About Ms. Single Mama
Once upon a time, I got married…
And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.
After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.
During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.
Then something happened.
I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.
One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.
Characters
The Kid – Benjamin
My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 4 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.
The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama
I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.
The Boyfriend Fiance – John Bear
He’s cute, he’s fuzzy and he loves to cuddle. But those are just a few of the reasons why I call him the Bear (and why I love him so much). You’ll have to read more to find out the rest.
And, P.S., it took me 7 months to add him to my About page. Did I mention that I have had commitment issues?
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Media & Stuff
Past media appearances/interviews include:
- Woman’s Day
- Glamour
- The UK Guardian
- The Chicago Tribune
- WBNS 10TV
- Columbus Monthly
- CNN.com
- Momversation.com.
Questions?
Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.
My Business
Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.
Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.
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Really? I’ll take it.
My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.
{ 101 comments… read them below or add one }
Congrats and I support you as we raise our children as Single Moms!
Oh what i wouldn't give to date you……
I applaud you Ms. Single Mama!
I too believe there is nothing a woman can’t do especially when she is driven by the love of her child.
My alter ego “Mia” blogs about the weaker moments and darker sides of single motherhood . Lots of juicy, humorous and/or scandelous escapades to tell… But in all seriousness I believe that despite the trials and tribulations and Jerry Springer-esqe moments we all go through, single moms are definitely some of the strongest and best people on earth!
Love your posts very much! Very human and I could relate to the inner chaos that happens sometimes inside. Im adding you to my blogroll.
hey there, just found your blog. Nice work. Your fans may be interested in “Sex and the Single Mom,”–my dating and relationship guide that came out last year from Ten Speed Press. Nice to see more of us joining the conversation. And thanks for the words of wisdom around e-harmony, a site I like to call e-vil.
Cheers,
Sharon
glad i just discovered you. i’ll be back often.
single mom with tiny tot
Just stumbled on your blog and will check back often. Love your honesty & agree with everything I’ve read so far. Nice to read the thoughts of a single mom that are honest, but don’t dwell on the “why me???” aspects. Many times, divorce & single parenting is the most positive experience we and our children can go through.
I’m a single mom to a 2yr old. Similar situation…I knew I was leaving when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Abusive. Refused to live that way. I hid too much. I am thriving with my child. I am thriving doing it by myself.
Hi there:
On Saturday January 12, 2008, I officially became a single mother of NO ONE under 18. Know what? It doesn’t matter, because as long as you and they are alive, you will always care, worry, cook, laugh, etc. My son is 25 and my baby just turned 18 yesterday. I have been single since my daughter was 4 monthsold. Her father has never contacted or seen her since that date. Says alot doesn’t it?
Asking him to leave is the best decision I ever made.
Its an adventure isn’t it?
May I add you to my blog?
Annette
Thank you all for your votes of confidence…makes my day, every day to know that there are so many of us out there…enjoying and making the best of our single parent adventures.
And yes, Annette, I’d love to be added to your blogroll…
Rock on, woman. I’m no single mom, but this dad finds your writings inspiring.
Love your stuff, seriously.
-Clark
Thanks Clark!!! That’s so sweet.
Rachel Sarah at Single Mom Seeking told me about your blog. I really like it and wanted to tell you about my single-dad blog. My memoir about raising my kids alone is coming out next month with Rodale, Bedtime Stories: Adventures in the Land of Single-Fatherhood. I am very proud of it and would love to hear what you think.
Take care,
Trey Ellis
Tks Trey!!! I’ve heard about your book…sounds amazing. I have also read your blog, very interesting stuff. Make sure you let me know the day it comes out so I can post a reminder.
Hi,
Thanks for featuring us on your blog. I love your writing and am trying to get in touch with you directly. Can you send me an email with your contact information if you are interested.
thanks
Sherri
Thanks for leaving a comment on my new site and putting me on your blog roll – yay – you’re one of the first! It’s so nice to be able to connect with smart moms like yourself, who are on the same crazy, wonderful trip called single parenthood. Keep up the great posts!
Good people deserve great things…….and you seem to be deserving.
It’s very nice to see a women that “survived” a less than perfect relationship and is willing to share the details of her life as she moves on. You serve as an inspiration for some and an enigma for others. Either way, I just wanted to thank you for “putting yourself out there”.
I’m sure that others will draw the positives from your life and not concentrate on the negatives of their life. That makes you a good example and we can’t have enough of those these days.
