The Kid’s First Birthday as a Single Mama

by Molly Undercover on May 16, 2017

A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
My single mom friend and blogger, medical Emma Johnson, sickness is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, viagra 40mg she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
My single mom friend and blogger, medical Emma Johnson, sickness is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, viagra 40mg she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina

To date post divorce you just have to dive in.

In her famous Ted talk on vulnerability, unhealthy Brené Brown says, order “vulnerability is. . . the first date after a divorce” I couldn’t agree more. I was terrified before my first date! Three months after my husband and I separated, I wasn’t looking for someone to date yet. I felt repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship again and hopeless that I’d never be able to connect with a man again. But I was also worried that if I passed up dates, I’d calcify and never get back in the game. I did miss romance, for sure. When someone cute but not ‘my type’ asked me out, my fear of becoming a lonely cat lady if I didn’t start dating pushed me to just try it and see what happened.

And then the first post-divorce date finally happened…

Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound, meaning: I was just looking for fun and flirtation. He reassured me that we were just going to have fun together, no matter what. Putting me at ease, he stated that he’d probably be a nervous dork and super awkward at first when we met because he thought I was gorgeous! This brought on a little ease and excitement. I arranged for my son to go home with a friend so that I could meet him for a patio happy hour one afternoon.

We met on a lovely spring day at a fun neighborhood bar. I was still nervous that he might expect something I didn’t have to give at the time, like a relationship, or even sex. I just wanted to flirt. I was excited too–to show up and trying something new.

We were the only people there, which amped up the awkward feeling. But contrary to his warning, my date was actually laid back and fun, totally confident, and looked and smelled great. He put me at complete ease.

As we played giant Jenga on the patio, his confidence and masculine presence infused me with my own confidence. He was starting to get a little handsy. Brushing my wrists and finding other ways to make contact as we goofed around and talked. He was making me laugh and dammit, this was fun! At one point he leaned in for a kiss. Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I did the old ‘cheek turn’ trick and let him plant one there. It felt great, so I changed my mind, and we kissed for a little bit. I was kissing a man! I had almost forgotten how fun it felt to kiss.

We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up [Thegn]. I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon. If you’re like I was and a little scared to try out dating, know that it can be fun!

Based on what worked well for me about this, here’s my advice for the first date after becoming a single mom:

  • Be clear with him upfront if you’re on the rebound!
  • Obviously but worth stating: have your own way there and home and let someone know where you’ll be.
  • If you’ve been in a relationship for a while: don’t turn someone down because they are not ‘your type’. Someone very different might be just the thing!
  • Plan to keep it short. Happy hour or coffee when you’ll have to pick up your child is one idea. Your time is so precious as a single mom and realistically, you may not see this person again.
  • Just be yourself.
  • Be easy on yourself. You don’t have to meet prince charming on your first time out after marriage and parenting.
  • Remind yourself to be open and not compare your date to your old relationship. They are two totally different situations for many, many reasons.

xoxo,

Ms. Single Mama II , aka Molly Undercover
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
My single mom friend and blogger, medical Emma Johnson, sickness is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, viagra 40mg she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina

To date post divorce you just have to dive in.

In her famous Ted talk on vulnerability, unhealthy Brené Brown says, order “vulnerability is. . . the first date after a divorce” I couldn’t agree more. I was terrified before my first date! Three months after my husband and I separated, I wasn’t looking for someone to date yet. I felt repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship again and hopeless that I’d never be able to connect with a man again. But I was also worried that if I passed up dates, I’d calcify and never get back in the game. I did miss romance, for sure. When someone cute but not ‘my type’ asked me out, my fear of becoming a lonely cat lady if I didn’t start dating pushed me to just try it and see what happened.

And then the first post-divorce date finally happened…

Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound, meaning: I was just looking for fun and flirtation. He reassured me that we were just going to have fun together, no matter what. Putting me at ease, he stated that he’d probably be a nervous dork and super awkward at first when we met because he thought I was gorgeous! This brought on a little ease and excitement. I arranged for my son to go home with a friend so that I could meet him for a patio happy hour one afternoon.

We met on a lovely spring day at a fun neighborhood bar. I was still nervous that he might expect something I didn’t have to give at the time, like a relationship, or even sex. I just wanted to flirt. I was excited too–to show up and trying something new.

We were the only people there, which amped up the awkward feeling. But contrary to his warning, my date was actually laid back and fun, totally confident, and looked and smelled great. He put me at complete ease.

