 2010 at 9:30 am

Was directed here from a website called the Thinking Housewife, written by a crazy misogynist whom I read due to some sort of unexplained masochism. If she can’t stand you, you must be doing something right! Your little boy is adorable, by the way!


Sarah April 3, 2010 at 8:27 am

to all the single moms out there, you are truly inspirational. well done for having the bravery to leave destructive relationships and have the strength to raise your children on your own. One day, your children will recognize all the sacrifices you have made and will be better people for it.

I am a mom and fortunately have a hubby who is great and I still find it a tough job raising my son. My hat goes off to all of you. Respect.


Judy B April 21, 2010 at 10:27 am

You are a disgrace to your gender too? Damn, I thought that was all mine 😀 My first time here and yes, I’m a fan. A single mamma too 🙂


Ashlie April 27, 2010 at 8:48 pm

Why couldn’t I have found your blog a year ago? =^)

My divorce was finalized a week ago today, but my (now ex) husband and I have been living separately for nearly a year now. I have learned so much about myself and what I want out of life in that year, however. The most important lesson? That my son comes first, no matter what.

Your blog is an inspiration to me, and to others like me. If I had found your blog sooner, perhaps I would have found the strength sooner to leave the toxic environment I was living in.

Kudos to you for being what we all should be…strong!


SolitaryParent July 10, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Nice Site Ms. Single Mama…

It’s tough, yet rewarding being a single parent.


notSupermum July 23, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Just found your blog. Brilliant.


Shiloh August 5, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Ahh… I’m liking what I’m seeing here. I’m 21 weeks pregnant, and the father left me about three weeks ago because he was “unhappy.”

Anywho, I went on one date last nite, and the fool tried to kiss me. now I’m scared to death.

Have been trying to find strength, but after a divorce and a house burning down in under six months, this shit is hard.

Need advice!!


haywhydot November 20, 2013 at 4:46 am

if some one leave you is not mean you will not see some that is better than him is not your husband try too look for your own good lover and care some one that will care for you .me am a student i did not have money i can use to care for you i will have go for you and married you


chris August 9, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Hey there just found your site and i love it. I’m new at this dating and man it’s hard i haven’t done this is 10 years. I’m on one of the sits and like someone there is just something about here that got when i saw her pic and profile it was like wow. where do i start? :-/


Heike August 15, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Thans for brightening my evening a little!
Somehow the stuff on your page makes me feel understood and less lonely!


Lucy August 16, 2010 at 8:40 pm

I love your blogsite! I need to set aside some time away from parental insanity to really dig deep into all these blogs and forum. This should be a very therapeutic process for me. Thank you for sharing your story and I will be posting soon!


Lucy August 16, 2010 at 9:03 pm

I just realized that you are not going to be single for much longer! Maybe I’ll publish my story and start my own revolution…


Lanore October 21, 2010 at 6:57 am

I thank you for helping to see the truth about my marriage, I wanted to be married so bad, or so I thought until I got what I asked for a marriage, we have nothing in common but a child, I husband had me thinking I was marrying a man that had the same views, likes, etc. when we married it was gloves off this is how I really am, never liked movies, bowling, family outings, or holidays,etc. Were married now so. I felt played, trapped and lied to. We argue all the time about my kids that are bioligically his. It’s been hell since I got married, cause he tryin to change me. Seeing this site has encouraged me to be strong and walk away, I thank you for the encouragement. I am no longer a caged bird.


itsonlymeandyou March 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Hi, I really love to read about your experiences, your life and everyone else’s reply. I am going through some really rough patches of being a single mom right now and wondered if you had any words of wisdom. Can I email you? I feel awkward letting everyone know what I am going through and don’t have someone to talk to about things. Let me know, would really like to find hope to get through this patch.