Good luck in the coming days and know this……..good men are still out there. Don’t stop looking for them
Glenn
I have great respect for you all single moms. Salute.
can’t believe i stumbled across this! will be a great resource for me as a single mother and college student!
You just gave me another way to de-stress! GO mamas!!!
)
What a pleasure reading your blog is!
Check out my blog, I hope it helps Abby. My heart breaks for her, as I am completely empathetic. *Hugs* to you both.
I’m a big Ms. Single Mama fan. Love your blog. As a single dad I don’t always agree with you, but I do respect what you have to say. And I like how you say it!
Hi there! Love your blog and in ways feel like I’m looking in a mirror. Come visit me at Storked! on Glamour.com
XO,
Chrissy, of Chrissy and JD
http://www.glamour.com/lifestyle/blogs/pregnant
Ok, I’m officially hooked!
I’ve just discovered you, so I have a LOT of reading to do when The Mook is in bed or with her dad. From what I have read, I think our baby’s dads may have been separated at birth…
I love the blog A!!! You have such a great writing style! Before I know it, I think I will see you on tv…
Famous-A!!!
super cool!
Um, lets see… The only word I would put in is that it seems like advertising yourself as a single mother is much more demanding as a statement than merely asserting your name and from there on talking or sharing accordingly.
When men read this, a lot of us are very insecure about the title. It would be so different to come to the title that says… hi, Im rachel. Explaining to us parts of your life and along the way sharing with us that you have a son and maybe nothing at all about your relationship status. Why even tell us that you are single? You are beautiful, so… this is one of the first things people are conditioned to expect.
THOUGHT BUBBLE : ( where the hell is the husband!? She is not saying husband!? Hey!–okay… time to listen to every word you say!!!…Yeah… you are not saying husband… but Im sure he’s just on some working holiday…no… she is way too pretty to be single! )
People who really care in that they might be looking for you as an opportunity, will analyze you enough to figure out why you are here, why you have so much information about yourself up… if you are married. People will realize that you are single when you do not mention your husband’s name.
Put more videos of yourself up, if you want to attract men. More videos and more pictures. Live videos like this one… not just you, but also with friends and being active! Showing people that you are happy says a lot! And part of our conditioned mind says that happy people are this with people.
Imagine if you had come to someone’s blog that said…
“”HEY………I AM IN-DEBT DEBBIE!!!!”"
I do not at all mean to suggest that being in debt is like having children…no of course not! but what I am saying is that this is a personal aspect of your life that unfairly stresses responsibility when people really would just like to know your name. I think this may turn more men off then it attracts. Obviously, we are going to find out if you have children, and I am not at all saying… maybe hide him for a while. No. Its just like what I said above, “Hey… I am home-owner bob…” Why not just … bob? It sounds as if bob is a fanatic or overly proud … Unless it is a commerical, but… its not.
Its your life.
I can relate to the idea that you are here, using this as an outlet, as I understood in your video post. I can relate to that, and I am happy you said it. It explained…why you were apparently so focused on being single. And despite its funciton in your life, regardless of how you act aside the site… this is just what I wanted to say–as my one word becomes its usual page–that it seems like you are very focused on being single. And maybe this contributes to staying single? For example, I do not see any guy statements on this page, but instead all single-mom comments. In this, its like you are relating not to men ( as I would think is at some point your natural intent ) but instead to people who are in the same life as you.
Why not be more casual about it?
I know being single is really… just…not what we want at times–despite the upsides of it, as well–but by focusing so much on it, by speaking and blogging and picturing single single single… blink blink blink… single single single…well, not that there is an ultimate right way to date for all people everywhere, but I think that one of the best ways to really get someone you like is being around that person habitually. [ one of the best ways--which says that of course it is not the only way ]
I feel like, if I met you in real life… in your first ten sentences… I heard single mother six times.
Anyways, if you do not agree.. well… I felt like you were confident in yourself, and that is pleasant.
Also, I did not see any hate comments up, but instead some compliments, and of course just like women, men love that!
Good luck, Rachel.
Tks Rachel. When I started this blog I wrote only about single motherhood. Now it’s taking on a life of it’s own and I’m realizing that there’s a lot to write about … not just the fact that I’m a single mother but the fact that I’m a single woman.
And I think you’re absolutely right … I love being single and will likely stay single because I love it so much. Damn it. Oh well. I really am not looking for men. Seriously.