As we played giant Jenga on the patio, his confidence and masculine presence infused me with my own confidence. He was starting to get a little handsy. Brushing my wrists and finding other ways to make contact as we goofed around and talked. He was making me laugh and dammit, this was fun! At one point he leaned in for a kiss. Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I did the old ‘cheek turn’ trick and let him plant one there. It felt great, so I changed my mind, and we kissed for a little bit. I was kissing a man! I had almost forgotten how fun it felt to kiss.

We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up [Thegn]. I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon. If you’re like I was and a little scared to try out dating, know that it can be fun!

Based on what worked well for me about this, here’s my advice for the first date after becoming a single mom:

  • Be clear with him upfront if you’re on the rebound!
  • Obviously but worth stating: have your own way there and home and let someone know where you’ll be.
  • If you’ve been in a relationship for a while: don’t turn someone down because they are not ‘your type’. Someone very different might be just the thing!
  • Plan to keep it short. Happy hour or coffee when you’ll have to pick up your child is one idea. Your time is so precious as a single mom and realistically, you may not see this person again.
  • Just be yourself.
  • Be easy on yourself. You don’t have to meet prince charming on your first time out after marriage and parenting.
  • Remind yourself to be open and not compare your date to your old relationship. They are two totally different situations for many, many reasons.

xoxo,

Ms. Single Mama II , aka Molly Undercover
Hi! I’m Ms. Single Mama, sick version 2. A couple of years ago, ampoule I came across Ms. Single Mama and her blog. It was exactly one day after my (then) husband first told me he wanted to move out of our house. On the day I found Ms. Single Mama, I was sad, excited, and most of all, TOTALLY out of touch with the reality of the situation. For example, I had no idea 1) how hard it was going to be to go through the ending our 14-year marriage, and 2) how much better off, stronger, and happier I’d be once I became single. As I got to know Ms. Single Mama and got deeper into singledom myself, I’ve had plenty of time to study her ways and gone through some hilarious/awful/awesome single mama experiences that I’m dying to share with you and hear from you about.

A few more details about me: I got married young after minimal dating experience. In my youthful wisdom, I figured, what the hell? We love each other, what can go wrong? Ha, ha. It took us a year from that first time my ex revealed he wanted to leave to truly and mutually recognize our relationship was done. We have a twelve-year-old son Tim (I’ve changed his name, and I’ll be changing other names throughout my posts, for privacy). I’ve been separated from my ex for over a year. I’ve have only recently filed the divorce papers. I’m a badass, and this is hard, and I’m a hot mess sometimes! I’m not an expert; I just happen to be willing to reveal the whole experience to you hear, and eager to read your thoughts.

Moving forward, this blog is going to touch on many of the same topics it always has, but in my own voice. I’m in the middle of grieving, legally ending the marriage, getting to know myself, learning to parent single and to co-parent with Tim’s dad, and, of course, starting to date! And I want to talk with you about all of it.

XO,

Molly Undercover
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
My single mom friend and blogger, medical Emma Johnson, sickness is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, viagra 40mg she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina

To date post divorce you just have to dive in.

In her famous Ted talk on vulnerability, unhealthy Brené Brown says, order “vulnerability is. . . the first date after a divorce” I couldn’t agree more. I was terrified before my first date! Three months after my husband and I separated, I wasn’t looking for someone to date yet. I felt repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship again and hopeless that I’d never be able to connect with a man again. But I was also worried that if I passed up dates, I’d calcify and never get back in the game. I did miss romance, for sure. When someone cute but not ‘my type’ asked me out, my fear of becoming a lonely cat lady if I didn’t start dating pushed me to just try it and see what happened.

And then the first post-divorce date finally happened…

Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound, meaning: I was just looking for fun and flirtation. He reassured me that we were just going to have fun together, no matter what. Putting me at ease, he stated that he’d probably be a nervous dork and super awkward at first when we met because he thought I was gorgeous! This brought on a little ease and excitement. I arranged for my son to go home with a friend so that I could meet him for a patio happy hour one afternoon.

We met on a lovely spring day at a fun neighborhood bar. I was still nervous that he might expect something I didn’t have to give at the time, like a relationship, or even sex. I just wanted to flirt. I was excited too–to show up and trying something new.

We were the only people there, which amped up the awkward feeling. But contrary to his warning, my date was actually laid back and fun, totally confident, and looked and smelled great. He put me at complete ease.