Mamaj April 4, 2011 at 4:08 am

Hey there! I read your post and I felt your pain because I am a single mum too and have been going through a tough time, but its over now…it seems like the sun is shining brighter and its all from the wisdom I have gained so far! If you want to email me you can on : itsmamaj@gmail.com xx


DrMom March 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Hi, thank you for sharing this, it’s really hard, not the day to day, women find a way to get through the mechanics of life, it’s the other stuff, being a woman, having feelings, wanting a partner, those are the hardest to reconcile when you are the sole support for your child. It’s unfortunate that our society vilifies women as fickle or irresponsible for taking on this task and yet there is no regard for the lack of responsibility on the part of the father. I know that there are many men that are out there in responsible co-parenting relationships, but let’s be realistic regarding proportions. It’s such hypocrisy considering our politicians are so big on taking responsibility yet put the blame on the wrong people and completely ignoring or providing any solutions. Thank you for this, it’s nice to know that I am not alone.


mariemahendran April 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm


On one hand, the films of the 39-year-old Belgian filmmaker Chantal Akerman are about as varied as anyone could wish. Some are in 16-millimeter and some are in 35; some are narrative and some are nonnarrative; the running times range from 11 minutes to 205. The genres range from autobiography to personal psychodrama to domestic drama to comedy to musical to documentary to feature-in-progress—a span that still fails to include a silent, not-exactly-documentary study of a run-down New York hotel (Hotel Monterey), a vast collection of miniplots covering a single night in a city (Toute une nuit), and a feature-length string of Jewish jokes recited by immigrants in Brooklyn exteriors (Food, Family and Philosophy), among other oddities.

On the other hand, paradoxically, there are few important contemporary filmmakers whose range is as ruthlessly narrow as Akerman’s, formally and emotionally. Virtually all of her films, regardless of genre, come across as melancholy, narcissistic meditations charged with feelings of loneliness and anxiety; and nearly all of them have the same hard-edged painterly presence and monumentality, the same precise sense of framing, locations, and empty space. Most of them are fundamentally concerned with the discomfort of bodies in rooms. (Akerman is basically geared toward interiors, which may be one reason her latest feature, Food, Family and Philosophy, set mostly in exteriors, is not one of her strongest. The fact that virtually all of Window Shopping, her musical, is set inside a shopping mall sets up an interesting ambiguity about whether one is inside or out—until the shock of the ending, when the film finally moves out into the open air.)

Her movies generally rely quite a bit on real time (as opposed to film time), and although her sound tracks tend to be constructed in layers rather than randomly recorded, none of them, with the exception of Window Shopping, uses offscreen music. Finally, a good many of her movies qualify as remakes of her earlier works: Jeanne Dielman, her longest film, can be regarded as a remake of Saute ma ville, her first film and one of her shortest; and the medium-length The Man With a Suitcase can be seen as a remake of Jeanne Dielman. Similarly, from a certain standpoint, Les rendezvous d’Anna is a remake of Je tu il elle, and, to a lesser extent, Food, Family and Philosophy is a remake of Toute une nuit.

The Akerman retrospective that started at Facets Multimedia Center earlier this month and concludes in early February isn’t quite exhaustive: probably the most significant omissions, currently unavailable in the U.S., are Dis-moi (1980), The Man With a Suitcase (1984), and her most recent feature, Food, Family and Philosophy, aka Histoires d’Amérique (1988). (An uncharacteristic and fairly conventional documentary about Pina Bausch and her dance company, One Day Pina Asked . . ., also made in 1984, which turned up on cable a few years ago, is also missing.) Nevertheless, this is the most complete presentation of Akerman’s work that Chicagoans are likely to get in the foreseeable future. And considering both the importance of her work and its general scarcity in the U.S.—none of her films, for example, has yet made it onto video—interested viewers should brave the risk of uneven and/or calamitous projection that plagues Facets screenings and check this filmmaker out. Whether you love or hate her work, I can guarantee you won’t find anything else remotely like it playing anywhere else; and three of her very best films—Window Shopping, Toute une nuit, and her masterpiece, Jeanne Dielman—are showing this week.

There are, however, two potential obstacles to appreciating Akerman’s films that might be mitigated by a discussion of them. The first has to do with the role of a director and how it’s perceived. It’s widely believed, with some justice, that film criticism and appreciation in general made a significant step forward when the French term mise en scène was introduced in this country in the 60s, largely through the writing of Andrew Sarris. Becoming aware of the director, or metteur en scène, meant becoming aware of a director’s style and vision, and even though Sarris’s adoption of the term needlessly added hyphens to the French—giving “mise-en-scène” a certain mystical flavor in English which it retains even today—the term has added something of value to our overall conception of cinema.