Good advice! And I’ll work on those additional videos as soon as I get a free second – which is never. Hence the lag between videos. : )
no, my name is justin… I wrote rachel because I thought this to be your name…
SO funny. I thought you were a man…but then though you signed, Rachel.
I have an entire post about meeting guys … and deciding when to drop the single mom bomb. You can read it here:
http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/11/06/when-do-you-tell-him-youre-a-single-mom/
just wanted to let my blog is on the privates right now…will be backat a later date…probably after june 24th
I LOVE your blog! I have found it to be so inspiring! Thank you for offering to share your thoughts with all of us other “single moms’ out there….I hope you don’t mind but I’ve added you to my list of reads on my blog!
Have a great day!
wow, on second vist; intending on seeing your video one more time, I can now really see from a clearer perspective that you are merely showing us your life.
I did not mean to sound so assertive as an observer, nor like a rambling blabber-mouth. I was just surprised because I had an impression of your having built up a pretty deep avatar about being single. I was surprised because it seemed like, by saying single, you were simultaneously saying that you wanted to be with someone, and or then that you were looking for someone. You know? Like in the newspapers, we have all heard about the “Single adds”, in which people put up their selection of lines to date. Or, if you meet someone that says, “yeah, I have a single friend” — we’re quite conditioned to think that this friend is then looking to date. I guess this is what struck me most about your post, at first. This is why I gave all that advice, which obviously could have easily been percieved as being way to ‘telling’.
You seem to give off a really positive energy, as personalities go…! And that you record your life like this, is really great! I hope something special comes of it for you, above and beyond its daily normalcy, that is!
Being single is great, yes! Though, not always easy. Sometimes it is, as the word suggests, lonely.
Hey Alaina! Ms.Single Mama superstar =)
I forgot to tell you I added you to my blog roll a while back…maybe some day I’ll make yours too, thats a very impressive line up you got =) Thanks for adding iHeartSingleParents there!
You are the superstar! And now you’re on my blogroll. I LOVE your blog. Love your social network too…brilliant!
Polisny – thanks!! I knew when you had first visited and commented that perhaps, you hadn’t read my musings on how much I love being single – so no worries. Glad to have you reading and commenting!
And yes – funny how people think singles always don’t want to be single – quite the opposite sometimes.
mssinglemama is also quite a hottie.
well msm…it’s ‘ Tracy ‘…..and I moved ( as per your suggestion) and I made sure you are STILL on my blogroll (and didn’t make any tranfer blunders! LOL) I’m soooooo NOT very computer literate! Oi!
my new home… http://littlemansmom.wordpress.com
I adore your new look…keep up the wonderful work of being and awesome inspiration!
You said it well, I can definitely relate! I will be checking out your world from time to time now that I’m a fan!
Hey there!
Found you while surfing…
I’m a single parent too! But the real reason why I stopped to say hello is that maybe you would be interested in some entertainment. ..I just published a book called, Guy Talk, Girl Talk by Sal Marino. It’s a Funism Book all about sex humor and some other amusing stuff. I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it.
Have a look at my website: http://www.salmarinoauthor.com.
If you want a copy of the book, follow the links…
Cheers, Have Fun!
Sal
hawt
what a small/crazy world. as a newly-single dad (in cols, no less), i truly appreciate your blog. reading it has been like reliving the last 6 mos — and the next 6, im sure — on fast forward.
so, yeah. thanks.
Hi Miss single Mama. When I read: Prince Charming can kiss my ass. It made me laugh so hard.
It’s true. There is no Prince Charming.
I hope my single friends would read your blog so that they’d see that being a single mom isn’t bad and it isn’t about finding someone but being happy in your own situation.
Happy Father’s Day!! I’m a product of a single mother…and I don’t think single mother’s get half as much credit as they should…so, just wanted to say, that no matter how hard it is right now, one day you’re kids will thank you and will appreciate how hard you work to raise them…I know I did!
thats so great. One of my fears of being a single mom is that my son will grow to hate me because i left his father. Of course I know that when he is with his father he gets free run of everything. I’m afraid of my son always seeing me as the bad person because I have to be the responsible parent. I will be happy if my son grows up to be like you!
thats for the add to the blogroll, i’ll be sure to reciprocate.
I hope there were more people like you, because of your honesty and attitude toward life
Super cool virtual hello!
I think it’s great that you have this outlet and you get some helpful input, as well. Being a mother is hard enough. Being a single mother, harder still.