As we played giant Jenga on the patio, his confidence and masculine presence infused me with my own confidence. He was starting to get a little handsy. Brushing my wrists and finding other ways to make contact as we goofed around and talked. He was making me laugh and dammit, this was fun! At one point he leaned in for a kiss. Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I did the old ‘cheek turn’ trick and let him plant one there. It felt great, so I changed my mind, and we kissed for a little bit. I was kissing a man! I had almost forgotten how fun it felt to kiss.

We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up [Thegn]. I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon. If you’re like I was and a little scared to try out dating, know that it can be fun!

Based on what worked well for me about this, here’s my advice for the first date after becoming a single mom:

  • Be clear with him upfront if you’re on the rebound!
  • Obviously but worth stating: have your own way there and home and let someone know where you’ll be.
  • If you’ve been in a relationship for a while: don’t turn someone down because they are not ‘your type’. Someone very different might be just the thing!
  • Plan to keep it short. Happy hour or coffee when you’ll have to pick up your child is one idea. Your time is so precious as a single mom and realistically, you may not see this person again.
  • Just be yourself.
  • Be easy on yourself. You don’t have to meet prince charming on your first time out after marriage and parenting.
  • Remind yourself to be open and not compare your date to your old relationship. They are two totally different situations for many, many reasons.

xoxo,

Ms. Single Mama II , aka Molly Undercover
Hi! I’m Ms. Single Mama, sick version 2. A couple of years ago, ampoule I came across Ms. Single Mama and her blog. It was exactly one day after my (then) husband first told me he wanted to move out of our house. On the day I found Ms. Single Mama, I was sad, excited, and most of all, TOTALLY out of touch with the reality of the situation. For example, I had no idea 1) how hard it was going to be to go through the ending our 14-year marriage, and 2) how much better off, stronger, and happier I’d be once I became single. As I got to know Ms. Single Mama and got deeper into singledom myself, I’ve had plenty of time to study her ways and gone through some hilarious/awful/awesome single mama experiences that I’m dying to share with you and hear from you about.

A few more details about me: I got married young after minimal dating experience. In my youthful wisdom, I figured, what the hell? We love each other, what can go wrong? Ha, ha. It took us a year from that first time my ex revealed he wanted to leave to truly and mutually recognize our relationship was done. We have a twelve-year-old son Tim (I’ve changed his name, and I’ll be changing other names throughout my posts, for privacy). I’ve been separated from my ex for over a year. I’ve have only recently filed the divorce papers. I’m a badass, and this is hard, and I’m a hot mess sometimes! I’m not an expert; I just happen to be willing to reveal the whole experience to you hear, and eager to read your thoughts.

Moving forward, this blog is going to touch on many of the same topics it always has, but in my own voice. I’m in the middle of grieving, legally ending the marriage, getting to know myself, learning to parent single and to co-parent with Tim’s dad, and, of course, starting to date! And I want to talk with you about all of it.

XO,

Molly Undercover
Hi! I’m Ms. Single Mama, help version 2. A couple of years ago, I came across Ms. Single Mama and her blog. It was exactly one day after my (then) husband first told me he wanted to move out of our house. On the day I found Ms. Single Mama, I was sad, excited, and most of all, TOTALLY out of touch with the reality of the situation. For example, I had no idea 1) how hard it was going to be to go through the ending our 14-year marriage, and 2) how much better off, stronger, and happier I’d be once I became single. As I got to know Ms. Single Mama and got deeper into singledom myself, I’ve had plenty of time to study her ways and gone through some hilarious/awful/awesome single mama experiences that I’m dying to share with you and hear from you about.

A few more details about me: I got married young after minimal dating experience. In my youthful wisdom, I figured, what the hell? We love each other, what can go wrong? Ha, ha. It took us a year from that first time my ex revealed he wanted to leave to truly and mutually recognize our relationship was done. We have a twelve-year-old son Tim (I’ve changed his name, and I’ll be changing other names throughout my posts, for privacy). I’ve been separated from my ex for over a year. I’ve have only recently filed the divorce papers. I’m a badass, and this is hard, and I’m a hot mess sometimes! I’m not an expert; I just happen to be willing to reveal the whole experience to you hear, and eager to read your thoughts.

Moving forward, this blog is going to touch on many of the same topics it always has, but in my own voice. I’m in the middle of grieving, legally ending the marriage, getting to know myself, learning to parent single and to co-parent with Tim’s dad, and, of course, starting to date! And I want to talk with you about all of it.
A great resource for any of you considering a divorce
My single mom friend and blogger, information pills Emma Johnson, drug is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, approved she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina
My single mom friend and blogger, medical Emma Johnson, sickness is such an inspiration.