Mise en scène literally means “place on the stage,” making us aware that it is the director who places the actors, the décor, and the camera in relation to one another. It is the stage of filmmaking that takes place after the writing of the script, during the shooting, and before the editing, and because the commercial Hollywood cinema tends to break up these three activities according to a strict division of labor, the importance of mise en scène as a creative concept is that it is distinct from both of the other processes.

But there is another French term, in some ways an even more important one, that has never crossed the Atlantic to enter common usage in the U.S., in part because the concept behind it is a little more difficult to grasp: découpage. In terms of its popular French usage, it has three separate but interlocking meanings: the final form of a script, the breakdown of a film into separate shots and sequences prior to filming, and the basic structure of a finished film. (The verb découper means “to cut out” or “to cut up.”) The term découpage implies that there is a continuity between script and editing—a continuity imposed not by a writer, director, or editor, but by a filmmaker who carries the project through from beginning to end—and that mise en scène becomes a means toward an end in this continuity rather than an end in itself.

If the term mise en scène implies an industrial model of cinema, the term découpage implies an artistic or artisanal model. The latter term makes sense in France, where a filmmaker’s right to final cut is a part of actual law; it makes very little sense in a country like ours, where even the writer-directors who have an unusual amount of creative freedom—Woody Allen, for instance—do not produce a découpage in the sense that Robert Bresson does. (As we know from Ralph Rosenblum and Robert Karen’s book When the Shooting Stops . . . the Cutting Begins, practically all of Allen’s features are restructured and re-created in the cutting room, and the original scripts are quite different from the finished products.)

In this context it is misleading to talk merely about Akerman’s mise en scène in spite of her close attention to framing, because from that vantage point, many of her movies look rather anemic. It’s her découpage that matters—that is, not only what happens in her shots but what happens between them, among them, across them, and through them. (The same thing applies to practically all of the most important filmmakers in the history of movies: Carl Dreyer, Sergei Eisenstein, Alfred Hitchcock, Kenji Mizoguchi, Yasujiro Ozu, Jean Renoir, and Orson Welles may be known to us as master directors, but their art is ultimately the art of découpage rather than simply mise en scène.) Consequently, comparing Akerman to someone like Woody Allen, Susan Seidelman, Paul Mazursky, or Steven Soderbergh on the level of “mise en scène” is about as meaningless as comparing a microscope to a microwave, or a minimalist artist to an entertainer.

The second obstacle to appreciating Akerman’s films has to do with Akerman’s being a Belgian Jew—though she has spent extended periods of her adult life and shot several of her films in both France and the U.S. Most of her films are in French, and it has been all too easy for many critics to discuss her work as if it were essentially part of the French cinema; but it’s an impulse that should be firmly resisted. The cultural dominance of France and the U.S. in relation to such countries as Belgium, Switzerland, and Canada has led to a streak of cultural imperalism that confuses our understanding of filmmakers as important as Michael Snow (Canadian) and Jean-Luc Godard (Swiss) as well as Akerman.

The fact that Snow made his best-known film, Wavelength, in a Manhattan loft and that Godard made many of his best-known features in France obviously adds to this confusion, and at the same time it falsely enhances the reputations of these filmmakers by seeming to make them more fashionable. It’s been argued more than once that if Wavelength had been shot in, say, a Toronto loft, it might never have been so important to many Manhattan critics, and it’s worth adding that the period when Godard was most fashionable coincided with the period when he was based in Paris; now that he’s based in the vicinity of Lausanne, Switzerland, his work is generally considered a good deal more perverse and impenetrable.

The main point to be stressed here is that because she is both Belgian and Jewish, Akerman has a stance that is essentially that of an outsider in an international context. While it is possible to link her work to that of a few other, much lesser known Belgian independents—such as Samy Szlingerbaum, with whom she collaborated on one of her earliest films, the hardly ever shown Le 15/8 (1973)—and to see connections with a few Belgian painters (most notably Paul Delvaux, whose surrealist night scenes bear an eerie resemblance to some of her shots), it is probably even more pertinent to note the degree to which exile is a recurring theme in her work. (Major examples would include News From Home, Les rendezvous d’Anna, Toute une nuit, The Man With a Suitcase, Window Shopping, and Food, Family and Philosophy.)