When I was dating as a young woman, I did look at men and wonder if they would make good fathers. I told my mother this once. She said, “Oh Teri, that’s all well and good, but at some point, the kids move away and you have to be sure that you have someone you have a real relationship with.” This was good advice.
Strangely, though, even though I met and married a man who is a good man and was basically a good father, after eighteen years of marriage, I left him. After that, his relationship with his children all but dissolved.
There definitely are good men to be found, as far as being a partner in the crime of raising children.
But they are very, very rare. In the meantime, just keep having fun and enjoy as much of little Benjamin’s life as you can!
Dont really know how I stumbled upon your blog, but was taken back by you life entries and the responses you got. I am a single dad of 2. The first a 4 yr old thats mine from a divorce and the second is my 8 yr old nephew who came to live with me a year ago. Your story hit home with me. After the first year of the big “D” I realized that I didnt need anyone, I am financially stable have a wonderful home a great job and 2 little blessings that I wanted devour with my time, but yes to truly want someone wow cant wait to meet her. Stay strong and always PMA (Positive Mental Attitude)
I just adore your blog! I am the single mother of a two year old little girl, and our stories are very similar. I am new to the blogosphere, and I am finding strength and solidarity with my other fellow single mamas! I’ve added you to blogs that I follow and I can’t wait to read more!
I just stumbled across this blog and it is quite interesting. I am a single guy with no children, so not really an expert on most issues posted here, but I do know a single mom whose beauty, grace and depth are only matched by her love, sacrifice and dedication to her child.
So I decided to write a poem about single Mother’s and it applies to all you single Moms out there, the true hereos of society who do not recieve the applause given to movie stars and athletes, but deserve so much credit.
Motherhood
Values perverted, shattered dirty shame
Wall Street whores in 3 piece suits
Capital porno are fame
Celebrating brutes
GDP- surgical name
Smiles at misogyny disturbed mocking
Trading in flesh a free-market game
Charming as stalking
Creating, nurturing, unrequited love
Unworthy of fraudulent Enron stock
Crucify laugh degrade a gentle dove
Glorification of cock
Devoted dove devotes
Emotes
Real connection
Tender direction
Revolt over $140 crude
Media shape the mood
Universal day care ignore
Motherhood a bore
Cry
Fry
Sweep
Leap
Motherhood is the female
Societal disdain
Capitalism utterly stale
We can’t hide a bloody stain
Motivate
Oikologist
Teacher
Healer
Extraordinary
Responsibilities
I can’t say how much I love your blog. I’ve been looking for at least somebody to relate to regarding single parenthood! It’s tough.
Like most of us, I’m sometimes torn between achieving super-mom stardom and wanting a life for myself (if only just a little).
I have two great daughters, 10 months apart and my oldest just turned 3. I left the ex when my youngest was only 3 weeks old. At that time I thought, “my life is over!”
Over 2 years later, I’m now realizing that it was the best thing I could have done…for all of us. I have no regrets and for the first time I’m completely comfortable in my own skin!
Long story short. Thank you for being a strong voice for all of us single parents out there. Keep up the great posts!
I have to say in the middle of a bad economy…tons of layoffs…being a single parent which is never easy..is even tougher now. I am up late because I am trying to find additional income outlets..and one can do but soo much online activities…and then I start looking up single mom outlets…and I stumbled on your site and have been wrapped in it for atleast 40 minutes…and most things give me instant ADD so this is a record. In just 40 minutes reading your site made me feel I wasnt soo alone, I mean there are tons of “single parent” things online…but none nearly as entertaining and relate-able as yours! Thank you for sharing your stories and giving a single mom something to smile about!
love your site, please visit mine…
it’s about the future of our children.
thanks so much.
You are a loser. Children need their fathers. Grow up you sad loser.
Mr. Ben Dover:
Nice name btw.
I’ll tell you the same thing I tell every man (always men by the way) who leaves comments like this on my site:
I agree with you – children need fathers but when the father is absent by his own fruition that makes it quite difficult for us, now doesn’t it?
Rather than stay in a marriage with a non-father, a man unable to actually be a father, it is – in my opinion- better for children to be raised solo by a loving mother.
And I’d also like to invite you to spend one hour locked up in a room with my son’s father, that may change your mind.