I met her years ago at the 2012 BlogHer conference. At the time, viagra 40mg she was just about to begin her own blog on being a single mother. Flash forward to today and she has tens of thousands of readers and is still a thriving, happy and successful single mother.

And recently she interviewed me for her awesome podcast, Like a Mother.

Listen here.

We spend about an hour talking about some of the hottest single mom topics: dating with children, moving past your ex-husband, finding happiness through acceptance.

I hope you enjoy!

xoxo,

Alaina

To date post divorce you just have to dive in.

In her famous Ted talk on vulnerability, unhealthy Brené Brown says, order “vulnerability is. . . the first date after a divorce” I couldn’t agree more. I was terrified before my first date! Three months after my husband and I separated, I wasn’t looking for someone to date yet. I felt repulsed by the idea of being in a relationship again and hopeless that I’d never be able to connect with a man again. But I was also worried that if I passed up dates, I’d calcify and never get back in the game. I did miss romance, for sure. When someone cute but not ‘my type’ asked me out, my fear of becoming a lonely cat lady if I didn’t start dating pushed me to just try it and see what happened.

And then the first post-divorce date finally happened…

Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound, meaning: I was just looking for fun and flirtation. He reassured me that we were just going to have fun together, no matter what. Putting me at ease, he stated that he’d probably be a nervous dork and super awkward at first when we met because he thought I was gorgeous! This brought on a little ease and excitement. I arranged for my son to go home with a friend so that I could meet him for a patio happy hour one afternoon.

We met on a lovely spring day at a fun neighborhood bar. I was still nervous that he might expect something I didn’t have to give at the time, like a relationship, or even sex. I just wanted to flirt. I was excited too–to show up and trying something new.

We were the only people there, which amped up the awkward feeling. But contrary to his warning, my date was actually laid back and fun, totally confident, and looked and smelled great. He put me at complete ease.

As we played giant Jenga on the patio, his confidence and masculine presence infused me with my own confidence. He was starting to get a little handsy. Brushing my wrists and finding other ways to make contact as we goofed around and talked. He was making me laugh and dammit, this was fun! At one point he leaned in for a kiss. Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I did the old ‘cheek turn’ trick and let him plant one there. It felt great, so I changed my mind, and we kissed for a little bit. I was kissing a man! I had almost forgotten how fun it felt to kiss.

We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up [Thegn]. I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon. If you’re like I was and a little scared to try out dating, know that it can be fun!

Based on what worked well for me about this, here’s my advice for the first date after becoming a single mom:

  • Be clear with him upfront if you’re on the rebound!
  • Obviously but worth stating: have your own way there and home and let someone know where you’ll be.
  • If you’ve been in a relationship for a while: don’t turn someone down because they are not ‘your type’. Someone very different might be just the thing!
  • Plan to keep it short. Happy hour or coffee when you’ll have to pick up your child is one idea. Your time is so precious as a single mom and realistically, you may not see this person again.
  • Just be yourself.
  • Be easy on yourself. You don’t have to meet prince charming on your first time out after marriage and parenting.
  • Remind yourself to be open and not compare your date to your old relationship. They are two totally different situations for many, many reasons.

xoxo,

Ms. Single Mama II , aka Molly Undercover
Hi! I’m Ms. Single Mama, sick version 2. A couple of years ago, ampoule I came across Ms. Single Mama and her blog. It was exactly one day after my (then) husband first told me he wanted to move out of our house. On the day I found Ms. Single Mama, I was sad, excited, and most of all, TOTALLY out of touch with the reality of the situation. For example, I had no idea 1) how hard it was going to be to go through the ending our 14-year marriage, and 2) how much better off, stronger, and happier I’d be once I became single. As I got to know Ms. Single Mama and got deeper into singledom myself, I’ve had plenty of time to study her ways and gone through some hilarious/awful/awesome single mama experiences that I’m dying to share with you and hear from you about.

A few more details about me: I got married young after minimal dating experience. In my youthful wisdom, I figured, what the hell? We love each other, what can go wrong? Ha, ha. It took us a year from that first time my ex revealed he wanted to leave to truly and mutually recognize our relationship was done. We have a twelve-year-old son Tim (I’ve changed his name, and I’ll be changing other names throughout my posts, for privacy). I’ve been separated from my ex for over a year. I’ve have only recently filed the divorce papers. I’m a badass, and this is hard, and I’m a hot mess sometimes! I’m not an expert; I just happen to be willing to reveal the whole experience to you hear, and eager to read your thoughts.