Does one’s integrity ever lie in what he is not able to do? I think that usually it does, for free will does not mean one will, but many wills conflicting in one man.–Flannery O’Connor

If I have a reputation for being difficult, it’s because I love the everyday and want to present it. In general people go to the movies precisely to escape the everyday.–Chantal Akerman

A yearning for the ordinary as well as the everyday runs through Akerman’s work like a recurring, plaintive refrain. It is a longing that takes many forms: part of it is simply her ambition to make a commercially successful movie; another part is the desire of a self-destructive, somewhat regressive neurotic—Akerman herself in Saute ma ville, Je tu il elle, and The Man With a Suitcase; Delphine Seyrig in Jeanne Dielman; Aurore Clement in Les rendezvous d’Anna—to go legit and be like “normal” people. Je tu il elle and Les rendezvous d’Anna both feature a bisexual heroine who wants to either resolve an unhappy relationship with another woman or to go straight; in Saute ma ville, Je tu il elle, Jeanne Dielman, and The Man With a Suitcase, the desire to be “normal” is largely reflected in the efforts of the heroine simply to inhabit a domestic space.

This desire for normalcy accounts for much of the difficulty of assimilating Akerman’s work to any political program, feminist or otherwise. As an account of domestic oppression and repression, Jeanne Dielman —whose full title is Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai de Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles—largely escapes these strictures, and Akerman herself has admitted that this film can be regarded as feminist. But she has been less willing to let her other works be viewed in a political context—she once refused to let Je tu il elle be shown in a gay and lesbian film festival–denying that she considers herself a feminist filmmaker, despite the efforts of certain feminist film critics to claim her as one.

The two most extreme expressions of neurotic regression in Akerman’s work are probably the first third of Je tu il elle and the last half of The Man With a Suitcase, both of which show Akerman herself alone in a room, steadily growing crazier and crazier over several days. In Je tu il elle she compulsively rearranges her few items of furniture, eats only from a bag of sugar, writes and rewrites a letter to a real or potential boyfriend (rearranging the various drafts in a series of piles like a game of solitaire), and takes off her clothes and drapes them over her body like bed sheets. In the more comic The Man With a Suitcase, made ten years later, in which she is sharing an apartment with a young American man she hardly knows, she barricades herself in a single room and sets up a TV camera by the window to monitor his comings and goings.

Perhaps the most extreme evocations of “normality” in Akerman’s work are the many heterosexual couples seen in Toute une nuit and Window Shopping. And somewhere in between are the formidable figures of Jeanne Dielman, a widow and compulsive housekeeper who turns tricks with male clients in the afternoons, and Anna in Les rendezvous d’Anna, a Belgian filmmaker traveling on the train from Cologne to Paris via Brussels and making various stops on the way. One token of Anna’s in-betweenness is her visit with her mother, played by Léa Massari, in Brussels. Instead of going home, where Anna’s ailing father is already asleep, they check into a cheap hotel room where Anna, lying naked beside her mother in bed, calmly describes a lesbian affair she has recently become involved in. (Her lover is never seen in the film, but she’s heard on Anna’s answering machine when she returns to Paris; and, to complicate matters, the voice is Akerman’s.)

Considering Akerman’s craving to make a commercially successful film, it’s ironic that she gave the same French title, Les années 80, to both a feature-length preview of the musical she was trying to raise money for in 1983 (shown here as The Golden Eighties) and the finished musical that she finally made three years later (known in English as Window Shopping)—which certainly didn’t help matters much. It’s no less ironic that the preview—which consists of an hour of videotaped auditions with actresses, followed by 25 minutes of sample scenes from the movie in 35-millimeter—proves in many ways to be more emotionally affecting than the completed work. (If memory serves, these sample scenes aren’t included in Window Shopping because Akerman wound up making cast changes in the interim, although the same catchy songs—with music by Marc Herouet and lyrics by Akerman–are heard in both.)

A noble failure, Window Shopping is a musical inspired not so much by Hollywood as by some of the films of Jacques Demy–chiefly Lola, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, and The Young Girls of Rochefort —which are themselves inspired by Hollywood. Composed of several intersecting stories about romances that occur between various workers and customers at a shopping mall, the movie evokes Demy in emotional tone and plotting rather than in filmmaking style: a character named Sylvie pining away for her boyfriend in Montréal directly evokes the heroine of Lola, while the fortuitous encounter in the mall of a middle-aged couple who haven’t seen each other in 30 years—an American (John Berry) and a Polish refugee (Delphine Seyrig) who now runs a boutique in the mall with her husband (Charles Denner)—harks back to The Young Girls of Rochefort.