I feel that (whether we like it or not) society needs structure and order. Those people that get married, have children, and STICK TOGETHER, are entitled to all the respect and prestige. This ought to be reflected in favorable tax codes. Single parents, while I don't believe they should be ashamed of themselves, are deserving of less respect and prestige as married couples with children. I feel that your blog is a way of saying: "hey, look at me! I'm equal to a married couple with kids!" Now, I don't want to be cruel, but you should know that your child will have less options than a lot of others. This is your future. Your child will probably not attend college. Nor will you have a house or any land to pass down to your child. I'm not sure you are aware of the gravity of your situation. Many women want a child because they want something to love. It's entirely selfish. Again, I hope I haven't sounded callous, but 99% of the population would agree with me.
What are saying? Are you for real? What…if a child has no Dad ,they can’t have a great life? What are your feeling about ophrans? Should they go out with the trash? What about Widows, are their children not going to amount to anything? I bet you are as dumb as you sound. Shame on you! Your intelligence is about as good as the name you used. I would bet…your Mom raised you BETTER! Or was that the Great Father you had?
The unsung heroine doesn’t settle for less.
I love Ms. Single Mama! I’m 26 and dating a 32 yr old mother of a 6 yr old. We just started dating. We are on are 4th date this week and this information has helped a lot. So thank you Ms. Single Mama.
Wow – 1st to somewhere above comment from ‘Ben Dover’ – well it is obvious what a narrow minded, judgmental person it takes to write such crap. I should know I was married to one – one who beat and strangled me in front of our kids. He shares the same views as the insightful ‘Ben’, and I know first hand how a child needs their father – but not when it ruins the child’s life by a parent’s own lack of sense, father or mother – in my case it was my husband. I realised I had a choice – I either let the kids walk the same path as their dad – he didn’t think he has a problem with his violence – towards me or the kids, or I could RESCUE my kids from a life of destruction and HURT.
2nd – YAY for this SITE – love sooo much how I stumbled across it , HOORAH! Yay Ms Single Mama!
OMG – Have we met before??? Your are telling my story word for word!
Thank you for your openness on this – I have tried to explain this concept to a friend (who is married to a helping husband) and I’m not quite sure she understood what I was saying.
I have been on my own for 9 months now, and to be honest there has not been that much difference apart from feeling more in control of my life and doing a lot less laundry!! It’s not to say that I don’t miss intimacy because I do, but I was not getting that anyway. At least now, when I feel lonely it’s because I’m on my own, not because I’m with my unavailable partner.
No regrets.
PS-Now I can buy my favorite juice AND actually drink some of it….. My ex drank a large carton of juice at a sitting, and never did any shopping let alone contributing finacncially, so I gave up buying it. Maybe juice and crunchy peanut butter go well together LOL
Thanks for having a site like this. My fiance left me 2 months pregnant.. havent heard from him.. guess i’m going into this head first & very alone. I’m afraid because i’m only 22… but I’m sure GOD has a better plan for my girl and I.
Thanks again
Hello. I'm a single mama, second time around. Had my first two children during my mid 20's and became a single mum in my early thirties. Had another baby 2 years ago, lived with the other parent for about a year and now aged 47 – a single mum again. I do not feel so desperate to meet another partner as I did the first time around and that is a huge relief. The hardest thing about being a single parent is feeling lonely and having low or what felt like no self-esteem. Thankfully through time and reading positive books I have overcome the low self-esteem factor and learned to value myself. What I would like to say to my younger single mum or dad counterparts is to believe in and have love for yourself as much as for your precious children, and to also be proud to be a single parent. There is NO shame in being a sole parent.
I am soooo excited!
Need to finish the bit of work I have laying on my desk and then I am nose first in your blog for the next couple of hours! You have made me feel welcome just because I can relate!
Im sorry, I shouldn't be scaring you with all this emotion!
Excellent video and content. It is amazing the strength single parents have within them.
Never stop inspiring and spreading hope, as that is exactly what you are doing on your blog. You should be proud.
I would do a fancy trackback to this but honestly – I have yet to be able to do a proper one of those yet. he he
So here is a link to a post to help all those getting out of a relationship.
http://mentalsidewalk.wordpress.com/2009/03/23/i-...
I found your blog a couple of months ago. Despite the fact that the only thing we have in common is Columbus, I love reading about your experiences. Congrats on the car contest! If you're ever looking for things to do in Columbus, check out my blogs:
http://www.feelgoodcolumbus.com
http://www.columbusonthecheap.com
I must say I really like this blog. I am a single male with no children, never married so in all honesty I know very little about children or single motherhood. I found this site because I have a friend who is a single Mom and I thought this would help me understand her plight a bit better and it sounds like she has had experiences similiar to many of yours- The biological father of her child abusive, not paying child support etc etc. ____I find this site very interesting and I find society really gives single mothers a bad rap, treating them with disdain as lacking morals, especially in those states that are filed with the religious right.