Moving forward, this blog is going to touch on many of the same topics it always has, but in my own voice. I’m in the middle of grieving, legally ending the marriage, getting to know myself, learning to parent single and to co-parent with Tim’s dad, and, of course, starting to date! And I want to talk with you about all of it.

XO,

Molly Undercover
Hi! I’m Ms. Single Mama, help version 2. A couple of years ago, I came across Ms. Single Mama and her blog. It was exactly one day after my (then) husband first told me he wanted to move out of our house. On the day I found Ms. Single Mama, I was sad, excited, and most of all, TOTALLY out of touch with the reality of the situation. For example, I had no idea 1) how hard it was going to be to go through the ending our 14-year marriage, and 2) how much better off, stronger, and happier I’d be once I became single. As I got to know Ms. Single Mama and got deeper into singledom myself, I’ve had plenty of time to study her ways and gone through some hilarious/awful/awesome single mama experiences that I’m dying to share with you and hear from you about.

A few more details about me: I got married young after minimal dating experience. In my youthful wisdom, I figured, what the hell? We love each other, what can go wrong? Ha, ha. It took us a year from that first time my ex revealed he wanted to leave to truly and mutually recognize our relationship was done. We have a twelve-year-old son Tim (I’ve changed his name, and I’ll be changing other names throughout my posts, for privacy). I’ve been separated from my ex for over a year. I’ve have only recently filed the divorce papers. I’m a badass, and this is hard, and I’m a hot mess sometimes! I’m not an expert; I just happen to be willing to reveal the whole experience to you hear, and eager to read your thoughts.

Moving forward, this blog is going to touch on many of the same topics it always has, but in my own voice. I’m in the middle of grieving, legally ending the marriage, getting to know myself, learning to parent single and to co-parent with Tim’s dad, and, of course, starting to date! And I want to talk with you about all of it.
I’m navigating Tim’s birthday as a single parent for the first time. I just had such a hot mess of a phone call with his Dad about it. Background: we’re cooperative, sick but keep the communication to a bare minimum. I’m trying to be cool and functional and reasonable, cialis 40mg but inside I’m still dealing with some strong feelings about him, and I know it shows in my voice and my decisions.

Here’s what happened: I emailed an invite to a bunch of parents about a fun party night for Tim for his 12th birthday. I’m always so last minute about these things! Right after I pressed send, I panicked; should I have consulted with my ex before unilaterally planning? Would he be angry and retaliate? Would  be hurt if his dad wasn’t there for his party like he always has been in the past? On the other hand, I’ve always handled this kind of planning, and I don’t want to interact with the ex any more than I have to. Ugh! Minefield! Without resolving my decisions for myself, I hastily decided to just call his dad and fill him in.

My voice on the phone was fake polite, anxious, and over-compensating, with an edge of passive aggressive anger. In short, loaded down with baggage. I filled in the ex about the plan I’d made, and asked what he’d been hoping to do with Tim for a birthday celebration. He asked if he could take Tim for a birthday dinner on his actual birthday. Thinking that Tim might be sad if both parents weren’t there, I countered that maybe we should do it all together and invite some other relatives. Immediately I felt myself recoil from my own suggestion. I didn’t feel up to hanging out with my ex and his whole family! I stammered something about not being sure that was the best plan and ‘let’s work it out later’ and got off the phone. What a mess! Clearly I’m in no state to have a fun birthday dinner as a reconfigured family. (Happy birthday, son! Let me turn into an emotional mess all over your birthday dinner, isn’t this fun?) What was I thinking??

Here’s what I wasn’t being honest about: I’m assuming Tim’s going to be heartbroken to have only one parent there at a time. I’m trying to keep him from experiencing any more loss and pain than he already has. But if that hurts me, maybe it’s worse for him in the end? I think these are the questions we consider over and over in the process of becoming single parents, from the decision to separate or not to the way we navigate custody and holidays.

How do you keep birthdays and holidays fun and joyful, and how to deal gracefully with your child’s other parent?

Related posts:

  1. The birthday scramble and single mama shopping.
  2. Ms. Single Mama 2.0
  3. Single Mom S.O.S.: Can she take the kids overseas?
  4. Will our kids be worse off?
  5. My birthday confessional.

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