Major differences include Akerman’s occasional use of characters—such as a youthful male quartet that suggests a French version of the Hi-Los—singing directly to the camera, and her avoidance of dancing, as well as an overall klutziness in the songs’ staging that often results in simple weirdness rather than the charm of Demy’s numbers. (No choreographer is listed in the credits, and the few desultory dance moves that are introduced in a number in a beauty salon are even clunkier than those in a similar setting in Spike Lee’s School Daze.)

The main problem with Window Shopping is that in spite of the power of the songs and the appeal of many of the performers, the movie as a whole proves to be rather uninvolving. The dialogue sequences are rather flat, and Akerman’s attempts to breathe life into her musical-comedy characters—which can be quite moving when we see her making that effort in The Golden Eighties—prove to be more compelling than the final results of her work.

There is something heroic about this failure, however, because in keeping with Flannery O’Connor’s statement quoted above, part of Akerman’s integrity as an artist consists of what she is not able to do. The yearning for romance and for the romance of the ordinary is a central ingredient of her work, but the most remarkable moments in her films are those in which her other, demonic impulses rebel against this fantasy. Emblematic in this respect is the ending of Toute une nuit, an insomniac’s movie about insomniacs, in which a couple’s lovemaking is gradually smothered, and all but obliterated from our attention, by the hectoring sounds of early-morning traffic outside. The tortured aggressiveness of such a moment is finally what her filmmaking is all about—her cold, elegantly symmetrical compositions and brutal sounds being hammered into our skulls with an obstinate will to power that makes Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Peckinpah, and Clint Eastwood all seem like pussycats.

Published on 27 Mar 2009 in Featured Texts, by jrosenbaum

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AJ Joseph May 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm

You have inspired me in so many ways. As a young single mother we have face so many challenges but we continue to remain the strong parents that we are.


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Thank you for doing this blog. This last year I joined the single mama club with a very young son and have also returned to my parent’s house. Having great friends and family, but not knowing many single moms myself, I started looking online for support, encouragment and understanding. You’ve inspired me to start a blog myself. Thank you and keep writing!


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I really like your page! I’m currently talking to a girl with two little ones. I read the advice you gave for guys and I’m going to do my best! I got to meet her little boys, 3 years old and 9 months. I helped her paint her new house and watch her boys and we bonded, all of us. She told me that she doesn’t let mails meet her boys and hang out with them for 3 days strait, it felt great. By the third day she asked, “what did you do, you have my boys attached already?” I smiled and we hugged and she gave me a big kiss. But when ever we have kissed she kinda spooks for a few days… I just wait it out and in a day or two later shes talking to me and every things good. But recently the boys father has been bugging her and I can tell it bothers her, and from what she tells me hes not very friendly. We have been only talking for a month or so and all of this is still really new…Any advice about the boys father, her getting spooked every time we kinda get close, and how not to goof up anything? I love your page! Thanks for the great advice!


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Recently found your blog and I just want to say, “Thank you”. They are utterly inspiring and maybe its the pregnancy hormones but damn if they don’t give me hope. Hope that I am not alone and hope that I can do extraordinary things.



Shyloh August 1, 2011 at 9:09 pm

So glad I found this blog. I was feeling a little low and typed in “single moms” in google and you came up. Very inspiring stuff. I also left my ex when my daughter was 6 months old and I can relate to the picture’s that fall out of little nooks and cranny’s from your wedding (I saved mine for my daughter and still cant look at them).
I have been divorced 1 year, but still havent had much luck dating. Dont get me wrong I am learning that it is OK to be alone, but a relationship would be a bonus-there are things I miss:)
Anyway, nice to find you on here!


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I am a single mother and I just stumbled across this website looking for somekind of inspirational jewelry. I found this and happy I did. I was married for 15 years and have a 9 year old son and my husband took off with another woman. surprise , suprise. I do feel alone, overwhelmed, and scared. I am glad to read this blog and know that i am not the only one going through this. I too cried when I watched the sick at home video. the truth …..I was a single parent in the marriage. thank you


Ruth October 12, 2011 at 9:45 pm

You could have written my story as well. I was married for 20 years and have a seventeen year old son. I found out the ex had been having a long term, long distance “love” affair with someone for over 5 years. The divorce was final in January 2011, and he has already moved the lady and her daughter into what was my home, cutting off all contact with our son in the process. Just as you felt, I was a married single parent for so many years. I’m just searching for the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.