____So keep up the good work as you have helped this guy understand a little bit about Single Mothers and all of you should take a bow for the sacrifices you do for your children, especially in this horrible recession in which the government only likes giving money to rich bankers who got us into this mess in the first place.____Also, that woman who sent the hate letter says much more about herself than you with her statements. She is quite angry and has a lot of rage and is blaming you for hurting feminism. I think a good shrink will help her rage, surely you can't be to blame for all her problems !__
Wow crazy Dave – more like Pretty Cool Dave lol. I think that is soo so great that you go to this sort of effort for your friend, and have such great encouragement for singles mommys
It's great to read and to see such positive views for single moms, all the best 
Hi, I'm Ija from Malaysia. being a single mom for a 3 year old son and being alone for the past of 4 years. I strongly agreed that at some point man is no longer in the list to build a good family . I love reading your experience and all your day to day things..thanks. It's inspired me for sure
Great blog. I can't relate to being a single mom but I can relate to being single. I really enjoy reading your entries.
I am a single mother .. to me this place is very helpful and I am so glad that in my lonely night when I am not busy i can spend time in here ,. my daughter who is 19 months is my world.. i wish i could have given her a stable family instead of a broken one.. but i and my daughter we wil survive and we will find our happiness… I am sure God will hear my prayer… thanks for reading my own words and thanks for giving me a space to express myself…
Hi, I came across your blog and felt real connected as I am facing similar dilemma..thanks for having me in. I have so many to ask and share. Like to have sort of support group that can elevate my spirit at times when the ride is low and praise or be happy for me when the ride is high up…
I am now living with my daughter (7) and taking care of my elderly parent (74/80). Its great feeling to care for people who raised you and really loves you and hope to be a good role model to my one and only child.
I like to be part of this active and positive blog..to me being single is rewarding as it gives us better introspect of ourselves and geared towards healthier and happier well being.. having a partner or husband is only a bonus if he gets to the fit the bill.
I may be facing this reality all too soon. I'm not absolutely sure what's in my future, but I'd say there's a 95% chance I'll be getting divorced in the next year. We're separated ATM. Being a single mother of two boys under 4 terrifies me.
I'll be lurking.
I will never understand quotes from people like “we applaud you Ms. Single Mama! I too believe there is nothing a woman can’t do especially when she is driven by the love of her child.” and “alll of you [Single Mothers] should take a bow for the sacrifices you do for your children.”
When will you people wake up and understand that leaving your husband when your son is just 4 months old is not something to “applaud,” nor is it “driven by the love of her child,” nor is it something a woman should “take a bow for.”
What it is though is a comletely selfish act that does not take your child’s needs and wants into consideration. What a child needs is his/her father and mother together. A child certainly does not need a mother ripping him/her away from his father. How the single mother has turned into a heroic figure in today’s society is mind boggling. If you are fickle about the marriage vow and the idea that family is the best thing for man, woman and child through thick and thin, period, then you should not have children, period. If you are flat broke and struggling financially because you decided the grass was greener, broke your marriage vows, divorced your husband and ripped a father and his chilrden apart and disadvantaged them by forcing them to be raised in a one-parent (one income) household then that’s the bed you made and don’t cry me a river because your “plight” as a single mom is so difficult. Raising children was never intended to be a one person task and anyone that thinks a woman can do anything and can raise a child just as well as a woman and a man together is simply a sexist femanist who discards men as irrelevent when it comes to rearing children. And I’m willing to bet that these women fail to mention that they have court orders to collect child support from the men who’s children they ripped away. So they basically turned their children into fatherless welfare recipients. How is this a noble thing for a woman to do?
Its about time we start calling most single mothers what they are: Self centered (its not about what my kids want or need its about what I want), fickle (I just don’t love him anymore so I’ll move on with my life no matter what the consequnces), lazy (if the marriage is not perfect just leave without really working on it, but make sure you take him to court for child support so you don’t have to work a full-time job and raise those kids alone, and also make sure you take the kids completely away from him and have complete controll of them so that you can maximize that welfare check that comes from the ex), and, quite frankly, stupid (who expects to be able to build wealth and properly raise a child in a single parent environment).
I don’t buy the Single Mother pitty party for a second. You made your own bed, sleep in it. Unfortunately, there is no reason for you child to sleep in too. I bet most of your children would be better off with their fathers and with out of the picture and the fathers would not even ask for a handout from you every month to care for them). Bottom line, If the guy was an abusive jerk you should have never spread your legs for him. If you simply fell out of love then suck it up and stay in the relationship for your child. Thats it. You are either stupid for having a child with a jerk or you are selfish for putting your wants in front of your child’s need for a father and an intact family. Either way, I have no sympathy for you.
Commonsense,
I have absolutely no patience for someone like you. If you don’t like single mothers, or don’t think they are deserving of respect from others, or think they are just looking for a “handout”….. don’t become one.
You might be okay with staying with someone who doesn’t treat you well, is abusive, or are so willing to forgo your happiness to “keep a mother and father together.” I am not willing to do any of things at the cost of my happiness or well-being. Most importantly I WILL NOT teach my daughter that it is okay to stay with someone that doesn’t treat me the way I deserve or worse, is abusive. How sad that you will not allow yourself happiness in your life if your husband can’t also try to make the relationship work or does something to outright disrespect or HURT you. And that you might be a poor role model for your daughter and getting what you don’t deserve as a person, nevermind a grown woman.
And last I checked, all the experts agree that you SHOULD NOT STAY TOGETHER for the sake of your child. An abusive relationship physical, mental, or emotional hurts a child’s self esteem and can lead to mental health issues and problems with relationships later on.
You might call me a “femanist” (it’s FEMINIST… do a spell check before you post so you don’t look like even more of an idiot next time) but my daughter will learn to be strong, self loving, capable, and will most likely climb to success over your children who grew up with a mother and father in the home (if you even have children, I bet you don’t!).
P.S. Last I checked President Obama, who is one of the smartest and most impressive people alive, was raised by a single mother for some of his life. Alicia Keyes too.
P.S.S. Child support isn’t a “hand out”. Don’t parents normally put in half to cover the needs of their child? And just for the record, what most fathers end up paying (if they don’t have custody) is WAY LESS than the expenses it actually takes to raise a child. I’d rather pay the extra than comprimise my happiness or well-being.
Single mamas, don’t even try to appeal to this person by justifying your situations. It doesn’t matter, and by doing so, you are belittling others. We need to stand strong together on this.
CommonSense,
What is your defence for the father who, dosen’t want his child. One who would spend 3 months trying to get a mother to abort. (this would have been his 3rd abortion)…and when it didn’t happend then he spent 4 months trying to stress the mother into so much stress as too hopefully miscarry. His only concern is that he will be a “dead beat Dad” and he doesn’t want anyone to know he is one of those….so he felt a third life must be given up for his selfish pride…and this is an intelligent person? Guess you better, give up your ramping and raving…There are more single women out there who never asked for help and don’t need it. You’re only bitching because you much have to stand up to your short falls. Oh, and I’d be ashamed if I were you! You judge people you don’t even know.
To commonsense your obviousley a man! my ex set my house on fire and nearly burned me and my three children alive! ” now if he had only told me he may feel like killing me someday” i couldve avoided this!wouldnt llife be great if things worked out that way jerk! i dont recieve child support and i work full time.Try to loose the giant chip my freind.
In reply to Commonsense I would just like to say that some single mothers DON’T have a choice. My partner left me a month ago for a woman he had been having an affair with at work, whilst I was on maternity leave. I knew about the affair, but hoped he would come back to me eventually as I didn’t want my 11 month old daughter to be brought up in a single mother household.
He has now gone and I have no choice in the situation I find myself in, and at 27 this is not how I saw my life turning out. However, what I do know is that I can raise my daughter to be a wonderful and happy individual, who is intelligent, can communicate well, is well educated and well-rounded, and I can do this just as well as if my partner were at home or not. Your ‘rant’ is unfair and unjust and does not consider everyone’s situation. I have an excellent job, a home of my own and whilst my financial situation means by no means I will holiday in the Carribean 3 times a year, my daughter will want for nothing. I am doing all of this without a court order for support. I am by no means stupid for having a child with my ex – he is stupid for walking out on his family.
Next time you decide to attack women for striving to make their children’s life the happiest possible, and for maintaining some equilibrium in their own, keep your opinions to yourself. Some of us are ‘surviving’ and jerks like you stop us from living.
are you from/living in cleveland? i just saw the post about big fun. i grew up in ohio and went to kent state u. it’s hard to imagine someone like you living in cleveland (if you do)! i’m not sure why..