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He… that’s amazing!!

I’m a web developer at playa del carmen, an i was looking information about relationship status on facebook but them i found you blog, an it make me read a little more about you it’s amazing how you build your own blog to talk about you single status, them i suppous you could be a good writter for some blogs and make some money but….; later i read your “about” section and i found it!!! you got your own business!! that’s great!!!


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Just found your blog and love it. The fact we have similar stories makes it better!


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Looking for advice already a single divorced mom with a four yr old that made the mistake of jumping out of the pan into the fire with a man I grew up with when my first daughter was 18 months old. We decided to have a child…now I have a 20 mth old and a four year old. My dilema is that because my children are from two different fathers that they will not be together half of the time. So, I am embarrassed to say I am worried to leave and put the girls through this but at home I am with someone who I consider “the world holds no joy” and I am a super energetic mama and happy! I am very well educated but just relocated a year and a half ago.since I had lost my career due to budget constraints when I was 7 mths pregnant.

I constantly worry what this would do to my 4 year old since she is now going to lose out. She does see her dad every other weekend since he is in another state (even when we were blocks form each other). I am not worried about how difficult it will be for me BUT my girls! The man I am with now has not seem to have vested emotionally in my daughter (4 yr old) as he had acted prior to my move. Thoughts? Questions?


Singlemomme April 2, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Hi, I’m a single momma to my beautiful daughter who is 11 months old. She brings so much joy to my life. But it definitely is a difficult journey, however it’s only making me stronger.
I came across your blog randomly while googling tips for single moms and dating. I love everything I’ve read so far and find it so encouraging to see so many of us raising our babies on our own while not forsaking the fact that we are still a woman and have desires 😉 … So thank you for a great blog. Thank you for a positive outlet for us single mom’s to come together. Thank you for the hope! Keep up the great work! 🙂


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Hi there

Chanced upon your blog out of the blue and truly glad I did. Single motherhood isn’t easy but the simple fact that you have made a decision to inspire others with your life story speaks volumes of your courage and of your willingness to embrace life. Kudos .

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collins October 30, 2012 at 4:04 am

THANK YOU FOR WANTING TO FIND OUT A LITTLE ABOUT ME,..I’M VERY CONFIDENT IN WHO I AM AN WHERE I’M GOING. I’M FOCUS AND TRY TO LIVE EACH MOMENT WITH NO REGRETS BUT WITH A MINDSET THAT EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO GROW MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON. I PERSEVERE AND TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED KNOWING THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A PURPOSE AND IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST. I BELIEVE THAT WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND THEREFORE I TREAT EVERY PERSON IN THE SAME WAY I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED. JERRY RICE WHO PLAYED NFL FOOTBALL WITH THE 50 yERS SAID…”I WILL DO TODAY WHAT MOST PEOPLE WON’T…SO TOMORROW I CAN DO WHAT MOST PEOPLE CAN’T!” ….Smiles make me smile. So do patience and respec, I am very romantic and passionate .Whether its flowers on the table when you go out for dinner or sitting at the end of a boat dock with some wine. I think cooking at home for two would be very romantic with the right person. i think cross country skiing in the Hills would be romantic, as long as the mountain lions dont get you.LoL.I have a 10 yrs old daughter who means the world to me,i lost her mom when she was only 7yrs old,in the process of given birth to our second child… it has not been easy for me taking care of her since she died.
My ideal match would be kind, considerate, and understanding. Confident. A woman with her own opinion who is willing to share it without being overbearing. She would not be afraid to communicate and expect the same in return. A woman who believes that a successful relationship is not 50% / 50% but rather 100% / 100% A sense of humor is a great plus :)…I enjoy hiking and outdoor activities but do not make them a daily way of life- more a treat. I enjoy watching TV however I would prefer sitting outside watching the dogs.Now how could I almost forget about this topic. My own personal style… One would describe me as a tom boy would not enter the list either.I guess -normal. I do enjoy home improvement especially if I am stressed. Well let me rephrase that– I like the end product of home improvement and am willing to do what it takes to get there.i have to say this,..the quiet side of me loves those cozy nights at home (just the two of us) sharing with each other,cuddling, being romantic, a movie, board game and a glass of wine, just us. Also love to volunteer and help others.
And I never seem to come off on paper like I am in real life but I guess it could be worse! Anyway, after pouring what seems like hours into this profil please drop me a line if you are interested. Enjoy!
I am a Christian man Seeking for a like minded woman. I have learned through past experiences. Once I start a relationship I can be very open and it is my desire to make my significant other happy and comfortable as much as possible.
I am a world traveled person; traveling and meeting new people new culture being one of my most cherished experiences. I also like to cook and experiment with a variety of foods, but not with too many vegetables,I can be a fun person to be with. I am also a Christian and is my desire to follow Jesus all the days of my life. It is my belief that being with a Christian mate helps all aspects of a relationship. I know that there are some people who may not agree with me but, if I cannot find that special person who does agree with me, it is best to go alone through life.My ideal match would be kind, considerate, and understanding. Confident. A woman with her own opinion who is willing to share it without being overbearing. She would not be afraid to communicate and expect the same in return. A woman who believes that a successful relationship is not 50% / 50% but rather 100% / 100% A sense of humor is a great plus :)…I enjoy hiking and outdoor activities but do not make them a daily way of life- more a treat. I enjoy watching TV however I would prefer sitting outside watching the dogs.Now how could I almost forget about this topic. My own personal style… One would describe me as a tom boy would not enter the list either.I guess -normal. I do enjoy home improvement especially if I am stressed. Well let me rephrase that– I like the end product of home improvement and am willing to do what it takes to get there.i have to say this,..the quiet side of me loves those cozy nights at home (just the two of us) sharing with each other,cuddling, being romantic, a movie, board game and a glass of wine, just us. Also love to volunteer and help others.
And I never seem to come off on paper like I am in real life but I guess it could be worse! Anyway, after pouring what seems like hours into this profile, please drop me a line if you are interested. Enjoy!