Common Sense doesn’t have any common sense – please ignore him everyone.
@nikki – no, I actually live in Columbus but my boyfriend lives in Cleveland.
to common sense, you are so angery, why are you reading these sites IF you feel this way about single women, and their children? Go away…..duh! Most single moms, get relief, by knowing, they aren’t alone, going through this, others deal with the same situations. Blow it out your ear!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m super-newly a single mom of two girls, 6 and 3. My loser hasn’t been gone a week yet, and I’ve lived more in the last five days than I have in the last eight years! Good riddance! I’m glad I found this site.
i was searching the net for other single parent blogs and found yours. you rock! i’ll definitely be adding you to my list…
OMG…I am single again. I found my husband had profiles all over the internet dating sites. To look at us everyone thought we were what the ideal marriage was all about and so did I. We never fought, were best friends and had great sex and then one day I check his mail and bam…..everywhere there was mail from the dating sights that he had been on. When confronted all he would say was …I didn’t do it. When asked too leave it took him about 3 seconds to call his mom to come and get him. Now I work full time, go to college and have children. I wonder if I will ever find some time for just me.
Wonderful words Alaina! I left my ex when my son was 5 months old and am now dating again. My son is 6 and I’m so grateful for the help I receive from family and friends. He’s a bright, cheerful boy who has no shortage of love and warmth. Brava! Best to you and Benjamin.
I’m hooked on your blog
Love your style and honesty. I am also a single mommy. Check out my blog when you have a chance. I just started!
http://blogaboutsomethinglady.wordpress.com/
I love your blog. I have had trouble with my friends not being able to relate to me because I am the only single mother. I have gone thru hell since the day I found out I was pregnant. my son’s father has made life hell for me for over 3 years now(my son will be 3 in april)! I have been dying to chat with people that know exactly what I am going through. When my son was 6 months old I finally got up the courage to leave the (verbally) abusive relationship. Little did I know that things were only going to get worse.
Being a single mother is more challenging that anyone could ever imagine!
Wow, reading your story is giving me deja-vu…
It really is amazing, that during pregnancy, is when they decide to show their true colors. Even more amazing is it isn’t a “given” for us women to kick them out right away!! I stayed for almost five more years…one day it hit me… I CAN DO THIS!
Good luck & Great blog!
-Mel
Was directed here from a website called the Thinking Housewife, written by a crazy misogynist whom I read due to some sort of unexplained masochism. If she can’t stand you, you must be doing something right! Your little boy is adorable, by the way!
to all the single moms out there, you are truly inspirational. well done for having the bravery to leave destructive relationships and have the strength to raise your children on your own. One day, your children will recognize all the sacrifices you have made and will be better people for it.
I am a mom and fortunately have a hubby who is great and I still find it a tough job raising my son. My hat goes off to all of you. Respect.
You are a disgrace to your gender too? Damn, I thought that was all mine
My first time here and yes, I’m a fan. A single mamma too 
Why couldn’t I have found your blog a year ago? =^)
My divorce was finalized a week ago today, but my (now ex) husband and I have been living separately for nearly a year now. I have learned so much about myself and what I want out of life in that year, however. The most important lesson? That my son comes first, no matter what.
Your blog is an inspiration to me, and to others like me. If I had found your blog sooner, perhaps I would have found the strength sooner to leave the toxic environment I was living in.
Kudos to you for being what we all should be…strong!
Nice Site Ms. Single Mama…
It’s tough, yet rewarding being a single parent.
Just found your blog. Brilliant.
Ahh… I’m liking what I’m seeing here. I’m 21 weeks pregnant, and the father left me about three weeks ago because he was “unhappy.”
Anywho, I went on one date last nite, and the fool tried to kiss me. now I’m scared to death.
Have been trying to find strength, but after a divorce and a house burning down in under six months, this shit is hard.
Need advice!!
Hey there just found your site and i love it. I’m new at this dating and man it’s hard i haven’t done this is 10 years. I’m on one of the sits and like someone there is just something about here that got when i saw her pic and profile it was like wow. where do i start? :-/
Thans for brightening my evening a little!
Somehow the stuff on your page makes me feel understood and less lonely!
Greetings!
I love your blogsite! I need to set aside some time away from parental insanity to really dig deep into all these blogs and forum. This should be a very therapeutic process for me. Thank you for sharing your story and I will be posting soon!
I just realized that you are not going to be single for much longer! Maybe I’ll publish my story and start my own revolution…