As I prepare to write the next chapter in this book called life, I stop and wonder what new adventures lie ahead and hope you will join me! I am a sincere fun-loving man who enjoys a great conversation and a good laugh! I appreciate life for all it’s worth and it’s the little things that others may take for granted that make me smile. I enjoy everthing from traveling and i love seeing new places(loving to be outdoors), the beach ( watching the sunset), museums/art galleries, and fine dining, to staying at home trying a new recipe with fresh ingredients from the garden, or a good book and a good glass of wine. Honesty and being trustworthy are two characteristics that are most important to me.
I am a loving ,emotional and secure man who loves meeting new friends. . I love beaches, sunsets and spending time with my daughter
I value friendships and laughter with people who like to attend concerts, movies, sports events and traveling.
I have been single since my wife died and wold like now to get married again for the last few chapters. I am usually happy and grateful. I am adventures, funny, creative, passionate, very sexual and sensual if I feel loved and safe. I am courageous, spiritual, loving, and always interested in new things and interesting. I have great health and am very energetic. Looking for a partner who has many of the same qualities who is able to love, laugh and have fun, fun, fun If you have similar interests with these characteristics won’t you please join me in creating chapter two!

FOR FUN………………………
Life is my oyster! I love adventure and trying new things. I’ve enjoyed every step of my life so far and look forward to what tomorrow will bring. Sun, fun and sailing are tops on my list but wonder what I might enjoy with you!
Love to entertain friends at home but enjoy dinner out equally! The company is more important than the place. I love the water, ocean or lake. I’m relaxed and content with the world when I have sand between my toes, the rest just falls into place.
I enjoy working out,fine dining,travel,laughter,my daughters and working,I enjoy learning and expanding my horizons. I’m addicted to The History Channel ,Nova and Discovery.I love all kinds of music Mozart to the The Black Eye Peas. Ask me more

Share a few of your favorite things
I like Blues , Soul, Rock,Pop and any other good Music..I love talking with my daughter.
I love traveling to other countries I love drinking coffee with friends I love cooking and i can cook for my woman.I love traveling to new destinations…

I read many children’s books.Have you read”Giggle, Giggle,Quack, Quack” lately?Or, the ever popular”If You Give a Cat a Cupcake?Harry Potter/Ernest Hemmingway/Jack London/Patrick O’brian Most of all, don’t forget the very popular”Arnie the Doughnut.

ABOUT MY JOB…I have worked in the construction industry for 20 yrs i have my own company now.I enjoy my job,when I do have some free time I make the most of it.i travel a lot with my job so much its the best fun so far,have been to many countries for contract

I LOVE the Lord Jesus Christ. HE is my sustainer and Life giver.My faith is very important to me and I would hope my match would feel the same. It would be special to find someone who would enjoy going to church with me and being able to discuss.
Fun Hunting,camping , being outdoors, reading, music ,spending time with my daughter

FUN…..I enjoy working out,Spending time with my daughter . Going to sporting events, and relaxing at the beach.

FAVOURITE ,,,,,,,,,,I pretty much like all kinds of movies .TV shows about History, Science, Technology & Nature, a comedy or drama every once in awhile. Music wise I’m mostly into rock, but I like blues, classical and some jazz. I do not like rap, hip-hop or new

ethnicity…… My motto is “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover you have to take the time to read some of the pages” People can be more attractive as you get to know them or not ..

THEN TOPIC END……Don’t walk behind me for I may not lead, don’t walk in front for I may not follow, just walk beside me and be my friend.

Life is too short not to enjoy it. But it is always more fun to enjoy it with someone.

Love is the feeling I get when i read your emails,a desire to wrap you in my arms and
never let you go.Love is the flutter in my chest when i look at your sexy sweet pics,
the dreamy look in my eyes someday when I think of you.Love is the emptiness I feel when we share a lot in common
without your bright light.Love lasts forever with those who are serious about making there dreams come true it never fades but only grows
stronger each day.Love is a awar which every individual fight to win but only those who are are serious and able to handle it with care. love. respect. and understand will get it.Love never grows tired it never grows old or weary,but becomes ever more treasured as the years pass like antique lace.

Where there’s life,
there’s suffering.
Where there’s suffering,
there are always lessons.
Where there are lessons,
there’s always growth.
Where there’s growth,
there’s always hope.
Where there’s hope,
there’s always strength.
Where there’s strength,
there’s always love.
Where there’s love,
there are always miracles.
Where there are miracles,
there’s always God.
Where there’s God
there’s always life anew.
Never lose hope!
Many wonderful things await
in the circle of life
that far outweigh the
times of sorrow.
And all sorrow arrives
with many unexpected blessings.

Some days are a battle,
a steep climb uphill,
and you think you won’t make it
and never will, but
don’t give up!
When the money is low,
and the bills are high
and you hang your head
and want to cry,
don’t give up!
Things will go wrong–
and they always will;
but try to smile when you
get the bill, and
don’t give up!
Life may be a pallet
of gray skies and blue
but only storms can bring
a rainbow to you, so
don’t give up!
Even when your spirit’s flying low
and you’re floating on doubt
and your whole life is
suddenly turned inside out,
don’t give up!
Let me tell you
what success is all about,
it means hanging in there
and sticking it out! So
don’t give up!
When you’re tired
and you can’t go on,
and your fuel is low
and your hope is gone,
don’t give up!
Remember your dreams
even when they seem far,
because you never know
just how close you are, if you
don’t give up!
The tide will always turn
when you’re hardest hit,
So give it your all,
but never quit! And
don’t give up!

Home | Love Poems | Friendship Poems | Romantic Poetry | Inspirational Poetry | Holiday

In My Heart…

I hope you don’t mind
if I offer you pink roses,
wrap your love in silk and satin,
and keep you in my heart.
I hope you don’t mind
if I bow down before you
and kiss your delicate hand
because, I adore you.
I hope you don’t mind
if I offer you red roses,
and dream of you each night,
and keep you in my heart.
I hope you don’t mind
that I’ve loved you from the start.
I love you now and forever,
and I pray we’ll never part.
I hope you don’t mind
if I offer you white roses,
let my love surround you,
and keep you in my heart.


dwarkish April 22, 2013 at 3:21 pm

same urge and preasure still there?


Kel Mcqueen January 8, 2013 at 7:25 pm

Hey everyone please take a moment to check out my new Documentary My Father John Doe, that stresses the importance of a little girl having her father in her life. Please share, like and comment to let me know what you think. I would love to know your thoughts!


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Hi I am a dad and Mom to my 4 Months old baby
she is always feeding off of me
DoNT GIVE UP… you email if want a pic of us


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I want a woman love friend


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